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I first came to personal ads hoping to find someone whose mind, heart, and desires were compatible with my own special ways and means.

I tried various ways to explain myself. But now I am going to explain someone else.

I found the personal ad of a lady whose words so resonated throughout my very being I reached out to her, despite her living thousands of miles away. She but granted me but a polite reply to thank me for sending a respectful and sincere message.

Here is an edited version of the things she wrote. What are the chances I could encounter two such worthy women?

After years of sacrificing my own desires and happiness to support the goals and cater to the schedule and needs of self-absorbed men, I want a man who will pamper and please me, and will love, honor, and obey ME, and who wants to satisfy my wants, and desires to fulfill my desires.

My ultimate fantasy is to have a mutually satisfying and equal relationship by day but to own him at night in our secret world. Are you man enough to be him?

I will practice Domestic Discipline and you will be spanked often.

I love to use the hairbrush, cane, corner time, and pegging.

I love vintage and often wear velvet, lingerie, leather, lace, corsets, heels, hose.

...sometimes...you will be kept in chastity.

You understand female supremacy and give yourself up to it as it makes you a better man.

This balance of power exchange is an amazing dance when pered perfectly....it takes patience, understanding, trust and love...

I have yet to find any deserving of my special talents.

My ultimate goal is to find the one and only with whom we can commit our lives and love for the days we have left-to bind ourselves in a bond of love, friendship and domestic bliss.

You must be a gentleman... honest, sincere, adoring, respectful, well mannered, well-groomed and always giving your best effort.


Her words said she was seeking for someone like me.

I am seeking a human being I respect and admire because of her good character and keen intelligence, and who wants the sort of intellectual, good hearted man who wants to meet the sort of woman who would compose a personal ad like the one quoted above.





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11/25/2017 6:17:42 AM
That steady radiation glow

So a date has been set. And Monday morning I will be sitting down with the domme who will begin my formal training.

Although at times more intensely than others, what I have been calling the glow of background radiation is now constantly humming away, emanating from my very core.

It is not fear, or titillation, or arousal, or apprehension. It may be adrenaline, as it is palpable, physical in how it affects my breathing and my concentration. Not exciting per se, but purring like an engine left to idle before the gate to race course is opened.

After coffee, we are going to a shop she likes, to look at implements and other things of potential interest, and then some lunch to discuss the experience.

We met once before and had an immediate rapport. And more recently have engaged in an enlightening and inspirational correspondence that has been joyful, playful, seductive, seriously serious about the most serious things.

We have some deep things in common, and many lighter things in compatibility with each other, and many things that are not of commonality but which make us fascinating to each other.

Her scope is rather vast compared to my novice scope. My short list of interests are almost all within her scope and experience, but make up a scant amount of her own interests. But some of the key ones rank highly for both of us, even if her top most are intimidatingly exotic for me, alien even.

She has been nothing but supportive and reassuring, supplying online resources and articles, answering all questions and receiving all answers with gracious acceptance and encouragement.

We each want to fulfill the needs of the other and want the other's experience to be exceptionally worthwhile.

She continually stresses what it is or may be that I need to succeed in this coming transformation, and stresses tenets of the Sub's Bill of Rights. I am much more concerned with pleasing her and doing the best I can to try and serve her and my training to earn her favor.

In reference to my wider life, she said I was "so humble but so WOW in so many ways."
But I am utterly humbled by her condescension toward granting me her time and attention. It is with considerable and sincere humility that I have poured my hopes and fears out to her, and all she does is say how much she loves to read my emails and is compelled to answer them immediately.

The venerable matriarch of a D/s society, whom I met a year ago for a lengthy interview, cautioned me about becoming too emotionally attached to my first trainer.
And I can understand why, entirely. And since the circumstance renders anything like a wider romantic or intimately sexual relationship out of the question, it is but one more of the many facets of this new-found connection that are proving it to be ideal, for me at least.

While we already have some bonds of friendship forming, which reach beyond the D/s world to art and culture, humor and temperament, anything like emotional intimacy will be purely part of Domme/sub relations.

I know full well what it is like to be a middle-aged man coming to terms with what had been a deeply buried submissive orientation, and how rarified such an opportunity is.
While the path I am on is full of trepidation, I feel like the luckiest man alive and have every intention of not giving in to the impulse to flee before it's too late, and of committing myself to succeeding in her eyes and my own.

Wish me luck!

11/1/2017 9:35:10 AM
I have attended my first private event in the Femdom world.

It was the Halloween party of ClubFEM NYC, and I had a very nice time indeed.

The decorations were extensive, with lots of fake cobwebs and plastic spiders, and the like. And I helped set that up on the outside of the house, where were also placed the freshly carved jack-o-lanterns, etc.

The theme was Super Heroes vs. Super Vixens, with costumes required of the men. And the few women who chose not to dress for Halloween were finely arrayed in what qualified as Super Vixen attire none the less.

Held in a brownstone house in NYC, I had volunteered to help with the setup, and I was asked by the Club’s secretary to serve in capacity of butler, assisting the hostess throughout the evening.

This allowed me to avoid wearing Day-Glo spandex, and come dressed as Alfred the butler from Batman. But my rubber mask was such a sauna; I only put it on to answer the door and greet guests.

This suited my needs perfectly. I have ZERO experience with F/m D/s activities, other than what I have been reading about or discussed with some dommes kind enough to offer their advice, and the one semi-public munch I attended in September.

As such I was permitted to attend the party more as an observer and helper than a participant, other than partaking in the conversations and refreshments – of which there was much and all of it very good.

In time, some two-dozen people were present, representing ages from the 20s to thrice that number and beyond. I had no clue as to how things would proceed, and to what degree the males were expected to behave in terms of D/s Femdom protocol, and all that. I was there to witness that as much as anything.

It turned out to be like any other fun holiday party. They are all quite relaxed, about everything really, except for a couple of younger novice males who warmed up eventually and made the most of asking and receiving advice from the various people around their own age.

Would that I had found my way to such groups when I was their age!

Anyway, I had half expected to see the men having to stand throughout, or rise whenever a lady entered the room or approached their table, or address them in very rigid expressions of subservience. But there was none of that sort of protocol expected or even attempted, except in the case of the butler.

It really was like any other cocktail party I have been to. Well, with the exception that I would pass through the sitting room to see some young man or other on his knees and giving a foot massage to a lady here and there, at times while the lady’s husband sat idly by, chatting with other husbands/paramours.

Once the serious catered food was unveiled, it was announced by the Club’s Head Mistress that the women would be served first (I assume this was for the benefit of the newbies) and then the men could serve themselves.

I missed most of this part, as I was busy in the kitchen, or answering the door, or opening more champagne, etc. I was surprised just how hungry I was when I finally sat down to devour some magnificent fried chicken, cornbread, and vegetable lasagna.

Some two and half hours after the official start of the evening, there was the big announcement that play was about to begin, after everyone in turn agreed allowed that they would not hold the hostess or the Club responsible for any results of any activity they willingly participated in. And it was stressed yet again, that any and all contact would only be between people who agreed to play together in advance.

The first main event was the taking of two Captain Americas and tying them to chairs, blindfolded, and interrogating them as to who was the real superhero and who was the imposter.

Some “torture” ensued but it was more playfully done than I thought it might be, and was more about the blindfolded anticipation.

From there things got a bit more surreal, from my perspective, as I passed through the main rooms while performing small tasks at hand, to see two people chatting about daily things, while nibbling on nibblies and sipping from beverages, while right next to them were two other people, with one of them bent over a chair taking an increasingly intensive whacking from a lady brandishing any number of implements. This became a common occurrence.

Some of these fellows were treated thusly by a number of ladies. Others spent more time with just one such strong-armed lady. And a young couple chose to spend the entire time engrossed in their own elaborate tied-to-a-chair activities, while he was also incased in a head to toe suit of some shiney material, with only enough openings to allow him to breathe. While others simply remained on the sofas, and continued chatting and sipping and occasionally commenting on the play going on around them.

There was also what they called a spanking bench, placed in a corner of the main sitting room, just beyond the grand piano, which weighed a ton as it was brought up from the basement and put together earlier that day.

It was really more of a “horse,” as one did not sit on it. Rather the fellow knelt upon four little side shelves for his knees and elbows, and the center horse part supported the bulk of his frame, which was about 4 feet in the air.

A certain lady was so enthusiastic at such opportunities that she actually broke a cane in the process. The target of this enthusiasm didn’t seem to mind at all.

I will point out that all those who took to the bench were fully clothed and not bound to it. And in general this was the case around the party.

Although I will add that one man who was petite enough in frame to wear batman underpants meant for someone much younger, did end up wearing nothing but, while his butt was given considerable and lengthy attention by a woman in elegant black attire who had a very sexy German accent.

In truth, I never dwelt much on the play going on around me. It wasn't out of any sense of squeamishness as that I have never been in anyway prone to voyeurism.

I am after all the man whose friend forced him to go to a strip club because I was directing a play about strippers, and I found myself unable to stop looking at their faces, even if they all made their living from men looking at everywhere but their faces.

Anyway, I was happy to have so many distractions to focus on.

But I must also say, having done nothing of the kind before in my life, I very much took to my role as butler as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

As I put it in my official note of thanks to the Club:

“It was most gratifying to be of service to such rarified ladies… Serving in the capacity of butler for the evening allowed me exactly the kind of emotional buffer I had hoped for, and provided me some busy work to distract any social anxiety I brought with me.

While hardly perfect in my novice efforts, it felt surprisingly natural to me.

On the one hand I felt like I was playing at being an English butler, as it were, which was fun. And yet, there was nothing pretend about my keenness to oversee, anticipate, and fulfill the desires, appetites, and comfort requirements of our hostess and her many gracious guests.

And the times some lady or other condescended to compliment me on my efforts, it was always surprising, and slightly embarrassing due its considerable emotional affect upon me - but it was also always gratifying.”

I remain uncertain as to whether or not taking part in such witnessed "play" will ever be for me - having ever been a very private person when it comes to private things.

But this short term of "service" I underwent has had a strong and positive effect upon me.

And I have offered my availability to serve in a similar capacity at the Club's Christmas party, should our schedules line up, and should they wish it.

I will close with one anecdote worth mentioning that concerns a young man who arrived almost immediately after I did.

He was instructed by our hostess to leave his shoes on, as he might be sent out to sweep or to run to the store to get some supplies, and off she went to attend to some other pressing needs. Since he seemed a bit startled and unsure of himself, I came over and introduced myself in an effort to be friendly, and we exchanged names and he shook my hand with a big smile. That seemed to make him feel much better.

Since we were all very busy getting things ready for the party, and he was not a native English speaker, it took some 15 minutes before this young man was able to articulate successfully that he was not there to help set up for the party. He was from the local cleaner, there to pick up the hostess’ laundry.

He has no idea what fun he missed out on.

10/3/2017 2:17:27 PM
SCAMMER ALERT - I cannot report this on the Message Boards, it says I must log in and then does not recognize me as a member and tries to get me to join Collarspace, which obviously I already have.

 
I will say up front I already reported the user in question as a "scam" but there is no way to explain what is going on. And I see on the message boards this site is apparently not really under any mod supervision.

So here is a general warning to submissive men out there, and others.

I just had an email exchange with a "domme" who I assume is someone I recently exchanged messages on here, although they do not use the same name and do not mention how we connected. But that is the only person I have had any contact with in recent days.

They sent a lengthy introduction about what will be expected of me as their slave, never mentioning anything about me or what I said in our exchange on CS.

When I wrote expressing interest but politely mentioned my concerns that they never looked at my profile and appear to have not read anything I said in previous correspondence, and suggested this implied they were not in fact as experienced as they claimed, they replied with another canned message about being so glad I am under the servitude, etc. And asked for naked pictures.

Also, the user I suspect is this same emailer just joined CS recently, and I sent a PM showing interest, since I am truly trying to find someone who wants to train me long-term toward a real life FLR (with them or with some future She who must be obeyed.)
 
They replied with a nice but generic message and their email address, saying they preferred to talk off-site. The address I wrote to was not the one that wrote back to me, and as I said they did not use the same name.

But all messages I received seemed ed and there is no indication the CS user viewed my profile.

So, this is a heads up about a certain NYC dominant female on CS and what is clearly a trawling scam for photos, and probably telephone numbers, etc. But it did not get far in my case.

I realize other sub men probably won't see this, but perhaps someone who has access to posting in the message boards would copy and paste this warning for me?

Thank you

9/9/2017 2:42:38 PM

After many moons of wishing upon the stars, my schedule and the fates finally aligned with the ClubFEM NYC calendar of events, and I attended my first munch.

This was also my first-ever event of its kind, having only sat down face to face with three different women over the past year, for polite restaurant discussions that led nowhere but to further introspection.

But last night was most definitely about out-rospection.

It was indeed a very nice, fun evening, as well as intently fascinating. And a little unsettling, but not nearly as much as the lengthy and complex dream I had as a result - where I was in some large haunted house sort of estate as a lively ClubFEM party was going on, inside and out under the moonlit Halloween trees. But other than running into a couple of people I knew (I assume a typical fear for those just entering such a lifestyle) anything of interest was always happening off in some other room or floor I couldn't find my way to.

I was genuinely disappointed when I awoke to find it all been a dream. But there was nothing disappointing or disingenuous about the actual munch.

My table's dinner conversation was varied and engrossing. After my initial greeting, I sat down as one of the Club’s chief participants returned to extolling her keen interests in Irish history and her more-recent delving into Scottish history. So at least I was able to make a good showing with my knowledge of such things, which allowed me to break my own ice, as it were.

Soon I was listening to or taking part in discussions of photography, geography and regional dialects, fashion, dance, theater, television, and occasionally even fetish-oriented topics. It was also reassuring to find such variance in interests and experience (vanilla and fetish) but also such open acceptance and shared enthusiasm for one another’s joyous enthusiasm, regardless of how one’s predilections might differ from the others’.

What I have read on-line or through correspondence told me it would be like that, but it was still a wonderful thing to experience in real life. I was however genuinely surprised when the round robin introductions revealed I was far from the only man present who had never done anything like this before.

It was also grounding to find myself sitting with another person who had recently been through similar profound life events that had kept them from this sort of socializing in much the same way my own events kept me from crossing this threshold until now.

I had frequented the restaurant in the previous century, and it was very nice indeed to find it thriving still, under different ownership and actually improved in terms of the quality of the fare. I would be happy to attend further munches, there or at other locations.

I had told myself I would not attend any sort of event in someone’s home or a fetish club, etc. until I had gone to a munch. And now I have.

While I am very open as a public person, I am very private as a private individual. So it is hard for me to imagine “doing things” in the presence of others I do not know well - or for that matter my doing anything of an intimate nature, other than within the confines of a private and intimate relationship with a significant other. Or even my witnessing others doing such things.

But I also know the odds are near to impossible of my ever actually making such a connection, without entering into the sort of rarified polite society I was introduced to last night.

And so, I am grateful for the ladies of ClubFEM NYC for accepting me into their munch and encouraging my further participation in their future events. It is something I very much hope to remain worthy of and hope to realize in the coming months.

(I am cross-posting this from FetLife, where it appeared this morning.)


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williamtracy42
 
 Age: 25
  New York