"INSIDE"

loving, caring, kind, emotional, irritable, mezmorizing, doting, compassionate, submissive, slave, His

"OUTSIDE"

creamy, shy,  pale, tattoos, long hair, round breasts, round ass, soft walk, sensual,  pleasing, seductive eyes, submissive, slave, His

~xani~

I go lay down after a nice hot shower.  My back still moist, as I hasten to do as He bids.  He hands me a blindfold and tells me " put it on", and I do so quickly.  He takes His hand and pushes me down onto the bed.  "Lay in the middle", He says.  I schooch over and try to estimate the 'middle'.  I feel my left wrist go over my head and hear the clink of the chain, as it is clipped to the bed, and the leather cuff is tightened around my wrist.  He says, "You know what to do".  I place my right wrist over my head, and hear the same clink and feel  tightening around my wrist.  I feel my breathing start to slow down as I wonder what will happen next. I feel a sudden terrible pain coursing down from my left nipple as I feel a closepin, grab and hold my nipple firmly.  Before I have a chance to moan, or softly detest the pain I am feeling, I feel the clamping down on my right breast.  Master grabs my breasts and shakes them a few times, I cry out softly, then I moan.  He stops, and I hear a door open, and then close.  He is gone.  I listen intently for any sound to tell me where He is, or perhaps when He will return.  I hear the shower turn on, and then I know he should be back shortly.  I continue to try and ignore the pain my left nipple, as the clothespin is anchored in such a way, that I feel pain shooting all around its tip, to where I can barely stand it. I hope His shower is over quickly, and I say a short prayer to myself, that He wont go out and have a cigarette first.  My prayer was answered ...I hear the door open and feel His weight as He sits down on the bed.  Now ...the clothespins should come off quickly.  He reaches over and shakes my breasts vigorously....I feel myself wincing, but I say nothing.    I feel His weight leave the bed, and now I am wondering what He has planned next.  I feel rope wrapping around my right thigh and feel the knot pressing down snugly.  He does the same with my right leg.  I feel a moment of concern when I realize why He is doing this.  (As when I cum really hard I always close my legs, because normally after 1 time of cumming really hard, thats it...I am done..tyvm)...I feel the rope being attached to the underside of the bed, and I suck my bottom lip in.  I hear our toy box being pulled out from its hiding spot under our bed.  I hear the soft click on the side of the box, and now its opened.  I hear Master rifling thru the box, and pulling out things He wishes to use.  My heart is beating so loudly I wonder if He can hear it.  I suddenly feel  my legs being yanked apart, and reattached more soundly to be bed.  I feel His weight now between my legs.  I feel His tongue teasing my clit, just barely touching me, as I squirm and moan. Yes I speak inside my head...I have been so good this week, Master has decided to reward me...yet this is just the start of my reward. I shift my thoughts back to Him.  I know His main pleasure is hearing me cum.  I start to beg and He shouts "CUM"!  I do, my body shaking and tossing from side to side, squirming, and quivering.  I reply "One Master....Thank You". I cum yet again and again and until, at this point I have lost count...I say "Four  Master..."...before  I can finish my words He says "Wrong...that was five"!  I feel the sting of His hand accross my ass, and know I had better keep track of numbers from here on out...I sigh.  This continues up until number 10, from which I explode and cum so hard I scream out, pull on my chains firmly, and feel my wetness flowing from inside and out...dripping down my leg and soaking the bed...a double...MMMhhhmmm I moan as my legs continue to shake.  He has returned to teasing me now with toys on my clit, yelling out..."CUM for ME"!!!  I cum yet again...pouring out my juices until I think perhaps I have none left.  I feel Him leave the bed, I dont know what He is going to do...I wait...I ponder...I think some more....

I feel my left wrist being released, He then moves down to my left leg, and detaches that as well..He presses the middle of my back and says "Roll over and give your  Master that CUNT"! I roll over quickly  and lay my left left onto my still tied right one and spread my cunt open for Him.  He grabs my hip and pressing inside me deeply.  I feel His other hand pressing and squezing around my throat, while I know He would never do anything to permenantly harm or scare me, I feel a slight tingle of fear, and angst running thru my mind.  I feel my heart pounding in my chest, I feel the pain still coursing thru my right nipple, and suddenly it stops, but before I can breath a sigh of relief...He is pinching and pulling it tightly, while still pounding deeply inside me.  He has now shifted His hand from my hip to my nipple, with the other wrapped around my throat.  I feel Him gliding in and out of my cunt, with my wetness covering His cock, and soaking the bed.   He pulls out of me and says, "Hurry up and untie yourself".  I do as He asks, waiting for His next order.  He says " get between my legs, and do what you do best...you KNOW what to do".  I kneel on the carpet, its softness carresing my knees and toes.  I suck on his cock and do all the nasty things He enjoys.  I am His nasty whore, and feel so honored to be that.  I glide my mouth up and down all the while pressing my tongue downward.  I feel Him grab my nipples and pinch both of them, roughly, just the way I like it, I cry out from the mix of pain and pleasure... He says "Cum for me my little slut"... I  have cum so many times now I know its near #26, but again I have lost count....i whisper quietly "twenty-six Master....Thank You"..."Good girl" He replies. I am lucky...I have guessed correctly.  I continue so suck His cock rubbing the tip accross my tongue, then taking it all in deeply until I feel my gag reflex kicking in...I slow down the pace...waiting for His moment of unrelenting CUM to pour down my throat.  Then He cums deeply in my mouth, I begin to stop...He says "Dont stop ...there is more...".  I am surprised at how much He has cum...I smile softly to myself.  All is well...Master is pleased...

I sit here debating what to write about after another encounter with Master.  I am clueless as to what to say.  I do not know why but I feel a closeness to Him, that has seemed to deepen over the last few weeks, and even days.  Perhaps its my desire to delve further into my submission, giving more to Him than I ever have before.   Learning in my heart that when He calls me " His fucking whore"  or "His dirty little slut"  that these words are a sign that I belong to Him, the names are meaningless, but the meaning behind them isnt.  I have come to accept and love those words, and appreciate being His.  I feel a stronger urge to please, and am enjoying releasing many of my inner fears instilled long ago, from a cruel and demeaning wannabe Dom.  While I have always felt love, desire, tenderness, and even firmness when the time arose...I never dove deep down into my soul and let go of those things that have tormented me.  I am starting down the path of full contentment, waiting for the day when all of the darkness is behind me.....

The search continues for male/female subs/slaves.  While we have met a few great female subs,  sub-males seem to be here just for chat.  Why is that? I have asked this question so many times, I had started to question my own sexual appeal to others.  While we all know sex is a part of this lifestyle it isnt everything.  To take part in Ds, you must be dedicated, thorough, unwaivering, and sensitive to others needs.  This is regardless of whether you are Dom/Domme/sub/slave etc.  Is it really about finding bimbo-barbie, or finding out who you are and how to make yourself better?  I surely hope its the latter....

Last night....

I hear Him calling me.  I hurry to where He is to see what He wants.  He tells me to kneel and present on the bed.  I do so hoping that He approves.  He barks out, "Straighten that up that back"!  I quickly do as He says to prevent any backlash.  He smiles at me and replies, "Now thats better".  He looks at me, lifts up my face and says, "What a pretty little slut I have".  I feel the quick rush of blood filling my face as I blush from His words. He orders me to shove that long toy deep inside and fuck myself with it.  I do what He says. As I start to fuck myself with the toy He says, "Wait...there is something I forget".  I stop and wait looking anxiously at Him.  He hands me to bullet and tells me, "Place this on your clit, and make sure you move it around".  "Now go back to  fucking that toy like I told you".  I do what Master wishes feeling the blood down from my face and head directly down into my lower body.  A soft moan of pleasure escapes my lips as I glance up and Him.  He grabs my face and says, "you will look me in the eyes....look nowhere else...I want to see my little girl cum, You know I enjoy that".  While I try my best there is something pulling my eyes elsewhere...some deep inside my soul that is preventing me from doing this.  I do not know how to explain it, but I have trouble keeping eye contact with Him.  I see His eye color change when I glance up as again He barks out, "EYES"!  I know what He wishes, but it feels so wrong to do so.  Perhaps it is my position as a slave that pulls my eyes downcast....I still am not sure.

to be continued.......

part 2

I look into His eyes, but still I must look away even for a short moment of time.  He grabs my chin ,pulls my face in closely and says, "I wont repeat Myself again...you look here"!

I look into His eyes and feel my heart pound as i try to stay focused on looking into His eyes.  The throws of pleasure surround my body, and I beg Him to let me cum, He does, and for that few seconds of time I know I am allowed to close my eyes, because that is how I cum..(eyes closed).  This continued on for an unknown frame of time.  I had cum so many times that my pussy was sore, and very wet. I feel a fullness inside me as He presses his hand deep inside me...I feel to full I can hardly breath.  My moans turn into soft screams, and my eyes plead, what my mouth cannot.  "Cum"! He says loudly.  He repeats this over and over yet again.  I feel so sensitive that the lightest movement is making me cum, and cum and then cum some more.   He then pressed my face down upon His into a deep sensous kiss.  He then pushed me to His right and grabbed my breast firmly, and pulled me down on top of Him.  He sucked on my left nipple hard and roughed I gasped and came nearly instantly.  He then pulled my head back firmly, his hand wrapped tightly in my hair, and pulled me down yet again for a deep, forceful kiss.  I have cum so many times I have lots count...Master reminds me, that I have cum 24 times now.  He then releases me head and pushes me downward to suck on His cock, the way I know He wants it.  I twirl my tongue up and down and take two fingers at the same time, stroking His cock underneath my mouth.  I suck slowly, methodically until I feel Him cum all over my mouth and face.  I smile....Master is pleased.  I look over at the clock, and am shocked by what I see....three hours have past....Master is great indeed.  I get up and crawl back towards Him.  I ask permission, and when granted I cuddle up against His side...feeling amazingly glad to be His....

I havent written in a very long time.  I cant really say whats kept me from it, but i know in my heart its time to return to that which i had started.  I am working on many things in my life.  So many i dont know if i will have the time nor patience to list them all...  i am working on giving all of myself to Him.  By that i mean, not questioning or wondering how, who, what and the why of things.  This is been beyond difficult for me, as i am one of those people who like to know everything that is going on, as i am curious by nature.  its not really that i need to know it all, but some things lead me to question myself, and why they are happening.  i often wonder how to change my feelings, or at least sink them deep into soul until they need to come out.  i have plenty of passion, kindness, and caring for A/all in this lifestyle, but have yet to give A/all that i can.  Something is pulling me back...not letting me give all i can...and that something is my pride, and also fear.  yes i know....sad state of affairs for a sub/slave...but at least i am honest in all things.  i am working on getting myself up to 100% and i think i am starting to make progress.  the trauma i went thru with my first "dom" i truelly feel has effected me in a negative fashion, and that is where i find myself.  Always 'wanting' to give 100% but holding back just enough to conceal my fear, and pride.  i have opened myself up more lately and spoken to my Master about my feelings...afterwards if was a great relief, but shameful at the same time.  i know i can do better...now i will do better.  if i have learned one thing...this is something i have down pat...with a good Master standing before you, nothing can hold you back except yourself.  be proud of who you are, and always work to better yourself.

~~xani~~