What I seek most of all is a play partner who is a true devotee of BDSM.  Perhaps she's a masochist, who truly enjoys pain.  Or (more commonly), perhaps she is a 'pain slut,' meaning someone who is not a masochist, i.e., she doesn't enjoy pain, but she very much enjoys the after-effects of enduring pain, for the pain either pushes her into sub-space, or at the very least, she finds its after-effects 'very arousing' (an expression I've often heard from such women).  The kind of submissive I most enjoy and appreciate, however, is one whose greatest pleasure is to please her Dom!While I am happy to work with a newbie, she needs to understand that sub-space, or at least the state of profound arousal that I just described, is her goal during a session ~ eventually, if not at first ~ for I am certainly willing to train her up to that level.

Two reasons I find BDSM so fascinating are because of all the many and varied interests different participants have, and the tangle of emotions that one often has to sort through in order to make a good connection. The single biggest recurring issue seems to be for a woman sub to be able to trust a new dom whom she might meet either here or elsewhere in cyber space.  Perhaps it's because BDSM seems so 'underground' even to lovers of BDSM, or perhaps it's because the sub can be placed in a position of vulnerability, or both.   Ultimately, though, it's still going to come down to the woman's instincts, and to whether she feels like she can trust her partner to do her no real harm.