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Feeling overwhelmed by the season |
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Learning new things. Realizing that I can trust and be my true self. Having a great smile feeling alive. Liking the baby steps. |
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Here I am ready for the next step. I have no idea what it is but I'm ready. |
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I'm realizing I'm not as broken as I thought |
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I know I'm worth a lot. I will not submit to anyone you will prove your worth as I will prove mine. |
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I don't know what to do today.I need rules |
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I am just me. I have inner demons that crave attention. They scream for release. I want my naughty Prince. |
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I am craving so much. I need to be kidknapped and claimed |
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I want so much today..I want to cook you breakfast to do chores have a list. To wake up with you fucking my throat. Fucking me as you tell me my day. Letting me kneel for you. I NEED a schedule I NEED rules I need a great spanking. I need to have my breasts tied.I'm needy today |
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Went out last night with someone who was very sweet. But not Dom at all. Wondering if he could be |
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I wonder if people actually really exist ones who get you can't have everything off the bat. You aren't my sir my master because you type it. Its so much more.
I'm sorry that I have lead some on. But it just wa wasn't right. I'm not for everyone just like you're not. |
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I find myself becoming more stronger. I'm going to kneel and pray for guidness. To become who I am.
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4 months ago he died. 8 can't stop seeing him. So I don't respond I'm just needing time |
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He had a way of crawling into your heart. Of really listening making you feel heard. He was kind. He was also a very manipulative man. He was a sub he said but to me he wasn't.To me he was controlling and my go to. He was what I thought was safe. He taught me so much told me that I needed to be more open minded.
One night we where fighting because he lied about something. I walked in and saw him kissing a friend. He had told me it was over it wasn't.
We got home and he grabbed my throat. He brought us to Rachel's and room. He tossed me down and told me that I embrassed him. That I made her feel sad. That I was wrong for not taking her feelings into this. I was selfish and needed to be more open. He hit me but it wasn't worse then the play we had done before. He tied me I screamed no. He said no isn't a safe word. He said I was rude. I needed to learn. I begged I used my safe worded It wasn't enough.
After the night was over he showered me and told me what a good girl I was. I crawled into him. I told him how sorry I was.
I don't think he was right. I am learning he wasn't always kind.... |
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Are there any ways to start lactating? I want to be a woman who is completely one mans. One who from the moment we meet takes me as his. I want to be a wife, sub, slave I need to comitt
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It starts out so lovely, I see his smile his calming eyes. He tells me to come closer. I'm so excited he's back. I've woken up from this nightmare. We are at our waterfall. As I approach the water turns sticky. The water is red I look up at him confused. He looks at me his heart in his hand telling me I wasn't enough I didn't love him enough. I won't ever be loved. I wasn't worth the truth. I wake up screaming in my head. This is why I'm scared to sleep. |
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I'm wondering why everyone jumps in. I am submissive I miss being on my knees. I miss the feel of his hands on my throat. I miss his quiet voice guiding me. So much I miss. Yes I need this life again. I need the rules and trust and love. See I can't just submit to anyone even though I crave it so much. I crave the day to day rules more. The checking in with someone the No's and yes. I crave the you'll wear this because it makes me smile
I find most of the people I talk with just want to cum. How does one find a relationship a real D/s life built on trust and fun?
I need to submit I need to trust I need to feel again soon
I want to be alive again |
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I always wonder why people jump. This relationship is worth patience.
But a huge part of me wishes I looked up and found the one I could trust enough to fully submit to again to fully feel alive. |
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To all those who have or are suffering through depression. I'm sorry for asking if your ok. I'm amazed by your strength. I had no idea how suffocating this world is. I'm sorry for not understanding or telling you to move on or keep going. For not giving you the time to heal.
Now I know that it is a battle every second. To remember to breathe, to eat , to take care of yourself take the strength of Hercules.
I'm sorry if I don't respond to your email or text. I do care. I do see your messages and they help I just can't respond yet.
Today is his birthday and I miss him. |
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I wish I could shake this funk. I wish I had a rock I just need to be held soon. |
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I don't understand why all the lies. I don't get the fact that I am nothing more then a lie. |
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Im just sharing I feel better when im wet |
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Well this week sucked I'm ready to get healthy |
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Are you sure?
How do you ask the questions that are needed to ask?
Are you sure you can be open?
Are you sure you can put me first?
Are you sure I am not going to snap?
Are you sure that life is worth it?
Are you sure that happiness is possible?
Are you sure that we can overcome the lies?
Are you sure you know what you want?
I feel a bit sad, I feel a bit lost. I know its just a moment and this to shall past but its a really big moment right now. |
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I am feeling so very loss. I love him but I am so very sad. I can't breathe I cant look at him and wonder if it was all a lie. I wonder at the deepness of the hooks he has put in me. Am I just another friend he loves or am I more? Does he look at me a see home or does he look at me and see someone who is a doormat and will allow his lies of omission to contuine?I have allowed him to crawl and put deep hooks into me with. I can't just get up and go like I did with the ex. He is here in my home which has become our home. He has made me second or even third without even knowing it. A year and a half and I am not as strong as I thought I was. I will smile and give him Christmas but will it kill me? Will it kill me to give him more of myself to have him walk away in a week and go back to his house. The house where he has lied to me for over a year.
I do believe he loves me but really does he love me more does he love me enough to make me first and do I trust him enough to allow myself to be more? |
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I cry at night silently
I laugh to hide the tears
I need an escapee
I need to know
I feel a bit lost
Oh well let the fun begin and Princess I become she knows how to smile and fake it as I will never
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I get it I get the fact I may be unclear in my needs. That is because I am still learning. So back the heck off if all you want is to fuck. I know I need more then that! |
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I am very needy I don't think that is a bad thing. |
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New shinny and bright objects. I feel like a newbie I know I am not but I feel like I am starting to see everything. How do you stay safe but still try still discover yourself? |
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As I look into this world, I wonder if I will be able to find what I seek. As I am unsure of who I really am. I know at times I am this or that but what at my core do I feel the most happiest at? |
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