Being a slave is not something i woke up one day with the revelation that "hey, i am a slave!" Rather my submissiveness has always been an inherent part of me. my awareness and ultimate acknowledgment that i was "wired" to be a slave has been a slow & gradual awakening as to who i am. The discovery and evolution of myself as a slave as followed a similar but delayed path as my transgenderism. i recognize in my early childhood that i was different from other boys in that i loved everything feminine, the clothes, they dolls & toys, the games girls played, etc. It was during the later part of my childhood when i also encountered my first inkling of my submissive self when i had a dream of being control by the girl next door who was 2-years older. At that age, i obviously didn't know the first thing about D&S or S&M, yet it was clear to me that i saw my role as being controlled and in serving another.
As i matured, my feminine exploration became my passion & obsession, yet deep in my soul i was constantly aware of my submissive calling. Unfortunately as it was with my transgenderism, this was prior to the Internet so there was very little information available about my desire to serve and my need to submit. Everything i was able to find, referenced this as a sexual deviation and so i kept these strong feelings bottled up inside me. i thought i was completely alone in my dreams to be a slave and to be owned by another.
Sometime in the late 1990's i discovered D&S publications in adult bookstores and was thrilled to discover there were others like me who found personal fulfillment in either dominating or in submitting. i initially tried to read a much as i could in publications such as Corporal and Feminine Mystique and slowly came to the realization that being a slave and pleasing another are what would make me happiest and what would provide me with the most fulfillment in life. Eventually the Internet opened up new areas to discover and learn making me realize the D&S lifestyle is much more diverse and exciting than i ever had imagined.
i am a slave, not by choice, but by need. The need in me is psychological, emotional, spiritual and physical. i have always been self-confident in my vanilla life, yet i need and want the control of a Superior Domme in my every day life. i wish to bestow my mind, body and soul to one special Mistress who will cherish the gift of my submission. And once Hers, i need to devote my heart and submissive spirit to serving Her in every way. i crave the structure & personal discipline She will instill in my world as i live my life strictly by Her rules & protocols. i need to learn how to please my Mistress exactly how She desires, while also using my feminine intuition to anticipate Her needs as a Woman and Her desires as a Dominant.
my obedience, faithfulness and devotion are also inherently a part of who i am as a slave girl. i accept and embrace my position in life as a slave and cherish that it is my fate to serve. i also value it is my role to please my Mistress without any hesitation or reservation as that is what will ultimately bring me tremendous pleasure and satisfaction. And i desire to be trained in the manner which will serve my Owner the best. my need to be a slave instills in me a need to strive for perfection, yet knowing there will be times when i will be less than perfect in the performance of my duties. i accept that i will deserve punishment when i fail or my behavior is less than exemplary. i will submit to Mistress' punishment no mater how severe knowing that She is punishing me to correct my ways and to make me a better slave in the future.
