I just want what everyone wants... to belong.

I have never truly belonged anywhere, even when I excelled at pretending I was. But even when I had everyone else fooled, even when the whole community would have sworn I belonged... I could not fool myself.

Always I am tamping down one part of my personality and adding undue emphasis to another. Always I am watching, observing, calculating, measuring those around me to learn how best to keep my self safe and hidden.

I want someone with whom I can finally relax, cease to worry about who I am at the moment, and just know that all of me is safe.

By this I do not mean that I would no longer exercise my conscience and self control... merely that I would not need to hide. I want to find someone with whom I can flirt and laugh, discuss philosophy or science, and bare myself completely. Someone just as comfortable snuggling and kissing as he is bending me over the bed and claiming me completely.

I do not think it likely to find him here, but I will try. After all, I am certain not to find him here if I do not look...at least this way there is a small chance.
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I want a real relationship with a real man.

I want to be your friend and your lover and your fucktoy.

I want to know you fully and to serve you from the bottom of my heart as an expression of love.

A tawdry display of submission to almost-satisfy the jaded lust of an almost-stranger is not in my agenda.

I want to be whole, to be someone you can love and be proud of, and someone you can spank and call dirty names because it turns us both on.

I am not the perfect friend, lover, or submissive. I am not the perfect woman.

But if you will just show me why you are what I need, why you are the one I must serve, I will give all of my imperfections into your hands. Just give me a reason to strive, a reason to be as perfect for you as I can be.

And I will do my best to become the kind of girl who can belong...