MissRubyRue - why ask me a question and then block me?  

i value Her.

i love Her.

i am willing to suffer for Her.

She should have my heart and soul without pretense.

i should give for Her happiness as the only reason.

i now understand the need for my denial.

i am closer to being the sub She deserves

Bored

Just feeling kind of numb.  It is hard to have feelings for Someone who doesn't have feelings in return.  It is hard to allow myself to keep feeling them....they hurt so very bad sometime.  

I know i must be patient, which I try to be.  I just don't know where Princess wants this to go.  I am stuck in limbo

Not happy with who i am

i spend part of Sunday night on my knees for Princess Vega with my wallet in my mouth the whole time.  While totally humiliating it just seemed the right place for me to be while talking to Princess.  She is more stunning that i imagined.  i am so hooked on Her.

If you passing meet me and desire to speak to me, why should you not speak to me?   And why should I not speak to you?

Me: Princes I love You....

Princess:  fuck off loser

All out of thoughts,

not a word to say.

Nothing to feel,

No emotions today.

She must be too busy,

Or She would say Hi.

Hurt and near tears,

I love Her, i'm not sure why.

She doesn't care,

At least about me.

I fall to my knees,

She ignors my plea.

Take what You want,

I can no longer defend.

My heart is heavy,
But my will is Hers to the end.

So i read that Princess likes forced bi.  Reading this brought up a lot of emotions in me.  In my distance past, lets just say some things happened.  And while i have the memories of those events, they caused me a lot of shame and guilt as i am not gay.  And sometimes i have the urges to think about what i did then, but i don't allow myself to think about it much.  i fear that if i think about it i will end up trying to relive them.  But now i know it pleases Princess so i am torn.  i so want Her to notice me and like me.

Princess ask me to write how i have been feeling since we met.  She has been busy and not has been online much lately, and when She is She probably has other subs that She would rather talk with.  So i have had a lot of time to think about Her, to miss Her and to live with just my heightened feelings.  To be honest, i am suffering...hurting..feeling empty and lonely. 

Princess says i am selfish because i think about my needs too much.  She is right and this leads into the first emotion i feel when Princess is not around much.  You see i can be very insecure. As time passes i start to think the maybe Princess doesn't want me, that She doesn't care about me and that She has other subs that She likes better.  This feeling starts to grow in me as my doubts grow.  i start to feel helpless and the feelings of not be worthy or loveible get stronger and louder.  I start remembering all the girls that turned me down when i was young.  How i felt like a loser growing up.  Princess knew this right away.  And of course i am but a loser, how could i expert to be in Her league.

Then i feel jealous.  i see Her online, i know She has to be talking to other subs while not even sending me a hello.  i imagine the others winning Her heart as She spends time and has fun with them.  And i am left out while other get to be with "my" Princess and get to sit alone.

And yes, i feel lonely and empty.  All alone without my Princess.  But in reality i will always feel lonely because i will never get to truly be with Princess.  i need Her in anyway i can, but i will never have enough.  i am Her fool...i am like the jackass chasing the carrot...i will never get it but i can't stop following. 

 So why have i fallen for Princess.  Of course She is beautiful and alluring.  But She also knows how to get in my head, to push a few buttons.  Maybe it is just simply calling me a loser, or ensuring me i will be Her weak piggy soon (which i am) that makes me fall further.  And now, Her lack of caring about me, almost ignoring me at times is ripping my emotions, making me weaker, tearing my gut apart and making need Her even more and more.  i am becoming such a helpless loser for Her.

Princess tells me i am too selfish.  i guess i am, but i just need Her so much, i think about all the time, i miss Her, i ache for Her.  It is hard to not be selfish and want Her time when She is so awesome.  i know i must accept my suffering for Her and shed my old ways...but the pain can be something terrible and almost unbearable at times.  I hope She knows how i feel about Her.

i miss Princess Vega but i know She is busy and i try not to bother Her....yet i long for Her and She seems so indifferent towards me...and i just want to ask Her if She likes me...but i resist...i sometimes feel like i don't even exist to You

i secretly desire Her,

yet She knows.

i hide my true feelings,

but of no use.

I conceal my desires,

while She smiles.

i try to protect my heart,

but it's already Hers.

i want to feel it with You...the feeling of kneeling on the hard floor, the taste of it, feeling it deeper in my mouth for You...needing to please You in the worst way, submitting deeper and deeper, feeling You push me further, demanding a deeper bond, a true connection of souls...a flow from a submissive made helpless by You....not just a flow of material...but a flow of life energy...emotions...tears...hopes and fears....all that i have to You