I am thinking about her thin red belt, and I know how it would hurt if she used it. I do have a little bit of experience rt, after all....but it was not the woman of my dreams, it was an arranged situation, and it felt contrived. 

    Since I really do want to serve her, I realize that a pre-arranged "appointment" is nothing like real submission. It is more like someone is performing a task at work, and the control is not real. I want this to be real, and I want her to know I wish to serve HER. 

    Perhaps she likes the idea of using her thin red belt, to make it hurt. Hurt enough to put me in line and OBEY her. I might like the helplessness I find myself in here, knowing that in spite of the fact that it hurt, I would be possibly be very turned on, at the very least humiliated and helpless, and that....my dick needs to be soft to put on a chastidy device, so maybe I deserve a few welts from her thin red belt.

I am looking for a woman to serve. Why else would I be on collarme? Ok, I know...to satisfy my own desires, to masturbate to picures, and to imagine being controlled. 

    That is not what I am looking for. In order to serve her, I know I must be controlled, and masturbating, even if it is for HER, in my mind, is not serving anyone but myself. 

    She knows I am looking for a woman over 40 who might understand my cravings and use my desire to train me to her liking; I told her so. I get the feeling of being tested and I want to pass the test, and move on to further my (imagined?) training.  

    I am thinking of her thin belt on my ass to discipline me for continuing to masturbate, but here is the truth: 

                     I didn't masturbate for weeks, and the thought of her playing with my ass made me ejaculate without touching myself. I am thinking about her thin red belt.

She wanted me to wear a chastidy device, and I bought one but could not put it on. It seems the thought of doing this turns me on, so my cock would start to get hard every time I tried to put it on. I think I would need to be drained and disciplined for lack of control if I were to wear one, and have her put it on, and lock me down.

   I have not been touching myself as much since I did this and know how helplessly turned on I get as a result. I know I might enjoy chastidy and serving her.

last night I could not help but think of her, as I slowly humped a pillow, craving the discipline I need....her thin belt on my hot little ass

I have shaved my cock and balls using a regular razor. Now, everytime I touch myself or see myself naked I think of her demands. My desire to comply continues in spite of my apprehension and humiliation. My need for chastisment is real. 

There is no way she can know how I really feel, how I feel the need for one special demanding woman has been baited by her slap and reprimand. 

   I feel like she owns my desires. I have forgotten about the other women on this site and think about her. She scared me at first, she was so real. And she demands respect. How can I not comply in my mind, if all my desires have been aroused?

   I need to experience the scent of her foot in leather shoes, beg to get to know HER  body that intimately and worship it.  I feel like she locked me in a closet and I can't get her off my mind. At first, I felt rejected and scorned, but now I feel tantalized by the thought of becoming dedicated to her. Addicted to her scent. The control she has over me is real and undeniable. Still feeling rejected and scorned, knowing I deserve discipline. I wish to be compliant and offer myself to her for discipline and humiliation at her discretion. And blah blah blah....

I am not fantasizing about all the women on collarme. That slap hurt, but I have learned my lesson.

confessions

I got the distinct impression, after thinking about it for awhile, that she intended to discipline me for being an exhibitionist.  My thinking went from "she will enjoy this" to "what have I done now?"....but didn't she know that would happen?

     So, here I sit....and I never felt so naked. So vulnerable. Trapped, by my own desire for discipline, with no other choice but to learn.

    Learn to be obedient. Learn how to respond to her in ways that will demonstrate I know my place. But now it may be too late, and I really am trapped by my own desire to please her. 

    I crave the discipline hinted at.

    I'm intelligent enough to know I've been stupid.

Being allowed to express my desires to her was an earned privledge, and then I had to go and piss her off. 

    STUPID ME!

Now I crave to have that privledge back. She sent me a slap and then ended it.

    Now I know that she has taught me something about myself. I want her control and I'm going to try to do as she said when it comes to certain little things, even if she never notices, because I want to experience the emotion of submission. I'm feeling it now.

    I kept thinking about that slap, and can't escape the knowledge that I wish I had been bound and helpless when she delivered it.

    It's not up to me to say, but I know I deserved it.

She owns my passion. How can I tell her? 

for someone special: TYTYTYTY!