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My last profile was deleted, so created this new one.
I dived into the world of FEMDOM at the age of 17. Theres something powerful about a woman, that even her slightest glance make my knees weak.
Im an easy going person with a kind of sarcastic sense of humor. I love reading books and writing about random stuff.
So I hope Ill have a great journey ahead of me in this world of Kinksters and meet interesting people to talk to.
I took this quiz I Scored as Submissive
Submissive82Bondage61Experimental46Masochist32Vanilla32Sadist29Exhibitionist Voyeur29Degradation29Switch29Dominant21
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I can feel the new beginning, at a little distance ahead. The road upto it will have its difficulties and hurdles, but they won't stop me from reaching my goal - HER. |
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I finally got that much awaited reply. It was like a huge load on my heart, I was unable to breathe, staying wide awake during nights. My obsession to her is consuming me. I feel like drowning into a sea of emotions, weight attached to my legs and feet, drawing me deeper into water. It is within these depths, I find my desires, my wants, my needs, trapped beneath a rock. As I get closer to them, she reaches over and claims them to herself. And I finally let myself go and surrender. Surrender the essence of me.
I know I have to wait, to hear from her again, but this waiting part is killing me. I feel the agony 24x7. Every time, I log onto the site in anticipation, I end up logging out in disappointment. Not with her. Oh! that can never happen. I feel disappointed in me, for not putting in enough effort to earn a reply sooner.
Every reply from her feels like a reward, filling me with happiness. Its upto her, to decide whether I deserve it or not. I am quite aware of her circumstances, but the desire, the obsession in me, keeps building. Its overpowering me. Distractions do not come easy either. Each time I try, my mind swims back to her.
All I can do is wait and hope. Hoping, that she has mercy on my tormented soul. |
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Part 2
"Why do I do this to myself? Why am I so obsessed? I have never felt this way before. I am overwhelmed with all these emotions, that I have no control over."
After a couple of grueling hours, I get back home, hurry to my laptop and logging into the site, begging my luck to run good this time. I tap on the little "Sent Messages" Button and that precious time stamp appears next to my message. I jump with joy, throw punches and fist pumps in the air. A decade ends :)
"That was 30 minutes ago. It could be anytime now." My second period of wait glares at a nearby ending. A light at the end of the tunnel. "She is very thoughtful and elegant with the way she writes. She is probably typing right now.", I hear my thoughts voicing their opinions. "Just a matter of a few more minutes now".
Ah! the torment. Why does waiting feel this hard? I am very patient usually. I can go days without ever feeling a need to want something so badly. Not this time. These moments feel like the last few straws to break the camel's back. That back, is my patience. STILL NOTHING! I wait and wait and wait. Pushing the limits of my patience. I cannot message her again. Not one more. I don't want this to end without even starting. I must hold back the urge to write to her. But, its overpowering me. What do I do? The torment of wait. I must endure this torment. It's a test to see my willpower. To test my aching need to serve. The yearning in me to write one more message. The cautious voice warning me not to mess up. Such a dilemma. Damned if I do and damned if I don't.
Some decades pass in my head, two hours in my watch. I know now. Its not going to be this time. That reply, the one that would fill me up with immense joy, even if it just said 'Hi', would need me to wait indefinitely now. That reply, the one I know, I have to endure another decade of the torment of wait for. I know I'll get it eventually. I have been assured of that. :) But the pessimist me, ignites something and I fear the worst. The pessimist me, the shy me, instead of writing one more email, the one I dread, makes me head over to my profile and add my first journal entry in 3 years. That speaks something in itself. About how I feel for that special one, how much I adore her. The one, who most probably, would be reading this in the shade by some tree, away from all the hustle and bustle of this chaotic world, smiling. Her smile, her joy, her comfort, is all I care about now.
What happens to me now?
MY WAIT CONTINUES
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"THE TORMENT OF WAIT" (Part one)
Waiting for something, the precise moments before you expect the object of your desire to present itself to you, can be very hard to endure. Its like something so close and yet so far away. Hours before they declare your semester results, the thumping in your chest, waiting, not knowing if you made it or not. There is always that felling when you know that you did good in the exams and failure is the last thing you can expect, but somewhere deep within, there is that trembling voice, that keeps you vigilant, ready to expect anything. Likewise waiting for all the good things in life have their pitfalls as well. And its only when you achieve them, "It was worth the wait" feeling shelters in your heart. Its the waiting part, that is always so hard.
But what happens when you don't know how long you have to wait for? That feeling for me, is the worst ever. I am sitting in my room, sipping coffee and suddenly a thought crosses my mind.
"Could she have read my message now? I know she is very busy and I'll eventually get a reply, if found worthy enough. But the not knowing part hurts. I have to see if she read it".
I log into the site and sadly, not read yet. So what do I do? I log out and go back to my tiny little world. A feeling in my mind that it could be anytime now, that she reads it. It feels like an eternity, but only half an hour has passed since. I log back in again and Alas!, still nothing. I tap "Home" and while my eyes navigate the list of names, they freeze on seeing that one special name. "Its her", I mumble. "Won't be long before I'll see a time stamp on the message being read". I WAIT like a lost puppy, unsure of what to do. Every ten seconds or so, I click refresh and so wish to see that tiny time stamp. The tiny time stamp would finally end the grueling agony of waiting but I know that this time stamp would mark the beginning of yet another period of wait and patience for me.
Hours pass, but nothing. I feel overwhelmed with melancholy. "She'll view my message when she feels like it", I could only console my grieving self. I turn off my laptop and try to distract myself by going out to meet friends. Not a second passes by without me thinking of her. |
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| Age: 30 |
| British Columbia,
Canada |
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