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Dwerg
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need a dom into psychology and hypnosis and art. i love learning and teaching. i have switch tendencies, but mostly am a sub. my cyber master just voided my collar.... he is too busy to play with me any more.... i need real life dom.... eventually master.... i want to learn to domme.... but i am more a sub and have been in subspace once from flogging at play party.... it was intense.... liked it! did not like the crashing of it the next day all alone though......
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| good morning |
I
painted until 3 in the morning.... it is messy... it is supposed to be
about the subject "beauty"... a challenge given to me by an artist in
the Catskills.... only, this thing looks fucking ugly so far!!!!!! I
was actually screaming at the canvas last night as I threw paint on
it... screaming: there! This is supposed to be beautiful! there's no
such thing as fucking BEAUTIFUL! and just splattering the paint... the
two cats watched me with huge eyes... they kept going behind the 36x36
canvas and attacting my brush at work from behind the canvas! and
trying to pounce on my brush as I painted! and trying to drink my paint
water and chew on my brushes.... little demons!!!!!!!!
I
dreamed that I was in a test room taking an English test.... my cousin,
Dennis, who is a science teacher in the District, was proctoring. It
was the second time I took it and my students were there too.... i was
a student too and a teacher... both. The kids went slower this time and
the second part of test could not be given because it was 11:30 and
time for next class to come in and take the test. My cousin was asking
me questions about location and other tests and times... I said I did
not know when the chemistry test was because I never took any of those
things in high school, that I only had AP class in English and I have a
lot of holes in my education. That I could go home now for the rest of
the week since I did not have any more tests. He was talking to himself
and uncertain as to where he was to proctor the chemistry test. I was
more concerned with finding my RIT ID that was mixed into the stuff
with other IDS and things.....Then I dreamed that i went to Savoia's
Bakery... my mom was on the side street... she drove me from the school
and was going home... gave me a $20 to go get some pastries.... I was
going to use the bicycle she left there. I went in.. other people were
there... I got some things... they were putting away a raspberry cougan
I wanted and the cashier tried to convince me to get peanut butter
cheesecake... I really did not want it, but he said the other one was
already put away and they were about to close. So, I settled. I also
got flying saucers, and a candy handcuff set for the bicycle to secure
it.
Strange dreams, as usual. At least I ate in the dream! LOL!
PErcy
cat is on my bed now... looking at the window.... she is a nervous
kind. looking out the window and around....now going out to the window
sill. I just woke up an hour ago, took a shower, .... a friend is
coming over to help me clean and organize.... I am straing at my
painting... I want to paint. Damn it! |
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I just started my own group on fret life.... check it out and join please?
http://.com/groups/168
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I have joined collarme site and I have been interacting and learning about Dom and Sub. I think I have switch tendencies.... but prefer to be a Sub. I am playing with a man in California (the distance makes me feel safe to explore, locals scare me because of the threat of actually meeting! Too scary for me at this time) with hypnosis.... he calls me up and talks with me for hours! been doing this since last Wednesday. Gave me the most incredible orgasms! helping me to get back int touch with the art me. I believe I have a multifacited personality.
I am using the stuff I learned from watching those trailers of the training of O as a guide to what is going on in the mind of a Dom and what to avoid: abuse. I am learning a lot. My purpose at Collarme and Adult FriendFinder is to learn. I have been abused... and I am trying to understand and heal. This guy who tranced me told me that the difference between a multiple and a "multifacited" personality was in the following analogy... a multiple is a mirror thrown on the ground is broken from an event that was so damaging to the psyche that the original personae retreats and an other one takes its place and both are disconnected and unaware of each other. A multifacited one, one he thinks I have and I am thinking I have from my own researching into why I am the way I am aware of things and perceives things....is a mirror that fell and is cracked but not broken, in other words I am still aware of the other personae and watch and am connected.... that is me without a doubt....... but what caused me to crack?
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I have allowed an other hypno dom to talk with me and test me for sugestablity, and it scares the shit out of me how open to suggestion i am! I am feeling exclusive to Hypnomaster_D and each time I allow and other man to trance me, I am seeing I feel exclusive to him and guilty for allowing myself to be talked to by an other Dom! OMG! I feel panicky now! WNYDom1 tranced me, talked with Sharon, and I am feeling very upset that it has happened! Ifeel like I was bad to allow some one else into my mind besides D! help? IT is not D.... It is making me realize I only want D and will do anything for D and this is making me panick! oh shit!
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I found a Dom I am connecting with quite well..... he is perfect for me! He is on the West coast though and I am on the east coast like 2000 to 3000 miles away, but, alas, the wonders of the phone and internet connect us. and not a normal connection.... he talks with me and hypnotises me... and he is very skilled with it too! He has guided me to meet other me's part of my personae... there seems to be me's I am not that aware of! I asked him to help me find the art me from long ago who could look at a page and project white lines of light on it of images and then just trace these images.... and we went looking for her and I think we found her.... or maybe more then one her... she is in a cave.... the art me is mute, but this cave me seems to be talking... not sure it is the art me... i know the art me cannot respond in words... i have encountered her before. when he tried to talk to her, she wanted to respond but could not..... any how.... he is also fucking me i just had a nice sexual energy go through me just tyhping that and remembering it! oooooooo! he made me soooooooo wet with orgasms! I always wanted to mess around with hypnosis and neurolinguistic programming... words are powerful and full of energy! His voice is so warm and playful and friendly and he is fun! I need him... been longing for him alllllll day!!!!!!!!! I have a naughty me too who likes sex and wants to get me in trouble..... it seems most of the me's are aware of each other.... but not all the time.
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Has any one ever tried using hypnosis to experience being a sub and letting go to a dom? what was it like? I am considering it. I already have a vivid imagination as an artist and in my dreams... i remember everything.
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I am a newbie here, and I want to learn how to be a good girl as a Sub..... This is very new to me and I have a lot to learn. Interested in hypnosis, imaging, trance, creativity also.
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| Age: 37 |
| Toronto,
Canada |
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