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My ebay store and real time botique is closed. Thank you. Please do not PM and ask me for a link as the store no longer excists. Please do nto email for a link as it does not excist. This business i had is a chapter in my life that is over. Im tired of people taking my kindness for granted. Im tired of people wanting good deals and i barely make any money. I am very tired of my family being lost and forgotten by me because of the business. That has changed. I just wish i could stop feeding my online addiction by not coming here any more. |
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Its been a short while since i wrote here so i thought i would drop a line for those who actually sincerely care. Since December 2006 I have begun a journey that i worked very hard to avoid without even ever realizing that i was running away from my past. finally at age 33 i am facing the past as i know now i can no longer run from the problems i make and am part of.October 2006 I had gotten myself to a weight of 212 pounds. as of this morning I am now 181 pounds. I am proud of the weight loss. I am prouf that i am still curvy and full figure. I do wish my husband who has sworn never to think of me as pretty or sexy or cute could see me that way. I am straight out full of hope that he will see me on a good path a strong path and that he will find me approachable and safe. The more i focus on my children and family the more i am discovering that for now BDSM simply is not for me. I am ashamed of what i allowed BDSM lead me to.But I am not ashamed that i was a slave. I am disgusted that I became a pro domme and endangered my children with each strangers visit.I am infact ready to discuss this with my psychiatrist. I am continuing to work on closing the store. But I am not honestly trying very hard. I have discovered my my own self searching that i was and am a internet addict. staying online in hopes for someone to chat with me talk to me. searching role play sites just to fill a space and time and emptiness.I had a wonderful life and i lost it all because simply i took it for granted. I would do anything to have the best time of my life back.But without the confusion of BDSm mixing with being a newlywed and being an expecting mommy and new parents. It was just all too much and messed with my head. And its my fault because i thought i needed it. Simply I never gave the joy and pleasure of vanilla life a chance.At least i know now what trusting a Master is all about.I also know now i was jealous of how my husband /former Master embraced his new found Master soul.Jealous of his growing confidence and growing accomplishments.Due to my trying to cut off my time as much as possible online. You will hardly find me on collarme.I am aiming for only 1 hour a day online.And Eventually disappearing from the net . |
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In attempt to move stock out of my store that is in my home so I can close the chapter as a small business owner. And in celebration fo the Bears being in the play offs I am having a fun sale. You will find a big ad and hopefully it stays on the message board.
once you click on the link of the store you will see news about delivery for Valentines Day.
You will aslo see on the specials that there is something extra special just for Cm members.
I appreciate those of you have bought from me and have been seeing me rise and fall in so many ways. The few of you whom have hung in there during my ups and downs are true friends.
The attackers and gamers are a a reason for me to not vist as much as i used to.
i have really learned i am not ready to even begin searching for someone till i heal. and it will be a long process.For those who enquire about if I am searching or needing someone. The answer politely is no.
For those who dont get im not a Domme. I am not seeking a slave or sub.
I am simply seeking the friendships that i had when i first joined here when I was in a much different place. When i first joined Collarme. I was so proud thrilled and excited to be a slave girl and owned.
I saw it as a place to make contact with others like me. Thing is i noticed during ym changes in the last years. People really prepfer not to know how you feel. its better to answer ok.
People prefer a pretty answer versues a honest life feels horrible im totally depressed.I am no actress. Take me for my bold thoughts or not at all. If you see me in a chat room and dont liek my way of expressing myself hit the ignore button. But no need to attack. It simply shows me another human being wanting to censor another human being. |
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I am married to my husband and i am trying to work things out. He does not love me and he is wanting a divorce. I am working on myself getting some help and spending a lot of time soul searching.i have a lot to deal with here at home on myself .I do use this place as a way to avoid my time working on facing my past, facing my faults. I tend to want and need to hear psotive things about myself because i do not get it at home from my husband.Our children are great and I am working on redeveloping a relationship with both of them. I messed up when my business grew and i let it grow. It was just to be a hobby. And it became a full on business. every waking moment was on the business.Ignoring my children and my husband. I was a cold heartless greedy woman. SOmething i cant even believe i was.i now understand why i was doing that. avoiding several things.But i am learning avoiding does not resolve the problem. that running away one way or another does not help me get better. I am tired of running away. and I realized this week I am 33 years old. I am not young and wild as i once was. I cant be wild anf sponatneous. That i have a responsiblity to my children and i think even to myself.
So no im not really seeking a Master out.I am seeking people who really want a friend from on line. A friend who has problems and we can share and support.Right now in all honesty for the most part serving another is not in my mind. As i need to serve myself and better myself.
And even if my marriage does end in divorce. I am hoping to be stronger and healthier mentally.I am hoping I can feel better about myself and even by then love myself.
I must admit i believe wedding vows are sacred and are binding. But I will not fight him on the custody of children. Our children need us both to be strong and very caring to thier needs and wants. And by me not fighting i give to them something i never had as a child. LOVE. |
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