I have two sides, I have a proud side...very proud of my education of my job and corporation of my socioeconomic status....this proud side thinks  that thinks all of this is ridiculous and should stop it....BUT also I have an inner hidden soul of inferiority and worthlessness...this side needs and CRAVES humiliation and emotional pain.. I am TORN....I struggle and the pain is so great sometimes I cry for release between my public PROUD side and my hidden inner secret soul of worthlessness...

so I have two sides of me and my proud side denies all of this and thinks I am crazy...and its like these two parts of my soul fight it out...I get incredible migraines from the tension of internal fight between my proud side and the inferior and worthless side craving and needing humiliation...I frequently burst out in tears from the internal pain if that makes sense...and i just have to sob to release the stress..

so one side NEEDs and craves and fantasizes about inferiority...subservience...submissiveness and the other side is VERY critical and harsh against that as being sick!!