Had to make the hardest decision if my life the other day and already regretting it

Why do I always make such stupid mistakes!

So went to stay with Sir this weekend, it was odd I was nervous like it was a first meeting. When I got there, he made me feel better after getting to his no time was wasted. I had a punishment to get and well we had plans to go out. So it was straight to his room, I knew straight away that’s what was going to be happening.

So I am lying on the bed and he brings a gag out. As soon as that is in, I feel helpless, especially once my hands had been tied. There was nothing I could do except plead with my eyes. 10 strokes of the belt later I was half done, with promises of the other 10 to come. Then he decided to use me, having been made to edge all week I was desperate. Eventually I was allowed to cum, shortly before he started using my ass.

Shortly after this, we went out and met some of his friends. I had a very sore bottom and sitting was painful. The night was better than I had expected and actually enjoyed myself. The rest of the weekend involved watching TV and being used as he seen fit.

I had a very good weekend lots of things happened, I got my dummy. Also I got to share his bed which makes me happy, which is a lot bigger than mine lol. I was sent away after receiving my last 10 strokes of the belt as a nice reminder on the train home. Just hope I pleased him enough this weekend.

Going to visit Sir tomorrow and staying with him for the weekend. I am so excited, but also have the usual feeling of nervousness. Will I please him? What will he do? I will also be meeting a couple of his work friends on Friday night which scares me a little. But I just need to go for it and have fun. I will update my journal next week and let you know hoe it went.

Something else which I should have wrote in the last entry but forgot. Last night I was given the privilege of sharing my bed with Sir. I have never been allowed to sleep with my Dom in past relationships, I was always on the floor. I was so happy that he allowed me in with him, but with this came that I was scared to sleep in case I woke him, I know I am a very restless sleeper. I spent most of the night awake just listening or watching him sleep. Trying to be careful every time I moved  not wanting to wake him.

Hopefully in time (and in a bigger bed, I have a single) I will relax more and actually sleep, although watching him sleep was nice and the feeling of hims body holding me just made me feel really safe.

Well Sir came round last night, I spent half the day worrying about the punishment I was due and the other half trying to make sure everything was sorted for him arriving, although it seemed everything was going wrong.  Anyway, by the time he arrived I was a nervous wreck. He did a good job of calming me, we ate and watched telly for a bit before I was sent to kneel in the corner.

I was then pulled across the room and bent over a chair, which I was subsequently tied to. By this point, my head was all over the place. I did not know what to expect, I could not get away even if I wanted to. In my head, I decided I was, going to be strong just take what I deserved, and I was not going to cry. Well that did not last very long. By the end, I was crying uncontrollably and I know it was not the worst he could have given. After that he just held me for a while, occasionally pulling and pinching my nipples, giving me sharp jolts of pain but also pleasure.  The thing was I knew I still had one more punishment to come, one for continuously asking him why I had to do things.

He tied a crotch rope and tied my hands into it. (this was something I really enjoyed). Then he got hold of me by the hair so I could not get out the way and started to belt my tits. This was incredibly painful and I was not actually hit that much. After all of this it was time for him to fuck me. (Obviously my favourite bit) He fucked my cunt for a while, which was incredibly good feeling before he moved onto anal. Now I am not the biggest anal fan, but he enjoys it so who am I to complain. It was hard last night as we had no lube, which meant it was painful for me. Although he did allow me to cum which was very kind of him.

After this we were very tired so was time for bed. When I woke up this morning I have nice bruises on my tits and bottom, both of which look amazing, the ones on my tits hurt a lot more though even though they were belted less. Anyway, I had better be good to avoid any more bruises. 

Funny, how a bad relationship or experience in the past can had so much impact on the present. It really annoys me that even after you have got away you can't really move on fully as you are constantly reminded. It is starting to annoy me now haha. Just feel it is holding me back, like I cant be as good as I should or could be.

Hello again,

So this was not what I was planning to write about today, I was planning on writing about things that I have done with Sir and how I have found it. But I have been speaking to Sir tonight and had a different idea.

I am due a punishment just for a number of things including forgetting to call him Sir and for telling him what I was going to do rather than asking. Anyway, I am due 20 lashes of his belt. (This is currently sitting in my room as I forgot to give it to him when he left last time) We were talking about this today and he has said that he might come over tomorrow so I can receive my punishment. Well it has hit me how scared I actually am. He has used me before but not since he has owned me. I know he will be a lot stricter and I am not going to get away with things that I did last time. I am also sure he will be harder to please, I hate feeling like I have not pleased him and that I am a bad slave and I feel it a lot more than I would like. He said I do please him, but I think I am just that desperate to make him happy it is making it harder for me.

I also realised just how much control he has over me especially after we spoke on the phone. (I phoned to cry, pathetic I know)  I think it is his voice he has this ability to make me feel small and vulnerable yet strong at the same time. I don’t really understand it. I am really worried I do something else wrong when he is here and I end up getting more punishment.

That’s is for now, if he comes tomorrow I will post an update and let you know how it went

So where to start, I am rubbish at writing these sort of things but hopefully I will get better.

Anyway Sir has had control over me for the last week although I have known him as a friend for months. And when I say he has control I mean it. I have never been controlled this much before but I am enjoying it although it did take some time to get used to.

I am very forgetful and often seem to do or say things without really thinking about it, both of which have got me into trouble. (I am currently waiting on a punishment :( but well I deserve it)I think I am definitely getting better, although Sir may disagree; I just really need to stop questioning things, which is hard because well that is just me I suppose. I will write another entry soon talking about the first time we met and what happened (this was before he was my Dom, but still important).

I am loving him having the control and I am trying very hard to be good, do everything right and please him even though it may not seem that way at times.

Anyway I am going for now, more to come soon.