Just cleared up the many messages i have gotten from one-time writers...all wanting a pet (literally, BE a pet--yikes!) ...  hahaha... sorry wont bark, moo, or neigh for anyone.  Not even George Clooney, who i really like.

there are 1 or 2...maybe 3 .... whose exchanges i kept, all from outside BC.... and if they ever respond back to my replies it'd be great.  Just hope patience is their virtue coz i dont come on much, and when i do--- i respond to the sensible ones.

have a great Saturday night and tomorrow is NFL day.... i may be Canadian, but i DO love them Niners. 

although i enjoy the aches and tears,

i do not wish You to break me....

or torture me.  or make me an object of mere usage.

i need to hug You, to love You, to speak my feelings

and feel safe that i will never be abandoned ---ever.

i wish You to be my best Friend, my Lover,

my Guardian, my Mentor---

i hope for You to guide me, teach me,

discipline me when i am bad

and reward me lovingly when i've been good.

i ache for You to be my Master--- but most of all,

i desperately look for You to be the Man

who will conquer my very deepest core,

Because if i don't trust to surrender completely

Then the submission in me is merely a dream:

One that i will always wonder why the slave isn't in me.

this is my entry for the evening: 

i AM re-starting my journey back to this lifestyle.  After being slave since 18 and having had a few assholes who owned me rl, i needed to re-group.  i did.  i found i cant be 100% vanilla.  BUT i did discover that even as a slave i am not one to be a property because i have a brain.  i can think, i can feel, i can speak my mind.  and a property has none of that.  So if You Masters want a slave who will be used and abused as a property, then i am not right for You.  More importantly, i wouldnt want You anyhow.  So we dont have to waste each other's time.

i dont want a Master to treat me as property... i am capable of and am wanting to please the Master that owns me.  But it will take the RIGHT one.  

Thank You to Those that sent messages.  i am beginning my journey back to this lifestyle.  Having started to be slave right at the very beginning of 18 and having had several rough roads along the way, i stepped away a few times, to find again and again there is this side of me i cannot deny.  i am and can be a very stubborn, strong-willed, and one-tracked minded... but with the right One, i can and am capable to allow my desires to submit.  Right now, the unmentionable hurt deep inside is causing the fear to trust so fast, serve to my deepest ability, and uncertainty about me as the submissive i used to be and am capable to be.

i need a lot of patience from One that wants me.  Or thinks He wants me.  i need a lot of tender care and love as well as a gentle, firm hand to guide, nurture, and possess not only my body, but my mind, my heart, my soul.

Will i find it here?  Maybe.  To have it last a lifetime?  Maybe not.  But i wont know til i try.  Just like anything in life... trying is the key.  i am going to see where it leads me.  Maybe nowhere, but at least i took a turn on a road that was there.