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| Trust is the single most important aspect of a D/s relationship, and trust is impossible without honesty. She is trying to size you up as a person, which means she needs to get to know you – the REAL you. If you are new to submission, and have no idea what you want from a relationship, the best thing you can say is, “I’m new to submission and have no idea what to expect, BUT I’M WILLING TO LEARN AND TRY NEW THINGS.”
Having good manners and displaying common courtesy are also high on the list of desirable traits. A willingness and ability to follow instructions is also a fairly universally desired trait. This can often be demonstrated from the start. Be as utterly candid as you can about what you hope to get from a relationship. If you’re really only interested in bedroom submission, say so. There are books, articles, and web sites dedicated to things like “protocols”, submissive behavior, slave positions and the like. While having a fundamental grasp of these concepts can be useful, I would caution you against committing any one set of instructions to heart. There is a very good chance that what a book teaches and what your eventual Mistress wants will be two different things.
They want a submissive that is open and honest, genuine in his portrayal of himself and genuine in his desire to submit. They want good communication skills, obedience and a willingness to explore new possibilities. I’ve seen more than a few state that they want someone who recognizes that she is a person first and a Dominant second. It’s important that you be willing to learn, particularly from your mistakes. The things that make you a decent human being – like some selflessness, a sense of humor, good organizational skills, a decent personality, and not being too terribly full of yourself – will also help you attract a Dominant.
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1. Patience – Saintly levels of patience are an absolute must. Your brat will exasperate you beyond belief to the point where outsiders may wonder if there is any control at all. This is especially true in the early stages of ownership.
2. Drugs – The legal headache soothing variety. Blood pressure pills. The urge to bang your head against the wall at regular intervals will happen. Ketamine and other tranquilisers, while tempting to calm your brat down, are not recommended and will lead to complications.
3. Sense of Humour – Realise that everything your brat will try is not meant to hurt you or disrespect you but to be fun and make you smile. Assuredly at the precise moment it may not make you smile and hence the requirement of 1 and 2 above but looking back the humour should be apparent. Mismatch in sense of humour is the cause of most brat owner breakups.
4. Imagination – Without it you are going to struggle to find ways of getting your own back. Brats are generally ultra bright and devious creatures and you’ll have to at least match them in ingenuity for pun/funishments. You will also need your imagination to pre-empt their antics. Paranoia is a definite hazard of ownership.
5. Thick skin – It is going to hurt. Brats cannot help themselves. If they find a crop/flogger/paddle or any other toy in their hands they are going to have a practice swat under the heading “..but Mistress/Ma'am has to try all his toys on herself first. It’s in the Brat Constitution.” Let them get away with it at your own peril or devise ways that such things never arrive in their hands. For example: “Fetch my crop while on your hands and knees carrying the crop in your mouth.” Specific language is important. More on that later.
Common Brat Tactics
1. Incitement – They know they shouldn’t do it but they do. “Is that the best you got?”; “Good boy”; “Thank you my all-knowing fluffy bunnykins”. You can insert your own “pet” name in here but it will be designed by the brat to be mildly insulting while funny at the same time. “Master/Sir is always right.” Seems to be a common phrase when they agree with something about you that is not quite complimentary. “I’m an idiot” … When you forgot something … “You are an idiot, yes Master/Sir. Your pet will remember that.” They can keep up the reminders for a considerable period of time.
2. Pranks – Toys will go missing or shoe laces tied together while you snooze in a chair. You think that’s massage oil, but no it’s blue food colouring. Your brat is only looking for ways to keep you on your toes and inject some fun into your life. Bear this in mind when you find yourself reaching for the blood pressure pills and the studded paddle.
3. Coy silence – Be afraid, be very afraid. Your brat is plotting or has already got something set up and is waiting for you to walk right into it. As they do in jungle warfare when something is tied high in a tree, stop dead in your tracks and check the ground. The coy silence is a distraction from the main event.
4. Innocent puppy eyes – Has anyone seen those vampire programs where the innocent puppy suddenly sprouts fangs and mutilates the hand patting them on the head? You have been warned. “It wasn’t me.” …uh huh …sure. Sugar cuts itself with Ex-Lax does it?
5. Loopholes – When the urge is upon them they will try to find loopholes to wriggle through. This is a talent I have found most brats to be highly accomplished at.
“Make me a coffee” might result in the coffee being made but not delivered.
Literal loopholes are commonly exploited:
“Behave” … “I am… I am behaving badly.”
“Be good” … “I am being good at being bad.”
Any time your brat starts a sentence “You said….” You can be pretty sure a loophole has been found. Their excuse is that they are promoting clearer communication of your wishes. Sometimes owning a brat can feel like you are a high court judge taking extreme care over your use of language.
Your Response
1. Nuclear – Sometimes you are so furious you want to beat the crap out of them. Stop. Think. Are you furious with them or at yourself for falling for it? Was there any real harm done?
2. Funishment – Mostly what they want is a good spanking
. If you see the humour in their antics then a funishment is recommended. Some may say you are rewarding their bad behaviour. I say you are rewarding them for expressing themselves and being true to their nature.
Spanking: Never met a brat that didn’t like it.
Orgasm counting: Force them and have them count each one. Failure to count or miss counting, start at 1.
Favourite play: That might be a rope session or flogging
or something else that you both really enjoy together.
3. Punishment – Sometimes they go too far. Sometimes they really do need a punishment. Make sure your brat understands why they are being punished and set the parameters. The parameters may be a time limit or a count. My most effective are:
“You have disappointed me.” – Delivered dead pan. Your brat will cut themselves up for days over that one while trying to be as pleasing as possible. Only to be used when they truly have been a disappointment. Over use will render it ineffective.
Timeout – Kneel them in a corner facing the wall and have them be silent for a period of time. If the move put them back in place without a word and reset the clock. This is about denial of time with you.
Orgasm denial
– Keep bringing them to the edge and stopping. The frustration in your brat should match the level of frustration they caused by their action. This is a tricky one to judge and you will need to know your brat well.
Reason – Give your brat a really good reason why they should cease and desist from a particular activity. Dominant
s have history as well and some behaviour steps on triggers that are not good places for you to be. As you respect the limits
of your brat I would hope they would respect yours. Sharing history can be hard and painful but the alternative of allowing your brat to continue is worse. Trust me on that one.
4. “The look” – Practice in a mirror that look that says “Steady girl.” It might be a raised eyebrow with a slight tilt of the head. You’ll now it when you get it right. Your brat will respond appropriately and be back under control again. This is generally my first line of defence.
5. Stop – Simply that. Stop. Nothing will focus their minds more than when you stop whatever activity you are doing or go quiet and sit back arms folded. When combined with “the look” you have an effective limiter on your brats behaviour.
6. Finger Snap – I like my girls trained to the click of my fingers. When I snap my fingers it is because I need something so their attention is mine. They cease whatever they are doing and focus. It may take some time before this is an automatic reaction. Use it initially when you do want something and the brat can prove they are useful. Nothing makes a brat happier than making you happy by doing something for you. Soon the snap of your fingers will be very effective for attention grabbing.
7. Personal – There will be something that your brat really does not like. Something that can be done quickly and effectively. Tickling is a good one if your brat pleads for you to stop. Do not. I repeat, do not allow your brat to claim that the activity is now a “hard limit”. The precedent will be set for all punishments hitting the “hard limit” list.
Why Bother with a Brat?
The effort they put into they fun and games is matched by their devotion and deep desire to make you happy. A properly trained brat knows when it is and is not appropriate to be brattish. When pressed to be on their best behaviour and given a good reason, a properly trained brat will not let you down.
There is a difference between a brat and a badly behaved sub/slave
. A brat when they act up will make those around at first take a step back and worry about sanity and then smile because there is humour in the action. A brat will only direct their brattishness at their owner or to very close friends who know what they are like. A badly behaved sub/slave will do it without humour and will be disrespectful to anyone and everyone making those around frown and become uneasy. Brats do not act up for punishment. They act up for funishment.
Final Thoughts
I believe brats can me trained/tamed within reason. I think they find a comfort level on what is and is not acceptable and test the boundary. It is up to us, their owners, to set those boundaries and stick to them. With understanding of what your brat does, why and when, you will gain valuable insight into how their mind works and how to keep your brat in perfectly happy health. I believe it is a crime to knock all brattish behaviour out of your charge. It is a denial of who they are. Personally I don’t want a doormat. I like a challenge. Does that make me a masochist? Perhaps. Where are my pills?
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Damn Brats and Littles!!
"I said, stop that!!"
"NO"
Heard this before?
Had to deal with an insufferable Little?
Headbutted a wall after trying to get a Brat to behave?!
Giving that giggling and snorting bitch a glare that would freeze a Penguin, only to have them laugh and ignore you?!?!
God damn Littles, Brats and Prey....
There you are, in all your Dom/Domme glory, dark and foreboding, looming over and forcing them to submit to your overpowering Will and Might...and they laugh.
So many a 'Master' has thrown up hands in frustration. (Brats 1 Masters 0)
Many a Mistress has thrown down her crop! (Brats 2 Mistress 0)
Spanking Sadists who have pushed giggling boy's off the couch (Brats 3 Others 0)
"Sit down and be quiet! I said....!!!"
Hey, can I let you in on a secret?
that is what they are supposed to do!
Nothing is funnier than a top or master who gives up when faced with a cheeky sub!
Or better yet, hearing them deride them as not being 'serious' players!
They giggle and laugh and show no respects...ummmm Duh?
Look, I have an answer....stick to your lordly ways, do not let these Brats and Littles ruin your solemn and dour demeanor...
if they are in your way, not bowing to your every whim...
just give them cake...... |
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Insanity The Ruthless Mistress
“Her voice was a sensual, a confiding whisper, and he clung to ever rapturous word. I’m the answer to her pain. She’s my answer for the need for it.
“Who are you, Ma'am? Are you my Mistress? Or a dark Goddess, riding into obscurity? Whoever you are, I need you. I need this.
Still winds steadily blow quiet whispers in my ear.
Slowly fading from a light that gave me such pain,
This feeling of comfort sheltering me from this horrid white rain……..
Her fingers of the night gently touching my skin,
No regrets left, I’ve been forgiven of all sin.
The hands of shadows steadily roaming,
A sensual feel of something that I’ve been longing……..
Only a promise of protection, fires and sparks.
I do not fear it for it has no face,
Forever shall I stay in Her loving embrace........
I’ve Seen Insanity The Ruthless Mistress.......
I feel like screaming....
Feel like crying.....
With out you my mind’s like the hollowed sphere of a pendulum swinging backwards and forwards motion to emotion,
No answer, no reason, no justification, just the creation of a sterile imagination.
I wandered through your ways and fell in love with your beauty...
I touched your soul then allowed it to devour my entirety
I fed on you filling me with self-actualization
Now, I'm following you with my hopes of finding the path to my own salvation...
Loving Mistress You're the mold, and i'm the clay.......
How must I serve you this very day?
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Submission ( A Poem For Mistress)
I have been told plenty of times
by plenty of Dommes
that they love how submissive am I, but
that it could get me into real trouble one day.
Oh, little do they know
that it has gotten me in trouble long, long ago
my submissive nature made me afraid to say no
before I had given the situation any kind of second thought
I had told her that anything goes.
That "anything goes" left me aware of my worth
Yet maybe not to others,
because it was myself that was hurt.
How her pleasure ment most to me,
no greater romance could this ever be.
My Mistress, Goddess my true one,
Hello Mommy i'll be your son.
No greater love is my submission,
A truely precious gift for my sweet Mistress. |
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Being a Good Online Submissive
Being a slave is a tough job – and it should be. If you were already good at being a slave, you wouldn’t need a Master/Mistress to help you.
As a slave, you have a number of responsibilities on your plate, all of which are important and should be done dutifully and gracefully.
If you are an online slave for some or for part of the time, you have different things you need to do in your training. Even though you might not be in the same room as your Master, you need to make sure you are fulfilling all of your duties.
Here are some tips to help you make sure you are not only being the best slave possible, but also that you are learning from the online training process.
********************************************** Read Everything Twice **********************************************
Since you will probably be getting your training lessons in writing, you will need to practice what you first learned in school – read everything twice.
This sounds like a basic piece of advice, and it is, but many slaves still get flustered in the presence (virtual or not) of their Dom/me.
As a result, they tend to skim over the words and do what they think they need to do instead of what they actually should be doing.
To be a good slave, you will want to read the directions. Stop, then read them again, this time out loud. When you read things out loud, you have to look at each word, which tends to help you catch anything you missed the first time. Once you have read everything twice, then you can proceed with the instructions.
True, this might take a little more time, but it’s worth it so that you show your Master or Mistress that you are taking your training seriously.
********************************************** Proof Read Your Replies **********************************************
Many slaves become so excited about doing what their Dom/me wants, they completely forget common spellings and grammatical rules.
Your writing is your presentation to your Dom/me. If you present sloppy mistakes, shorthand or uninterpretable sentences, you are showing your Dom/me that you are lazy, and really don’t care about impressing or pleasing Them.
If you want to show your Dominant that you are serious about your training and pleasing Them, then you need to take the time to proof read your responses before sending them.
**********************************************Test Your Equipment **********************************************
Next, you will want to make sure that all of the equipment you need to use during your session is ready to work before you connect with your Master over IM or webcam. You will want to test both of these services to ensure that everything is functioning and that you are ready to go on time.
Make sure to begin preparations as early as possible, so that you have plenty of time to handle problems. While it’s true that you can’t anticipate everything, you want to make sure you’ve accounted for as many problems as possible.
Check the batteries in your vibrator, for example, and change them if you think they might be getting low. Also, make sure that everything you need for a scene is on hand, easily accessed, clean, and ready to go.
********************************************** Have a Backup Plan **********************************************
Of course, since things do happen, you will want to have a backup plan in place. If your power should go out, for example, you will want to have a way to IM your Master/Mistress to let them know of the situation.
This will allow your Master/Mistress to determine what to do at that point. There are some video cam options available on some cell phones, but this may not work as well as your traditional setup.
Since power outages should be rare, you may never have to deal with this situation. But Internet outages can occur, so you need to be ready with a backup plan – dialup, coffee shop (if you’re not doing anything risqué), etc.
In fact, it might be a good idea to devise a set of rules to follow in case of trouble, so that you and your Dom/me understand what happens when Murphy’s Law takes over – and it will. It always does when you least expect
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Red Flags:
• Tries to separate you from your friends, family or BDSM community
• Avoids talking about personal details. Gets mad when you ask or quickly ends the conversation or answers questions with questions.
• Has no BDSM references or friends you can talk to. Gets angry when you ask for references or ask around about them.
• Is inconsistent with details about themselves. Does not give you their home and work phone number at the appropriate time.
• Only communicates with you at strange hours and gets mad if you try to contact them at other times.
• Criticizes the BDSM community and refuses to participate, especially if they never were part of it.
• Consistently breaks promises. Always finds excuses for not meeting.
• Always puts blame on others for things going wrong. Does not take personal responsibility.
• Has bad relationships with most or all of their family members.
• Pressures you into doing things you do not want to do. Does not respect your limits, negotiations or contracts.
• Pushes you into a D/s relationship too fast.
• Falls in love with you way too fast and swears undying love before even meeting you.
• Hides behind their D/s authority and says that their authority should not be questioned.
• Tries to make you feel guilty for not being good enough. Says that you are not a “True” sub.
• Loses control of their emotions in arguments and regresses to yelling, name-calling and blame.
• Puts you down in front of other people.
• Turns instantly on their friends, going from best friend to arch enemy at the drop of a hat.
• Treats you lovingly and respectfully one day and then harshly and accusingly the next.
• Goes to great lengths to get revenge on people.
• Lies or withholds information.
• Cheats on you or is overly jealous.
• Will not discuss what your possible future relationship could be like. Tries to keep you in the dark about what might happen next in the relationship.
• Does not respect your feelings, rights, or opinions. Belittles your ideas. Blames you for your hurt feelings.
• Abuses alcohol or other drugs.
• Is constantly asking for large amounts of money from you or others.
• Threatens suicide or other forms of self-harm.
• Deliberately saying or doing things that result in getting themselves seriously hurt.
• Monitors your communications (emails, phone calls, chats) with others.
• Only interacts with you in a kinky or sexual manner as if role-playing. Will not have normal everyday vanilla conversations.
• Never shows you their human side. Is emotionless. Hides their vulnerability behind their D/s role.
• Has multiple online identities for interacting with the same communities.
• Disappears from communication for days or weeks at a time without explanation.
• Is rude to public servants such as waitresses, cashiers and janitors.
• Never says thank you, excuse me or I am sorry to anyone. |
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my submission is a gift to be cherished. The idea as I understand it is that the submission of one person to another is a vulnerability that takes on a sort of sacred importance. To allow another to have such power over one, is a risk and a precious thing. And it is.
The trust a submissive gives us, the honesty, the vulnerability, the visibility of all (or most all) of their parts, the pretty and the not-so-pretty- that is indeed a precious thing. It is a sacred trust of sorts (I’m a spiritually minded person, so indulge me my terms-it’s the best way I know to say that). It should not be taken lightly or abused.
I last wrote about trust and how both people need to develop such a deep level of it before the relationship can flourish, I found myself thinking about the idea of the reciprocal gifts of dominance and submission.
A truly dominant woman will never demand submission, she'll only feel blessed when it is gifted to her. A woman can call himself dominant, but only a submissive man can truly deem a woman dominant.
And it's a lovely thought, I love the idea of a woman seeing my submission as a gift to her. A gift, of course, is something to be valued, it's something given voluntarily. A woman who sees my submission as a gift sees it as something to be valued and treasured, something that has been earned and is not just a blind right. By extension, she sees me as someone to be valued and treasured.
Too often, I hear women who fancy themselves dominant saying things like "I'm taking applications for submissives," they talk of training a submissive or they ask a man how he intends to "prove herself worthy" of his dominance.
And all of those attitudes make my blood boil. It's arrogant, unromantic, lacking dominance and, frankly, a bit embarrassingly silly.
But as much as it angers me to see women with these attitudes, it saddens me that there are men who go along with it. There are men who just don't value themselves enough to treat their submission as a gift, they think they have to prove themselves "worthy" of giving themselves.
If I value myself shouldn't you? |
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Here is a list of questions i ask all Domme's. i'm indeed a true submissive with over 9 years of experince in a 24/7 D's lifestyle. Here is a little bit about me so that you will know something about me before you answer these questions.
Here are some of the pre ownership questions i like to ask a potential Domme or D/s.
i’m very leary of those who dismiss these questions. i learned the hard way before i found a great Domme who guided me with a loving but firm hand. Those that will tell you these questions mean nothing, and that i should have no hard limits open up a potential for an abusive relationship. It is healthy communication to have a good pre-owenership discussion before fully submitting as it helps to gain trust both for the Domme and submissive. Without trust a D/s relationship doesn’t work well and will typically fail.
I will never give up who i am to please another. my Dominant is there to raise me up in our goals not tear me down. i do not need a control freak and who is worried if they give me to much freedom that i will find someone better. that is cheating and a no no in my eyes. im a true submissive little i'm like a child. i need a sweet loving but firm hand. i'm a sweet bratty boy and can be sassy.
I am a deaf slave/submissive/boytoy/little. I give complete control over to my Mistress or Goddess but that was only done AFTER we negotiated limits, protocols. i do not have a Domme as of yet, but I am currently looking, but i'm willing to take my time as im more the 24/7 type, as well as the bratty sweet boy little type I act like a child and have the mindset of a child. I age play.
I'm also a masochist, I enjoy pain on several differnt levels. I really love the mental and spiritual side of our lifestyle that a really great Domme can bring out in her baby boy. i'm not shy and i can be quite bratty for her pleasure.
if you are not my Domme or have not gone over pre ownership or preplay via negotiated limits, protocols. with me i wont serve you as i have 9 years experince. |
How long have you been involved in the D/s lifestyle, and what led you to it in the first place?
Do you have or plan to have a more than one slave/submissive, on or offline?
What sort of relationship are you looking for? Online only, phone, real world, potential marriage/permanent partner?
How much time are you willing to devote to training a new sub, and how much of her time would you require in return. Would you have daily contact with your submissive/slave?
Do you indulge in these pleasures with women/men in "real life?" If so, what precautions for health and safety are involved? What type of safety precautions do you feel are necessary for an online or phone relationship?
What sort of training/education have you had to be the dominant member of this relationship? Have you had experience training a submissive who is new to D/s? What made you decide this was for you?
What are your basic philosophies with regard to D/s.
What are your rules, contracts, agreements, etc.? What do you require of your slave and of yourself?
What sort of structured training do you prefer to use? What sorts of discipline/punishment for infractions? What kinds of tasks do you assign your save to perform for you?
What are your deepest desires, pleasures, hopes for this relationship? What, in your opinion, does the Dom receive in return for his time, love and protective care over his sub? |
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| Age: 19 |
| Virginia,
Virginia |
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