What youwill find here is a sweet, nice guy. Someone that is real, someone that will care for you, someone that is capable of developing the most deep intimate emotions, especially after sharing the most deep emotional physical intimacy. I believe in Ds because of the depth of the emotional relationship, because of the trust and through the giving of the most precious gift. I believe Ds does include romance.

little lost boy, crying, can't find you

are you out there ?

i seek submission and i have a strong need to belong - i have been waiting for you - i have educated myself - i've dedicated my life to using my knowlege and expertise for the benefit of children, something that would make you proud - the dominance of my youth has brought me some understanding of the safety and comfort of complete love that surrounds the submissive -

complete understanding will come only after i been broken and the tears kissed from my cheeks

are you out there ?

i will belong to the one that breaks me - please break through my fear and pain and take me to the other side - i beg you
it scares me to my core, i am not a pain sub - but to her i will be completely and utterly devoted -

are you out there ?

do you beleive in movie love?
its the Ds version of Sleepless in Seattle, and jerry m, you had me at the "snap" of the leather

are you out there?

true freedom through ownership and the most restrictive bondage - now that's romantic !

......No - this never happened, I am not owned in this way - no, this is not a script of what I or anyone expects, its just a feeling, it is what it is - i was dirven to write it, why - i have no idea- sometimes you just do what you have to do - if it is your choice to read this - then just take it for what it is - if you want to know someone with these type feelings, please write, one can never have enough friends, espeically those who understand, I have none who understand.............You had wanted to create a special night, a special experience, one that would last a lifetime. It might have a been a special day like a birthday or anniversary or it could have been ordinary Friday or Saturday night that you decided to make special. Your design was meant to bond us for a lifetime.

I had noticed a slight difference in play lately, sometimes your domme persona had been doing fun little things, like how you sometimes were training me by making me use a banana to make me think you were training my throat. All while giggling about what you might do sometime in the future. Over the past few weeks you had been employing condom use as a part of chastity domme play. I was so busy with normal life and titillated at the different things I didn’t notice and doing something different wasn’t out of the ordinary either.

It was a completely normal weekend night. We had relaxed and chilled at home for a bit. We got ready and went out for some light drinks and a light meal later in the evening. We could both sense some heat in the air over diner and watching the live music. I sensed we were both at a melting point for each other, but I had no idea what you had in your mind.

When we got home it was clear you were feeling dominant. There was usually little confusion about how we were feeling about sexual roles. After the red wine I had sampled through the evening I was fine to mentally curl-up into a ball of security wrapped around your domination. We were upstairs in the bedroom still wearing our evening out clothes, exploring how we were feeling, kissing and exploring, a few grabs around my wrists and light pulls on my hair and neck to set the mood, and also caused my breathing to deepen.

As you brought me to a squirming level of arousal, you covered my eyes with one hand and put your other hand over my mouth with your forearm across my neck with enough force to quickly calm my squirms. You whispered nice reassuring things in my ear about ownership and our way of expressing sexuality and emotion within our relationship. You knew I felt the warmth of the right kind emotion before you proceeded further down the path. Softly, yet firmly you ordered me to strip and sit on the bed for 5 minutes after which I was to go the basement naked, I would shower there, I would find instructions in an envelope that would instruct me what to do next. I was instructed to respond with a "yes ma’am" if I understood, I was to answer with my covered mouth and eyes. My eyes screamed "yes ma’am" as I heard a muffled utterance vibrate against your palm.

It was cold and vulnerable winding myself down the stairs, past the flimsy curtained landing, through the hall, opening the door and tip-toeing down the cold wooden stairs to the damp coolness of the basement. I knew something was different from the top of the basement landing as the glow flicked across the walls. I had no idea where you were, you had disappeared after you exit from the bedroom. It was obvious you must have spent some time in the basement. The basement was a beautiful dungeon with what seemed like a million candles that made the whole space glow brighter than any electric light that had ever shown down there. ( I wish now I had seen and appreciated the possibilities of that time and place, it’s so sad when we don’t learn what we need to know in time) You must have been down here earlier in the day, many things were covered with blankets and sheets so I couldn’t see what was under them, but it was obvious you had spent more than 5 minutes to prepare. I was jumping with joy and scared mindless to even let my mind wander to think what you must have in mind. Your psychology from the bedroom to the shower already had established deep sub-space and just to make sure it remained there all night was a glass and bottle of a wonderful Chilean Merlot.

The writing on the outside of the envelope instructed me to have some wine, shower, open the card and follow the directions within. I was to not touch anything or look under anything unless instructed to do so. My glass of wine nervously disappeared during my quick shower, I tried not to think. Another disappeared as I applied the lotion to my nakedness that you had left for me. The card was beautiful, it told me to be reminded of the love I should feel. I wondered to myself where you were, I hadn’t heard a drop of noise in the house since I left the bedroom upstairs. A note in the card told me I would find the beginning of my journey under the black comforter. The comforter laid close on a table by the couch and slightly off center of the two large support poles in the middle of the basement. For the first time I noted the chains with locks on the poles at the top and bottom of each. On the bottom set of chains connected to the poles, the heavy metal ankle cuffs were cinched around the base of the chains, next to the base of the poles.

Under the black comforter I found my thick black leather collar with the metal rings around it, we had found it at a shop on vacation and it was the most strict of the collars you liked to use on me. I also found my black leather wrist cuffs, harness ring gag, leather blindfold, thin leather strapping, and assorted locks. There was also a most curiously gift wrapped box, long and thin, wrapped in black wrapping paper and a pink bow.

The note under the comforter told me to stand on the books you had placed on the floor, indeed as I looked down you had placed two of the thickest phone books I have ever seen that must have taken you some effort to find. It further instructed me to place my heels on the books and my toes on the floor. You had placed 2 sets of ankle cuffs on each side, I was to lock one cuff around my foot between the book and floor securing the other cuff of the set around my ankle and to do the same on the other foot. I was spread about as far as I could reach on tiptoe. I was reminded to put the locks close to the edge of the table where they could be reached. The metal felt cold and biting around my feet and ankles, I made sure they locked tight enough to draw in the skin as I knew you would be pleased to see the metal pulled tight against the skin. The arousal heightened as I pulled the harness ring gag tight and deep into my mouth. I was instructed to lock each chain onto the rings of my collar. I noticed you must have done some measuring, as each chain was only long enough to barely reach my collar, to reach the ones connected to the bottom of the poles I had to lean way over which bent my body vulnerably at the waist, when I finally managed to lock the chains from the top of the poles I was already fatigued from struggling with the chains and locks. With the four separate chains fixed and locked upon my collar, my head was fixed and could not be moved, the top of my head almost being closer to the floor than my bottom which felt particularly vulnerable on tiptoe. I pushed the blindfold down over my eyes and used my sense of touch and the last lock to lock the rings on the leather wrists cuffs together behind my back as instructed in the note. I could hear and feel my heart beating........the wait,.....and I still hadn’t heard a peep of where you might be. Did you watch me ?



Every "click" of a lock has a beautiful sound to it. No matter what side you happen to be on, it has great significance. For some it is in the taking, and for others it is the giving and the ultimate gift, and then once presented power and energy grow. Each click of the locks to my collar had indeed restricted my movement, increased my vulnerability. But it is the final and last "click" that washes over the brain and mental sexuality that is final, uncompromising, trust, openness, and complete vulnerability. The click of the lock around my wrists was another step down into subspace. Panic and calmness, how ironic.

The house was quiet, already my muscles were straining, my position was strenuous, yoga-like, but the chains held me in place. The metal was cold and final against my nakedness. Finally, I could hear some creaking from the floors above, some aural evidence that you were close. I heard too what sounded like your voice, I couldn’t imagine that you would be on the phone or talking to anyone. Maybe you were talking to the kitties, I was too sub-spaced to pay it any attention. I had no idea how my life would change in the next hour.

After I started to enter meditative state, I heard the distant door squeak and the sound of your heels on the stairs. I was half in, half out of total consciousness, you lingered, you took your time, you drank everything in. I hope my submissiveness was something of beauty to you. You made sure I heard your shoes walk all around the room before I was allowed the feel of your touch. How nice and wonderful and nurturing that your first touch and your first intereaction would be to kneel beside my bent over body to kiss my cheek and let your fingers mingle in my hair, it was luxurious and totally appreciated. Even gagged I wanted to kiss SO badly and you knew the love I felt and how I would seek to consummate it through kisses. You weren’t going to deny those kisses and love to me- in your appreciation of my gift, but you weren’t above some teasing and momentary denial. My fire was devouring for you in this way and you had been learning how to create the kerosene that fueled my inferno.

I felt the leather straps that I had seen laying with the cuffs tighten around my genitals. You wound everything extremely tight and deep into the skin. My whole crotch felt as though it were bulging out of skin. I was in a different state. Between the wine, our shared time earlier, your touch and where you had in me in my mind, the strictness of the metal and this fixed position......I was in deep space. It speaks to trust that people can share because I was too far over the edge already to think.

The dichotomy of Ds is most assuredly one of the things that drew me into it. My first vision of you on your knees facing and looking up to my face as the blindfold was pushed back was electric. And again the irony of you being the dominate one and yet putting yourself in a position below me to look up eye my eyes and drink in submissiveness, love, and vulnerability fueled your dominance and your commitment to mark my consciousness as now belonging to you.

The blindfold was pulled off my head..."hi" and a smile. You were trying to reach me down in my fuzzy whole. You stroked my hair and touched my shoulders and cheek. Your voice was soft. "Mine",..."mine", "aren’t you". I could only answer with my eyes.
"You didn’t open the box?" I wasn’t instructed to, you knew darn well that I would not deviate from what was expected of me, I’m just not that type, and you knew that, it’s one of the things that endeared me to you, my desire to be good. "Yes" you smiled, "you weren’t told to look were you". "It’s something very special, not expensive, not too elaborate, but," you said "something I hope will change things fundamentally". I was totally lost, I had no idea.

"Michael", I loved to hear my name as a sub. "Michael, because I feel the way I do, I have to do something." "Parts of it will not be easy, but done it must be nonetheless."
"It’s possible I have might have been negligent" I heard you say. "Our relationship is different and we knew from the outset that our glorious goal would be to stand in ownership and property of each other at different times in what we have built." You started to explain to me in a slow soft and yet determined voice that captured me just as much as my bondage..."Inherent in ownership is responsibility, often times responsibilities of any kind are not easy, but pride also is the outcome of meeting those responsibilities. And taking care of things you own that are important to you will also allow the company of those things for longest duration." " It is in that mind I thought I had to get this gift." You reached for the black wrapped box with the pink bow. "Are you curious?" You began to open the box and pull off the top lid, you set the top aside and reached inside to brush back the tissue and produce and long, thin, rattan cane adorned with a short handle. My whole body quaked and trembled as I realized why you had me lock myself in this position. My eyes widened and tears started to well up already. "Shhhhhh" you whispered..."shhhh pumpkin, Look.." You showed me the tip of the handle. It was a red circle with the letter "i" above a heart, with a "U" in middle of the heart. i – love – you
"Michael, ....this is now our truth and love stick" You made it "whistle" through the air and lightly smacked the palm of your hand to show off it’s sounds. I started to cry softy as I was coming to realize how serious you were about what you wanted to do. I hate pain, such a baby for pain. You held it with one hand and "shhhhed" me softly in my ear and comforted me with touch with your opposite hand, sigh, delicious irony. "Michael sweetie, this is serious, I have to do this" you whispered.

"Michael, sweetheart...do you remember last week......last weekend when we went out?" We had gone out last week, another of our weekend "dates" which we so enjoyed that kept us sane from our daily grinds. Only last weekend it had not been the best date for us. We had a gone to a local carnival, just something quirky and different like we usually enjoyed sharing. Only last weekend during our date I had wanted to play some carnival games and you hadn’t been in the mood but you didn’t mind me, but I had wanted both to try and didn’t understand why you didn’t, completely silly, stupid, misunderstanding, yadda yadda yadda, the specifics don’t seem as important, but it caused me to pull away and be distant for the rest of the evening. It wasn’t completely my fault either, nor yours, it was just something that happens to people that have been hurt in their past and not yet found a way to get past it, it just was. And it wasn’t like I was mad or either of us was visibly upset, we were both too low-key for something like that, but even though we had gone ahead and still had a decent time, I had drawn back. It didn’t come again, we didn’t dwell on it, we had a perfectly fine day the next day. But, I had pulled back during that time and gone into my shell. And I’m sure it wasn’t the first time, and it wasn’t an awful, terrible thing, it just effected the amount of enjoyment and togetherness we could feel that night. I had been hurt in my earlier romantic life, my heart had been jostled around in my early romantic life and it left me with some minor emotional scars that sometimes reared themselves during times of relationship stress. Of course I really didn’t want to be like that, of course I really didn’t like to withdraw or get distant, it was really completely the opposite of what I needed and wanted when I felt relationship vulnerability, but I had learned the bad habit of doing the exact opposite of what I really wanted/ needed and instead put up my walls.

"Sweetheart" you looked at me with big sad eyes, "you have to learn not to pull away from me like that". You tapped the cane in your palm. "I think I have an idea that may help" and you smiled softly at me. You put a finger through one of the rings of my collar and drew us together and kissed me. "I own you sweetie, your mine, I need to teach you not to drift away from me, and not to be afraid when we are not totally in sync". My eyes started misting. You showed me some cards and explained to me .."everytime you pull away from me over anything that’s not reasonable or silly we are going to have to use this "love stick"", "do you understand ?" you have me now, I was totally yours, my eyes answered and yes and I would remain for life unable to resist this truth. "Every time you need reminded of to whom you belong and how much you are loved and how much that past hurt is a part of your past and NOT your present, you will face these card and love stick." "The first cards are 2 – 6 and will determine how many card you have to pull. The remainder of the cards are 2 – Ace, Jack is 15, Queen is 20, King 25, Ace is 50, if you ever pull Ace, the card game ends and 50 is the max." "Do you understand?" I nodded in disbelief that this was/ would happen. "You have to understand Michael that this will be your fate everytime you pull away from me, you will learn to embrace your true feelings of reaching out when confused. From this point on you will now begin to ownership of facing this fate. And each time, not myself, but the cards will determine the severity of your choice. Yes, I have set this in place, but now it is yours to manage and determine, this is my love." "By doing so in this way I take myself out of the equation, reserving the right to use our "lovestick" when you wonder." " But michael dear, you must embrace this, this must be your decision that you lock this act of love from me into your life just as surely as you locked these locks upon yourself." You run your fingers over the locks on my collar and showed me the depth of your eyes. "Do you?", how could I ever turn away from this re-birth of my life which I been searching for as an adult. The validity of my nodded acknowledge might have been something to be weighed considering the depth of subspace to which I fallen. But when both people realize their destiny, rationale seems trivial.

The tenderness of the kiss was in direct relation to the harshness that would follow.

Fingertips ran up my hamstrings sensing the tension and outlining the muscles that had been tensed for quite some time in this position, it was all part of cracking the mortar of my soul. The tapping of your hand on my bottom began to warm the skin. You put on a leather glove and soon the rhythm of the candle reflections of the wall seem to meld with the "smack" of your hand against my bottom. I remember the last six or so of the countless spanks came hard and fast and made my eyes fly open, the metal felt tighter.

You held the cards and told me to pick one, you made me hold it as you put the others back on the table. You took it from my fingers and we saw it together – a four – a four of diamonds. Four cards to choose, you didn’t linger. Again you brushed them by my hands and pulled each one from my fingers until there were four. You put the others away. Surely you had seen them as I had pulled them. Eight, I was crying inside already, three, I was trying to talk myself into how I would get through this, my stomach was turning knots. Queen, tears started to well up in my eyes, I was lost, completely lost, facing something I couldn’t do. Ten, total despair.

"..whhhissstle.. " you were testing it’s flexibility. What a terrible sound, I was crying softly. I was so completely vulnerable. One last time you bent down to my face, you were so loving in that way. "you must know I love you, you must know Michael, or I can not do this", I knew, I really did know, I didn’t want this, I would be better I promised with my eyes, but this could no sooner be stopped than a train in motion...for better or worse.....I nodded of course that I did know you had to do this out of love, I knew just as well from the other side.

"please michael, don’t pull away from me like you did last weekend"....whissstle and CRACK ..my body recoiled, I’m sure plenty of sound got past the ball gag.
"michael sweetie, pulling away does not help us build"....CRACK CRACK CRACK! CRACK!!...OWW....all right across the bottom the red lines were already forming.
"when you pull away it hurts us both"....You walked to the other side of me...
"please think about what this does to us when you pull back"...CRACK.... CRACK....
CRACK!....CRACK!.... CRACK!!!....

it was inescapable hell, instinct is to move to get out of the way, I hate pain and IT HURT! the tears now flowed freely the metal was now really biting into my ankles and feet, I was trying desperately to move and going nowhere, each foot momentarily lifted and held fast my metal.

to make it worse the cane traveled down my thigh to my calf, smack... smack.....CRACK CRACK!....indistinguishable angst came from behind the gag. Your heels traced your steps to the other side, I tried to scream "NO!" as the cane snaked its way down past my other calf.......smack ....CRACK........CRACK!....CRACK!

I was just bawling, uncontrollable tears streaming down my face, it was hard for you to see, but it also did something to you that was powerful inside. I was breaking, my walls were crumbling and you were responsible for such a good thing. You knew you were burning your ownership deep into me. That power drove your confidence, you even recognized something different and wonderful in your own self, that my submission was welling within you. So many dynamic things were happening, lately we had discovered and read about the power of gesault theory and the healing capacity of tears. So many things were being uncovered.

Of course you came to face me again from you knees in front of me to whisper in my ear and kiss my tears. The power to tear away the old provides with it the opportunity to build the new, and you were so wise to know and recognize this.

You comforted me and kissed me, stroked my gently with one hand, while the other hand used the cane to repeatedly tap the soles of my foot raised off the floor. "no" I gasped, or tried to....smack ....CRACK .....SMACK!.....CRACK!!!

I couldn’t control my tears now, it was just crying and breathing between gasps. I was being driven down. You continued to whisper and kiss, that may have been the only thing to keep me from passing out, more probably from the emotion rather than physically. The cane traced its way across the floor to my other foot..... smack ....CRACK .....SMACK!.....CRACK!!!

The metal had now rubbed my skin raw, had it been possible I’m sure I would have tried to stand on one legs, or no legs.

You could see you were starting to lose me fast now. The tip of the cane traced the inside of my leg.....smack.....SMACK.....SMACK !..........on my left inner thigh ....smack.....SMACK.....SMACK ! inside the right thigh.

"Michael, look at me"... I did through my tears....."please don’t pull away, do you understand?" .... I nodded yes that I did understand...."sweetie, we are not naïve to think that everything will be solved right away, but we are going to work together aren’t we?"...my eyes screamed "YES"

"you know I love you?" my eyes screamed "YES" again.

"do you know how many are left?" I didn’t, and it showed. "Perhaps we need to start again then?"...you lingered aloud. I started to panic, I was still gasping and tearing, I still felt the stings from all over. I don’t think I could take it again.

You’re so smart, you immediately recognized the panic in my eyes, such a good dominant observer. "sssshhhhhhh" you whispered. "nine" you whispered, "there are nine left". "you need to keep track dear, do you understand?"....again my eyes nodded.
"I’m going to ask you again, if you don’t know we have to start back at nine". I started to whimper which gave you the perfect opportunity to hone in on the softest soft on my bottom and hammer the hardest one I have ever felt in my life.."CRACK!!"......again,."CRACK!!" .....and again "CRACK!!!"
now you had found how to make the cane "whistle" through the air using your wrist and it filled the room with sound as it traveled through the air and as it landed on my red abused bottom...... .."CRACK!!"......again,."CRACK!!" .....and again "CRACK!!!"

i was just a mess now, i was surely at the end of my rope, almost to the point of collapse.
Surprising enough your voice turned the most strict it had been all night which had been hardly at all surprisingly enough, other of the Ds ironic gifts. "How many Michael!?"
"three" I gasped behind the gag barely conscious to the task showing three fingers in case you couldn’t understand me through the tears.

"Do you know I love you?" you asked, of course I knew......

wwwwwwhisssssstle............CRACK!!!

wwwwwwhisssssstle............CRACK!!!!!

wwwwwwhisssssstle............CRACK!!!!!!!!!!

and then out of no-where, like a machine gun that made the basement sound like a round of firecrackers filling the room with sound - somewhere, somehow, you reached deep within both of us and for thirteen or fourteen seconds the whole room exploded in a violent fury of rattan on my bottom....
CRACK... CRACK... CRACK... CRACK... SMACK...CRACK ...CRACK ...SMACK ...SMACK ...SMACK ...SMACK ...CRACK.. POW... CRACK... SMACK SMACK... SMACK... CRACK...SMACK!!...CRACK!!!...CRACK!!!!!!!......CRACK!!!!

....the cane clattered to the floor, ....you fell to your knees in front of me.....

my ass was obliterated, I was heaving, HEAVING, with sobs, I was pathetic, nothing,
you were crying almost as hard as I was. I could barely stand. and....and....and....and just when you thought I could bare no more, and I couldn’t I just couldn’t I was done. You grabbed my head and put yours beside me and whispered ....."I’m so proud of you......you are such a good boy"....there’s no way, no possible way I could have cried harder, but after that whisper wound its way into my soul, my soul cried and heaved sobs heavier than I have ever cried in my life. I was done, I was crushed, I was finished, I was so broken and you had already started construction. "shhhhhhh Michael baby, I love you, you are mine, you are such a good boy" ....as soon as you removed my gag I started to tell you, no PROCLAIM to you that I would be better, " I would be good, I promise, I promise" I pleaded, but you knew, and you softly covered my mouth with your hand to quell all that, it was not needed you said.....you started reaching for the locks when you realized that I was either going to tear down the poles and basement or tear myself apart trying to get to you.


I wanted and needed you so badly, but my energy could only allow me to crumple to the floor as each lock quickly came off. Your instinct was to climb down next to me in my rightful place on the floor, but again, your strength and intuition commanded me to lay my head on your feet, you hardly made it to sitting down before I buried my face on top of your feet. I was drenched in my own tears. I was so lost and so gone, I had no idea where I was. I had no idea you had even taken off your black leather. When I looked up at you, you were naked. You took my wrist and pulled me up onto the couch with your naked body, I drove my head into your stomach, I belonged in your womb. You stroked my sweat-soaked hair and pulled me into the love of your bosom. You whispered to me how proud you were of me, you whispered to me that I was a "good boy" but you had to stop after a while of doing that because each time sent a new wave of tears for you to wipe away. You drew the comforter up around us, the glow of the candles continued to dance against the shadows of the walls. There was nothing to say, you flicked on the CD behind you that started to stream it mellowness. I have idea how long we were on that couch with my drawn up into you. It could have minutes or hours....or days.....or weeks....Yes, it was hard, but you empowered and full of life, you were now "growing" your man.