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Slave by nature, i know my place. New to this realm i will update my profile information soon. i am not interested in people who only want naked cam or heaving phone calls, they are not "real" merely looking for a quick fix. i am not a quick fix, i am a life long commitment who loves deeply and gives fully, im loyal and passionate, wild and untamed, deep and primal, like a summer breeze that whispers through your soul, i am here and i am there, i am in your mind and dreams... i am sweet and sinful.
i am not seeking poly households or relationships, i dont share well nor am i desperate to be shared. i believe poly is for some and not for others, its not for me.
Note for the scammers: i am not willing to relocate without meeting you, i do have a voice and can speak on the phone however i do understand you cant due to horrid tonsilitis or being born a mute, i do have pictures and no they do not show me in various obscene positions using various kitchen utensils to pleasure myself which i am sure was your first question.i dont get a thrill from knowing you are playing with your bits JUST for me because i am the slave of your dreams, im not, im just some girl in the UK who actually believes in herself...imagine that, i have no major hang ups, i dont have 3 weekly therapy sessions and i was raised in an average poly household by parents who love me, havent left me with warped mental state and do care what happens to me and how i progress in my life... i'm sorry im not your wildest fantasy, well actually im not sorry, IM GLAD...now move on and find somebody who is gullable enough to believe your ramblings, this girl doesnt !!
i believe in the philosophies of GOR and actively roleplay in Gor chatrooms. Its not everybodys cup of tea but its my passion and i love the beauty and sensuality that can be felt in a gorean serve. i roleplay a Northern bondsmaid and with that comes a sassy, haughty, loyal, intelligent girl who is not afraid to beg what aches in her belly. For those that are not of Gor this doesnt mean im a whore, it means i ache for the touch of a Jarl, the look that melts me, the sound of a voice that envelops me in its control. i also roleplay in Vampire rooms.
my favourite quote: “The most complete and perfect institution for the total domination of a woman is that of female slavery,” I said. “How could a woman be more perfectly and completed dominated, more helpless, more dependent on a male, more vulnerable, more subject to a man’s will, more at a man’s mercy than to be literally his, an owned slave?” I looked at her. “Pretty Vella,” I said, “to look at you is to want you, to want you is to want to own you, completely, every bit of you, to have you completely at one’s mercy – completely.”
“It is such lust,” she wept. “It is such a complete and uncompromising desire. What could compare with it? I had not known such passion, such desire, could exist. It overwhelms me. I can scarcely breathe. And I am to be its helpless victim.”
Tribesmen of Gor - Page 320
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todays entry is an easy one....
show me heaven like the Devil Himself...
take my soul mercilessly yet with love....
take my heart with Your own heart....
take my mind with Your guidance....
take all of me...with all of You.... |
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some of the responses who "aim to assist" me with my confusion are hilarious.....
NO, getting on my knees for you wont solve it
NO, being beaten and abused by you wont solve it either
and guess what...
NO being locked in a cage for a week really will do nothing to solve it either...
this ISNT something a physical thing will solve, its emotional, psychological and definately NOT something you are obviously familiar with...any of you self professed "slave helpers"
BLAH |
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it seems the harder i try to understand the confusion, the more confusing it all gets.....is this normal or am i having some kind of meltdown where nothing makes sense anymore.
this has been what ive known for most of my life so what happens if its not actually who i am but who i have been "programmed" to be...
what happens if this "wild child" ditch the d/s stuff period proves that i dont need what i thought i did, i dont need d/s to survive or feel or want or need or desire..
what happens if i dont miss it like i think, if i find the fun of clubbing and partying and getting smashed out my head on all kind of crazy ass stuff is what i want...
does that mean ive wasted the last however many years of my life chasing pipe dreams that somebody once told me was how my life should be..
who has to take responsability for that.... me or those that subjected me to the lifestyle...
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the responses arent promising...... how do i know !!!!! |
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does there come a time when subs/slaves doubt if they are really cut out for this lifestyle??
i think im having one of those moments... do i need this as much as i thought, do i want it like i did, is it even possible in my life as it is at the moment.
i work full time in a demanding role, i study part time to ensure i continue to work in a demanding role, i come home exhausted, mentally and physically and all i want to do is a warm bubble bath and curl up in bed.
Days off i spend with friends doing what students do best, partying and the occassional weekend away doing again, student things, partying or all night dance parties..
Where does the time to be involved in the lifestyle come from, what do i change, where do i slot in extra hours, days, weekends to spend "doing" what i thought was in my heart???
what if it is all in my head and im not what i thought, i dont ache to serve, i dont tremble at the feet of men as i kneel and beg their attentions...what if... im just
im CONFUSED ! |
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| Age: 23 |
| Clovis,
California |
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