If after talking with me, you decide that I cannot fulfill your dreams or fantasies, but you tell me you will settle for less than you truly desire, I will turn down your offer.  Knowing that i am not able to please you in all that you desire and dream, and that you will have a void in receiving all that you deserve, will destroy me, and in the end, destroy any relationship.  I will wish you well and hope that you find that woman or man that will meet all of your need, dreams, and desires.

It is election day in the US, so you citizens out there, please go out and exercise your right to have a say in our future, no matter your political affiliation.  Many people have fought hard to ensure all have the right to vote, so go out and cast your ballot!!!!

Just hit another wall..............dom asked to communicate outside of CM since he was tired of the craziness here and wanted to close his account.  Lo and behold, his account is still open and he checks it several times a day.  Go figure..............BUT doesnt mean there are not honest folks around, just seems they are rare.

Been travelling and exploring so have not spent much time on-line.  Am still finding adventure when coming to a curve in the road, and still learning from each and every person I meet.  I truly to believe that people come into our lives to teach us things, and to enhance who we are as people.  Hope your day is going well, and every minute is an experience adding to your wisdom.

Once upon a time there was a girl who had four boyfriends.
She loved the fourth boyfriend the most and adorned him with rich robes and treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him nothing but the best.
She also loved the third boyfriend very much and was always showing him off to neighboring kingdoms. However, she feared that one day he would leave her for another.
She also loved her second boyfriend. He was her confidant and was always kind, considerate and patient with her. Whenever this girl faced a problem, she could confide in him, and he would help her get through the difficult times.
The girl's first boyfriend was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining her wealth and kingdom. However, she did not love the first boyfriend, although he loved her deeply, she hardly took notice of him!
One day, the girl fell ill and she knew her time was short. She thought of her luxurious life and wondered, 'I now have four boyfriends with me, but when I die, will I be alone.'
Thus, she asked the fourth boyfriend, 'I loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?
'No way!', replied the fourth boyfriend, and he walked away without another word.
His answer cut like a sharp knife right into her heart.
The sad girl then asked the third boyfriend, 'I loved you all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?' 'No!', replied the third boyfriend. 'Life is too good! When you die, I'm going to marry someone else!' Her heart sank and turned cold.
She then asked the second boyfriend, 'I have always turned to you for help and you've always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?'
'I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!', replied the second boyfriend. 'At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave.'
His answer struck her Like a bolt of lightning, and the girl was devastated.
Then a voice called out: 'I'll go with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go.' The girl looked up, and there was her first boyfriend. He was very skinny as he suffered from malnutrition and neglect.
Greatly grieved, the girl said, 'I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!'
In truth, you have four boyfriends in your lives:
Your fourth boyfriend is your body. No matter how much time and effort you lavish in making it look good, it will leave you when you die.
Your third boyfriend is your possessions, status and wealth.When you die, it will all go to others.
Your second boyfriend is your family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for you, the furthest they can stay by you is up to the grave.
And your first boyfriend is your spirit. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world.
However, your spirit is the only thing that will follow you where ever you go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now

Please ask me any question you may wish and I will answer honestly and be straight with you (although will not share personal information with you that is best kept confidential when first beginning a dialogue).  i have suffered many fools on this site, who take and use honesty and truth as something to be walked on, to wipe their feet.  I still believe that without honesty and truth, one cannot succeed in obtaining that ultimate pleasure, a real D/s or M/s relationship. 

A beautiful cold morning, with sunshine, blue skies, and goosebumps!!!!

Just this morning I had an exchange with a person here on CM who asked me for a picture.  I do respect that is how he makes decisions, but for me, it matters more what is inside of the person, their character, integrity, honesty.............not the wrapping.  It is like a present........we don't remember the wrapping paper, but we remember what was inside of the package.  It could have been covered in a cardboard box or newspaper or even snazzy paper, but what we remember was INSIDE!!!  Let me know what is inside, let me feel you inside, and then anything can be possible, even plain brown paper wrapping!!!!

I thought the following was worth re-posting not only as a reminder for me, but also for others.  Trust your instincts people, and if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.  If the other makes threats and tries to "convince" you, it is not working; as ceding control is as natural as breathing with the right person.

There are many, many wonderfully wise sages on this site and others; they are there with no illusions or demands other than to assist in journeys of discovery.  They provide reason and logic, not threats and demands nor disparage your character.  Do not let the bullies deter you from what you were born to be.

Dominants VS Domwannabees

A _Domwannabee_will be rude or abusive, even in his first contact with you.
A Dom will be polite/sociable as they are seeking someone who desires to give them power/control and therefore has no reason to be anything but polite and sociable.

A Domwannabee will tell you what a ‘real’ Dom/sub is, as if he is an ‘authority’ on the subject.
A Dom will direct you to places where you can learn more.

A Domwannabee will try to ‘take’ control.
A Dom will give you the opportunity to give power/control to him. A Dom accepts a power exchange; he doesn't 'take' it since it is something to be 'given' (not 'taken').

A Domwannabee has anger, or uses ‘anger’ as a tool, even before he is in a D/s relationship.
A Dom is in control of himself at all times. If he isn’t then how can he be in control of another? (Does a sub want to be subject to someone’s ‘anger,’ or to they want to subject to their ‘control?’)

A Domwannabee will try to make you fit the mold he has already determined.
A Dom will seek to understand your psychology and needs, and then design a relationship based upon the needs of you both.

Today brings another day of wonderment and learning. This world presents so many opportunities to explore and learn, it makes one anxious to begin the next of life's adventures.
The imagination of possibilities is limitless, allowing for creativity as well as improvement on the known. What a great thing this is that we call life!!!

I read so much about the negatives of many of the people on internet sites, and I too have had my fair share of the scammers and fakes on these sites BUT I have also met some very wise, honest people.  Sometimes it is difficult to weed out the fakes, but when you find the gems within the weeds it makes your day!!!!  And the learning experiences of both are something that helps us grow.

It has been an extraordinary day.  Thank you.

Last night i had an epiphany, I do indeed have a slave heart and was born to serve.  My choices of late have created doubt as to who and what i am.  The last one, asking me to "prove" i am worthy of a collar by spending monies on lavish gifts for him.  This he said would show my dedication, loyalty and devotion.  Or the one who says at 9 o'clock at night, drop everything and come to my hotel room.  Or the one who wants to collar within one week of exchanging e-mails and no face-to-face.   When one balked, was told i am one of talk and no action; not a "real" slave. 

 When one feels another in their core, putting them first, always thinking "is this what Master wants/desires", "how can i grow and serve him better" and the first thought is another day to please Master..................it doesn't get better than that.  And although there are toads out there, i do know that i WAS indeed born with a slave heart, and i will find HIM!!!  And to me, collaring is for life, so it is important to take the time to know and experience the other person.

Sometimes the best action is to move forward and not look back.  If one looks back and continues to rehash and revisit conflict, nothing gets resolved.  Once discussed, it is time to move on, learning and growing from the conflict or issue.

Another day of my journey, and as with those passed, i am learning, not only about tha various forms of BDSM but also about me.  It is a beautiful day, with temperatures in the 70's, working in the garden provides much time to think and re and desires.  i do believe we can impact our destinies, not necessarily change them, but can have an influence on how we achieve them.

Happy Valentine's Day!!!!

This slave's meditation mantra: 

Today and everyday, i will remain steadfastly loyal to Master, i promise to trust, protect, respect, obey, and serve Him, putting Him as the Center of my universe, my existence. i will NEVER be disobedient to Him and will honor Him and that which is His.  I will live every moment of this and every day for Master.  i am and will remain committed to Him for life.i am and will remain committed to Him for life.

Now that i have the shoes, have to work on the legs, so that they wow.  Began my walking/hiking this morning, brrrrrrrrrrrrrr chilly chilly, in the freezing temperatures, with the moon beginning to set in the sky and the stars beginning to fade into the morning sky.  So lovely, the quiet, the serenity, giving one time to think and ponder on what really is important in one's life.  Now have rosy cheeks, and a sore butt (muscle sore, not spankin sore, lol)...........telling me the walk was good for me and the dogs!!!!  i am going to continue, working each day to make it better than the last.  Stay tuned for great calves, thighs and butt!!!!

My journey continues.  Found a cool pair of spike heels yesterday, and they were half off the marked price so were only 10 bucks.  Today is practice day to get used to wearing them again....surprisingly have not fallen and hit the floor yet.  Do have to say tho, they sure make one walk abit differently, and carry self differently.  lol, housework in heels has been VERY interesting but hey, a girl has to keep growing and improving, no?  Probably should have gotten the red pair and tan pair at that price, but did not know if i could manage the height of the heel at my ripe old age!!!!  Perhaps go and see if they are still there today.

"Once a girl truly understands that she is a slave, and there is no escape for her, once she understands it truly, emotionally, categorically, intellectually, physiologically, totally, deeply, profoundly, in every cell in her beautiful body, a fantastic transformation occurs in her. She then knows she is truly a slave. She then becomes wild and free, and sexual, and cares not that she might be scorned by the free either for her miserable condition or helpless appetites; she knows she will be what she must; she has no choice; she is slave" ~Page 55 - Beasts of Gor

People never cease to amaze me.  Life provides us all with experiences, choices, and imagination; it is what we do with those that make us who we are.

Today in a conversation with a Master/Dominant, he made the statement "I just don't understand women or how they think".  I was left dumbfounded, honestly dumbfounded since my definition/understanding of a Master/dominant was they grow to understand the slave/sub even better that he/she does themselves.  If one does not understand women or how they think, and makes this known, why would any sub/slave choose to be with that man, ceding control to "think" and decide for them?

Maybe i need to ponder my expectations and thoughts regarding a Master/Dominant.

It seems so many on here do not take the time to read one's profile nor journal entries before making contact.  It would save so much time as many of the profiles are very specific with regard to what they are looking for, as an example, many are looking for a play partner only, so if that is the case and you are looking for a LTR, TPE you would save yourself time and effort by passing that person by.  Too many just send a blanket e-mail such as "What are you looking for" or a hello, rather than truly seeing if there is a compatibility.  One has no right to complain if there are no responses when the time is not taken to read what the other has written.

As part of helping me in my journey, i keep a journal of my feelings, thoughts, musings, and miscellaneous.  Many times when talking to a dominant they request that i share my journal entries with them and because they are indicating a wish to learn about me, i generally do share the journaling with them.  One of the issues that has popped up with many, is they do not "like" what i have written.  i do not write what i think would please them, i write what i feel, or think.  If i wrote what i thought they wanted to hear, it would not serve any purpose, and in my mind would be lying.

The last time this happened was last week.  i had been speaking to a dominant, who had shared some of his current concerns regarding work, finances, and other things.  Me, being who i am, put in my journal that i was feeling if i entered into a relationship with this dominant, i would add to his burdens rather than ease them.  To me, my purpose is to take some of the burden from a Master so as to ease his concerns.  He took great offense at this..........and even today i am trying to understand.  They were my feelings at the time of the journal, i was not looking for reassurance, was not looking for sympathy, but was feeling that i could not contribute in a way that i would have wanted.  that while i was willing to serve, i would also be adding a financial burden which in turn would add to the work burden rather than ease the two.

i have not changed how i journal, i still put down my thoughts and feelings.  i do not consider my feelings/thoughts right or wrong, so to debate them i will not.  i will however discuss them and if asked attempt to understand why i am feeling or thinking the way i am.

So if you are going to ask me to share my journal with you, please do not expect me to put in words what i think you want to hear, expect me to express my true feelings and thoughts.

Satin, this is for you. I think we both learned a valuable lesson, albeit painful.

 Found on Lokomasti's profile:

Dominants VS Domwannabees

A _Domwannabee_will be rude or abusive, even in his first contact with you.
A Dom will be polite/sociable as they are seeking someone who desires to give them power/control and therefore has no reason to be anything but polite and sociable.

A Domwannabee will tell you what a ‘real’ Dom/sub is, as if he is an ‘authority’ on the subject.
A Dom will direct you to places where you can learn more.

A Domwannabee will try to ‘take’ control.
A Dom will give you the opportunity to give power/control to him. A Dom accepts a power exchange; he doesn't 'take' it since it is something to be 'given' (not 'taken').

A Domwannabee has anger, or uses ‘anger’ as a tool, even before he is in a D/s relationship.
A Dom is in control of himself at all times. If he isn’t then how can he be in control of another? (Does a sub want to be subject to someone’s ‘anger,’ or to they want to subject to their ‘control?’)

A Domwannabee will try to make you fit the mold he has already determined.
A Dom will seek to understand your psychology and needs, and then design a relationship based upon the needs of you both.

Just venting here, but folks, do not put the zipcode of "where" you would like to be; put the zipcode of where you actually are.  And if there is someplace you would like to be, put willing to relocate as well as look for that special one by filtering on that location.  If one is looking for local or close-by, it can be quite a surprise to learn you are 14,000 miles away and are looking to relocate.  While not a deal breaker, it would factor into the possibilities and plan for time together since cannot just meet for coffee or lunch.

Just a thought.

Another day has dawned, full of hope and inspiration, and if one focuses on possibilities, dreams can come true.  White doves can fly in the rain, and olive trees relish the rain that cleans their branches and seeps to the roots allowing the tree to expand its girth and reach.

What a lovely beginning, the white dove has kept me under his wing, and there is what appears to be an olive tree not too far ahead.  Once we get closer, we will be able to identify if indeed the leaves and branches are those of an olive tree.

Oh Joy..............

What a thrill, while i get many comments on my journal entries and profile, today someone wrote to ask me if they may repost my journal entry on differing definitions on anothe website.  What a nice compliment!!!

The other day i was having a conversation that became rather heated with a dominant who believed in poly, but did not define his current living situation as poly. i have always been one to shy away from a poly situation, but as he became more agitated, it became clear the dissention was not due to the term "poly" but in its form. When i look at poly, my definition is any household with more than one slave, sub and/or dominant, regardless of type of service or power exchange. Thus a house with two dominants to me is a poly household.
His definition was more related to polyamory or poligamy, which meant there had to be sexual intimacy between all of the players in the household before one could call it a "poly" household.  Because he did not have a sexual relationship with one of his slaves, he did not consider his household would be poly if i joined.
He was very determined to convince me of the errors of my ways.  So lesson learned for me is, ask what the term means to the other before engaging in a long protracted discussion, sometimes with hurtful words being said.

And, in the long run, if one becomes Another's property/slave, then the issue would be moot given it is the Master that makes the decisions not the slave.  However, prior to leaping into a situation it is very wise to ask questions so one is well aware of everything prior to commiting.

It is difficult to communicate feelings and bonds on-line, through the written word.  So easily can words get misconstrued because we all come into this with different backgrounds and different experiences.  One may think they are expressing their devotion and their need to serve, while the other sees it as something else.  Words get said, information shared to promote intimacy and trust, that in anger, get thrown back in disdain.  After such, it is difficult to regain trust.

This morning in a fit of frustration, an angry dominant threw back at me a horrible experience i had recently with a sick person posing as a dominant.  He said i deserved it.  My experience with this sick person was not unique, as others too had experienced him, as i learned too late, and too did not escape unscathed.  In this pique of temper, so much harm was done, and so much lost; it is so sad. 

Thoughts of late have centered on what could i contribute other than my dedication, obedience and service to a Master.  I have nothing to offer other than me.  I read where slaves and subs come to a Master offering gifts and ways to help him accomplish his dreams/goals and implement his ideas.   i have but one offering, and that is my devotion to his happiness and i do wonder if that will be enough.

a slave "cannot be owned if [it] it cannot be seen, because the Master cannot exercise ownership of what He doesn't know about. And, at least for now, i believe that He cannot master me if i am hiding from Him in any way. In fact, to the extent that i can hide myself from the Master, i am not surrendering to Him. By hiding something, anything, i undermine His power and my respect for Him-essentially, i castrate Him (figuritively, of course) without His even knowing it and, simultaneously, sabotage my surrender. Ball cutting slaves are the undoing of Masters. For me, my secrets keep Him from knowing me and from having me entirely. He cannot see into my mind unless is is transparent to Him. And it is my job t make and keep it transparent."  slaveCraft (© 2002), by "a grateful slave"

A confused slave came before a wise Master who adored her. She felt that to submit to him would mean she would open her heart to unbearable pain should he ever leave her. She hungered for him and needed him, but was ready to walk away in panic.

The gentle Master knelt her before him and started a tale of love and devotion. As she looked up at him his arms began to widen and open like a large tree stretches its branches to the sky. At that moment the Master appeared rooted to the floor and his impressive size towered above her like a giant tree. Then he began to speak...

I'm here for you... now and always no matter how far time and space takes us... Whether you walk away from me today or you stay and serve me I will not turn from you. I am as patient as time itself; I will take not from you unless you give freely and completely of yourself, but I give onto you regardless-- for my love is unconditional...

Like the olive tree that can both feed you and shade you, I am there seemingly eternal to your short life on this earth. If you need my fruit to feed your hunger I will give you all the fruit you need. If your skin grows dry and loses its luster, the oil from my fruit will restore it and make it glisten. When you need comfort my leaves will gently caress your face with the slightest breeze. When you need discipline my branches will correct you when the wind blows strong. If you just need my shade to protect you from the sun, my branches will shade and protect you. If you need warmth at night my fallen branches will fuel the fire to keep you warm and safe. If you need a refreshing breeze my leaves will fan you and cool you. You are my gardener.

When you submit to me, you tend that which keeps me vibrant and full of life. When you kneel under me and till the soil, you give breath to my roots. When you water me, my sap flows strong through me raising my limping Branches. When you soil yourself collecting fertilizer with your bare hands, you strengthen and humble me with your devotion. Although my life will go on, life would not be the same without you.

Your dedication and unconditional care for me keeps me vibrant and nurtures my very core. The sustenance and protection I give you seems little reward for your servitude. Still the gardener serves the tree from her heart and the tree gives to her heart all that he can!

I am planted firmly on the ground and cannot follow you if you walk away from me.... But be assured I will survive. One hundred years later and two of your lifetimes; I will still be there, waiting for you in the same spot to offer you all that I do now.

Stay with me and be my gardener. You cannot get lost in me for we are complementary to each other. I am your devotion, and you give meaning to my existence. Apart we live life and survive; together we bloom eternally!

As the Master finished his last words the slave cried herself to sleep at his feet. That night, he stood planted there like the Olive tree offering her his unconditional love and protection as she slept. As she would tend to him with her devotion the next day... and everyday thereafter!

I  just  "read" the Slave and the Olive Tree.  It is so appropriate for a D/s or M/s relationship.  I want to put my hand in that of the white dove so He can lead me to the olive tree and my dreams can come true.

 "Tell me, white dove, where will I find the olive tree?
For just one branch I'd search my whole life through.
I've heard them say a greener land is waiting there,
Where people wake and find their dreams come true.
High flying dove, please lead me and I'll follow you,
Above the clouds, beyond the stormy sea.
I long to share a world of sweet contentment there,
In that bright land where grows the olive tree.


So let me fly, please lead me and I'll follow you,
Above the clouds, beyond the stormy sea.
I long to share a world of sweet contentment there,
In that bright land where grows the olive tree."

I wish people would take the time to read a profile before sending an e-mail.  This morning a submissive man wrote to me saying we were a match; had he taken the time to read my profile, it would have given him a clue that we were not a match.

Another man wrote and said we seemed to have a lot in common, but he needed a picture to make sure.  Interesting that he doesn't give a hoot about discussing what we may have in common, before asking to see a picture.  If we have nothing in common, then there is no need to exchange pictures.  I want to know you, what makes you tick, what your thoughts and needs and wants are............i am looking for a connection with your spirit, soul, and mind............and then body.

 It takes two people to make or break a relationship, and issues are generally a result of the two people having differences, not one.  Blaming and bullying one to get them to "admit" they are wrong and you are right is not D/s or M/s, it is bullying.

Both have to decide if compromise is a possibility or if the issue arose because of an action or inaction of the other, then think how each may have contributed.  It is difficult to talk about issues if one or the other does not take responsibility for their part in whatever it is.  Very seldom does an issue arise due to the sole actions of one.

One fundamental requirement is honesty, as without that, one cannot have trust.  Doms and Masters can be wrong as can slaves and subs, both make mistakes, and by taking responsibility, the trust and love grow; with bullying and denial, trust and love wither.

Well, the profile went poof, caput so will have to repost.  For those of you that have sent well wishes regarding my health, thank you.  I am fully recovered and each day strive towards a healthier me. 

Have been working on getting well.  This illness has gotten the best of me, but in a way it is my own doing (or should I say undoing).  One cannot serve a Master when not in good health so the focus is getting healthy so I can again be what I was meant to be.

The last few days have been full of life events that no one can predict.  These type of happenings can either make or break a fragile relationship.  Supporting through the tough times can be something as simple as "i am here for you" or other actions showing your attachment to one another.

Life does continue, albeit changed slightly.........

It has been a rough few days.  i thought at last i had found One to explore the possibilities of a future with.  Turned out not to be.  Sometimes it is difficult to not questions one's judgment but as an wise Master says, on the internet, anyone can act but it takes some time to discover the truths.  i value honesty, integrity, and respect for oneself and others. ....for without those, there is no future.

my mind, body and spirit are doing cartwheels, knowing there are Ones out there that truly do understand and know this is not a choice for some, but a natural state of being.  Necessary just as the air and water are vital to life.  It is a pleasure to find and have the pleasure of corresponding with them. 

This is not a choice for me, but it is who and what i am.  When around one with a dominant soul, i fall into the seemingly instinctual submissive role.  It is not something i turn off and on, but something that just is; kind of like the sun coming up in the mornings.

There is a difference between loving kink and abuse.  Just because someone may have pissed in your cheerios does not mean that you should abuse your partner in my opinion.  Kink for the pleasure of both is acceptable, but slapping around because you have had a bad day is just plain abuse, no different than the vanilla world abuse.  Get a punching bag to take your anger out on, it should never be directed at your partner nor should it ever be couched as "Play".

Good Morning World.   The day is beginning with a fantastically cool morning, with a hint of clouds.  What a nice start to a day of adventure and exploration.

i am surprised at  the number of persons who seek immediate obedience and those who within the first two e-mails ask for a nude body shot.  If that is your wish, i am sure you will find some that will concede, however i am not one.  Once a picture is sent to anyone, it cannot be retrieved, and i think many would be amazed at where some of the pictures seem to end up.

The vultures came and roosted in the canopy of trees when sunset was near.  The fluttering of the wings, broke the silence of the air.  It was time to get the campfire set to go, to ward off the chill of the evening.  Sitting around the fire, hearing the crackling of the wood as it succumbs to the flames, feeling the warmth of the fire on my face.

When night fell, i heard the owls hooting in the night while sitting by the campfire.  Initially i was startled, but upon hearing the hoooooo, it was very comforting.  Perhaps they were telling me it was time for bed.

It does the spirit good to be comforted by the sounds of nature around us, not interupted by cars, people, or other man-made noise.

It is an unusual winter here, with temps near 80 and sunny skies.  Perfect camping, fishing, hiking, and kayaking weather.  Also great for picking pecans in the wilds.

Almost cold enough for ice fishing........i wish. 

Love is part of the deal......Masters and slaves can fall in love, it does not mean there is not the power exchange.