as an intrepid soul and romantic, i have been on the prowl for my future Ma'am. like many out there i have tried being online, in person, on the town (in my case, as a service slave, its really been more in the kitchen...) and i have experienced much that i hope others may find helpful or at least a bit humorous.

this past year, i have been approached and propositioned to :

serve as an ATM (i do work and believe that i should be self supporting. as a slave, i wish to get my finances in order so a Ma'am would not have to deal with a mess, but send you thousands just because???)

be trained to have no opinion or thoughts of mine own (i am educated by way of the school of hard knocks and also possess a peice of paper that declares i can jump through hoops. brainless is not my forte. i strive to make good choices as they reflect on myself and would on a Ma'am.)

be part of a scenario involving child abuse (i couldn't even respond to that one, i was so appalled. ...i have learned through my adventures that i would love Another's child as mine own, would not replace the existing parental structure, and have mastered the phrase--your Mother is always right. it is best to be a 100% supportive of a single Mom as they go through a lot--and the good cop/bad cop thing hadn't worked for me in an M/s construct...)

be bisexual and shared immediately (i am upfront in any of my profiles and dealings with O/others that i am gay. not a gold star but really and truely gay. i can't help it. i am hardwired that way--the same as how i am a slave. i make no bones about it nor do i hide that i am looking for a position as one who is loved, cherished, and wants to be kept around. while its not everyone's kink and some might find it boring, its really me. why on earth do people not read?)

be taught to f*ck donkeys, dogs, horses, and pigs (be still my beating heart, They found me out... sadly, i am not referring to the furry People ones but actual animals. cruelty to animals makes this relatively mild mannered slave want to strangle people and not in a fun way. i would never participate in any of these activities.)

be branded, pierced, and tattooed immediately (without foreplay, sign me up.)

be willing to commit crimes (while some sexual laws are a touch outdated, i have no desire to commit fraud or get involved with anything that is immoral or illegal. i feel that i best serve as an above board, squeaky clean kind of person--that can go to bed with myself every nite.)

have been unwilling to share basic details about their lives (i am a believer in connection, in taking time to know Someone, about learning Their preferences, how They think, about Their desires--so i can not only do a better job serving Them but so i can grow as a person and carry on intelligent conversation. i really want to know detailed opinions, what the title of the book You are reading, where You'd go if money were of no consequence... it may seem minor but for me it is a trust building and connection developer.)

come for an out of state visit without providing me to verify an identity (this last one is scary, i have heard stories of trusting s types like me ending up in peices in a 55 gallon drum. all P/people need to be safe. if W/we converse for a while and agree to have a visit, i am happy to provide a copy of my driver's license and references that have known me in person, that have let me serve at a party in their home, or let me do things for them all without incident--after i have done my vetting. i would expect the same from the D type should They not be in my circle of Friends or my Friend's Friends. People have driver's licenses and passports or can get them, this is 2012...)

i do not participate in the above mentioned activities because i have determined that i am worth more. i am worth Someone to love me and appreciate all that i do and all that i could be trained to do. if given the chance, i could be that friend that listens after You have had a tough day, that will show up at an unGodly hour to carry out a task because i promised to do so, that does not need Anyone to be any more than a human, that would care about Someone more knowing both Their successes and failings...

this slave does believe that my Ma'am is out there and that all of these lessons will make me more grateful for Her. let's all hope that She has a big yard for me to work on, maybe more than one bathroom to clean, lots of tall boots to lick, and the gusto to enjoy smacking me around after a good days work. :)

i have been blessed so much in my journey thus far by meeting a few encouraging Dominants. While we were not matches, They have offered guidance, some laughs, and humanity. Those Dominants have given me continued hope that i, while i am not what They are looking for at this time, seem to be on the right path… i am grateful for the love that They have shown me—as we are all looking for love, whether that be for one night, one clean toilet, or one lifetime…

i know that what i desire—a *gasp* lifetime connection encorporating equal weighting to both vanilla and the kink is not high on most People’s list. Yep, this quirky girl with glasses and excessive energy wants to marry her Owner and longs for a house with a white picket fence and a dungeon in the basement. Who knows maybe dogs (i am a good lesbian, really) or the proverbial 2.4 kids are in my future????

 As these desires for monogamy seem to become increasingly nontraditional in a poly world, i have decided to take equally nontraditional action. I have placed an ad in match.com unabashedly advertising bdsm in the tag line. Yes, match.com has a whole section for gays and lesbians… however, it is very, very vanilla place.

 In my current experiment, i am testing the concept of vanilla twisting. i could be a good starter slave for a new Dominant. i am non-threatening, semi- experienced, personable, and would blend into any grocery store. Thus far, the results have been pretty dismal. i may be able to befriend an interesting trans Person and have written with One other with no experience whatso ever. i am concerned that my experiment has a flawed basis, in that i seek a very skewed power balance—would working with a brand new Dominant tip the balance of power into a undesirable place? i suppose only time will tell, should it even get that far…

 i feel strongly that I must throw my net out far and wide; to really be willing to swim to either shore and know that i have tried my best to find Her. i am not sure what the future holds for me, but as always it will be a grand experiment. Thank You, fellow travelers, for joining me on this adventure.