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Dum spiro, spero = While I breathe, I hope.
My name is Wren. I'm here to find a primary partner. I'm prepared to search the world to find the right person.
Like most people, I'm uncomfortable labeling myself. I'm male, but I don't think of myself as a man. I'm something not lying on any axis. I've considered using the pronoun "they". I have a grace and softness to me, and feminine energy. Whether I'm in a submissive or dominant headspace, I retain that feeling of softness in my voice and actions. It's probably safe to say I'm queer. The adjective people most often use to describe me is "pretty", and I'm frequently assumed to be a dancer.
I am also uncomfortable labeling myself submissive. It is not my essence. With some play partners I switch. With some play partners, I top/dom only. But in serious romantic relationships, I gravitate towards a submissive role. And if I top in those relationships, I do it in a submissive way, such as loving rope topping and body worship.
I believe that in my ideal relationship, I am submissive all the time. More than just a personality trait, that represents a dynamic: protocol and customs and power exchange that pervade not only play but also day-to-day life. I do not have a preconceived notion of what this dynamic looks like, and it's not something I believe can be planned in advance. It's for us to decide as our relationship evolves. Our dynamic and our rules will be a tribute to us.
That ideal relationship involves power exchange, sadism, love, sex, and equality of rights and respect.
power exchange.
What I crave more than anything else is the feeling of being "Yours." How can I describe that feeling? It's a feeling in my throat and tummy. It feels like falling asleep with your arm around me. It feels like your fingers in my hair. It feels like sitting in the passenger seat while you accelerate. It feels like kneeling in front of you and hearing a padlock click. All play and protocol supports that feeling.
I want to be your pet and your toy. I want to yield to you. I want to feel owned.
But at the same time, I necessarily own myself. I am strong, resilient, proud, assertive, intelligent, and skilled. I serve you because I love you. I love you because you are strong too. If you own me, does that make us opposites? No. It makes us of the same essence. Soulmates, intertwining, striving always for more, deeper, higher.
For me D/s has this central paradox. The seeming conflict between our equality and inequality, between holding my head high and kneeling low. I serve you, yes, but you serve me also, as an owner cares for and physically treasures a pet. I challenge myself for you, and push myself for you, but I want to challenge you and push you ever higher as well.
I don't yet understand how to resolve this conflict, or what it all means. I know in my heart this relationship can exist, even if it seems impossible.
I will give you everything. When I say ownership, I mean it. I will give you my body and mind, fully.
At that time, play will no longer be framed in terms of limits, consent, or my desires. Yet I trust that I will be happier than ever, that I will be respected and safe, that I will know I am loved. Even if you put me through hell.
sadism.
Even if you put me through hell.
TBC.
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It goes without saying that all posted pictures are of me. I fancy myself a porn star.
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