rubberxslut

Evolving switch cross-dresser looking for playmates. I go into more below, but I'm into bondage, power exchange, online submission and dominance, and have certain spot in my heart for fetish wear - be it leather, latex, pvc, datex, or other variations. If you love these things - drop me a note. I would love to meet you.

I'm straying from my origin. You see, up until recently, I thought I was a dominant heterosexual male that enjoyed tying, teasing, and tormenting my playmates. In this role, I eventually found collarspace and met several people online. Rather than just chat or play purely in the theater of the mind, I started providing self-bondage and domination sessions for submissives online. I would write out instructions and require my playmate to write back with their deion of what happened - their thoughts, their feelings, their experience with the session - in essence telling the story of what happened from dressing, to binding, to "suffering", to escaping, and occasionally their reflections. I chose this over photos or video as I thought of it as a way to protect them from undesired exposure.

About a year ago, i discovered that one of my submissives was lying to me. She was writing stories about the experience that were untrue. I had a sense that this might be happening as things didn't really add up at times. So, I decided to do my own experiment. I had toyed previously with self-binding to test more complex scenarios, but didn't need them as most designs were pretty simple (ice release, crawl to the key, etc). The one i questioned was also relatively simple - a chain of releases that eventually would allow her to be freed combined with a crawl. The design? Wrists cuffed and locked behind her back, ankles cuffed and locked together, a moderate length of chain between the wrist cuffs and a locked chain around her waist. The key to the lock for the wrists to the waist was in another room, the ankle cuffs and her ankle boots promised a crawl. The next set of keys were positioned high up in the original room - so to get the keys that would allow her to release her wrists required that she stand up and reach up over her head.

According to my submissive, the experience was great, she experienced all the things I had intended her to experience, including the toy supported orgasm. But her story just didn't feel right. So, I decided to try the experience myself. To make it feel more realistic (and maybe because there was an underlying curiosity), I put on a leather skirt that I had bought a playmate some years ago that never went with her and a pair of heels that I also had kept for a possible future playmate.

I learned two things that night. My submissive was lying to me. The crawl to the first key went fine as did unlocking my wrists from the waist chain. But due to the length of the actual heels and how both sets of cuffs were locked together (no chain between, just the lock hasp), it was impossible to get the cuffs over the tips of the heels. I was lucky, I was wearing pumps, so I could slide them off and get my wrists over my feet and make it, swearing the whole time, back to the first room to release my wrists and retrieve the keys to the ankles and the locks to the cuffs themselves.

The second thing I learned, based on the residue I left inside the skirt, was that I enjoyed the experience. This confused me and after confronting the submissive by asking deeper questions about her experience to learn that she didn't have any issues during the experience - getting her to confess her dishonesty - I switched to reflect on my own experience and reaction.

This reflection went on and on and on. And in a moment of inspiration, I figured I could burn this out of my system. So I planned a week of self-bondage and submission and since I had found wearing the leather skirt so pleasing withe heels, I went all in with purchases of leather and latex to wear. The thought would be that I would explore this and in the end, discover that I didn't have a submissive bone in my body and that is was a fluke. As the first purchases were made and the delays in delivery of the outfits, I continued to ruminate on the desire. One latex outfit became two. Leather joined the pile as did additional restraints and a couple of sex toys. I figured in for a penny, in for a pound and since the thought of being used anally is something I find extremely humiliating, I bought a couple of vibrator plugs. That was joined by a cock shapped gag - again humiliation.

The week eventually came where I could take off from work and really explore this. By the end of the nine-day experience, I had not burnt out the desire. It served as an appetizer for a new need - to be bound and submit while cross-dressed in leather or latex. Pamela was born and she has taken over much of my life - invading my dreams, my thoughts, and driving me to distraction. 

I also have learned that the dominant side of me has not left. He still exists. But I've also learned that Pamela has developed a similar taste at times. And so, Pamela still goes shopping and is looking for playmates. But sometimes she wants her toy to do the submitting. Most of the time, she still craves to be bound and used.