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Life has a funny way of throwing curves to those that think they have it figured. I was raised in a conservative family in the midwest, and dated one or two girls before finding my "one" in college," who later decided that I wasn't the right guy. It happens. I'm divorced, and happy with the direction that life is taking me.
I am a unique person, and I guess I should start with personality. I am an INTJ, so I am empathetic and introverted, at least until you get to know me. I am dominant, and I can do some scenes from 50 shades of grey without blinking an eye...maybe that is because I am a guy. I love dom/sub dynamics, but I can switch that off in real life. It isn't about being mean, it is about an interplay of personality. It is beautiful when it is done the right way.
Some people have a problem with me being tall, and I guess that is a good thing with some drawbacks. It always makes me easy to find me in a crowd, so I am not one to "blend in" but at the same time it is easy to find me at a club:) I don't necessarily think it is a big deal, but some guys with Napoleon complexes sometimes have an issue with it...so for the most part, I don't do the bar scene...opting for the more intimate setting of a small family restaurant or a sports bar that isn't too crowded.
I find I am attracted most to women that have to explore themselves, and have ideas of careers outside the home. I am attracted to intelligent, but not the super egotistic kind that seem to be readily available in almost all the ivory tower systems in the world. Being able to read Keats or Browning, and understanding the play of words is a plus, but it is not necessary. Reading latin is great, and I can relate to you, but I don't have to have that. I do have to have a person that is real and likes to smile and live life in the little moments. I can walk through the forest trails near my home, and identify 10 different species of oak, but that is ok if you don't, I think it is great that you are you and I am me...it is what we do together that would matter most. What is it you want to do together?
I am very easygoing, and approachable. I think my experiences have made me a better teacher in a lot of ways, so I think I am pretty good at helping the newly interested explore their interests. There are protocols(rules) that probably should be followed, and it is more a training of the mind than the actual activity. Think of submission as a meeting of the minds. There is a big difference between slave and submissive, and I would say that both have their benefits, and I can and have done both, but I would say I prefer a submissive over slave relationship. I hope you find what you are seeking, and thanks for reading my introduction:)
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Finally, back in school. My courses are like a weird mix for some reason. I think it is because i am considered an advanced undergrad or grad entry level. Anyhow, technology has changed a lot lately, so my advisor recommended taking a technology class...and it seems like a lot of busy work. I mean, I don't mind sitting at a computer for 3 hours doing busy work...I live for it after all, as long as it pays the bills. But, to be honest, I think I am happiest when I am in the library, searching through rows of books that noone has ever opened. Volumes of laws and opinions of judges, and articles about things that are obscure, yet strangely relevant to society today. I mean, who could imagine a smart car getting hacked and caused to wreck? Israeli intelligence, that's who. How strange is that? Why would you want to make a smart car wreck? If there is a lawsuit, is the Israeli responsible for the damages? How do you address this in the court system? Anyhow, the things that get me intrigued, are the things that noone has seen or tried to explain before...and it somehow gets me through school.
Relationships are fun, but sometimes it is interesting to step back and think about the things that noone has thought about in a while. What is it about male dominance that gets women so mad? It isn't denying them education...OK...there was a generation of that. But why do women get so angry when they hear about a straight guy in a dom/sub relationship with a girl that really likes the dynamic? It might get rough once in a while, but only for a short time..then it is more a companionship...sort of a tolerance. I can get that...I get my easel, and my paints out...head to the beach...and everyone gets their alone time...what is the problem with her having her girlfriend over and going to the mall for a new pair of shoes...and drinking lattes and laughing about silly things...and then at night...everyone cuddles up and stays warm(bonfire or fireplace optional)....and maybe watches the news...or reads a book. Sounds like a plan to me.
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I think I am going for a new record. Two entries in one day is a pretty good day for me. I have a confession to make. I lived with a lesbian for about five months and it was interesting. I don't think a poly household is a bad thing, and there was definitely no sexual activity. I was between apartments and this lady was a kind soul, and took in the neighborhood strays until they could thrive on their own again. There was a straight female roommate, and her older boyfriend who sort of lived with her on an and off, and the lesbian who owned the house, and then there was me. I was pretty boring compared to them, I guess because I had always just lived with guys as roommates. We had our own bathrooms, and shared the kitchen duties...and it was pretty cool. I don't know that we ever had any serious or heavy discussions. She would sometimes have a girlfriend that stayed over ...and she was a little of an exhibitionist...she came out one morning in a bra and panties..and she had a nice body. The lesbian, seeing that I liked it, smiled and nodded at her...and said, " You like? " It was about the strangest conversation I think we had ever had...but there was no harm ...no faul. I guess it was also interesting. I don't think she was jealous...she sort of saw it as her friend was as desirable to her as a lesbian as a to me a straight guy.. I thought it was interesting. I knew that I would never date her friend...she had too many issues, but I could see her as sexually attractive. I had to get out on my own, since I was dealing with a divorce, and the arrangement could be bad for me if my ex wanted to make a big deal about it, but it was interesting for a few months. I would love to really see this as a cool arrangement in a poly household...not necessarily as a sexual housing arrangement where everyone had to be in a relationship...but if the mood hit...or someone had an interest in practicing bondage or some sort of kinky play without it being anything but friends...it could be fun.
Most poly households don't seem to be highly evolved...someone gets jealous or someone has a conflict with another roommate..not much different from a dorm ...and the cat fights that ensue unless there is a strong presence of authority there....(BTW...I've been a dorm geek before too...and that involved female dorms...not for the meek:)_I think there would have to be an understanding of rules going in. Everyone has a round in the kitchen...no matter haw unskilled...or skilled. Everyone gets a round at the trash...or the dishes. There have to be predetermined rules...and then things run smoothly. I totally don't think it has anything to do with hetero or bi or lesbian. The rules have to be thought ful...and sometimes dynamic if the situation is dramatically changed, but set in stone enough that the discussion is more about what is happening instead of how do we solve this problem.
I always thought it would be cool to have a house with everyone paying rent...and signing a contract at the onset, so it is legitimate as a roommate situation. The main role of the house is just a place of shelter from the world...everyone pursues their career or education.Of course, to minimize conflicts, there has to be a living space for everyone...I think most housing issues are from overcrowding. Of course there always is the option for the dungeon in the basement...and a vanilla picket white fence in the front. Just a thought. |
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Thinking about the way I feel about bondage and kink, I think I probably should define the ways that I feel toward the different facets. I am a big voyeur..meaning,I think most guys like visual teasing...meaning they love seeing nipples poking through white t-shirts, panties or bikinis with camel toe...it is the way the media markets to us poor guys. We are the victims of being wired for sex. Magazines are good at seeing this and getting us to buy the fantasy...Playboy, for instance, uses models to suggest the hint of sexuality, but they keep us strung along as we flip pages, until we finally get to the eye candy. The eye candy, usually is a tasteful nude...with some sort of image that ties male to female sexuality...a beautiful girl in a man's dress shirt without any panties..for instance.
When I think of bondage, I think of women that love or enjoy being the of attention...exposed and vulnerable. There may be a sexual component to it...and being vulnerable, not able to resist the advances. That is a power dynamic...an element in a lot of the dom/sub relationship that is exciting, if that is your thing. The female is unable to control who sees her or takes advantage of her, hopefully it is with someone that she has a level of trust.
The trust is another element of the dom/sub dynamic. Before anything becomes a relationship or a play scene, there has to be a level of trust. You can't become comfortable or vulnerable to a person that you don't trust. That is a big part of the dom/sub dynamic. Safewords are there for a reason...usually a traffic light analogy. Red is for stop...do not pass go...cease and desist everything. Something isn't right!!!! Yellow is a let's slow this down...chat a bit to find out what isn't working....be careful..it might be hurting...and Green is all systems go.
There are other forms of dom/sub play. I love a more primal form of fun...sometimes bondage and being tied up takes too much time. It is more a mindset. I think the analogy of a submissive letting her dom that she is available for play. There may be a set of posturing...like a gorean slave's position. (see www.goreanpalaces.com/blog/category/training/gorean-slave-positions-btb/) . There is also a moderate medium where a playful sub can let her guy know that she is interested in his attention...and he might enjoy being a part of it. That can include starddling him while he is trying to get the game controller out of his hand and pay attention to his playmate, or teasing him while he is trying to talk to his boss on the phone...you can draw your own ideas using imagination. It is fluid and can be sexual or can be just dom/sub, depending.
Attention, trust, submission, and maybe sexuality can all be a elements of a healthy dom/sub play scene or relationship. The elements can be made set in stone, like a protocol or rule. They can also be changed as the need requires. My personal experience, is that time constraints sometimes determine the amount of play. If I only have two hours for lunch, and I am coming home to eat, it takes me ten minutes to get from work to home and vice versa, I only have an hour and forty minutes. SO, if you are preplanning the scene or play...you can eat a sandwich while she is teasing her way into your heart. Her efforts are not going to go unnoticed...so giving her attention first...and then as you both warm up...you can move into the submission...and even sexuality dynamics.
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Education, no matter how old you are, is a lifelong thing that I find sexy and fulfilling. I don't care if it is a class on cutting hair, flower arrangements, throwing a clay bowl, or an advanced treatise on grain use in China. It is a process...and it requires thought and growth. It starts with who you are and where you are, and it helps you with a path of study to become who you want to be. Who is it you want to be? I love finding out new things...my online class, on writing legalese for a lawyer...is pretty cut and dry, but there are a lot of rules..and to do it right, I have to take two classes. The process has taught me a lot.
I had a friend who had an apartment next to me and her boyfriend wanted her to get a job right off the bat...and she didn't have any skills except what she had learned in high school. She wanted to get a career in a law firm...and her boyfriend, not always looking down the road, wanted to get married and start a family. She started a secretary training program at our local community college, and then during her internship, they broke up. She got a nice job at a law firm, and they had great benefits and tuition reimbursement, and she got the tuition reimbursement plan to go back to school. She wanted to learn to be an accountant. She worked a few years, taking classes in the evenings. I'd see her coming home as I was going to work for third shift...and she'd wave once in a while.
She was a very normal girl...but she always kept looking for new opportunities to learn, which I thought was really cool. The last time I saw her, she had gotten her real estate license and a college degree in accounting, and was selling million dollar houses. Pretty cool. It just depends on what you want to do...and I thought it was cool I had known her.
I think the same thing is true of BDSM. You start without knowing you want to learn something, but you see something you like, and you want to try it or learn more about it, and then you start to find other people that are into the same thing that know a little about it, and you start to learn things. It isn't overnight, but you are thoughtful...looking up articles and doing the work looking for things on it, and you start to meet the people you like to hang out with that have the same or similar interests. I don't say I know a lot of stuff on tying Japanese rope bondage, but I have learned a few things on tying...and it is because I took a class. Nothing too hard...just how to make a few knots and the way to do it to make a single column or double column row of knots...and it is fun to try...if you have a lot of time to sit and work on it. LOL. I think I prefer the fuzzy cuffs with a buckle or velcro..it is easier and faster:) Those of you that have short attention spans might appreciate that....ok...that's all for now. Staying warm and smiling at my emails. Feel free to send a note. |
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I have been working with our local community college in the computer labs for a while, and I learned a lot from watching the most efficient students. They always begin with a plan. They don't log into a computer without a specific outline of what it is they are there to do. I noticed the older students were especially good at this. They all had their syllabus and their class notes in front of them when they turned on the computer. Some were single parents, so they knew that they only had a few hours to work on the assignment. When you are faced with that kind of pressure, you learn to work more efficiently...beginnging with the end in mind. Why can't we as bdsm enthusiasts do something similar. We want to learn more about BDSM. The bondage thing is just a small piece of the puzzle. It is more an attitude...the beginning is in the domestic world. A domestically inclined person, a person that is geared to run a household is already learning the basic skills of serving if that is your dynamic. You can learn to cook by watching videos online...culinary skills...isn't it nice to fix a home cooked meal for your boyfriend or husband when he comes home from work? Do you know how to peel a carrot, or slice a potato to make mashed potatoes. The basics of cooking are a good starting point for those that are learning to make their own "recipes" for life. A recipe or a cook book tells us the ingredients and we see the end in sight when we follow a formula. I gues s that is the best way for me to say that is how my grandfather and grandmother did it. She knew he was a little rough around the edges...but he was also a good guy once you got past the tough exterior.
It is the ingredients of the dynamic...what is it you are trying to cook up? Domestic slave can easily be a pleasure giving kajira or submissive, depending on the amount of kink you want. Do you have a kit of things you use regularly for your exploratory times? A basic minimum is a good bottle of lube...condoms...and at least one type of kinky thing that takes you to the "zone", like you would when you walk into a computer lab at a community college. I have a silk blindfold, a soft fuzzy , some soft leather restraining cuffs, and a suede flogger...for thot little stinging action. I could easily do a scene from 50 Shades...but it isn't about cruel or sadism...it is about building trust...and learning to feel and sense without being able to see ...feeling is a good start. The time commitment is also important. There is no reason to use time wastefully. A reinforcement schedule for learning new skills takes effort. An hour or two a day is sufficient to start with...if you want to learn protocols...like kajira or pleasure slave...you learn the basic positions...and brush up on the Norman Gor series. Reading and learning go hand in hand, so that is also a good idea...submissives can learn as well by reading some good quality reading assignments. Send notes if you are interested in hearing more...I'll try to help out as I can. Take care, respect yourself, be safe...and thanks for reading my posts.
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ROMANCE in COLOR
Valentine's Day is right around the corner and most people are scrambling around to find those special things for their romantic interests. Things like flowers and candy top the list, but what about the most basic of things...the color of love?
What is the color of love? Is it red? Does red trigger a romantic feeling? I personally love the lighter colors, like champagne or a delicate off white. It evokes images of candles and bubbles, silky or satiny sheets, garter belts, lacy underwear, etc. What is it about the color that causes us to associate a feeling with the color? Is it something we have experienced in a past romantic situation? Is it something that visually cues us into a heightened feeling of sexual energy? Or is it just sophisticated marketing campaigns by advertising agencies for companies like Victoria's Secret or Sephora?
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