So here is my approach: I either like someone or I don't. Period. Protocol, kinky sex, and hot, BDSM fantasies don't mean a damn thing if I don't like someone and therefore this is my yardstick for measuring compatible partners. Sure, there are compatibilities in terms of activities and play, but if I don't like someone and do not have trust in them as a person, everything else is immaterial.
Kinksters often get caught up with questions like "should I, shouldn't I, how should we, is it acceptable to, should a dominant behave as thus, should a submissive behave some other way, etc.". I really couldn't care less how someone else thinks I should conduct my BDSM relationships. Like I said, when it comes to partners, I either like and trust someone or I don't. In terms of BDSM, finding someone with similar interests isn't that hard - I mean, we all tend to advertise these things point blank in our profiles. Therefore, what I look for is a partner who inspires me, someone with whom I feel comfortable, and most importantly, someone with whom I can communicate. If all these things are in place, the BDSM stuff usually works itself out rather well.
Perhaps I'm overly simplifying things, but I really don't think so. If anything, kinky people tend to overly complicate issues of courting by mistakenly thinking that BDSM roles negate the need for courtesy, kindness, respect, and plain old vanilla attraction. In my mind, nothing is further from the truth. Friendship, trust, lust, and (hopefully) love are pretty good indicators of how you feel about someone and how compatible they are with you. In other words, no amount of BDSM protocol and prowess compensates for deficiency in areas of human compatibility.
