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foxydoxy
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MRodrig910
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| Edit: Good lord I just got back and I'm already having to edit? seriously? *sigh* okay one was my fault. I'm not interested in anyone over 35. Period. second, I'm going to say this now, it will be repeated. if you miss it, it's your own fault and you just fail at reading comprehension and I would probably want to smack you anyways. IN MY PROFILE THERE IS SOMETHING YOU SHOULD PUT IN YOUR FIRST MESSAGE TO LET ME KNOW YOU HAVE READ MY PROFILE. IT SAYS "PUT THIS IN YOUR FIRST MESSAGE" IT IS STUPID OBVIOUS. It is not a subtle hint about "these are things you could talk to me about" it says "tell me__________" literally. The phrase goes like this: "To make sure you read the profile, make sure you tell me _______________ ". obviously there is stuff where the blank is, I'm not making it that easy on you, but now you know. Don't put it in your message I'll still let you know why I didn't respond, and if you read through and do it right, I will respond. I'm not a horrible person. I just don't like people who don't bother to actually read what I put up. It's not that hard.
I was gone for a while, now I'm back. Here are the things you need to know. I state this later, but yes I have pictures of me that I will share as we chat. Yes I will verify. Also, read the whole profile, if you don't I won't respond. And I'll know if you did because I tell you something to tell me or ask me in the first message. There may be some red herrings (kudos if you know what that is in this context without googling, I grew up watching mystery on PBS) but it will be BLATANTLY OBVIOUS. Like a troll beating you over the head with a spork. Enjoy.
1) I am a BBW. Said it loud and proud. If you have an issue, move on past. If you're going to try and make me feel bad, good luck. I may be a submissive, but I'm quick witted and have a sharp tongue and know how to and will use both to try and make you cry like the small minded individual you are. I do not lose weight for you, I lose weight for me. End of discussion.
2) I just graduated from college and am looking for jobs. No I will not change my path for you, I worked too hard for my degree. Eventually I will be going to graduate school to get a masters and at some point I'm sure I will also want to get my PhD. This is not by any means set in stone, nor do I have a "five year plan" or anything ridiculous like that, but if you have an issue with me bettering myself then again, move on past.
3) I do have limits, all of them are hard limits. They include kids, animals, knives, scat, piss, blood play, and poly. I have one questionable limit, and that is play with women. You'll have to ask me if you want more details.
4) I'm not just going to hop up and accept your collar after one message. I'm smarter than that. Things take time. If you're not willing to put in the time and you're interested in a relationship, then my mind is busy going "DANGER, WILL ROBINSON, DANGER!" That being said, I'm not opposed to friends who are also play partners, but again, I have to be willing to trust you and that takes some getting to know you. Obviously for the later, you should be in my immediate area, or probably willing to drive. As I said, I just graduated college and am looking for jobs, all my monies are being saved for gas for interviews throughout the state and potentially plane tickets for interviews in other states. I do not have money to be driving my happy butt all over the state of florida for some bondage fun times.
5) I'm not just interested in sex, BDSM and submission, so don't expect to talk only about that ;) I'll just leave that here, and let you ask about what else, my name should be a good hint. You also know I just graduated. So I didn't say what kind of degree with, I'm not broadcasting it to the world, it probably wouldn't come up immediately, but a few convos in, yeah, I'd be willing to tell you most likely. Basically, I want to get to know you, I want you to get to know me, outside of sexy times. That's how trust develops ya know?
6) I'm still debating the picture thing. The kinds of jobs I'm interviewing for are VERY sensitive to your personal life. I do have pictures to share, but I'm going to be wary of who I share them with. Just know that they exist and that I will be willing to verify that I am me. I know, the intarwebz. They are sketchy. For now, enjoy a picture of T.K. Wetherell's statue eating a sandwich. I took it coming out of German class in Fall of this year, someone had put a sandwich in his hand. I thought it was kind of funny. I like funny things, hopefully you do too. To make sure you read the profile, make sure you tell me who the picture is of ;)
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let me make something really clear. Well a few things.
1) I'm not a doormat. I don't claim to be, I will never be, if you tell me I should be I'm going to have a few choice words. Capisce? (and yes, that is spelled correctly. I don't use the English slang spelling, I use the Italian spelling. BECAUSE IT'S ITALIAN DAMMIT.)
2) I'm smart, and if you get stupid and throw stupid insults at me, I'm going to throw smart ones at you. Why? BECAUSE I FUCKING CAN. And I mean, smart, like talking about philosophies, theories, studies that I learned about in school. Basically, if you get dumb and throw out insults that I've probably heard a million times, I'm going to make you wish you had thought twice about it. I know, I'm a bigger girl, as it says in my profile, I fucking love myself, so get over it. If you were into it before, I'm going to call you on your shit and make you feel like crap. But not about something normal, about something that makes you question your social ineptitude. Because I am inevitably more awesome than you in that case.
3) I'm not going to bend over for you because you're nice. Common misconception about girls who are larger is that we're desperate and easy. Not true. I'm far from desperate or easy. I'm interested in guys that I find attractive and want to be play partners, in a relationship, friends, whatever with.
so basically, don't be a jerk, and I won't be forced to be acidly mean to you. And I mean ACID. Like, I will make you cry. I've had friends marvel at the comebacks I can form. Don't make me do that, because I promise, your words won't dent my confidence, but you'll fucking regret them when I respond, I stopped turning the other cheek when I realized that other girls like me might be getting hurt by stupid jerks. So hopefully you'll think twice. And if you don't you'll think twice about how you treat someone else. I am a crusader for the reverse butterface. And damn proud. |
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Just a heads up, if you pull the "you're not my type" within 5 seconds of talking to me based entirely on a profile and one ancient (like from 2006 folks) picture that is on my yahoo IM, I'm probably going to tell you exactly what I think. Especially if you have nothing written in your profile and I was just curious to know something more about you. Newsflash folks, I'm not desperate by any stretch of the imagination. That stereotype the media has perpetuated of big girls being desperate for male attention and willing to give it up and feeling horrible when you pull the "you're not my type" card. Yeah, I give no shits. NONE. The number of times guys have said that to me in order to try and get me to grovel for scraps is ridiculous. Also, I'm not your "hun" your "sweetheart" or anything like that. Until you know me, spare me the fucking cutesy names. If you haven't guessed it, I'm a class A feminist, bitch, know what I want type of gal. Yes I am submissive. No I don't give a fuck if you think I should just feel awful if you're not interested.
Also, what happened to making friends with people? It clearly states in my profile I'm interested in friends, so assuming I'm looking to hop on your cock is kind of presumptuous. ESPECIALLY if your profile says nothing. To me, attraction is at least 60% personality, 40% looks. The chemistry comes from the combination. Yes it varies. I've dated guys who were super attractive and had nothing upstairs. I wanted to beat my head against the damn wall. If you make snap judgements about everyone in life, you're missing out on a hell of a lot of people. If you make snap judgements about me, it'll make you question what the fuck you did, I can guarantee that. I don't mince words, I take no prisoners, and guess what, it's the intarwebz, I care not for whether you think I'm a bitch. As Tina Fey would say "bitches get shit DONE". I don't have time to waste either, kid, I just consider blowing everyone off to find only a sexually gratifying relationship a waste of time, because in the long run, who knows if that relationship will last. Don't talk down to me because I'm younger than you and "not your type". I've lived a hell of a lot more life that I bet you have (not that I know what you've been through or you know what I've been through, but then that's your own damn fault isn't it.) and I know better that every person has something important we could take from them. You missed out buddy. I'm a fan-fucking-tastic friend. I'm also a fabulous girlfriend, but that's beside the point, I can respect that I'm not your type, what I can't respect is people not bothering to talk to people because they want to get their dick wet. |
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Well, unfortunately that didn't work out. I'm not even entirely sure what happened, but, thus is life. I'm just gonna keep on living. |
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Just in case the last journal entry didn't make it clear, I'll update this here and in my profile, I'm not looking for a dominant. I'm exploring my relationship with someone. We're actually working on setting up a time for him to come visit me (which makes me want to jump up and down like a little kid, I'm very excited!)
So just move on to the next profile. |
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I have met someone wonderful, someone fabulous and am no longer looking to meet people in order to pursue a relationship. Everyday I explore what it is I feel for him, what he means to me and where my path leads. It was unexpected and everyday is more wonderful than the next. Sometimes things literally fall into your lap, or you fall into theirs. I plan to stay for a long time, if he'll have me. His words stimulate my body, mind, heart and soul, not only in a dark and twisted way, but in a romantic way. I find myself wondering if there are really limits to what I'll do for him, or if all along I've had limits simply because the person wasn't right and I've been afraid because I wasn't truly trusting. He mentions a future, marriage, children, tpe, I feel tingling in my body, a squeeze in my heart and womb. Children were always on the list, just fairly far down, and now the idea of myself receiving his cum takes a different tone. It was always a gift, always a pleasure, now it is an honor, and a chance to please him in yet another way. For all that I am the submissive, I feel like a princess, a queen, and I can't wait to please him every time I get to speak to him. Everyday, every minute I'm not serving him simply feels wasted.
xx
Rachel |
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If you're going to send me some stupid sex story as your first email, at least make sure it's got some kind of value. Or, god forbid, run it through spell check and check your grammar. It's too early for me to be telling people off and yet I am.
I have one week of course work left, then I intern in the fall and then I graduate. It's kind of surreal. I'm about to have a Bachelors degree and go get a real job. Didn't I just start college...yesterday? haha, that's what it feels like! |
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So...I like attractive guys. Just saying. For some reason, when I say I'm not interested in someone because I don't find them attractive, they start insulting me and saying that I'm fat. Okay, news flash, I don't think I'm hot, I KNOW I'm hot, because I love myself. Call it cocky or stupid all you want, but I'm over being all "oooo I'm not size 2 I should lower my standards." No. fuck that. I'm well aware that I'm a pretty girl, I'm intelligent, talented, curvy, I can cook like a fucking beast, I play video games, enjoy American football, real football and basketball. As far as I know, this makes me kind of awesome. I also love to dance and be social, so if you're 40 hiding in your mother's basement and I say thanks but no thanks, take it like a man and keep looking, don't turn around and bash me, because I guarantee you won't like my return email that tells you exactly how it is. If I've been living on my own longer than you have and you're twice my age, it's just not gonna happen. The End.
On a more cheerful note, it was a pretty awesome day today :) I'm loving me some summer!
~R |
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Okay, so apparently things need to be clarified again. I am not interested in having sex with animals or children, as both are morally and ethically wrong as well as illegal. If a being can not LEGALLY consent, I am not interested, nor am I interested in any way, shape, or form in being a prostitute. I'm about to graduate from an accredited university with a degree in music education, not just from some okay school, but from possible the best program in the country for my particular focus. I do not need your "master" to whore me out, I can make my own damn money without selling my body.
If you can't bother to read my profile or my journal, don't bother contacting me. |
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when you're contacting me, don't start by degrading and calling me names. I won't respond well. If we don't know each other, you aren't allowed to do what a Dom or Master would with me. The End. |
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you know, I think it's funny when people delete messages unread, especially when the majority of the content of the message was simply thanking someone for serving in the armed forces of the US. Yeah, Alpha1980 that would be you.
Why bother sending messages that say thank you? Because not enough people say it to them, that's why. So, regardless of the deleted message and people being rude, I will still say it, and I will still say it often. To the men and women in uniform now, and who have served our country in the past, and who will serve our country in the future, thank you for your bravery, your kindness and your drive. The rest of us can talk about wanting to make the world a better place and how much we love our country and (most) of its values, but you folks prove it everyday.
That's all for now. School is almost over, I graduate in Dec. with a BME, and I can't wait. Then...who knows, I think I'm going to move somewhere totally different than here (and preferably with a thriving scene) and get the chance to reinvent myself. And by reinvent, I mean be exactly who I am without the previous constraints of people who know me. Even though I love them. |
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went to the doctor today. I have strep throat. Awesome. I hate being sick. |
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It hurts to put yourself out there and earn a block for no reason. What's the point in really trying to get to know someone when half of the people in the world are fake, and the other half probably couldn't care less what you've been through, where you've been, what you want or where you're going? I don't know, but it's fascinating how much life you can live in 22 years as far as pain with as little experience as I have in any positives in relationships. Are scales always this skewed?
I won't block you unless two things are happening, one if you friend me without a message, I'll usually block you. If we don't know each other, we aren't friends. Two, if you scare the crap out of me by sending creepy ideas, I will also block you, simply to avoid any potential repeat messages. Oh, well, and if you're just being rude, yeah, I'll just block you.
In other news, we're two days into a new semester. It's been okay so far, but then again, we haven't really started doing all the work that we'll be doing over the course of the semester. Good luck to any other students :D. |
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Merry Christmas to you all, people of the intarwebz! |
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So, I'm overhauling my profile still. I added a picture at the very end to prove that I am in fact who I say I am, and the girl who is in the pictures.
Since someone decided to be a troll and whine like a little child when he questioned, I restated that I was in fact 22, female and real, and then he requested me to show him on cam, I figure I should make a few things VERY clear
- I am a girl, I am 22, I am in fact a BIOLOGICAL FEMALE and no part of my anatomy is or has ever been male.
- I will not show myself on cam unless we have been chatting and you at least give me a picture. I'm not here to be your wank bank, I'm here to talk to people and meet people with similar interests.
- If you act like a troll, a douche bag, a whiny child I WILL block you. Just because your profile says you are a dominant does not mean that you dominate me.
- If you do any of the above, before blocking you, I will write you back, likely with no lack of expletives and degradation via sarcasm and probably make you cry like the little pussy you are
In case you haven't noticed, I'm not afraid to speak my mind, and until I choose to submit to YOU, you are not my dominant and I feel no need to automatically treat you with the respect due to someone who deserves it. |
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I'm doing a profile overhaul. new pictures, new text, everything, so if suddenly things are missing, please be understanding, I am putting up brand new pictures and all ;) |
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so, don't friend me without ever talking to me. I don't play that crap on facebook or on here or anywhere. Seriously *eyeroll*
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Tired. And of the opinion (currently) that men suck. Except for the gay ones. And the taken ones you wish you could date. That's all for the night.
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So just decided it was time for a little writing. Life is pretty good lately, but beyond busy. I'm getting ready for my senior recital, trying to get done with my degree, getting the ball rolling for after I graduate and all that jazz. Needless to say there's been not much time for anything else. I feel like I'm in a good place though, I'm happy, I've been making good choices health wise, just doing good things for me, which is an anomaly in itself. I'm probably on my way to becoming pescetarian for permanent. For those who don't know, that means you eat fish, but no meat or poultry. I'm kind of surprised I haven't done it yet, as I rarely eat meat anyways. The Louisiana side of my upbringing refuses to let me get rid of fish though, I would die I think...not really, but you know what I mean. Just a random update!
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seriously folks. I'm not going to give you my phone number, personal email, IM unless I feel comfortable. I'm not that stupid. So get over it and look somewhere else if you can't handle not getting instant gratification.
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apparently I need to remind people of some stuff. Number one, if you're over 37, your message goes straight to my bulk mail box. I check it occasionally, and if I'm feeling particularly vindictive I'll respond to the ones that are really eyeroll worthy, if I see some that seem like they could be good FRIENDS I will message back. Friend style mentors are perfectly okay. Number two, if you message me with like "take it slut" or "do u take it in the ass" I'm going to make you cry like a baby. No. Really. Also, please dear god in heaven, if you're going to contact me try not to use chat speak. I know, spelling out you're versus ur takes all of five seconds more, but I'm an intelligent girl, I like the english language.
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life is beyond hectic and insane. the end.
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don't send me messages telling me that my opinions are wrong and yours are correct as if you assume that they are fact. I don't respond nicely and you probably won't like the response you get either. Do not treat me like a child who doesn't know the difference between opinion and fact, do not assume anything about my person or what I do or do not know, because usually I will respond very in a very brash and irritated manner and it's likely not the most unbruising thing to your ego.
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Um, don't just send me a message that says "Hi how are you doing?" and then request to be in my friends circle. Hello? Friend implies I like/know you? Seriously, have more personality than that.
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HAHA. so. Don't try to fake me out, you will get busted. I am far from stupid. Here's the story.
So, "Torrie" texts me and claims to have met me at a local meet and great. I didn't remember the name, but then again, I kind of suck at matching names to people without looking right at them. So, I talk with Torrie for a while and she brings up this AMAZING dom she's met. I figure, since most of the people at this thing were older than me, she was too, and while she's singing his praises she suddenly asks me if I'm looking. To which I respond "not really, but if something comes my way I'm not going to just turn my nose up at it." So, the response is "OMG, he has, like, an 11 inch cock". To which I thought "thanks for letting me know?" but responded "lol, well how old is he?" she says, he's 22, rly hot and omg, he like, face fucks so good! Ok, well...other than the random omgs and likes, I was intrigued. So I asked the standard, is he single, does he like my body type, and what's his name. Dan, yes and yes. not really odd, but the fact that a dan I had previously talked to and kind of...not been really into, had said he had an 11 inch cock, loved to get blown and face fuck was odd. Then she was like "OMG, I am, like, talking to him right now. He says he wants to get blown. Do you want to?" To which I was like "ummm...I'm not THAT easy. I like to maybe at least talk first. you know, see if I like his personality." "Ya he's like, def got that." ......REALLY? I was at this point, not at all fooled. Because he said something like that to me literally ten times. Along with "I want to show you some of this dom stuff". except not spelled correctly. So the conversation went back and forth like that for a while longer, me trying to poke holes in the story. Until I finally said, "well, have him call me." I had, at this point, imd the director of the MnG group, asking if they remembered anyone with that discription, gone through IMs and emails to see if maybe I had given my phone number out, which I hadn't. Funny thing, they stopped responding, so I decided to call. Disposable cell. No lie. And the guy in question, his phone was "not taking calls"
The summary being, don't be stupid. Because guess what, I'm not. And if you act like this jackass, I can get you arrested for harrassment. Thanks. Have a nice day. Bitches.
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Well I got a lovely message today
"your fat have you heard of slimfast"
THANK YOU. It made my day. First of all, I am confused as to HOW my fat could have possibly heard of slimfast seeing as it DOESN'T HAVE EARS. I believe the word you wanted was "You're" which is a contraction of "You Are" as opposed to the possessive noun, "your". Secondly, there should be a comma after fat and a question mark at the end. Thirdly, slave2tatt2, You are an ugly bald man with several profiles who is so insecure he feels the need to insult a girl who is ten years younger than he is. Let me assure you I'm more woman than you could ever handle and that I get more than you could even dream off. Asshole.
By the way, Feel free to just NOT send me messages like this, unless you particularly like public humiliation.
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A few things. Number one: Obama FTW, that is all for that. Number two: do NOT send me copy paste messages. If you do, eventually I will respond with a rather rude message. If you continue to send them, I WILL block you. The end.
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happy new year. Hopefully 2009 will rock.
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hmm well, i'm kind of attached to someone now. We started playing over the phone and such. Sadly he lives in New York. Also sadly, he already has a girlfriend, but they are kind of "on the rocks" and i'm hoping and praying they break up, which makes me feel bad, but at the same time i don't because he said if she wasn't there well....good things for me :D. Fingers crossed folks, i connect with him on a different level....
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haha i just got called a mouthy lil bitch in an email. REALLY?! why THANK YOU for that astute observation. I COULDN'T TELL. Seriously? Submissive =/= doormat. Whatever. I'm over it. I went to the Tallahassee SSC meeting last night, it was super awesome. I'm glad we have a community here now :)
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Once again I find myself crushed. completely. I give up. I'm not looking for anything, anyone at all. Friends. That's all. Don't assume you'll change my mind, I'm done with men. And I don't think of women in a sexual way at all. I'm DONE. I would think by now my heart would have developed some kind of scar tissue that kept this from happening but it's not so. One who I thought would understand me to a fault. One who seemed would protect me. One I thought maybe would be intelligent enough to communicate His thoughts and fears to me turned out to be the exact opposite. I have given myself over to someone for the last time. If you really want it you'll have to climb over the wall, swim through the piranah and alligator infested moat, break through the guarded keep and kill every soldier and peasant standing in your way to reach the inner sanctum. And even then, you have to fight it out with me, and I have become the most deadly foe of all. I feel like at this point my heart has become the most shriveled black seed to ever exist. I'm over you already and I haven't even met you. I don't want a prince charming, I want the barbarian highland warrior strong enough to defeat the proverbial english who have taken over and fortified my soul and heart.
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Ok, so my computer is dead. Again. Getting it fixed, but access is limited for now. I started a new job. So that also adds to the stress. Life is crazy.
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10 days till my birthday! i'll be 20. yaaaaay me!
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hmmm, surprisingly enough, things are looking up today :)
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today is a day where i feel like just giving up on ever finding my perfect guy. literally everytime i think that someone might be a potentially good person i wind up getting proved wrong, usually after i've started to like them. stupid fucking disney gives people too much hope for true love. i wonder if it even exists. seems like every guy wants a 5'9 110 pound bimbo. or they're too old or too far away. i need cuddles, i need love, i'm tired of having no one. it's been a year since i started on here and i'm kind of over the search. i'm over getting anally fucked with no lube (metaphorically). i'm ready for an up turn in my life for a while.
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*sigh* so this is going to be a bit of a debbie downer journal, so if you're not in the mood for sad, then i suggest you stop reading.
i'm kind of feeling a little down. i just don't feel fulfilled in anything lately. i mean...i'm doing what i love in school, i sing nearly everyday, i get to laugh with my friends and do something that is connected to how i feel. i have over 80 credit hours going into my 3rd year of college, but i just feel...like something's missing. i think part of it stems from not having time for a real relationship, the other part from just feeling...confused. i mean, i love this lifestyle, but i don't want to have to have a long distance relationship to participate in it. i don't want to have to feel like my choice for teaching or going to grad school is based on where the other part of my long distance relationship lives. i mean, i'm not in one, simply because if i don't have time for a real relationship here in town i def don't have time for LD. But i need to be cuddled sometimes, i need to have someone kiss me on the forehead when i'm feeling like this.i have been craving attention and affection like mad and i think it's because the 7 year anniversary of my mother's death is fast approaching. and it's mothers day this weekend. i remember how she loved me exactly as i was and i long for someone who will do the same. not like a mother, but like a lover.i wish that i could not change or change as i see fit and have someone love me either way. it's taxing being "the fat girl" either people want me to be skinnier or they want me to stay bigger. Why can't i choose? why can't you love me for my own choice? it's like i have to pick one to be to find someone. it hurts. i hurt. i'm tired of falling for someone only to wind up "the friend" yet again, and being the wonderful, sweet girl i am, i'm not able to take a step back and say "i like you, and if i can't be more than your friend i'm not sure i can handle being around you or talking to you, because it tears me up inside." that's not necessarily a situation that is occuring right now, but it happens a lot. i've gotten so used to making myself act all cheery and happy that i've forgotten that some days even a "lowly" subbie like me has the right to sulk. well. today is my day to sulk. so if it irks you and you think that i should be happy because there are doms out there to please, then stop fucking reading and go pull your head out of your ass before i shove it in there farther. man, i needed that....
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ps, my mail has been changed, now, anyone over a certain age gets sent to bulk, sorry, but that's just how it is.
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hey, sorry i've been gone so long! my computer decided to take a little break right before exams (lovely) and then I was out of town for a bit :)
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ok so it's a rant day. I have issues with people thinking you have to be thin to be attractive. to be pretty, or beautiful. there is a difference between "hot" and "beautiful". I hate that people judge beauty based on society's view of what is normal. NEWS FLASH the website you are on is not part of what the majority of society views as normal. I read a journal post by some guy who said we are genetically predispositioned to not be attracted to people who are overweight. WELL then. How is it that all the "fat" people out there who are married got to be married? How is it that some people don't care or some people really like larger parteners. So when you get old and FAT because you will, it happens to most people, I hope your wife leaves you because she's not "genetically predispositioned" to be attracted to you. I am genetically predispositioned to not like assholes. Guess what people! It has been show that obesity or just general overweight-ness can also be linked to genetics. I am, in general, a healthy person. I eat healthly (most of the time) I work out (zumba ain't no walk in the park) and I live a busy life that keeps me going. Don't smoke, don't drink much. yet I am a BBW. YES for all you people out there who think this is a euphemism for us "fat girls" to feel better, I said it. I think I am gorgeous just the way I am and if I choose to lose weight it will be for me. I fucking HATE that people try and bring down the self-esteem of others. well guess what all you "fattie" hating "Doms" out there, YOU'RE ALL FAR MORE INSECURE WITH YOURSELVES THAN I EVER WAS OR WILL BE. Because you see in people what you expect. You see in people the reflection of yourself. You insult and degrad people to make your simple-minded, egotistical, looks obsessed selves feel better because you're never good enough in your own mind. I love who I am I love how I look and if I thought it was classy I would damn well post a photo of myself in lingerie. so FUCK ALL OF YOU. This girl doesn't give a shit what society tells you to think, there is NO reason to think I'm worth less than that plastic anorexic slut you spend your lonely days wacking off too.
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apparently i have a stalker. wonderful. as if my life wasn't stressful enough, now i have to worry about getting kidnapped or killed. woe to the man that thinks he can best me. i'm a fighter. and you better believe if you try to kill me they will have plenty of evidence to work from. i know. so step off or i'll mess you up. and everyone else. BE CAREFUL what you put in journals and profiles. freaks like my stalker can get info out of anything.
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Just a thought, I've noticed a lot of profiles go on and on about how BDSM is not really a sexually based relationship and yet most of these same profiles spend half a page describing what they want sexually in the relationship without a thought as to what they want emotionally, spiritually, intellectually etc. not that all of them do, i know that, but it just seems odd. i mean....yes, to me submission is very mental, spiritual, etc, but it's also very sexual. don't get me wrong, i'm not one of the girls that kneels for you physically, but in my mind i'm going "this guy is wack and a total wimp blahblahblah", but really, if submission didn't fulfill me sexually i wouldn't be here. i wouldn't have found this. hence it being considered "kink". i dunno, makes sense to me. it's like if you started off here for the sex part you're a second rate lifestyler. I'll say it flat out, if i'm not comfortable submitting to someone sexually and physically, i'm not going to submit emotionally and mentally. that's just how it works, minds are harder to control than the body and as far as i've ever noticed, the body has to be won over first.
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happy St. Patty's day!!!!!!
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So I apparently have Trismus, which according to wikipedia is a stiffness in the muscles in the jaw that is common after wisdom teeth extraction (because it is an "injurious" surgery aka, it "damamges" your body). The muscles tighten up to protect your jaw from further harm. Strange that we don't need wisdom teeth any more and most people get them taken out, but this still hasn't evolved out. just like the appendix or the teeth themselves. I wonder how many millions of years it would take for the human race to evolve to the point where the extraneous parts like wisdom teeth and appendices no longer existed? Also I learned that birth control can up the risk of getting dry socket, which has me worried as I accidentally knocked out 2 of my clots today already. I hoping that 4 days is far enough out so that I won't get dry socket (which as I learned from my googling and such, is not an infection as most people think, it is an inflammation of the bone caused by exposure. although it can get infected.) I've also been really dizzy lately, no rason found for that. I feel odd though and i wonder if it's the pain meds.
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I feel it is time for another reminder. If you are my dads age or over, I'm not interested. In general, more than around 10 years an i'm not interested. Now, I will be your FRIEND, but emailing me one liners or things that say " I just want to play with you blahblahblah" will not be welcome. I will be 20 in may. I am a YOUNG person. my dad is 54 for the record, but in general, early thirties is my cut off for playing. Again, be respectful and I will respond and be nice and curteous blahblahblah. Send me disrespectful messages, one liners, stupid things, I will either ignore it or rip you a new one. I am a SUBMISSIVE not a doormat. And I know what I want and what bugs me and who I would like to STRANGLE. kthxbai.
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Got my wisdom teeth out on tuesday. I actually feel worse today than I did tuesday or wednesday. My jaw is really stiff, my temperature keeps fluctuating and i just feel woozy and tired all the time. hopefully when i switch to the weaker pain meds it will help make me feel better!
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I HATE valentines day. seriously. i mean, if i wasn't single it'd be different. but for real? I mean, getting flowers would be nice, maybe going to dinner with someone. but the commercialization of love. or rather "love" makes me want to puke. it's SO not cool. really.
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yay! i got my new birth control! generic seasonale, so only 4 periods a year. i'm SUPER excited :P
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ok...so a plane just crashed at a major intersection here in tally. as far as i hear (from the news) only the pilot was injured (small plane) but it cut power in a major area of town, including FSU campus. and the USO had a concert tonight, cut out in the middle of a piece, and the big shtick for this concert was Stravinsky's "Rite of Spring" and they didn't get to play it. if you don't know the piece here's a little info. it incited a riot the first time it was performed (it's a ballet) in Paris, and Stravinsky got in BIG trouble. He was said to have fled the theatre, crying, at intermission. incidentally, it was the dancing, which completely departed from the standard ballet practices of the time that did it. Saint-Saens, a famous french composer supposedly stormed out of the hall because of the misuse of the bassoon in the opening bars of the piece. if you wanna learn more, check on wikipedia, or talk to me :)
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AGAIN if i DON'T know you,if you have NEVER talked to me, DON'T ADD ME AS A FRIEND. i'll just reject it and then block you.
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please, don't send me a friend request if i don't know you. i'll just reject it.
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well well welll Lordgorthar, am i too much for your little ego? don't threaten to "cut you some bacon" and then not be prepared for a response. heh. i'd LOVE to see you try, but alas, i'd be afraid that your mommy would be upset from you crying so hard that your eyeliner ran onto her blouse and ruined it. if you dare, unblock me, i'll unblock you, respond, and see that i'm more than you could ever DREAM of beginning to break. heh. You can call yourself the "bigbadwolf" all you want, and calll me piggie, little girl, whatever, but obviously you forgot that the bigbadwolf always looses. to the piggies, and to a little girl and her granny. Someone oughta learn their nusery rhymes before calling themselves a character from them. you'll never match me.
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ugh i've been coughing up a lung for a week now. i'm going to the doctor tomorrow and hoping my teachers take back dated excuse notes so i don't FAIL. retahded (yes i spelled it like that on purpose. to be said with a bostonian accent)
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HAHA so i got THE BEST email today, guy tried to insult me but only made me laugh. i mean, what do you expect, he threatened to cut my tongue out with my spleen in the first line. hooookaaaaayyyy, hope my spleen is sharper than yours....
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i'm tired of being hurt, tired of being lonely, but afraid to go out on a limb. i want my one, but it seems everytime i risk, i just get burned. *sighs* why can't life be like a kinky fairytale?
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i've realied that i fuck shit up. i say the wrong things. i let myself go and i tell to much. i don't wait long enough to let people know what's up. i don't wait long enough to think about what i'm about to say before i say it. why is it whenever you have shit that's happened in your life that makes you a little damaged that if you spill your guts to explain why you are the way you are people think you need saving? DON'T YOU PEOPLE GET IT? I don't need saving i need a friend. i need someone to let me develop trust. i need someone to help me by just being themselves, by letting me become their friend! is that asking too much? am i reallysuch a horrible person that people just would rather say "peace out and good luck" than just be goofy and awesome and funny? to let me laugh? to let me discuss things like the lifestyle religion politics food whatever? why why WHY is that so hard to understand? i don't need anyone to do anything but just be like they would with anyone else. so i'm damaged. aren't we all in one way or another? i'm not gonna try and save you, and if you try and save me it's likely i'll tell you to stop because i HATE it when people do that. i am an independent woman, how hard is that to get? i'm not a damsel in distress, i'm a girl who likes to laugh, likes to let go and say the wrong thing and not have people back out on me. because everytime you back out on me you're doing just what everyone else has. you don't help me, sure maybe you might save yourself the occasional bitch about how boring my orchestra rehearsal was, but ultimately, you make it so next time i try to maybe, just maybe find a friend, i'm a little more damaged than before. it's a little easier to write me off in every way than before. you make it so everytime I try to sleep i wonder if i'm ever gonna feel whole again. i've been told that while we never stop missing the ones we lose the pain does dull slightly and we go on, eventually you only remember the good times and the bad becomes less. maybe that's not true, and i hope it's not because without fail i still hurt everytime i stop long enough to listen to certain songs. i still can't go to a fucking armed forces salute and not see my mom in my mind's eye standing up, proud to be one of the few women of her generation standing for being in the military. i still can't stop wondering what she would think of me. you know why? because NO ONE has ever just let well enough alone and let me just try and learn to trust that someone won't hurt me. that someone won't leave me for a better place, person, life whatever. that they won't change when they know WHY i am damaged, how i cope whatever.
I wish for the day when FINALLY i tell someone my story instead of trying to save me or saying they can't be around me because they don't want to deal with something like this again, they tell a dirty joke, change the subject, keep talking. Hell, maybe even say "you'll be ok, i know it" and move on, but not to say "oh...i've got to go, ummm bye" or whatever. maybe for once someone won't try and give advice, but a hug. maybe for once that could even progress and who knows what would happen. maybe, just maybe, i'd finally be able to save myself, because someone gave a damn. because someone understood that i'm the one that has to do the saving. it took a lot to make me the way i am, but truthfully, what it takes to make me feel better, to make me whole is just the chance to make myself happy. Music helps certainly...but to be able to have that conversation and not feel like the air that i breathe suddenly becomes tainted with the scent of inability to help myself. i would love for someone to just let me help myself for once. still be there, but to let me do what i need to do without doing the worst thing ever. it takes a lot to make me beg outside of a scene. but for pete's sake, just let me learn? let me be me without thinking i need help to fix things. because really, i can deal with romantic rejection, trust me, i've been there a million times, it's not so bad, you move on. but being rejected by a friend? having someone turn their back on me in that way. it's like taking a knife and cutting open an old wound every damn time. i've never flaked on anyone that way in my life if i could help it. it would be nice to have the same kind of courteousy. end rant
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Ok, so, if I message you I would at least appreciate a "thanks but no thanks" message back instead of just reading it and blowing me off. You do know that there is a way to see if you've read the message on here right? it's called bein curteous people. jeez.
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note to self: doing a self french manicure is NOT a good idea, especially if you want to look presentable the next day and you've never done one before.
I'm just going to paint over in red lol.
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I am officially a mary kay lady lol. anyone wanna buy some stuff?
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ooookkkkay sooo aparently people have not read ALL THE WAY BACK to the beginning of my journal to see that i'm NOT usually interested in someone more than 10 years older than me. May 7 2007 was when i posted that. there are exceptions, but they are few, that is why i don't sort things to bulk because i read the messages and ocasionally find something of interest in the over 10 years category
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studentspy: friend, we never talk anymore and we should. I worry about you. and i miss my opera discussions.
ps, recently discovered i'm a coloratura, thought you should know!
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i'm kind of weirded out by the new cm look....just in case you wondered.
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happy halloween! make sure to make soul cakes for tomorrow! lol if you know what they are.
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all hallow's eve approaches. yeeessssssss
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weeeeelllll i've been pestered into updating. i'm bored, ready for a break and horny as hell (go figure) SOMEONE needs to help a girl out! sheesh, i never thought i'd have to go in search of someone to fuck me, but i guess i do! So this is it, I NEED COCK! BAD! well...not just any cock. some cock.
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so update on piercing, my parents didn't notice lol. my g-ma loved it and decided she may get one (weird...). oh and people need to read. I am NOT looking for a 24/7 right now. especially not in canada or anywhere crazy lol.
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I got my nose pierced. I love it. end of story. My parents don't know and I see them tomorrow, and my grandmother is in town. I could be in for a death match lol. :D
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OK so it's back to the normal rant. If you can't bother to at least proof read your messages, don't send them. I appreciate your interest, but if your english is that of a fourth grader, I am not interested in the slightest. Also "will you serve me in totality and forever?" is not, I repeat NOT a good way to introduce yourself to me. Another point, internet bragging in your handle (johnny9inches, TheBestDom, SexiestManEver etc.) turns me off. It's b.s. so I will respond sarcastically and likely make you cry like a two year old girl. That brings me to my last point. If I don't reply, I may not be interested. If you write me again and I'm not interested, I will induce the aforementioned reaction. If you can't handle sarcasm or the English language, ou la langue francais, go away. vas-y, because I will just smash your face into the pavement. Thank You and have a good day! :)
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so the internet in my apartment doesn't work, it is unlikely i will be chating a whole lot right now other than to update friends. no worries to anyone who follows my status lol (apparently people like reading about me.....) just trying to get the management to fix my internet. especially as it was supposed to be done by last friday *wry smile* time to start bitching at them i guess.....
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i am cut. hurt, in pain. i don't trust easily. you hurt me, you know who you are. i want to make this right. i want to fix it, i have learned from you. please don't cut me off. cutting someone off is just immature and not you. he cut me off without a word. i had hoped for once someone was different, someone thought i was sweet and funny. i guess i was wrong, as usually. i hope you read this, i hope you know i didn't mean to push you away i'm just bad at people sometimes. please let me try again?
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*sigh* final get a break for summer and it's my usual routine. i realize i'm hungry and think about eating and then am like....what can i eat and then give up and decide to wait. that being said....i guess it's lunch time lol
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wow, just wow. finished hp 7....
mixed feelings really. like i will never wait and wait and wait to know what happens ever again. that was my last venture with Harry into the unknown. it's done.....and it makes me sad. i feel like a chapter of my life just ended. like i just lost a best friend. i've been reading harry potter since i was 9. and mostly, i'm sad because my mom loved them, and she only got to book three before she died. i hope they have copies in heaven lol, she never liked to let a story go unfinished. anyway, sleep time, i just read 759 pages in slightly less that 5 hours (12:34-5:25) and i have work tomorrow and i need to go back and read it agin slowly. if you haven't eer read them, do it. i promise you it is a decision you won't regret.
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ok, so i'm finally writing a journal entry that has been in the making for almost a week. i've been needing to find some time to work on loosening up my ass so that it doesn't hurt as readily during anal, so at the suggestion from a friend i wore a plug to class. it was rather uncomfortable at first, yet very arousing to know that i was wearing a rubber plug (medium sized) while learning college algebra lol. i also wore baggy sweat pants and a thong, so i could wiggle the plug while sitting there. it seems to have helped, i tried a day ago to insert a bit of the large plug, and the tip went in, email me any other suggestions i would greatly appreciate them :)
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hey, studentspy, you blocked me again lol, didn't know if it was on purpose lol.
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bought three new corsets (two fabric, red abd black, and one leather) some thigh highs a pretty awesome bra and some KICK-ASS peep-toe pumps today on www.hipsandcurves.com this morning. hopefully Master will like them. last splurge for a bit, because i'm saving up to get a custom made corset now, probably from absolutecorsets.com
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i'm lonely....don't really know why, just am.
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assignment for Master:
Master has assigned me to write a journal on how He is "reprograming" my social being from that of and untrained sub to a slave and what it means to me.so here goes:
The first realization that Master had begun to "reprogram" my mind was when the phone rang through the other night to my parents(i'm staying with them til my lease starts in august....i feel like i'm in high school again, not cool). My worry was not that i wold get in trouble with them, as it normally would have been, but that i wouldn't be able to hear His voice. the thought terrified me and does still. i think constantly of Him, i worry about Him when i don't talk to him, i think about how He is feeling and worry about that more than i do about anyone else. i long for the day when we can be physically together and He will reach out on touch His girl, His slut. His. that word runs through my head constantly. being owned, it is such a powerful feeling, even when You aren't mind body heart soul all the way there. i long for that day, when all of me is His. He makes things routine, like striping, pleasuring Him, the way i address Him, etc. to the point that most of them are more than second nature, i can't remember not being able to do these things, or not knowing to do them. the hardest part of this to answer is what does it mean to me. To me, this shows i am cared for, owned, desired, protected. i am His, and should His training go along with the true essence of save training, with it's psychology to the letter, it would take years to train me to be with someone else. This is why it means so much, there is so much trust, so much necessary to believe that He wouldn't simply leave me, trained and unable to be with another for years, because i am His. He owns me and does more every day, and i am glad of it.
~rachel, property of MiSC2~
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my birthday was on the blue moon last night. cool. but even cooler is that i was born on the blue moon in '88. as far as i have been told, having your birthday fall on the blue moon twice is a rare phenomena. i like it even if it isn't. i thinks it's cool!
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it's my birthday! and i added some new pictures. different head shots, one of them is from the FSU v. Clemson game, so i'm wearing my war paint lol. ~GO NOLES~ ahhh the memory of that game....so many miscalled plays against us.....but anyway. yeah, i'm 19 today. i was born on the blue moon. i miss my mom, the last birthday she was alive for was 13, she died right before my 14th. going to dinner with the fam, hopefully i'll get something that allows me to buy some new jeans >.< as almost all of the jeans i own are either to big or wearing out.
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i have learned that i need to calm myself more, i often read into things wrongly, getting worried and stressed. it is one of my greatest faults, long ingrained. i fear people i care about leaving me, because it happens so often. calm girl, calm. today showed me He does care, even though busy, i needn't worry about it nearly as much as i do. everything will turn out right.i am safe wearing His collar. i am cared for and desired. i need only remember it.
~rachel
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i am now collared. to MiSC2. He is my Master and i serve Him alone. friends are welcome, but nothing more.
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NO, i DON'T want to be a god damn prostitue! SICKOS!! i hope you get a disease and die
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HAHA another tale from the life of a bakery clerk.
So, the young deli clerk decided he would address my breasts and not me from the first time he said hello, so i decided to pay him back. i went into work today and he came over to talk to me, so i motioned for him to follow as i put my keys down. I knocked off a cup of pens and bent to get them, making sure to press my ass directly onto his crotch. He jumped back, kind of stunned and i turned and smiled and walked up to him and grabbed his hard on and Whispered "You better go fix that." He choked out "w-w-wannna help?" and i just said "you're a big boy now, fix it yourself" and walked away. He is surprisingly still nice to me, but no longer talks to my breasts.
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Seems like i've been posting a lot of rants lately, well, here's another:
Do not contact me if you expect me to relocate immediately, it will not happen. i am a student, i have a life. also ONCE AGAIN do not call me "slut" "cunt" etc. if you are not my Dom. Another thing, if you are a woman, unless you just want to be friends, or are a sub in Tally willing to simply let me explore my curiousity, then don't bother, i'm straight, i just figure i should be used to being with a woman as it is likely to happen with a Dom. Another thing i have yet to rant about. Do not send me one liners unless they are witty, properly constructed sentences. If you do, i will respond angrily, yes, it is likely i will respond, simply to berate you for doing it and to tell you to not contact me again. If you don't have the time to actually tell me about yourself or anything of the sort, the do not bother, because i will think that you believe i am so beneath you as to not be worth your time. so learn a fucking lesson here if you want to contact me. i am saying very plainly what pisses me off and what to do and not do, so pay attention.
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note: calling me a cunthole, telling me i will be contacting you blahblahblah, is not a good way to start corispondance. if you do these things then, congratulations you have been eliminated from the pool of options. I am a sub, but i am not YOUR sub. so if you're going to be an ass then leave me the fuck alone. I'm a person first, then a sub. all people deserve the same amount of respect. if you act like this, then you aren't a good dom, because you haven't earned respect from me, or for that matter, it's likely you haven't earned respect from anyone and will never find yourself a sub, unless they are dumb or don't understand that BDSM is consensual and trust comes before you can be part of that relationship.
end rant.
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hey, i am in need of a subby bi, or bi-curious girl to talk to. I'm just wondering what it would be like to be with a woman, so if you're willing to help, let me know! =) preferably around my own age.
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true story lol:
So i walked into the grocery store, to talk to my new boss, also needing to buy some items of a *ahem* personal nature (aka lube, etc.) i decided to wait to get them until AFTER my meeting with her, i thought it might be akward. So if finish my meeting with her and go back down stairs and walk towards the condoms and lubes, picking up a bottle that was reddish orange and kind of large (KY warming) simply because i liked the color lol. after i picked it up, i wandered to go get some other things, then just wandered about, looking at my new work place. Then, i saw him. There he was, proudly shopping away in his motor-powered scooter. He looked to be about eighty. i walked into the aisle where he was, deciding to test my nerve, i twitched my already low jeans a little lower, letting the side straps of my hot pink lace thong hang out. With the pretext of reaching to grab something from the top shelf, i dropped everything i was holding, making clunking sounds, then finally "juggled" the lube back and forth, where it feel with a clatter, attracting my poor victims attention. i slowly reached down to gather my items, my ass facing him, the jeans riding down to expose a good deal of that lacy pink thong. i slowly stood back up and turned. He shot me a lecherous grin, and wink, and said "With an ass like yours, i bet that comes in handy." indicating the lube. i smiled and said, "i'm sorry to say, you'll never know." He shot me an affronted look, as if i was wrong to make the assumptions he couldn't handle me. it vaguely crossed my mind to offer my services, or let him cop-a-feel in return for something, i really could use a new corset, or something sexy for underwear or lingerie. Surprisingly, i found myself growing aroused, but, sadly, by the time i got to a place where i could rub one out. and that, dear readers, was part of my tuesday.
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ok, if your message goes to my bulk folder, it's unlikely i will respond. i have my exceptions. if i don't respond, i said i wouldn't on her, so don't get all pissy with me ok?
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just because you are a dom doesn't mean you can demand my presence immediately when you first send me a message. DO NOT say "you will contact me now" or "i need you now, get in touch" this kind of relationship takes time to figure out. if i don't like your first impression i WILL NOT be contacting you. subs are not inhuman. i am probably smarter than the majority of the self-righteous ass-hole doms that contact me. if i don't respond immediately, don't freak out at me.
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Again, i will not respond to people over 33. those messages are sent to my bulk folder. Also, if you can't type, please don't send me a message.
ppl who tlk like this r annoying & i won't rspond 2 u.
thanks for your time. good day.
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in general, just so people know, i don't like men over thirty. there are exceptions naturally, but if you're more than about 35, then i'm most likely going to say no. if you're old enough to be my dad, then the answer is definitely no, so please refrain from contacting me.
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| Age: 31 |
| Sacamento,
California |
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