I am getting fed up with people wanting me to do this or that then get pissed off or try to manipulate me to do it if I dont do it that is and they want to feel oh so in control. I am SICK and tired of feeling weighted down going by everyone else's rules and I'm sick of it! Always their f****** way or its the highway.

I got news for people. Guess what? I aint going for it any damn more. You want someone to control find someone else. Because i can see right into the soul, their very b*******. It's not a matter for lack of respect or getting my way, ITS ABOUT F****** RESPECT. I shall not give love to those who take it for granted. I am fed up with people not appreciating me for anything, I am sick and tired of people not respecting my feelings or me as an individual. I am sick and tired of people treating me like I am some f****** dumbass or think I am stupid? Oh puhleeze! That's ok, I love the look in their faces when I show them differently like "oh what the f***?" HA!

I think all of those years that i had let people walk all over me and such and such, and then try to prey on my emotions to where I am "caring" and compassionate, etc. Guess what? THAT'S GONE! Don't like it? kiss my a**. I dont feel the same way everyone else feels! I want ME time, I want to have something now. IT'S MY F****** TURN. I have given too much of myself, I have bled my heart for those, given my love, I have done much I could to please and make others happy and realizing they were not giving me anything in return. Instead they f****** spit at me, and trample on me. Now I shall come back as a beast and cause terror to thsoe who done me wrong! I have every right to want something or someone to myself.

Apparently I have suffered a lot, and lived by other's standards and rules, and had to accept their behaviour just to be loved EVEN WHEN THEY ARE TREATING ME LIKE S*** and take me for granted. The tables have turned! Oh so I do not expect words of comfort or pity, I do not want anyone feeling sorry for me, because they would think "hmm you should be feeling happy, not that..." really? If i was to fall for this and give leeway and try and let someone comfort me... I am giving away my "power." Again....

what is the point to all of this? Self awareness... I realize now... I am in control of my own reality and how I let others , my environment influenced me for too long. I think I am going through some sort of purge or releasing toxins from other people's energies that have weighted me down and constantly pushing their "will" onto me. The question I have to wonder is, what happened? It is like I am now all the sudden aware of me and myself and what I been doing. I wonder who it was though who has tried to keep me from seeing beyond this. It is like something been broken or at least a weight was lifted up for me to see this, and now my new being that I feel is reacting to an old programming when I got pissed off earlier in the day... It does make me wonder though.