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MissBeautiful2U
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Domina4you
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| i am a sexual submissive, and i serve women and try to remind them of the Goddess within. i'm not ashamed of it. i am very proud of it.
For me, the biggest part of being a transsexual is in how i see God's handwriting in all women. i am naturally drawn to worship women -- all women -- because in your image i am reminded of the Divine.
Women come to me because they are between boyfriends (or girlfriends). Or their boyfriend is a jerk. Or maybe they just don't like guys much. Or maybe they never had a lover or feel they are no longer attractive. You are to me.
For 15 years i was trained very seriously as a sexual submissive, and in the art of serving women without thought of reciprocation. i am so lucky to have experienced the transcendental mysteries associated with the liberation from one's ego in this way.
i now spend most of my time in a monastic existence, working alone and lonely all night, night after night, and i welcome an occasional female visitor for a joyful respite. Sometimes it is for cuddling and a movie; most often it is to provide her with massage and no-strings, uncomplicated -- and purely selfish -- sexual gratification. i would be SO ashamed for even the thought of reciprocation to cross my mind. For most of my training i've been required to wear a locking chastity anyway, so it really is all about you.
i am happily married, together for 26 years. i can't be a man for her, so my wife has a boyfriend. We have no secrets between us, only oceans of love. i am devoted for life to her, and she owns my heart.
But -- for at least a brief escape from your otherwise hectic and demanding life -- you may have my total obedience and sacrifice. And for yourself a sense of control and thus an opportunity for deep relaxation. It is about providing your favorite treats and having your favorite music ready, and having everything just EXACTLY as you like it. And always trying to think up some special little way to make you feel important, cherished and revered.
It's such a beautiful thing! Why should i be ashamed? i am so lucky and grateful. Please feel free to indulge your curiosity -- i am happy to answer questions from anyone about this rather unusual aspect of my wonderful, wonderful life.
With love and respect,
steffie
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Oh dear -- why is it that the best opportunities seem to come up when i'm not really looking! Oh well. :-)
So this gorgeous young girl i am dating is a bit curious about the sick abuse i used to dish out on the dudes. i sort of miss it myself, LOL! :-) Eh, they were always begging for more. Lucky lucky things. So i confess -- thinking about taking on some male subs again. Well, i guess they don't have to be male. It's just that the thought of stomping a little ass is giving me the giggles again. And she thinks it all sounds very hot......................
Loving my collar-me friends very much.........steffie |
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i am still serving occasionally these days when opportunities arise with a Very Special Woman. Very busy with music and making $$$. Not looking but keeping an open mind should the right situation come along. Loving my Collar-Me friends very much!!! steffie |
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Just saying hello to all my wonderful Collar Me friends! Love from steffie :-) |
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Happy holidays to all my lovely Collar Me friends. This started out as the worst year of my life and has ended at the best. Very grateful to all of you, and especially those i had the great pleasure to serve! Love and hugs, steffie |
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==========================
STEFFIE & FRIENDS
Free Holiday Concerts
First time performing solo in two years
*** Sat. Dec. 26, 8-10 pm
AJ's Cafe
full cafe menu
240 W 9 Mile, Ferndale
248-399-3946
*** Sun. Dec. 27, 8-10 pm
(love offering at the door)
Innate Healing Center/Goldengate Cafe
yummy vegetarian fare
18700 Woodward Ave
(313) 366-2247
===========================
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================
STEFFIE & THE DIRTY VIRGINS
*** Nov. 25, Phoenix Cafe, Hazel Park (not confirmed)
================
Lovely Friends
i arrived home from last night's two shows to find water pouring
through the ceiling from the upstairs bathroom, and in the panic to
restore order i may have slightly fractured my tail bone and forearm.
So -- trust me -- the best performance of the night came after the
curtain had already fallen, as i slip-slided down the stairs in full
stage-regalia. Alas, the only audience to appreciate my special
unrehearsed dance routine was my 80-year-old mother-in-law and her
caregiver for the night. And they didn't even applaud! But they did
offer to call an ambulance, gratefully declined.
i've been asked to contribute a column to Detroit Dungeon, about all
things steffie. i certainly have a very fun and unusual life! And so i
shall record the details of our Dirty Virgin escapades around town,
sharing a copy with you before they are distributed to the rest of the
world.
And what a fantastic night -- how often does one get to hear Chopin
nocturnes while being called a c*cksucker! Every tiny bit of the
adventure was a delight (save for the butt-escalator ride at the very
end).
Friday's rehearsal was tense, with various frustrations surfacing, and
we were certainly courting a huge disaster with two fatiguing
performances scheduled for Saturday. But ruffled feathers were
smoothed over, and we had one of our best rehearsals ever Saturday
afternoon. It's round-the-clock band activities for me these days,
12-15 hours every day, and i love it.
We arrived at at 8pm for Rachel Crandall's birthday party. Rachel
is the founder of TransGender Michigan, and lots of friends were
there. My outfits are stashed in five separate color-coded bags, and i
got to work setting up for the show. There might only be 20-30 seconds
to change into a certain outfit so everything must be READY-TO-GO. i
joked with Skeen about how i am starting to carry even more gear to
the shows than our drummer -- three men just to carry my makeup, a few
buses for the outfits, and let's not even talk about the mirrors. :-)
It was a lovely and very sexy audience. i learned later that one of an
especially vocal pair up front had just completed chemo, and so they
were in a mood to celebrate. And so, off we were!
My singing was quite subpar at first, i think. Well, you can't hear
anything on stage. But the audience was both wild and kind. i am
especially loving the new outfit for "Underground," a new purple
striped top from Sue, worn with the zippered black vinyl setup. It's
delicious!
After "We're All Bi Now," we acknowledged Chrome's birthday (today,
Nov. 8), with a special plaque from the band, thanking her for being
our awesome manageress. Earlier in the week, Chrome's best friend
Skeen suggested a cream-pie in Chrome's face as a special birthday
surprise. i was all for it -- but over the week, various bandmates
urged me not to do it, as Chrome might not respond favorably
especially if it ruined her outfit. Finally, at Saturday's rehearsal,
Skeen practically begged me not to do it -- but i was adamant -- the
cream pie was coming, and no one would stop me.
What Skeen did not know is that i'd found out about HIS birthday,
which was last Monday, and he did not tell ANY of us! And so....when
it came time for the pie.....yep -- in a perfect moment of ironic
justice, it landed in Skeen's face instead of Chrome's. Delicious --
and not just the whipped cream.
Actually, the whole gag threatened to fall apart earlier. Sure, go
ahead and trust me with a can of whipped cream -- i'd been sucking on
both the cream and nitrous oxide all day, and had practically emptied
it by show time.
Then it was RUSH RUSH RUSH off to the next show! As the band lugged
and loaded the heavy gear, i did the important work....spending 20
minutes locked in very tight embrace with a most beautiful and warm
female. It's just not the sort of job i can trust to the bandmates,
after all.
And, seriously, Sue would be at her boyfriend's, and i did not want to
spend the night alone. Finally, they were all loaded up -- and
grimacing at me, tapping their toes insistently, from about 30 yards
away.
"Uh.....i really gotta go. Call me."
i still had to load up all my gear -- as i am scrambling mid-song to
change outfits, everything is thrown in the case to be sorted out
later. But we had another show in an hour!!! So Skeen waited patiently
while i sorted everything back into it's proper bag. It's essential --
it's always pure chaos backstage, every show. And we have an elaborate
production, and everything has to happen exactly right, so one must be
prepared.
Off to the House of Shamrocks, and everyone had warned me about the
potential for culture shock. This is a neighborhood sports bar, after
all! And we are as if spiders from Mars.
Good. i love it. That's why i am doing this. Sure, it's happier when
everyone loves and understands steffie, or at least tries to. But the
REAL opportunity for profoundly changing society occurs when we are
thrown, like Christians before the lions, into worlds unfamiliar and
unfriendly to our unbridled ways. That's what this is all about.
And then we eat the lions for breakfast. :-)
We walked in to find a handsome young man playing fucking Chopin
onstage!!!!! That alone was astounding....but Hans Barbe's performance
was stellar, it was the best thing i've seen all year. He played
Bach's Prelude in C Minor, and a couple of his own etudes, and i was
mesmerized. i could not focus on anything except the extraordinary
compositions, and his near-perfect technique.
Lots of friendly faces again, this was a benefit for FernCare, a free
health clinic coming soon to Ferndale. Ann Heler and Greg Pawlica, two
of Ferndale's political luminaries, were running the show, along with
the lovely Andrea Nelson at the door. Keith Dalton ran sound
wonderfully -- Skeen accidentally knocked over one of his speaker
cabinets, and Chrome broke yet another mic stand. She is making
enemies among soundmen all over this city!
i dress provocatively, and march right up into the faces of total
strangers. And they either laugh and giggle and smile....or they get
very tense, red-faced and try to pretend there really isn't a gorgeous
t-girl staring them down from two inches away. Either way, my job is
complete and it's off to stalk out the next victim.
Oh, what wonderful women tonight!!!! How can i not be in love with
every single one of God's feminine creations! You are all so
beautiful, and sweet and soft and so much fun to be around. And it's
not "appropriate" for steffie to get up-close-and-personal with a
couple dozen pretty girls every night...but put a microphone in my
hand, and suddenly it's okay. People love it. Without the microphone
they would ride me out of town on a rail!
Show over. Maybe 20% of the audience was stone-cold silent. But the
other 80% just went wild, and the applause went on forever. We were
great. i was great. Life is great and thank you God, for giving me all
of this wonderful adventure!
Packed up, and out the door, we were in the process of booking another
show when a fellow walked up to the club. He took one look at us, said
something about "sucking d*ck," and then dashed into the club,
slamming the door behind him. Hilarious!
i know i am supposed to be insulted and devastated by the insult, but
the truth is that i KNOW what that man really wants. When a person HAS
to make sure their friends know they aren't gay -- it's because they
are. And so in my mind i was telling him, "Well, i've got it right
here for you. And don't worry -- i won't tell your wife. And i won't
laugh at you."
Well, i won't tell your wife, anyway. :-)
Skeen dropped me off. And as i opened the door, i found the caregiver
screaming about the toilet, and water water water everywhere. Mind
you.....i was in the last vestiges of my stage gear......a very tight,
lace catsuit with heels, makeup and jewelery, and a quick pair of
pants and blouse on top just to get home. So i go running up the
stairs and get the water turned off. Then, running back down...well,
the feet of the catsuit were wet now, and i made it down the HARD WAY.
i will say that no one ever looked prettier while tumbling down a set of stairs.
Oh great.....i really thought i'd broken both arm and butt. And there
was still oceans of water and a screaming caregiver -- disasters
everywhere i looked!
And there was Thelma, my 80-year-old mother-in-law -- just smiling and
whistling, happily oblivious to the whole thing.
i so envy that part of old age!
Sue came home. And so -- i was hurting -- but i did NOT have to spend
the night alone. i just love having her arm around me tight in bed,
and i joke that it feels like a safety belt from Heaven.
What a wonderful world. Loving all my gorgeous friends!
steffie |
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Dirty Virgins rock out Sat Nov 7: /Ferndale 8pm and House of Shamrocks/Hazel Park 11pm |
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going to rock out the Detroit Erotica Ball in just a few hours! Call the police because we mean murder. i am my own favorite performer (which is saving a ton on ticket $$$ and i always get the very best seat in the house). |
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a friend writes: "Woman!!! Men need serious help in that area!!!!!!! Make us ladies happy.....share the knowledge!!!! You are the BEST!!!!
Xoxox"
well............i think every woman has said pretty much the same
thing. Ultimately, it's about helping someone to feel in total
control. Because, with control comes relaxation and the ability
surrender to one's deepest, most vulnerable feelings. Emboldened by a
sense of control, a woman dares to explore herself that much deeper.
So....it's being sensitive to a million environmental things: her
favorite music and/or video obviously, her favorite sheets and
pillowcases, and her favorite treats specially prepared in HER
favorite way. Then all the little tiny things, like the perfect
temperature and whether the window is open a crack. It takes a
lifetime to learn every detail, but each is an important tool in
helping her relax and feel in CONTROL of her world.
i think the most important part of it all is just giving the woman
permission to TALK! Women are so trained to always be the "hostess,"
and so they will feel obligated to ask about my music or the magazine
-- but i just try to subtly redirect the conversation back to THEM
THEM THEM, trying to make THEIR world the focus of conversation.
And, having achieved that, then i try to get it to where she is doing
all the talking. And, thus she relaxes and finds that sense of
control, by having the freedom to indulge herself for once. Every tiny
way.....try to make it that the whole universe seems to be revolving
around her.
Beyond that....i think it can best be summed up by striving to be
invisible. To "disappear," so to speak. i keep my movements small,
slow and gentle, eyes averted, beneath her, in perfect docility. If
she starts to forget i am even there, then i have succeeded.
i never EVER talk about sex. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it
doesn't. But no matter what, i ALWAYS express great gratitude for
having been allowed the privilege of her presence.
And now for the really, really sexy part - if you want to know how to
make a woman REALLY hot and sexual......the trick is to be there for
them when they are NOT. Be there for them when they are in crisis and
NOT thinking about sex at all. That's how they learn to trust and
relax around you.
i think these are the main things i have to teach a man about it.
Love, steffie |
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okay, now this is really something to brag about!
Mates: i'm sorry, this is a little personal, excuse yourself right now
if you prefer....but this is SO funny and SO steffie, i just have to
share it with someone.
Totally totally true story, and i will prove it if necessary.
One of the women i used to serve is back in town for the weekend.
After just getting married a couple weeks ago.
She is here with her husband.
And...............................she has bragged and bragged and
bragged about me.
And she wants me to teach her husband how to do it right.
You know...............
This is actually one of few opportunites i've declined, and she
really, really is delicious. i'm a little spooked about her husband's
presence for such a thing, but mostly for having nothing but PEOPLE
PEOPLE PEOPLE the last two weeks of sales calls. i'm sure he's very
nice, just not up to exposing myself to a stranger in such a way this
weekend. i'm spent, socially, after chasing down 140 customers.
But i really do feel so proud! i take it very, very seriously, just
like the music. It's an artform, like anything else and one can find
enormous personal pride in achieving ever-greater levels of sacrifice.
oh, i just told Sue and she's smiling...she has reason to be proud as
well. (Think about it.)
and i MUST bcc my lovely, lovely friend....'cause i want You to know
how proud and happy i am to be held in such high esteem in Your
Beautiful Eyes. :-) Thanks for making my day.
Love all around,
P.S. Extraordinaire,
steffie |
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Isn't it a good idea to indicate You are a pro domme in Your profile, if You are seeking money? A large number of my friends are pro dommes and i totally understand and support what You do, and i do NOT wish to waste Your time. But i get nothing from fantasy stuff and need it to be REAL. i LOVE to give gifts, but the very moment money is demanded -- the magic is gone for me. In 25 years of servitude, i've never booked a session and have zero desire to do such a thing. i don't want a domme to put on a performance for me! i just want to scrub Your floor, and make Your life easier and more pleasant -- which probably means wearing Your pajamas rather than PVC, and catering to some silly fantasy. i need more than a fetish -- this is my spiritual and artistic connection. i don't wish to waste anyone's time, and i hope You find some great-paying clients, but it's not for me! With love and respect, steffie |
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i've grown bored of my own orgasm.
Isn't that the strangest thing You've ever heard?!? Has any other mortal human ever uttered such a thing? i'm sure it's true. And it's true enough for me.
YOUR orgasm, to me, is like the sun and the moon and the stars and the sky and lightning and fireworks and every birthday and Christmas and Easter all rolled into one. i just can't enough of Your orgasms.
But my own have grown quite dreary.
i was ordered into chastity last Monday by a wonderful Collar-Me Goddess. Then, as the fates allowed, i served another Goddess on Wednesday, purely sexual and of tremendous intensity.
Then, on Thursday, i served the Collar-Me Goddess, which included domestic work, but also sex that was at least as intense.
Friday, i was allowed to remove the chastity.
And now it is Monday morning....and i still haven't been motivated enough to bring myself to orgasm. My testicles do ache, more than a bit. i'm not really thinking about it much. But i AM thinking about how to get myself back between Your thighs, and soon.
Is this not TRUE submissiveness?!? And how rare, don't You agree, that a sub reaches a point -- after 20+ years of training -- that they truly don't care much about their own release, but get such total satisfaction from Yours?
i feel rather proud of that. It's a transcendental accomplishment, to be sure.
i remember, after years of chastity training, beginning to experience the woman's orgasm as my own. It was a very gradual thing...but as W/we both became to realize what was happening -- well, it was mystical experience for both of us, such empathy! i think it scared us both, a little. It was definitely a religious experience for me, and one of my favorite songs, "Finally," is in tribute.
"Here....there's no me....only You....finally here...."
After Her orgasm -- i would, of course, be completely out of my mind with unfulfilled desire. And thus, perfectly positioned for Total Control.
But as the years continued.....it evolved further, to the point that i also began to experience Her post-orgasmic satisfaction. When sex was over for Her....it was over for me, too. Which is convenient, of course, and by this time i no longer needed orgasm control as i'd become quite naturally obedient in pretty much every way.
But i still looked forward to getting myself off when the trainer was removed. i had little trouble making it the three weeks She normally kept me locked up. But it was definitely a big treat to masturbate.
Now.....well, it's like i am falling, falling falling, ever more into a truer kind of submission. i'm not trying to develop myself as a sub right now, i am VERY consumed with business and the band. But......just the same, i've found this new level where i remain intensely interested in Your orgasm....and pretty much bored to tears with my own.
----
A funny and true story: Last Thursday, cleaning the kitchen for a really magnificent woman before She moved....well, i'd been at it a couple of hours, and things were looking good. But i did NOT scrub the oven burners, you know, the little plates to keep the inside from getting dirty.
So She said to me, pointing at the burners, "Do you think this is acceptable?"
And W/we are friends first, and it was my first and probably last time serving Her. And it was a very casual atmosphere, with none of the typical trappings and theatrics of bdssm. i think She was in pajamas! So when She asked if i thought it was acceptable, i thought She meant in terms of turning in the apartment to Her landlord. And so i cheerfully replied that "Yes! i think it is quite acceptable," as people turn in some pretty disgusting apartments after all.
She repeated Herself, "Do you REALLY think this is acceptable?!" And i still totally did not get the context, and announced that they were fine!
Uh oh.......................
Well, i am pretty damn lucky i didn't get dragged out to the garage for a serious whipping at that point, wouldn't You say?! But She just ignored it all. i think She just didn't want to embarrass me by pointing out my faux pas.
It wasn't until 48 hours later that i suddenly realized what She meant! And now i am beet-red with embarrassment. i am so sorry, Goddess! How i wish i could lick those burner plates clean with my tongue right now.
i thank God for all Her lovely Messengers who rule my world. steffie
PS: The band ROCKED tonight! We just killed them. We played with three very, very young Christian bands, of all things!!!! And i don't think the parents liked me very much....but the kids went stone-cold wild for steffie, and can ya' blame them?!? :-) |
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humiliated and angered beyond belief!!!!
i must say, i am man enough to laugh off the little incident at the
Dirty Show last weekend. But for the Committee to have given the Nobel
Peace Prize to this Obama fellow instead of ME!!!!!!! Well, that's
just more than i can take sitting down. Somebody's going to get an
earful, that's for sure.
Thankfully, there is still time for you to vote for me as Hero of the
Year: http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/cnn.heroes/index.html
Please don't let another tragedy like the Nobel prize occur, God help us all.
Love, Your Perfect Goddess,
steffie
PS: i just want to know, did this Obama dude get a near-straight-A
report card from HIS Mistress last night? No, i don't think so. And i
guess that just about says it all, doesn't it? Hmmph. |
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Every day i wake up with a tiny sigh of relief. i am half-expecting to be kicked off Collar Me for not following the rules -- subs are NOT supposed to have more than one Goddess are we?!?! :-) And yet i worship and occasionally serve several.
i DO long so much to find The One. i dream of a long-term relationship, most definitely. i continue to try to re-create the joy and fulfillment of 15 years serving my wife Susan. She was perfect for me, and i guess i am still pretty good for her, as we grow ever more in love every day. But i suspect we shall live out the rest of our days as equals, and she has a boyfriend and i still search for my Perfect Goddess.
And i have met so many Perfect Creatures here, and hit it off wonderfully -- but, as fate would have it, they live so far away or are imminently moving, etc.
And so i continue with one-time opportunities such as last night, serving whenever needed by whomever calls. i am not complaining -- and feel quite lucky indeed!!!
But i do so TOTALLY feel like i am breaking the rules by loving and worshipping so many. It feels like at any moment, God is going to find me with Her flashlight, and say, "What in the world are you doing, steffie?!?!"
Actually, i do feel deeply loved by God for helping Her female messengers in their time of need. So........my life is very different from the rest of the Collar Me scene. But perhaps this is what God intends for me.
So grateful for every Goddess in the world, truly,
steffie |
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10-8-09
REPORT CARD
Completion of Chores: A
Quality of Work: B
Obedience: A
Attitude: A
Presentability: A
Overall Grade: A
Comments: very conscientious of tasks, self starter
Room For Improvement: where to put the towels!
Thank you for dinner--the gift--your service and you!!! As I have said many times--you rock my day precious one
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
i might possibly deserve the one B, but actually i think She mainly
gave it to me to keep me from getting a big head! i AM a very, very
good sub, no matter what anyone says, it's T-R-U-E. Yes, i do deserve
straight As, come to think of it, and i am thankful She gave me the
one "B" ESPECIALLY if it is to keep me from getting prideful.
But there are so very, very few true subs in this world. And i am one.
And one of the best around here. And i worship women -- all women --
because God is so faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar away.
But tonight, i helped a woman in in
a crisis, one of life's tragic turning points......i was THERE for Her
tonight! And it's really not about a sparkly kitchen floor, although
that will certainly help when She wakes up to face another day
tomorrow. But it's so much more than that, and massages and the pussy
slavery which makes men drool. It's about listening when someone needs
to talk even if its not about sex, about caring and considering, about
attention and devotion. And, as women are trained to serve, it's about
a night when the whole universe revolves around HER for even a few
hours.
And i do these things -- and i am informed of God's love and pride in
Her humble creation. God loves me tonight.
And She has brought me all the way home. |
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Hello, world - lucky steffie is feeling especially so these days...and tonight! In the short while i've been here on Collar Me, i've joyfully met so many wonderful and wonderfully demanding Women. How i wish i could live in ten different cities at once because it is pure torture being separated from You!
Tomorrow night is very special to me, as i have what is likely a one-time opportunity to serve one of the most beautiful and commanding women on Collar Me. Beautiful inside and out, She is first and foremost a friend and i intend for life. We have cared for each other during mutually difficult times, and that's the foundation of O/our relationship.
But tomorrow i shall meet Her in person for the very first time! And so W/we shall have an entirely new dimension to O/our relationship, at least for one night.
The plan is to begin with dinner at Como's, and i have had a gift waiting for Her for over a month. Finally, She will have it.
Then, back to Her place, and i am told to expect pretty seriously hard housework, as She is preparing to move. i am SO GRATEFUL that She has left the most unpleasant jobs for me, so that i can make the most of this Blessed Opportunity!
Then....i am told that W/we may just have a little time to explore some of the items on Her "loves" and "lives for" list. Which -- happily enough -- is practically a mirror for my own lists! Well, i am and forever shall be a pussy slave -- i was trained VERY HARD and VERY SERIOUSLY for 15 years in this life -- and this is what i shall be until i die. It's so very important to me, WAY beyond sex, it really has become my spiritual connection and my artistic inspiration.
i am fed by a woman's sexual selfishness.
And so, tonight, i say thank You to all my gorgeous Goddess Friends, and i kneel before You and every woman in this world, and thank God above for sending You as Her messengers on this mortal plain. You bless and brighten my life with Your essence and fill me with Divine Rapture.
for one night, Her obedient pussy slave,
steffie |
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PS: As a performer myself, i want to thank my very first Collar Me scammer for a truly amazing performance. i almost feel i should have given them the money as they put on such a brilliant show! And i didn't even buy a ticket. i nominate my new friend for an Oscar, and it was fun being drawn into their web for a bit. :-) The band plays the Hayloft this Sunday, can't wait! Loving life, steffie |
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i am SO GRATEFUL to the Lovely, Lovely Ladies who rule my world, and may i please You in every imaginable way. :-)
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She's gone.
It was never going to last. i'd looked forward to two weeks, starting
last Saturday. But things change.
But i am so glad to be allowed to serve Her one last time. For the
first time in 12 years my unusual and unique needs were really being
fulfilled.
The thought of maybe waiting another 12 years for this is a bit
unnerving, and makes things like the Dirty Show pretty much unbearable
for me.
i guess my needs are just as valid as anyone else's. That's what
concerned friends are saying, that i deserve to be happy just like
everyone else. Everybody trying to build up my self-esteem (and it's
working).
The truth is that any woman in the world can make the connection for
me, and bring me home to God. Any woman can do it, and then my whole
world sparkles and shines. So there are three and a half billion
possible solutions out there.
i am just now duping up 30 copies of the pre-release version of X-OUT.
i am proud because i continue to achieve stated goals, despite my lack
of confidence and other problems.
And i'm proud because it's quite good, and my musical abilities
continue to develop. i hope you listen.
i am entirely open to the idea of bringing in another singer, either
as substitute or replacement, if people feel that is best for the
band. Chrome and i talked seriously about it today. There is too much
at stake.
Saturday will be great, and i have always looked forward to it. A
couple of things about the Dirty Show will make it difficult for me,
but i won't let you down. Hoping to get in and out as quickly as
possible, though.
i'm so happy and grateful to have spent a final night with Her. And
She said i pleased Her thoroughly, in every way. Certain things --
such as riding my bike six miles to bring grapes and strawberries --
She said it REALLY meant a lot to Her, at a time things are going
quite badly.
It's NOT about sex. And it's not about "punishment" and god knows life
is humiliating enough that i don't have to see a pro to get more of
that. It's about love, worship, respect, obedience and servitude --
and making another human being really feel great even when their life
pretty much sucks.
And so i feel beautiful again, proud and loved by God.
Love and thanks, steffie |
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STEFFIE & THE DIRTY VIRGINS
performance schedule:
* Fri Sept 25 - Dirty Show (www.dirtyshow.org)
* Sat Sept 26 - Dirty Show
* Sat Sept 26 - Painted Lady, Hamtramck
* Fri Oct 2 - Dirty Show
* Sat Oct 3 - Dirty Show
* Sun Oct 11 - Hayloft
* Sat Oct 24 - Erotica Ball (info@detroiteroticaball.com)
* Sat Nov 7 - AJ's Cafe, Ferndale
* Sat Nov 7 - House of Shamrocks, Hazel Park
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Lovely Friends
As you can see, there are lots of great opportunities to check out the Dirty Virgins coming up, and many more shows in the works.
This version of the band includes some of the finest musicians in Detroit, and they work HARD at making my songs the best they can be. We continue to seek a quality keyboardist and backup vocalists.
i've spent the last two weeks recording songs for X-OUT, my fourth album of the year. Four of six songs are essentially complete, minus bass and drums. i will record the final two songs during my next break in November. At that time, i hope to also complete the half-finished HYPERSEXUAL. Then, in December, i will record SONGS FOR A MOTHER OF MINE PT. 2.
So i am on track to complete five albums of music in 2009.
It seems so grand and puffy to describe oneself as an "artist," but no one laughs anymore. This year has changed everything. i made a pledge to God last December to devote pretty much every spare moment to the creation of music, and five albums speak to my sincerity.
It's not that the music is great or good or bad. Who can say what makes art good or bad? But when a person is driven to work 20 hours straight day-after-day, racing the clock the whole time as if a gun to my head, and for no financial gain or other apparent reason -- well, it's precisely because of this kind of relentless, gnawing hunger and craving that makes oneself an artist. It's never art if it's done to get rich or famous. But when you NEED to do something just to keep from killing yourself -- then it's art.
It cannot be anything else.
None of these five albums will ever be released. Only a handful of people will ever hear these songs. This is between me and God.
X-OUT is a collection of suicide-inspired songs. Which is not at all my mindset these days -- but the songs have a lot of magick, and for some reason i am driven to work on them now.
It's easily the best stuff i've ever done, far better than MONASTERY, which itself was light-years ahead of PERFECTLY STILL. It's some of the best music coming out of the city -- i know that. People say it is brilliant, and i agree but without any sense of boastfulness or pride. So little of it comes from me.
The songs are magnificent ONLY because in some tiny way they reflect God's magnificence. The existence of music is surely great proof of the existence of a God, and i could so much more easily adopt an atheistic view if we lived in a world without music.
All an artist can ever do is merely to "strip away the wallpaper," so to speak, to reveal God's glory bursting out from behind the veil. All i have to offer is hard, hard work. i didn't invent the scales or the chords....i merely arranged the same old notes in a new order. So what reason is there for pride? It's only the power and magnificence of the God-given diatonic musical system which makes the songs -- ANYONE'S songs -- sound so great.
Music is a miracle. It is NOT a human creation.
i've had a good scare in the last couple of weeks that the burning inspiration which has gripped me so fiercely these last four years...well, i've wondered if it is slipping away. And then what? If it leaves me....i'll be finished. Sure, i will continue to write, but it will be a pointless, dull exercise. i know, that's what the first 45 years were like.
And then................the sun exploded and life changed forever.
At least it seemed it would be forever. Is God, once again turning Her back on me? Am i falling out of love? They say that evil always hides where you least expect it, and this fate i certainly did not expect.
Maybe i just need sleep.
If it's over now, i will certainly cherish the 65 songs which fell into my lap like ripe, golden pears these last four years.
i will make only maybe 20 copies of X-OUT, so the odds are you won't get one (special Domme girlfriends are likely to be the exception!). But i will email you a song or two if you like.
* "SERENITY" -- gentle, soft acoustic, with some organ and a touch of woodwinds.
* "MY LITTLE DIRTY GIRL" -- steffie's autobiography in the style of David Bowie.
* "KEEP COOL" -- i don't know, sort of a psycho-billy sound, just for fun.
* "MAKE IT STOP" -- probably my epic suicide piece, written during the hellish experience of selling Jam Rag, and the one time in 26 years that Sue spoke of divorcing me. "Now i lose my mind 'cause i come to find, you're gonna turn on me too, only one thing left to do -- make it stop." It's an ugly, horrific number, and i AM proud to have so completely captured the desperation of that awful time three years ago. i guess this is my answer to the Jim Morrison and the Doors' "The End."
i am sad to be wrapping up the project, and long for the day when i can create in communion with God without interruption. But none of this is about financial gain, and so in order to eat i must put the recording aside and publish my newspaper.
Side Note: Sue is going through one of the worst times of her life right now, as she struggles heroically to care for her mother..
Side Note 2: It is looking ever more certain that there will be a street protest against this Buju Banton fellow, who writes songs encouraging the murder of gays and lesbians. Banton's concert is Sept. 30, and i'll keep you posted.
i am so grateful to my special new girlfriends who rescue me from the constant loneliness. i NEED you in order to make the Divine connection and find my way home. Lay with me please, and i shall worship You -- God's creation -- in Her absence.
i am looking forward to seeing you all at the shows -- what fun!!!
Love,
steffie |
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| Age: 26 |
| Devon,
Illinois |
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