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Journal is fixed!!
I cannot explain how helpful journal is for me.
To write my feeling force me to organize my idea.
That is kind of therapy for me.
I am very, very happy website fix Journal.
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Move from Mexico since June. Mostly I quit this profile because I choose new name that fit better to me. |
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I make new name that fit me better. I quit this name to have new conversation. Only purpose to use this name is conversation to certain friend I enjoy. |
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All night awake for argue. Wish quit everything. Maybe good certain person ruin feeling with lie and intimidate. So tired without sleep. Now force awake for responsibility all day. So angry. |
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Become so angry. I suggest general idea what I did but when say quit, other person need to do that. |
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NO! I do not want to do more activity now. I do not wish anything now. |
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Now is after 4a and I finish to obey order from friend. His order is what I suggest but result is maybe not so good. My feeling is very embarrass and angry to myself. I think to cry is satisfy but I become too angry to myself to cry. I cannot believe what I do, is too stupid and ugly. Other person see my act is more emotion what I expect. Stupid. I wish to sleep now but too angry to do that. |
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Please, I am not lesbian. To talk to other women is interesting but my feeling is not sexy to woman or man. My feeling is shame, humiliate, embarrass, stare to me, laugh to me, force to lower status than other. That is what fit to me.
If that bother you then please do not write to me to complain. Please to not write to me to suggest other idea to me. I explain what I never will do clearly to my history. Please respect what I wish. |
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My feeling is not strong like Mexico but still I come here most day.
Mexico I always notice place that make me think activity without choice.
Here I cannot find any place that is correct for activity even with hard looking.
Maybe is good my feeling is reduced from Mexico but my feeling is still exist a little.
Some person write to me with interesting message but my mood is not strong enough I have good response to them. I do not act rude on purpose, I act that way because I have no words to write. Sorry.
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I notice something that give me interesting idea. I add photograph of that place (^o^)
I never do that idea! Is only joke.
I smile but never explain that reason to my family.
Maybe I get doggie /(^o^)\ |
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My stress is reduce I arrive to Japan. Here no one notice me. That is opposite from Queretaro. Everybody stare to me there. I become invisible here.
Maybe I do not enjoy everyone stare to me but that way give me uncomfortable feeling what I enjoy.
Here is comfortable life but maybe boring too. Still I work to decide what life is interesting to me. Both life have element what I enjoy and element what I hate.
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We move to Japan now temporary. Exactly future place we live is not decided. Minimum we return Mexico to collect belonging. Maybe we have extend to assignment there soon too. My feeling is not care. I have no closely friend there or other place. Make me tired to worry that subject. |
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I avoid message for long time because of quiet mood. I try to response to some but is not possible quickly. Priority is response to my friend. I finish response my friend enough I try response to interesting message from other person. |
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Today my mood improve.
I have obey order from my friend more than 7 days past and I become to myself a lot. Always I have that way I have activity.
Maybe I have too busy conversation to myself to have conversation to other person (u_u)
Mostly I have nothing exciting my life. My emotion is flat. I have activity to obey order is opposite.
I have scared I plan activity and excite I complete without trouble. I become more calm few day pass and regret feeling stays longer. Maybe I do not feel happy from activity but maybe I enjoy emotion change too. Maybe I am odd person because I enjoy cry sometime too. No idea.
I write what I feel is maybe boring to other. I write what I feel sometime make me feel stupid too. My activity is very baby compare to what other person does. Maybe other person have same conflict like me but never explain. No idea. I have no plan what I do in future. I have rule for what I never do but no plan for I continue or quit my activity what I do now.
Maybe what I feel my heart is very interesting and exciting to me but always I try to explain with words it become too boring.
I try to response more message now. To do that will certain to make me angry (x_x)
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I feel alive mood and add new photograph *(^_^)* |
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Today is scary and excite day ! Friend give me order to photo to them naked outside. Mostly is no opportunity for activity but today I have excuse to away my family for lunch activity.
Mostly today lunch activity is boring to me and my brain thinking to order. I decide suddenly maybe follow order before return my house.
I never think carefully detail to order so no plan I pose alone to my phone. I sit long time my car to decide method. My brain think too many people that place. I quit all naked plan and decide only pants down. My plan is touching phone to my purse the car and I pose ground. I practice many time before pants down. One person notice me to the ground and ask I have problem ! My heart stop beating ! I pretend very poor Spanish to make excuse I drop jewelry the ground I searching for. My heart beat fast that person offer help to me search to nothing. I pretend not understand and refuse help that person. I wait long time everybody leave to rest my heart. Always I have activity hidden place. Here is more busy without hidden so much. Final plan is delay photo my phone before pants down. Delay is too short to pants down after active ! I force pants down before careful adjust my phone ! Is very odd feeling like that public place ! I force repeat four time like that before success pose ! Maybe such public place it not correct to me, I nearly die my heart too fast ! Always my activity is close my house or very empty place. Never middle my city ! Is very excite to me but other place is my favorite.
Thank you for order Kindly san ! My heart still fast beat ! |
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Other person suggest humiliate activity and excite feeling is connect but not together. I think very long time and maybe that idea is correct.
I never wish other notice my activity. I enjoy excite feeling from scared maybe other person notice my activity.
Stay hidden require frozen my body and hold feeling quiet my brain without response. That make excite feeling grow more.
Maybe humiliate situation is correct method to me but result is excite feeling is wish.
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I wish question to other like me that receive hypnosis. Only general question. Please strict to person that receive hypnosis. I wait question to person that give hypnosis to I study more. |
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Some day I have too much I wish to talk I never say any words at all. |
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Because of mood I try quit my feeling but I think that way more again. Maybe I try activity more this week. Maybe I fight my feeling stronger. Still my friend is not coming here again and that bother me. Other friend is polite to me and suggest activity to me but only joke I think. That couple is only coming here few times too.
Many person wish talk to me but very few person fit to me enough I notice. I have no reason some person are interesting to me. Interesting just happen random from correct word fit to me.
I study some person have hypnosis activity. Is interesting what that person explain but that person only give basic advice to me. Maybe other person has order like that to them can explain more ? Maybe boring question from me but I have no idea like that.
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Maybe I do not understand this place well. So many person quit without good bye. They quit more than conversation, they quit here completely. I find person I enjoy and concentrate conversation and activity to them but they disappear. Is rude.
Still they help me learn more to myself and some activity they order to me is interesting.
Maybe is better I try alone activity more again. That way works without require steady other person.
Maybe is exciting to me enough announce my actity here. Other know my immoral act detail is make me worried feeling that fit to me. |
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Sometime I can explain well. Sometime my brain and word become locked.
I try to explain detail my feeling to my friend after obey order. My feeling comes too big for my brain to arrange. Is spin my head. I wish to sit the floor and act drunkard cause my feeling. Mix all emotion same time.
I try more to finish other time.
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My life turn zombie again ! I promise careful to avoid but that happen again ! All day and night I wait my friend. Like that waste my life. Always computer is on and I force to pay attention. Is not other person blame. It bother me. I wish to limit this activity but result is always I stay here. Maybe I force to quit because certain person make me too stupid. Only certain persons does like that. I never angry to them but angry to me. Make me crazy to wait. Make me waste my life. I hate zombie. |
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Certain idea fill my brain. No idea why that idea is interesting so much. I try concentrate certain person strictly so that idea is force to quit. I really wish quit all idea like this to replace with normal wish like other. |
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I have activity more and feeling is regret and not believe my act. My feeling bother me but I anticipate activity more. I hate my feeling control my life. Before I notice my activity make me like zombie. I wait long time for certain person to arrive to me. It bother me my act like that. I quit for long time. Like that happen again. I waste my life to waiting this part my life. Stupid. I wish quit to normal life. |
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I arrive to home and feeling is tired. Maybe sleep now and decide my feeling after awake. My friend suggest idea to my activity and maybe I try. Suggest is maybe not difficult so activity is maybe possible with only alone separate room my home. I think long time today with boring travel home. Other persons complain I think too much to my feeling. Maybe other persons are correct. So what (^-^) That is my personality. Maybe conversation to my own brain are only conversation I understand clearly. Best feature to alone conversation is never lose argument with only me. |
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Activity here finish early. Now plan is return to home tomorrow. Maybe talk my friend tonight for activity. I have computer here but maybe only look here few time. |
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I decide activity with my friend. Soon she is prepared then we go together.
Maybe I make rude chat person angry to me (^_^)
I have force to quit chat because my response is rude like him. Happy now (^_^) |
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Friend I visit return and ask me activity but my mood is bad now. I stay here maybe two more day then return home. Is many activity here but mostly is not interesting to me. Some shopping is nice but drinking activity is not my favorite. Friend I visit work and I have alone few day. Maybe too much computer that reason.
Is exciting to try chat here because never work my house. Now I think I quit that idea. Result is stupid feeling.
Chat history.
First. Rude to me and angry.
Second chat is exciting and end friend I visit almost discover my activity. I have naked and odd act. I force quit quickly! Exciting.
Last chat end stupid act and big stupid feeling.
Is excited to have activity new place that is not comfortable to me. I wish visit here offer more opportunity.
I finish shower and dress to bed so early. Maybe I sleep early too. |
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I feel stupid now. Gross and stupid. |
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New word I learn today, blunder. That word make me smile because sound is funny. Sound is friendly. |
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Mostly chat feature never work for me. Finally I have luck to try chat because other place. Chat is maybe not correct fit to me because I have too slow and other person is rude to me. Is allowed laugh to me but I do not enjoy rude. Maybe my English become better I try again future. Maybe other person never understand to learn other language is big work. Most difficult is special vocabulary and slang word. Most translate book never include like that. Even joke is very different meaning to other culture and language. I try very hard and now I become very tired. Is time to sleep for me. |
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Slowly I learning special vocabulary word to my idea. Maybe my new word is never teach in school *(^_^)*
Now I try search feature more with detail word. Sorry I bother any person I read their ideas. My purpose is only learning.
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I decide my wish is opposite to possible all choice.
Maybe I wish conversation to one friend to help me to idea define and feeling. Maybe become comfortable more my person and practice solution to satisfy.
Other wish is to me maybe small detail person to make order to me with exciting feeling because uncomfortable more. Mostly person like that is very rude or too polite so I quit that way before.
Sorry I have no reason certain person word is correct to me and other person word is not enjoy to me. Maybe even kind person have polite word but my feeling is attract no reason certain person words.
I find one person is very comfortable to me but maybe I become too boring to them because too much work my back and forward feeling. Maybe is not possible satisfy my wish because opposite.
Some person is lucky enjoy feeling like this without problem to study. Unlucky my way is not like that. Maybe more understand my person is more that way future.
Maybe stress is comfortable to me. That is silly idea but maybe is truth.
Thinking to that idea is maybe very correct. Certain stress is no control stress with bad feeling. My idea stress is no control stress with my choice direction. New idea stress is separate my life without result to my life. Maybe my explain is confuse to other now but maybe is small understand more to me.
To write general my diary here is help my mental life. Maybe other think is waste to them but is useful to me.
Maybe other wish to give direction to me. Like that is maybe bad helping to me. Mostly my explain to my diary is help explain to only me.
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Today I block rude person. Complain to me my person and also wish conversation to me. Is rude to me and order me apologize to them? Complain I have money so I am low quality. Never know detail my life but shout they are correct fit to me. Silly and rude person. |
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I watching to outside no sleeping feeling and think time is my favorite to have activity. Maybe sad is not possible to have activity this night. Maybe is good opportunity to make plan my future activity but my mood is not strong to my idea. Just boring feeling to waste opportunity night. Maybe study other history then resting. |
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Some diary message even confuse to me. I erase and quit to think now. Maybe I try more later. |
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Maybe I find person that is comfortable to me. I explain some detail my life that person I never explain to other. Maybe detail I never explain even to me. Like that is never my life. I never wish belong to other. Like that is not purpose to my conversation. I wish more to share my feeling and activity to my diary. I announce my activity few time and have exciting shame feeling other know my act. Some person is very rude to me. Some person is like boss that I never have conversation to. Like that make me uncomfortable to quit detail my act. Maybe I can do like that more soon with other person help to me. I careful to avoid ZOMBIE (X_X)(X_~) |
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My heart wish to tell other my life more. Other know my activity is scary and interesting to my idea. Is pain to me to explain. Other be polite is not solution. I try conversation to my friend only to become comfortable my stupid explain. Maybe I become not worry my vocabulary to announce my activity to many my diary. That idea is excite shame feeling I enjoy. |
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Always other ask what I want. I try clearly with only big detail.
I wish study other like me. Maybe learn my reason for idea and solution to satisfy without change to my life. Mostly I never talk to other.
I wish very few friend for conversation. I find that enough now, sorry. More conversation is not helpful or enjoy for me.
Clearly to other; I enjoy my life and never wish to be with other person except my family.
Clearly to other; I do not wish to go to other city for temporary life. That idea is crazy to me.
Some person explain is very comfortable to me and I enjoy. I try polite response to like that.
Some person explain is uncomfortable to me. Maybe is accident rudely but certain word order bother me. Mostly I do not response to like that.
I hate other tell me is correct for me without conversation. That idea is crazy to me. Make me think that person is crazy too.
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I try to write to here so many time but after I read my word they are stupid to me so erase. Feeling that other know my activity is exciting to me but quality of my detail is not explain correctly my excitement feeling. Some person I have conversation to here is so very polite to listen my complain and polite suggest help idea to me. They make me comfortable with correct word to me. Maybe I try more to announce my activity to enjoy more my feeling.
Thank you to my friend here. Is maybe not closely relationship but reduce alone feeling for me. |
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I notice cord attach to my gate after past activity, that cord give me idea. I leave to other activity now. Goodnight. |
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I have alone today and I think to talk to my friend tonight but schedule is not together. I think something maybe keep me to not thinking my stress. I have no idea for me for long time but maybe I try to follow something I think today. Maybe I sit to study outside and become strong to try. |
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Today is not good day. Is suggest to move to new place for job. Is not special to me here but I never feel attach to anything because always new place for my life. I become solitary person more. Maybe other think I wish friend more but is opposite. Sometime other person try so hard polite to me it bother me. I hate closely to other because always sad to separate. I quit to close anyone.
To announce here is not suggest conversation to other.
To announce here is only release my feeling.
I hate other feel sad to me or suggest solution my life. Other person never know my situation well. I decide my future only.
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I come here with confused feeling. I think maybe I learn from other person experience and understand myself inside. I try many things and maybe I find solution for me. Is possible other person here is like me and maybe my idea does help them too. I feel silly is very simple idea. I make list with all my feeling on paper. Then I arrange order; strong to weak. Is not fix my problem but maybe help understand more reason. My list (^.^)
1. I feel boring life and empty inside. Always repeat and no closely friend. ( Reason no friend is ME. I do not enjoy conversation )
2. I feel very bad to myself because is rude to my family. My family is correct and my feeling is because of ME.
3. I feel scared sometime because other person stare to me. Asian is unusual here.
4. Scared feeling make me forget empty feeling.
5. Scary feeling make my life exciting but never cancel my promise to love only my family.
6. I think what is most scary thing. Maybe other laugh to me with no choice for me escape. I think no owner or Master is more scary. Maybe alone and nobody help me is terrible scary.
7. Maybe everyone see me naked with chain and collar like not person and can not run for escape. Maybe puppy. Puppy is cute and never speak to other.
8. I try naked outside like that secret and scary feeling make me feel exciting.
9. I decide puppy act is interesting but not required. I decide scary feeling is important.
10. Is scary that other person know detail my act. Is not possible other person in my life know my act but announce my act here make my act more scary because my secret is escape a little.
Is silly I use long time to decide simple reason for my dysfunction. Problem is my feeling force me to act incorrectly. I never have no control my act before. I notice I have many stupid act. Like waste whole day to make tail or shopping only for doggie food.Is confuse and scary.
No understand, no control make me worry my act maybe never stop or other person control me rudely.
I apologize to few person here that I ignore after few message. Their words fit me correctly and I have fear because I never know my response to follow their idea. Maybe never I can stop after obey and become discovered to my life.
Maybe correct plan for my life is alone act and announce here with secret my name. My heart still beat fast to have memory of my past act. Is strong always at notice some detail of my act. Is become weak to my leg always now to see doggy food at store or cord still attach strong to my house gate. Even other notice I become more quiet certain time. Is very happy to me other person never know reason.
I apologize again to WP. Maybe you read my past diary and notice my word fit to you mostly and not angry to me. I only worry my own act like drug person become crazy.
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Sorry. I stop this part of my life to more thinking wish for my life plan. |
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I observe my computer whole day for certain person. No purpose. Maybe polite word. Maybe order to me. Presently I notice now my act is like lonely puppy staring to the window. I think other maybe plan like that on purpose now. I expect angry feeling but my feeling is opposite that way. I do not know how to think of that. Maybe worry me. Maybe I do not understand. I do not like. I do like too. Mixed feeling. |
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Two other history here always force me to study them. I study more repeat times because interesting but two are strong to me.
One offer invitation I never can accept but is deep wish to me. I never have conversation to them because is waste their time.
One history is person that make me frozen with their words. I stare to them and maybe I force their word to fit to my situation. Maybe I have misunderstanding their wish will fit to me. Maybe I do understand. Both ending is sad to my life.
I receive order from other very far past. Very basic order that stop me to move first time here. I do that idea and it affect my feeling deeply. That person become rude immediately after I obey. Now I worry like that because same happen with refuse idea that is not possible to me more.
Some person choose word that pull me to follow and that bother me. I am not weakly person like that.
Other person sure to think I am broken. Person in my daily life will think my feeling is crazy. Person here think I am broken because I never choose inside or outside my feeling. I am stuck middle and spin quickly to become dizzy.
How do other person do like this separate their daily life ? How do other person stop this feeling to live daily activity ? Maybe this is like unhealthy snack that is allowed little but not healthy to have more to me ? I wish I knew my direction.
To write here does become more easy with my mood. |
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Does method like this work to anyone ?
you little fucken cunt i want you as my fucken pet !!
From firewithin2020 |
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Is not easy to force message like I am told.
Presently I think to certain words from others. Mostly other person words do not affect my feeling. Many history I study and many message I receive and only few attract my feeling. Some person words make me scared to read because I become frozen to listen.
I do not notice exactly cause. Is not like persons I expect or special look. Is maybe mix polite and strong and understand my feeling. Few person have exactly correct word to my deep heart feeling.
Presently I have two message from certain person I too scared to read because I become frozen to them. Maybe they think I am rude but truth is I am too scared to response. I try once to response but message require hours to me and result was stupid message from me. That person response but I never read yet. Maybe they think me stupid or maybe I become frozen to them more. Both possible endding is bad to me.
Some are friendly and I wish open conversation with equal to them but I struggle to be interesting and open my feeling.
I confuse reason some message with order from stranger is pull my feeling. Mostly that idea is push to me. Correct word is important to me. I wish is possible to response my feeling with correct word like other choose. I become angry to myself because my word mostly can not define me feeling correctly.
I had order for tonight but temperature was too cold to obey. Maybe other expect I ignore cold temperature. I apologize and wait his response. He is friendly more than boss. I enjoy like that. Other person I hide from is maybe more boss feeling to me. I scared to become like zombie because I become frozen to them.
I think if my feeling must be strong or weak to read message from other. Is my personality weak to obey or strong to try ? I try to be open my feeling but sure is not interesting to other. I agree to try to choose word and write to my diary is help to me. Thank you to order me to do. Maybe become more easy.
Sorry I did not do what you order. I have obey all in past but worry health tonight. Please appreciate I try.
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My friend convince me to begin my diary more. Maybe is more like order (^.^)
I agree that is help to me too.
Is suggest I ignore correct grammar and full idea sentence but force to try each day. Is allowed to many feeling without certain order.
I will try more.
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I find a few polite persons that make me strong enough to be weak to them. I try some new activity to thier order.
Is order I tell to everyone I obey to them already two times.
Detail is naked to private place far from my house with photograph of my clothes on ground not close to me.
Second activity is naked daytime same place to my first activity. I force to show myself to that photograph too.
I thank you sir to force me to shame myself to everyone that wish to laugh to me. |
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Why is chat always ask adobe flash player install ? I repeat install and chat ask more for same. Is certain adobe flash player is installed.
Video chat only has message;
ERROR:
parameter 'rootPath' is undefined.
Other person have same problem include repair ? |
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I have six hour to one response tonight with only simple subject. Is too much work for conversation. |
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Always bad mood now. Is this weekly day I plan my activity and I continue angry to other act to copy me. I do not enjoy my idea more.
Other erase my photograph but is still allowed history here. |
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Other person take my picture. I complain but nothing happen.
More reason to quit here. I ask nothing from other and someone steal from me my person to ask money. Very bad mood. |
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I finish you ask. Is enough for correct ? I remove quickly. |
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I have bad feeling and mood for today. I have long time thinking though my activity. I search for activity that is moral today. |
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I just think to my life and have bad feeling.
I look to my table and see my all day working to make doggie tail for me to dress with naked.Is not sexy idea. It is low quality idea.
Many time I have model to mirror and annoy fail. 36y adult and I act to stupid and dysfunction idea without strong to quit. My life is broken. (#_#) |
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I quit to repair tail idea fail. I decide shopping now for new tail idea. Is second time I have shopping only for dysfunction activity. My tummy was tight to have shopping for doggie food. I worry feeling to touch to object with tail plan secret my head with other close.
Is excited alive feeling begin immediate now (*_*)
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Tonight I try activity more.
I have attention more to outside and tonight is good choice to me from study and past. My street become empty from dark but become busy more after activity end very late. I have stuck before in busy time and maximum scared with excite .
Maybe I make rule to force activity always this day when alone my house.
I notice other here with cute tail attach with string. Is exciting to me for that idea. I try long time to copy. It never match like I see. It look very weak. Is activity now to search solution.
Still I have trying for complete idea. Mostly good idea comes without expect or mistake. I never have good luck for idea by force to invent.
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I get few polite message that repeat. Is too difficult to response same to all. I try to answer one time now.
My life is full with other and style. I live quality life for things. I stay here and not move to be with other.
My life is weak for communicate with other. My mind has big idea but my brain has small vocabulary. Is like prison inside.
I have no activity most day and feel boring. When I have activity other stare to me because I have big different look and uncomfortable to me. Sometime is scary to me.
Scared is only interesting feeling to me.
Other stares to my look always and feels to me like I walk naked.
My brain make dream I am naked and all stare to me.
I wake with fast heart and scared and exciting life feeling.
Recent have very boring night and decide to have secret outside naked alone.
I explain that activity in my diary.
Because I have accident problem, my idea is accident change to more shame with crawl and act stupid.
I only have two activity with this idea in my life.
Is not normal feeling and other with me never understand my feeling. If other notice me is clearly to everyone my life because everyone know my look.
Is rule my idea secret to my life.
Is my excitement to be scared my idea is found to other. I learn my heart stop to worry dirty and naked and not allow escape and never make explain reason. |
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Number one is not special. I had boring time and stress and my thinking was to dysfunction idea I have long time.
Sorry is not exciting to everyone but by idea was to be naked outside not close to entry to house.
My house has long stone walk from house entry to car parking. Car parking is open to outside with big automatic open gate that protect house and car from robber. Yard is surround by .5 metre stone wall with metal fence match to gate to make very tall.
I wait for late so empty outside and remove all my clothes to become naked. I look careful and sneaky run to garden by car.
I learn first mistake to me.
I get close to car and all light change ON outside by automatic (>X<)
I fall quickly to knee and frozen visible naked (XoX!)
Return to entry is run long way by street with light shine to me. Most close safe place for hide is car parking.
Maximum scared I crawl like dog to search dark place for hiding.
Close place for dark hiding was back of car corner in place between car and .5 metre stone part of wall and less 1 metre from gate that open for car and street. Is easily to touch me from street if anyone notice me. (!0!)
I sit very short like doggie to try part hidden by stone wall. Still I seen all from street if look to me.
For long time I wait for light to off and my heart stop always for car pass.
I sit very short and notice everything happen near me and everything make me frozen for scared.
I try more closely to ground and notice small touch to my vagina. I scared bug and immediate my hand to there without allowed scream or move. My hand rub to my vagina and notice two. One is small plant was to me and two is my body is feeling exciting (~o~)
I try sit still for long time after light off for idea escape to entry. I notice very strong my naked feeling and my body reaction. Waiting I hear talking people walk to me. I have cry feeling but too scared. I try lay like dog and feel stone to my body and breast. I feel strong dirty and cold and too scared to move.
My body is very white and sure I have notice to stranger walking less one metre to me and no divide to hidden.
I force to crawl with breast on ground quickly to away from gate without sound.
My heart die with new mistake (X_X)
At move away from street I make the lights on again (@_@)
I force frozen to lay on stone naked with knee spread fully and vagina point to street with mostly light shine to me.
To not make sound and wish not notice me is escape possible.
I have to stay still with my shame visible to street. I lay face from street so I cannot see if anyone notice me for long time. My feeling is strong to all my body. I feel air to my leg and vagina. I feel plant and earth to my naked body but never able to move. I feel without touch my body become excite more with no permission from me.
I wait for long time after the people pass to me. After lights go to off I stay more. It become excite to me like that. Like prisoner. To move is visible naked. To stay is maybe notice visible naked with vagina open to street with shinny exciting.
I have feeling that make me stay even with very scared.
My street become busy for short time when late activity end. I stay maybe one hour to wait more return to past me. I hide eyes with arm to not see for more scary. My other hand move very slow because worry light on to under my body to touch my vagina. Many time I have other past to me without counting because I cannot see to that way. I have wanting to notice to me with hand massage to myself that pose. I worry for light to on always. I worry mostly with other walk close.
I have scared finish with very big feeling many time and never allowed sound. I have feeling to make sound like dog almost too strong for me. I remain long time with tired scared excited feeling.
Before morning sun I crawl reverse close to street. I pull my breast to earth and move slow when plant touch me more. I change to back and open leg. I feel plant and earth touch me all places. I close eyes and touch more for finish.
I force to crawl back of car near gate to fully yard. Only one metre from street for 10 metre to avoid light on. I have cover dirty and exciting feeling that never explain. I crawl to house entry and avoid stone walk. I crawl to tall plant and flower without standing. I force to crawl naked to plant and flower. Is big uncomfortable to feel sharp branch to my naked body. The leaf and branch rub and scratch me all places. When middle plant close to entry I worry light again but it never on again. I think dysfuntion for me to enjoy like this. This was accident to have like this. My idea was like flash run only.
To crawl was big exciting for me. I do not understand wish to make sound like dog against my wish.
I have many idea more in my mind but few activity that is safety.
I learn to maybe try idea with not naked first. Maybe strong careful to light (^_^)
I try explain last night activity maybe tomorrow. Very tired and more exciting feeling *(-_o)*
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I quit to find other with baby idea and skill like me. Maybe other like me have same problem. I think to share my activity to have shame feeling has helpful to other like me maybe. Maybe is interesting to other like me for idea. Maybe is good to avoid mistake too *(^0^)* I try very hard to give detail but not always correct word is available to me. I have no possible to have activity with other. I have to have only alone. That is RULE to fit my life. I never change. Please to not ask me to change to your idea always. Is my problem not easily for alone idea. Idea is not exciting because is easily to quit when scared feeling begin. I have only two experience present that make me excite feeling enough. I try to finish diary for two activity before I try activity more. Maybe tonight if I have new idea. *(^_^)* |
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I try to explain my activity last night but even I cannot understand my English. (u_u) |
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Make few mistake last night and everything become wrong. Very awful and exciting to me. My mind is very busy to only one idea. I shake from scared and then smile often today (^0^) |
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I have ready everything and outside is empty. Maybe time is now (@_@)
I set rule to myself.
I use cord to tie together my neck and gate to avoid quickly change my plan and quickly escape.
I only release after finish all food with no hand from dish. My tummy is sick to look (>o<)
I have undress all and keep nothing to hide my body outside.
My heart is beat so fast *(^o^)*
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I never notice so many food for dog (OwO)
Is very yummy to look outside. Inside open is ugly (>o<)
Maybe I too scared to eat. Here at house is already sobre with tuna. Not fancy but not doggie.
My feeling is not strong like to be command but still feel exciting.
I look to food now again.
Sure my order would be doggie food. (X_X) That is my fate tonight.
My heart begin faster. My tummy is not so happy to expecting.
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I never think before correct food to eat like this (?_?)
Nothing feel correct that I have. Hurry to store and search.
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Is too much inside my head today. Want to be free from busy mind. Begin activity for dinner.
Thinking more about command I get from other here. Command was easy and baby. Was scary to me too.
Maybe I try tonight (ó.ò)
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Feeling sad more today. All day I have alone and no activity. Is more stress to me. When other are here I have stress to conversation. When no one here I have stress to lonely and too much thinking. Is always lose for me (p_q)
My idea repeat to me inside my head all day. Maybe I try to repeat my accident adventure tonight. Maybe it will be boring to me and I can quit this feeling.
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Maybe I read every history here (O_o) and is not another with my feeling explained. Maybe my idea is too baby for here or maybe not like other. Is other like me surely and too shy maybe also. Quietly I sit and sad to thinking more with myself. |
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Many comment to my body. Few comment to my words.
If my words are not interesting to you, you will not easy be interesting to me.
Presently I quit conversation to all. Not rudely. I take time to rest and study my heart feeling privately. |
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Thanks to gk for helping to repair my history. Almost I do not post this because maybe my idea is changing. Mostly I only study other here and not talking presently.
Thank you again gk to make my idea more clear.
i will try to explain myself more clearly because so many people have been sending me messages that never honor any of my feelings or my situation. It irritates me, so, if you never have read my words here, i will NEVER read your words to me.
Starting now i will only respond to people that study my history fully and name my favorite singer in their FIRST correspondence with me. Clear?
i do not enjoy conversations that start with strict words or people being rude to me, it is stressful for me to read and write English and very tiring. i don’t want to waste this energy on a poor match, so i will explain my ideas the best i can so you can see if we are a match.
NOTE! Because of my home life i will never tell anyone that i will move to a new place to live as their puppy forever.
i have a dream in my heart that i am forced to act like a puppy. Recent events in my life made me desire this reality more strongly. i was ashamed to be crawling like a puppy and scared, but excited at the same time. It makes me feel defective, but i have learned recently i am not the only one out there that feels this way. i am trying to understand these feelings, and am looking for people to talk to that can help me grow in this idea. i never worry boss talk to me or equal person. i have limited experience and no direction in how to further explore this scary but erotic feeling. i am only seeking polite conversation and to become comfortable with other people that have this same “dysfunctional” feeling as i do.
AGAIN! Because of my situation i will never tell anyone to move to me nor will i move in with them to forever be a puppy.
i get a lot of messages from people that are form letters and aren’t very personal, and messages that give orders and do not honor my situation. i erase those messages so i can politely give time to the people that ARE a good match for me.
i copied an idea from another person here and am making a “secret password”. i will only give you consideration if you honor what i have said here about my situation, and tell me the name of my idol singer i hint at in my diary…..here’s a hint, its NOT Bruno Mars. |
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Having not good luck. Big conversation is too difficult to me and simple conversation is not interesting to me. Confusing feeling in me is not possible to explain correctly. I think maybe others have luck with online rules relationship and interest to me too but my language is too poor for interesting idea.
Few persons make funny feeling inside me from very simple mission to me that I never can ignore and is not clear why. Is true some can command with few words in exciting direction. Not sure what is correct to me for this. My wish is for heart conversation to other for understanding myself. I discover it is too difficult for me to have correct words. Many give polite gesture message and in very few words take my attention. Rude is not correct and very gentle is not correct to me always. My place is not clear to even me.
I search many history here for other that find feeling that maybe explain for me too. I do not understand why some pull me close. Is not big or short message. Reason is not explained by me.
Some history pulls me many times to study for wishing possible to me. Is never possible except pretending alone *(^-^)*
Still I have feeling from one that command very simple to me to eat from doggie bowl. This was not big idea or special idea to me. Maybe because I never have other give me command like this was deep feeling. Make me think inside. I strongly wish release my pressure inside and cannot because my mind is locked behind my words. Spanish is very weak to me so I have no conversation to other here for trust friend. Is pain to not have solution to my feeling. Clearly for me I stay with my life now and be secret to my idea.
Presently I avoid conversation to other. Is not my idea to be rude. Is to be polite. Is for me to know my destination before I ask direction.
Very tired now. |
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Thank you to person that give me corrected English for my history. I study for correct meaning and replace my mistake soon.
Remind to all after corrected my language is not so good as other person correction. Never expect my conversation to be easy. Never complain too difficult because I warn past. |
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I get short message from other and they write no history to study.
How is that begining for conversaton ?
I list carefully my feeling. |
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I read many history here belonging to other from my idea. I never understand how it is possible to have this life always ? I never wish more than sometimes my idea and that is not possible easily from my life responsibility. How can a person forget all responsibility to live this way always ? |
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Sorry I have not response to my friend so much lately. I have unplanned travel and only sometimes able reading. Not enough time for thinking polite response for little longer time. |
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Today I understand I enjoy to cry. Now I try to understand why. |
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Sorry to become rude. I begin to lose message from correct friend because so many message from incorrect match.
Begin now, if you ask me to move to you or you ignore my basic history to replace with your wish, I require to erase your message because too many to response with my refuse.
I also say many study and find my idol name. If my clearly clue is too weak for you then maybe not possible for us to talk because my bad language skill give more small clue my idea than idol clue. Must be police thinking to discover my meaning always (^o^) |
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(>.<)
She has no performance before 17.9
Never I have luck. |
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Just have told I go to San Diego today soon. No plan for schedule to stay. Last time I go was only one day (U.U)
Is interesting for me to visit there.
Exciting idea. My idol live there. Maybe I very lucky and have possible to see her (♥_♥) |
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Too many message to response to everyone. Sorry. |
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I finish three response. Is comfortable for me tonight. |
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I quit today. Is not easy day and I become too tired to try more. |
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Travel to Monterrey for short time. Back home maybe two days. |
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I learn the people that give no resect to others make the most sound here.
m(>_<)m |
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＼(>o<)／I hate not real polite. I try very hard to explain my situation and be ignore all my ideas. I ignore back. I try to talk back to all polite message but quit if not clear to learn my situation and order me not possible. |
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Bed is my idea because sad mood and too many rude people. Rude never stop to talk but polite fade quick. ＼（－－）／ I decide nobody ever read my ideas. I explain I never move or my home with detail but always same advertise for themself like tv. I never listen. Maybe rude but I remove many message that never honor my idea. Even dog needs never ignore. |
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I feel sad to listen to this singer. She has so much to be happy with her life and I have no skill or beauty like her. (*´ο`*) |
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Rain is stopped (^-^) I go to out to not feel boring all day. |
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I just decide go out and very raining.
(Ú_Ú) |
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I try some idea but everybody notice me because so different look from them. I never start but very scared to be out with bad purpose. I think idea for other to cause me but that idea is no possible for my life here.
(/_\) |
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I get cute idea but maybe not possible here. If I feel strong tonight I try very late.
^o^ |
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Too tired. I stop for a sleep. |
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I am try to talk to polite message but more come than I can understand quickly. I get very tired from thinking to write. I am very sorry but if I do not understand big words I quit mostly that message.
I still try to look message from first day I come here because slow to understand. |
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Please, I have home and life here and move to different place is not my wish. I never expect to be gift to anyone. My idea is very young and I have no memory to teach me what to feel as puppy, only my mind tells me strong that it is important for my heart. I have had few times to be very embarassed and scared and my heart was fast for long time. Only for now I try to find history from other puppy by myself. If I feel not shy in future I will talk more to others for teaching my act as puppy. I never belong to other from here only be open to get knowledge of feeling from other. |
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It is true I am asian history and live in Mexico please stop to ask me that question. I have moved here not many years ago.
I had message that say about my panties and I had big misunderstanding. I learn they are ugly and for old person ( お祖母さん ) but I am both so correct for me I think.
*^-^* |
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I receive too many messages to ever answer all. I will try to be polite but sorry to not talk back to everyone. |
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I never dream of mean woman to make me act like puppy but I get a message that idea. Is very excite to me. Makes me think frighten by strong classmates and others laugh to me. Maybe I can have scary dream from this tonight. |
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I just begin here tonight and only write a little but I get so many message before anyone knows about me. I do not move to anywhere or wish beating or pee pee on me. I am not stupid because I like to pretend puppy life in my dreams. I can notice lie from promise you read and agree my rules but I never tell them yet. Is exciting to think shame for me but rude is boring to my dream.
One person gives me blush with his words that I wag my butt with paper in my mouth like bone. I have no real puppy toy but try to copy his idea with new paper. I do not draw his idea well but to see gives me big blush. |
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