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RqrCompanionS

Friends:
DarkLotus10
danooshi80
To save us both some time: I am not here looking for quick hook ups, discreet encounters, online or offline play. I want a real relationship. Whether that is friendship, Mistress/slave, husband and wife, I am open to; but, it is never going to be sleazy. I prefer something a little more organic. As in, one of us runs into the other one's profile, we email, maybe we chat, maybe we talk on the phone. If that works well, maybe we meet. We see who responds to whom in what way, and, if it's good, we go with it and see where we get to. Just so long as it is safe, sane, and, consensual - and, sane is open to interpretation. Limitations are for people with fear, or, who really just can't do something. That's what my limits are about, to be sure. Things I want to avoid, at least for now, and, things that would make me a person I would hate to be, and, things that I am physically, mentally, and/or emotionally incapable of. I've met dominant men that I wanted to be submissive toward, part time; some full time. I've met dominant men who felt the same way about me. And, I've met dominant men where it was all "Clash of the Titans", sometimes in a very fun way and sometimes in a very bad way. They do not scare me, or, offend me, or, turn me off, by their dominance. In fact, dominant men, the ones who really are that full of confidence, are very relaxing and sweet to be around, mostly. Would I choose to live with one? I don't know. Point him out, we'll get to know each other, and, see. I've met submissive men who I wanted to be dominant toward, part time, some full time. I've met submissive men who felt the same way about me. And, I've met submissive men where it was all "Clash of the TItans", sometimes in a very fun way and sometimes in very bad way. They do not scare me, or, offend me, or, turn me off, by their submission. In fact, submissive men, the ones who truly want to give and to serve, are very relaxing and sweet to be around, mostly. Would I choose to live with one? I don't know. Point him out, we'll get to know each other, and, see. For me, what is important is that I like this person, they like me; everyone's limits are respected; everyone gets to be themselves; and, it is a positive relationship. Kindness, empathy, respect, not just for me or just for him, but, for everyone, is important. Tolerance and the fundamentals of good citizenship are important. That he knows his own mind, has his own moral compass, and, enjoys the same in his lover, is important. The rest.. well ... I can be a dominant woman and be with a dominant man. To be submissive toward him is related to his strength, not my weakness. As the song says "Are you strong enough to be my man." If you are that strong, then, why not? And, if he is submissive? Well, he still has to be strong enough to handle living with me, doesn't he? Uhm .. and, of course, weird enough. Yes, weird is important. Other things are, also, important, because, they enhance the likelihood of our liking each other. But, those are things to discover as we get to know each other as people. If we don't like each other as people, there is no point in trying for husband and wife, Mistress and slave, or, anything else. Goodbye, again.

FORMER PROFILE:

I have a friend, a vanilla friend, who is willing to come live with me, pay my bills, do whatever I need by way of housework, cook for me (and, he is a chef), help me to make this place a better home, all so that I can be more comfortable and happy, and, so that he can help me create and sell my writing and artwork, because, he believes in my talent, and, because, he believes in me, as a person. He is willing to do all this, and, devote himself to me, without demand, beyond that I use him and care for him, with no more than the hope of time in my company, association with my art, sharing lives together, and, the possibility of a kiss on the cheek or a touch of the hand, the smallest thought of affection, from me for him or to be allowed to show the same to me.

We do not share the same political or religious beliefs; we do not want the same sort of sex life. He does not want to change me to suit his needs. He just wants to enjoy me for what I am, and, to be a part of helping me to be more

Now, if I can find a vanilla man who is willing to do and be all that, why is there no slave who will do as much? 

 

Things I do not look for in slaves:

  • Lots of "I' statements on profiles
  • Long lists of fetishes that they live for
  • Cock shots
  • Long detailed invitations as to what they will allow me to do to (for) them
  • "Of course a slave must" statements

 

Shall I screech? Shall I bellow? Call to me the craven, cowardly fellow?

Will he whimper? Will he moan? Crawl away to corner to gnaw his bone?

Is that how you see me? Thinks it's all I can muster?

Am I domineering little B? Full of nothing but bluster?

I shall sit. I shall wait. You will come, because, serving is your fate.

In strength, you serve. In intelligence lead. Tied to me in your head.

Is that how you see me? Is it of what you dream?

Serving true strength, instead of fluff and cream?

 

That's a quote from someone. Who?

Just so you know, there is a big gap in between things, in at least one place. I don't know why, as I did not put it there, and, I haven't the time to worry about it. Just keep scrolling, is my advice.

I told a man that I look for dominant traits in slaves and explained what those traits were. He saw them as being traits his wife has. Yet, instead of assuming I'd see his wife as someone with dominant traits, he assumed I was insulting her and saying she had none of those good characteristics, since he sees her as submissive.

Weird!

If I say black people tend to have full lips, does that mean I'm black, because, my lips are full? Or, does it mean that everyone else has thin lips? Am I now claiming to have thin lips? 
If I say that some flowers are blue, does it mean some of the stripes on the flag stand accused of being flowers and I am dishonoring the symbol of the United States of America? 

Or, could it be possible that I mean that dominant traits are dominant traits, a good lot of black people have full lips, and, that some flowers are blue, and, that I mean nothing more than that - good or bad? 

The fact is that dominant traits are (as quoted from sites on psychology):

  • ‘speak as they find’ 
  •  ‘don’t suffer fools gladly’
  • confident decision makers 
  •  time conscious
  • find it hard to relax 
  • using the time ‘wisely’
  • high degree of energy
I shall stop here to say that, yes, despite what I say about my energy levels, it does apply to me, as the lack of energy, compared to some is related to physical unwellness; but, compared to other people, in the same relative amount of pain and discomfort, I am wildly energetic. Most of them can't even get out of bed!
  • like getting things done
  •  good at ideas
  • good at problem solving
  • Enjoy going into troubled organizations to turn them around
  • Entrepreneurial  
  • natural risk takers
  • quickly get bored with the detail
  •  are starters rather than finishers
Which is why those who do not wish to own slaves often make good slaves. They need someone else to care about the details and to help them keep focus, whereas the submissive type cares far more about the detail, but,has excessive trouble starting and often has trouble knowing if they have finished.
  • want to move on to a new challenge
  • unlikely to enjoy detailed pastimes
  • pushing themselves onwards and upwards
  • can take a high degree of stress, more in fact than other types
  • prone to burn out, because, they have difficulty stopping and relaxing
  • Their speech will be direct. 
  • enjoy single competitive sports rather than team games
  • They will not take time for social chitchat but will want to get right to the point. 
  • They will make flat assertions like ‘That’s rubbish.’ 
  • They will also use a lot of ‘I’ statements and be ready to give you the benefit of their wisdom and provide advice on what you should do. 
  • Put them  in a group and you will quickly see them take control and lead that group.
There are many different schools of thought extending from ancient times to the present that use four main groupings or categories of personalities. This is often called a "four-quadrant model", and is used in many different psychological and employment contexts. A rough mapping of each major known school of thought is shown in the table below:

Table of Equivalents for the 4 Personality Types

Merrill-Reid

Driver

Expressive

Amiable

Analytical

D.E.S.A.

Dominant

Expressive

Solid

Analytical

Hippocrates Greek Terms (370 BC)

Choleric

Sanguine

Phlegmatic

Melancholy

Western Astrology

Fire

Air

Water

Earth

"What's My Style?" (WMS)

Direct

Spirited

Considerate

Systematic

The P's

Powerful

Popular

Peaceful

Perfect

The S's

Self-propelled

Spirited

Solid

Systematic

The A's

Administrative

Active

Amiable

Analytical

LEAD Test

Leader

Expressor

Dependable

Analyst

ARRAY (Jonathan Knaupp)

Production

Connection

Status Quo

Harmony

Biblical Characters

Paul

Peter

Abraham

Moses

Geier

Dominance

Influencing

Competence

Steadiness

DiSC(r)

Dominance

Influencing of Others

Steadiness

Cautiousness/ Compliance

McCarthy/4MAT System

Common Sense

Dynamic

Innovative

Analytic

Merrill / Wilson

Driver

Expressive

Amiable

Analytic

Plato (340 BC)

Guardian

Artisan

Philosopher

Scientist

Kretschner (1920)

Melancholic

Hypomanic

Anesthetic

Hyperasthetic

Sprangler (1930)

Religious

Aesthetic

Theoretic

Economic

From (1947)

Hoarding

Exploiting

Receptive

Marketing

Psycho-Geometrics (1978)

Triangle

Squiggle

Circle

Square/Rectangle

Type A or B

Type B 
Motivated

Type B Messy

Type A Casual

Type A Compulsive

PSI

Controller

Promoter

Supporter

Analyst

Brokenleg Reclaiming Youth at Risk

Mastery Achiever Power

Belonging Attached Significance

Generosity Altruistic Virtue

Independence Autonomous Competence

Enneagram

Adventurer Achiever

Helper Romantic

Peacemaker Observer

Asserter Perfectionist

Animals

Bear

Monkey

Dolphin

Owl

True Colors(r) (1978)

Green

Orange

Blue

Gold

Children's Literature

Rabbit

Tigger

Pooh

Eeyore

Charlie Brown Characters

Lucy

Snoopy

Charlie Brown

Linus

Jane Austen Novel Characters

Emma Woodhouse

Lydia Bennet

Elizabeth Bennet

Marianne Dashwood

Comics

Jason

Snoopy

Cathy

Ziggy

Who Moved My Cheese? 
(by Spencer Johnson, M.D.)

Sniff

Scurry

Haw

Hem

The Celestine Prophecy 
(by James Redfield)

Intimidator

Poor Me

Aloof

Interrogator

And, what they neglect to mention:
  BDSM                   Dominant         Switch              Submissive             Slave

From left to right, these are described as: 
1)

Driver:

  • Objective-focused
  • Know what they want and how to get there!
  • Communicates quickly, gets to the point
  • Sometimes tactless and brusque
  • Can be an "ends justify the means" type of person
  • Hardworking, high energy ?Does not shy away from conflict
2)

Expressive:

  • Natural salesmen or story-tellers
  • Warm and enthusiastic
  • Good motivators, communicators
  • Can be competitive
  • Can tend to exaggerate, leave out facts and details
  • Sometimes would rather talk about things than do them!
3)
  • Amiable:

    • Kind-hearted people who avoid conflict
    • Can blend into any situation well
    • Can appear wishy-washy Has difficulty with firm decisions
    • Often loves art, music and poetry Highly sensitive
    • Can be quiet and soft-spoken
4)
  • Analytical:

    • Highly detail oriented people
    • Can have a difficult time making decisions without ALL the facts
    • Make great accounts and engineers
    • Tend to be highly critical people
    • Can tend to be pessimistic in nature
    • Very perceptive
That was mainly for your edification, and, possibly, your education. The point is that there are, psychologically speaking, dominant and submissive traits to the human makeup, and, it has been recognized, over and over again, over thousands of years, that there are 4 basic "types" of people, made up of those traits. 
You can call someone "submissive" until the cows come home, they can submit to you (for you) by conscious choice or natural inclination, as much as you both please - but, in the end, they are the type they are, because, they posses the traits that they possess and no amount of retitling them will change that. 
So, if I say I look for dominant traits, and, your submissive or slave happens to have them, be aware that I am talking about human psychology, not your own titling system, and, instead of assuming that I am insulting them and denying the traits that they do have, assume, please and thank you, that I am acknowledging their true nature, not their job description! 

 

Hmmm .. sometimes, you meet someone, and, they just annoy the beans out of you. And, yet, you find something well worth admiring in things they do type, in other situations. Which is the case for me, right now, in that there are three women on the forum, who, in general, i find snarky, rude, overly-opinionated .. but, all the same, some of what they say makes great sense, from time to time. 

 

Just read the profile of one of them, wherein she expresses a great deal of what I , too, feel is important, and, tell others I am seeking. Weird, how very different we are in some ways, and, yet, how much we think alike in those ways.

I am now dreaming about North Dakota. Only, I know nothing about it, and, would be all alone. Yikes!

In the end, no matter what you say you are, you need to ask yourself this:

Am I alone, because, no one understands me, or, because, they do?

Am I alone, because I am seeking quality, or, because I seek the impossible?

 

I wonder what would happen, if I were to say that I wanted someone local to

  • Meet me for lunch, their treat, to see if we click.
  • Then, assuming we do, come over with a good razor, lotion, shaving cream,etc. so that they can - and do - shave my legs and massage my feet
  • Right before they take out the curtains they have brought over, which they will hang on the curtain rods they install (already here).
  • Right before they order take out to be delivered here, and, then, kneel down on the floor so that I may use them as a foot stool, while we are waiting, and, while waiting, I shall use a lovely flogger, rod, belt, spatula .. something .. on their backside.
  • And, then, they'd be allowed to eat their food off a dish on the floor, where they either lay or kneel, still playing at being my foot stool, before they are sent home.
Well, I would let them up long enough to pay the driver. lol
Do you think there'd be any takers?

 

Here is something that is a little unfair: 

I keep seeing notices to "slaves" that they are not slaves, until they are owned. What they want to be does not count, until they are it. That sounds fair enough, as far as it goes, but ..

It is usually said by dominants who are not dominating anyone, or Masters who do not own someone, or, Mistresses who do not own someone or have their own household to be Mistress over, or, in other words, someone who is applying a double-standard to the situation.

If a slave must be owned to be a slave, and, wanting to slave and actually slaving for people without being owned, does not count, then, just being dominant in personality, or by training, or by past experience, does not make you a Dom, Domme, Mistress, or Master. You are all wannabe's, too!

Now, me, I say if a person wants to be a slave, if they are volunteering to be a slave, they are a slave - just as much as a person who applies for a job as a secretary is a secretary. When someone says "Go and find me a ..." they go and find someone who wants to be that, not someone who is already employed, as the ones that are already employed are not available. 

And, me, I say I am dominant, because I was born that way.

It's probably why I don't have to apply double standards to slaves, just to make myself feel important.

A little chart which may help you understand what I seek versus what I do not

Yes                                                                  No               

Russel Brand        Howard Stern

Pink                                                                 Courtney Love

Alice Cooper                                                      Marilyn Manson

David Bowie                                                      Lady Gaga

Colin Firth                                                         Colin Ferrell

Kwai Chang Caine                                              David Carradine

John Wayne                                                      Robert Duvall

Clint Eastwood                                                  Robert Duvall

Mystery Men                                                      The Green Hornet

Thor                                                                 Daredevil

God                                                                  Satan

Jesus                                                                Buddha 

Gandhi                                                              Pat Robertson

Joan Jett                                                           Wendy O.Williams

George Thoroughgood                                        George Strait 

Peter O'Toole                                                      William Hurt

Talking Heads                                                     Genesis

The Night Chicago Died                                        Chicago

Glory of Love                                                      Justin Bieber

Spaghetti                                                          Cheetos

White cake                                                          Twinkies

Guinness                                                             Budweiser

Scotland                                                            England

Wales                                                                  England                                                               

Ireland                                                                 Wales

Scotland                                                               Ireland

Being in a boat                                                      Being at a monster truck rally

Being at a monster truck rally                                 Being at a cocktail party

Alaska                                                                  Anywhere else, ever

Love                                                                      Lust

Monogamy                                                            Swinging

That's just a small, comparative list, to get you started. Yes, I realize some things may be misspeled. Yes, I realize I confused someone, and, broke someone else's brain, and, bored to tears at least three of you. However, one of you is, right now, chuckling and contemplating how this relates to syncopated badger fossils. I want to talk to that one!

 

 

An interesting conversation:

him:hello im going to be in the tucson area on the 25th through the 1st i am seeking a very real spanking OTK. i am looking for someone real strong and willing to cause blisters and lots of tears. im willing to pay tribute thats no problem at all.let me know if interested

me:Are you a cop, or something? You always send out the same message, exactly, and, it mentions pay for physical contact. It sounds suspicious.

Anyway, I do not do over the knee spankings, as I told you. I do not make physical, sexual contact with anyone, unless I am married to them, outside of maybe kissing them along the way to discovering if we should be married.

him:sorry for the repeat.

me:That didn't answer the question. Are you a police officer, or, are you associated with law enforcement?

him:

RqrCompanionS,

I don't appreciate what you said. For this reason you've been blocked.

With regard,

In other words, yes. 

They really need to get a life. 

Isn't offering someone money to commit an illegal activity enticement? Isn't enticement to commit a crime illegal? Why doesn't this man arrest himself, then? He keeps trying to entice me into prostitution!

Of course, while you are taking a lesson from the man (mentioned below), do keep in mind two important points:

  1. We TALKED  It was not about sex, bdsm activities, what I would do for him, what he would do for me. It was genuine conversation, motivated by a desire to know and be known. How would you know if you want to serve me, all else being equal, if you don't know me? And, how will you know me, if we don't have real conversations? 
  2. He has LIMITS. He told me I would have to accept that he is .. well, some negative characteristic applies, skeptical, and, seeking the truth and not reject him for it. And, of course, that I'd have to let him love me and not reject him for it, and, give him what I can of affection toward him. 
Most of you, that I hear from, do not want to converse - only to talk about bdsm and sex things, and, you say you do not have limits - right before you make terrible demands as to how I should change myself to please you.  
Lighten up and contact me as if I was a person you might want to know, and, be known by, of course, and, maybe, we'll get somewhere.

  There is a man, a "vanilla" individual, who I have been talking to, online, for some time now. He and I have enjoyed writing together, in the past, where we would chat for hours, bouncing ideas off each other's heads, and, then, lapsing into silence as typing commenced, only to pour the story forth unto the other one (as much of it as was done), and, read each other's work.

  We have talked, different times, about visiting, or, about trying to find places near each other, so that we could write together in person. Yesterday was one of those days, and, it started out with him mentioning the possibility me visiting, his restless demands that we move to Spain together, move near the ocean together, sail away on his boat together ..

  No, he is not rich. He is an intellectual bohemian sort, who, for some reason or another, has a rather old, rather large, boat in dry dock. It might be his father's old boat. His father, from what I have heard, is rich, but, not the sort of rich that transfers down to his children, through trust funds, large and extravagant gifts, allowances, or, any of hat. However, sometimes they get his cast-offs, and, some of his cast-offs are pretty darned good.

 Now, this man is definitely "vanilla". He thinks of slavery only in terms of the horrors of prejudice against color or sex. He would completely balk at the idea of being described in any way that is related to bdsm, at all. 

  Yet, during our conversation, by the time we were done, he told me that he would come here, live with me as I was and as the house was, work to better my life and remove the stress from it;  that he loves and respects and cherishes me as a person - that he practically worships me- because of who I am, not what I look like or what clothes I can afford; that he would accept my decisions on how our lives will be ordered; and, that, while he would gladly lay with me, to sleep, gladly have sex with me if I wanted him to, he would take whatever I allowed him to have, and, if that was only being near me, if the most he could hope for was the possibility of being allowed to kiss my cheek, that would sustain him. He told me that he would help me to write, to sell my artwork, to better my life, and, allow me to order his life so as to better his, too. And, he told me money does not matter, because, it's only about what you can buy with it, and, if he could help me to be healthier, more comfortable, happier, by paying the bills here, he would do it. All he wants is my companionship, to be allowed to give himself to me and for me to allow there to be a connection, for me to accept him into my life on my terms, but, with affection. 

  In other words, he just offered me everything that a slave should offer, which absolutely none of the alleged slaves on this site have come close to - and, all without considering himself a slave, and, without asking for anything in return, other than what I am wiling to give.

 You "slaves" could take lessons from this man! 

Scottish, leather, Ireland

Sensual, tall, tattooed

Dominant, hairy, and lewd

Oh my

While I'm at it, I'll tell you another secret.

Dominance is not in the bellowing, beating, or, berating. 

If you think your friend, who acts rude to the wait staff and makes them want to cry, is dominant, think again. That's just rude. Rude is a lack of control. Now, if your friend asks for water, and, the knees of the wait person tremble in sexual desire, or, if they move a little faster than they do when you ask, you might be onto something.

If you are afraid of someone, because, they might throw a fit, then, you are allowing them to be dominant over you. If you are afraid of someone because they will know that you have failed, no matter what their reaction will be, then, they may actually be dominant by nature.

You know the big C.E.O. with the red face, who wields power over his secretary, makes his kids lives living hells, tyrannizes his wife? Cream puff! Like most cream puffs, too, he is bad for your health, and, bound to screw up your blood pressure and cholesterol, if you have too much of him in your life.

You know the librarian, who quietly says "Shh!", causing a thrill of fear, at being caught not obeying the rules, to run through your heart? The one who knows her job, remembers your face, seems to pluck inspired suggestions for reading materials from the inner recesses of your psyche? There's dominance for you.

It's not the job, it's not the bark, it's not even the bite, where dominance is displayed. I is not in perfection perceived, by them or by you, either. It is in how how intrepidly they walk through life, and, how unapologetically they are themselves.

Could be the next waitress is going to be the dominant person that puts your friend back in their place. If she does, it is bound to be quietly, firmly, and, without a hint of apology. I've seen it happen, and, it is a beautiful thing.

I'm going to tell you a secret. If what you want is a "submissive", who will be obedient and submissive to you, but, has their own distinct personality, an adventurous spirit, etal, you don't really want a submissive. You want a dominant, who respects you, or, at least, who enjoys amusing themselves by submitting to other.

Trust me on this. Those are the ones who make a willing choice to submit. The rest, the actual submissive submissives, don't choose to submit, because, it's built in and it's full time. 

So, do you want the quasi-automaton, who will serve you, follow you like a puppy, naturally? Or, do you want the one who will follow you out of a reasoned, intelligent choice, and, who will serve you out of free will, based on mutual respect? They are not the same, at all. Make up your mind, and, then seek the one or the other. Anything else just confused the situation.

  Dear inexperienced persons: You know what your problem is?  It's not that your inexperienced, it's that, you stay that way.

"Oh, but, no one will give me a chance .." you begin to whine? Bullshite, I say.

I've talked to many persons who had zero experience, and, many more who would be better off if they did have zero experience as they only know how to "submit" in a sexual way, or, how to set themselves up for abuse. I've given many of them chances. Most of them, in the last several years, have declined to take the chance, when it was offered.

Why?

Because, they "know" what "true slavery" or "true submission" is; they "know" what they dream about and that they shouldn't settle for less than making it a reality; they "know" ever so many things about duration, intensity, activities - all with minimum experience, or, less.  In other words, they really know nothing. People who know nothing, and, are afraid to learn, are setting themselves up for failure. 

If you want to know how to be a great chef, you don't walk into a restaurant and tell the owner that you "know" you are born to be a chef, then, demand the use of his kitchen to be taught your skills as you go. You first find the interest, then, you learn a little on your own, maybe graduate to attending cooking classes, eventually moving on to classes specifically geared toward teaching you how to be a chef, and, after graduation, once you have proven you are capable of being a chef .. you will probably end up a caterer, or a sous chef (sp) for many years, learning the difference between head knowledge and play time versus actual experience.

If you want to be a quantum physicist, you have to first learn basic math.

 If you want to be a detective, you get yourself in shape, and, then, you apply for the academy, and, then, they may, if you are good enough, release you to find a position as a rookie patrol officer, or, behind a desk. Everything after that is more learning and more hard work, in the hopes of reaching your goal.

You do not, while doing these things, go out and choose the one perfect teacher, who will guide you through each step, and, make a life long commitment to allowing you to cook, calculate, or, police for them. Sure, your goal is to attain a position of merit, with the right people, and, to accomplish marvels in your chosen profession, but, that is your long term goal.

If you have never served as a full time slave, and you want to, and, you want it to be where you live naked, chained, etc. that is your long term goal. It is not what you immediately throw yourself into.  For one thing, very few people who want a perfectly biddable slave are going to even consider you, so, the people who will consider starting you out in that position are not people who share your goal, more often than not. They are people who want to torture you, yes, but, there will be no connection there, and, you will never be treated as a slave.  The ones who will treat you as a slave when you get to that point, are: 1) The people who will only consider you after you get experience, or, 2) The people who will consider training you, starting with much milder service, and, working their way up to training you to stricter protocols. 

No, this does not prove that no one will give you a chance. It goes to show that, any way you slice it, you should not start out demanding to be taken seriously, and, treated as what you hope to become. First, become it.

Now, I talk to slaves, and, we agree that we'd probably enjoy time together, in this way and that. However, there is always something in the way, and, it is usually that they want it to be a life time thing, and, they can't imagine spending their life without ..  Without what? Oh, cross dressing, sex, having a strap-on used on them, whatever. Something I don't want to do, is the point. So, they remain unowned, and, inexperienced.

Whereas, if they were shooting for the shorter term goal of gaining some experience, instead of trying for the whole shebang at once, we could have had some fun, they would not be home alone and frustrated that no one will give them a chance, and, they would have me as a reference, to tell others "Yes, I do have some experience. I served Mistess Arletta for  ... (years, months, weeks, days, hours/) and she used me for .. and taught me ...; but, now I am hoping for more experience in ..." My life would have been better, their life would have been better. 

So, if you don't want the experience, by all means, don't take it. If you do want the experience, and, you meet someone who can fulfill some of what you feel you need to learn or do, take the chance on coming to know them, possibly serving them for a while. It may grow into a lifetime thing, or, it may just be the thing that gives you experience while you are waiting for the lifetime thing to come along, but, either  way, it's better than being alone and not learning or experiencing any of it. 

And, too, keep in mind that many fine people who think they know what they want to be, go to college to learn how to be it, and, then, end up as something else. And, many fine people of a certain profession, decide to change to a different one, even though they were successful at it, because, their life has changed, or, because, they realized where their true nature and talents lay. What you think you know  that you want, as an inexperienced wannabe slave or submissive (or dom or domme, to be fair), is not necessarily what you are going to want once you have more experience. 

Find yourself a teacher, and, see where it gets you, is my advice.

I have read several profiles, emails, and, forum comments by males, who claim to be dominant (I judge them not), expressing surprise at how many females, also claiming to be dominants, look at their profiles or contact them. In most cases, the men were saying the female dominants have to be fake, probably male, or they would not do this.

I can give you a simpler explanation, as a dominant female, who does, indeed, look at the profiles of dominant men. Ready for it?:
I like men!  I am a strong woman, therefore, I like strong men. Some strong men prefer to serve, and, some prefer to be served, or, at least to lead, and, some switch. I look for the traits I enjoy in men, and, let their self descriptions fall where they may. 

We don't all hate men, you know? In fact, most of us, the ones who are dominant and not just domineering, don't hate men, nor do we fear them. We enjoy their company, and, the nature of the male human instinct, body language, perspective - when it is self-controlled, whether that self control is taught by us, directed toward us by him, or, an inherent part of his inner makeup when we meet him. 

Men are lovely. Of course, I am going to look at them! And, considering how many dominant men look at my profile, even without a proper photo, and, how many have written to me, over the years, expressing interest and admiration for me, my photos, and my writing, I cannot see why it would be so surprising, or unbelievable, to them that a dominant female could be similarly inclined to admire them.

That is all.

 

My former profile:

My focus is on a better life for me, helping others, and, helping you to become a better, stronger, more educated version of yourself. The ID I have chosen means that I require Companion Slaves.

Require, defined:

2. To call for as obligatory or appropriate; demand

Companion, defined: 

 A person who accompanies or associates with another; a comrade.
b. A domestic partner.
2. A person employed to assist, live with, or travel with another.
Slave, defined:
1. One bound in servitude as the property of a person or household.
3. One who works extremely hard.
In other words, something like friends, nothing like lovers, and, with defined class distinction. 
This is not about catering to kinks, sex, hiding you away from the world, or, anything that could be construed or misconstrued as abuse. This is about your voluntarily living as a slave, in a companionable mode, because the idea of helping people, of living under the rules and guidance of another, of being allowed to give of your time, energy, labor, and finances to a person, people, or cause, appeals to you. 
Read the journal entries, if you are interested.

 

You know, I have heard from various males, some of whom were the ones doing it and some of whom were being hit on by them (or, attempting to hit on them, as the case may be), that a significant portion of submissive/slave males only put that they are bisexual on their profiles in the hopes of enticing women, and, they are, sometimes really homosexual or, heterosexual, instead. Whereas, a significant portion of dominant males are saying they are heterosexual, to attract women, when, really, they are bisexual.

Which means, assuming the people who say this sort of thing can be trusted (and, I know at least one of them can be) that a significant number of men, on this site, are lying about their sexuality to women, to men they encounter, or, both. 

Sad, huh?

I wonder what the ratio is, compared to women.

And, I wonder what those who are lying think the purpose of this site is. 

I was looking at a profile of a dom, who gave his score for a quiz, apparently on how dom,sub, etc. you are. No link, though. So, I was googling, to see if I could find one to take, and, my daughter walked in and suggested I take the 'What kind of lesbian are you?" quiz, as, then, it would tell me how dominant I am to other women. 
Looked it up, found several quizzes with the same name, and, this is my results from the first one - which says nothing about dominance, but, except for the fact that I wouldn't be trolling for women, it's got me down, pretty well.



You Scored as The Stud

Often seen as the quiet loner, you often dress in leather and stand in the rain hoping to meet a potential lover.

The Stud

 

 

80%

The Student Dyke

 

 

65%

The Pretty-Boi Dyke

 

 

65%

The Bohemian Dyke

 

 

60%

The Femme Fatale

 

 

60%

The Vaginal-Reference-Making Dyke

 

 

45%

The Magic Earring Ken Dyke

 

 

45%

The Quasi-Gothic Femme

 

 

40%

The Hipster Dyke

 

 

35%

The Little-Boy Dyke

 

 

35%

The Granola Dyke

 

 

15%

The Surprise! Dyke

 

 

10%

The Sprightly Elfin Femme

                                                      10%

Here's where to find it:http://quizfarm.com/run.php/QuizRunner?quiz_id=5349



And, here is the D/s quiz I'm taking: 

http://www.quibblo.com/quiz/7boyQX/Are-you-Dominant-or-submissive

Dominant

You dont tend to take orders from people very well. You prefer people doing things for you.

Well, not as interesting as the one he took. Oh well! I give up looking, for now.




 

Life is weird, and, then you transmorgify into a tulip.

For those who like to ask what the deal is, with everyone ranting about fantasists and time wasters, here is an example for you.

This one fellow, who calls himself something similar to Massachusetts Dawn, contacts me. Now, I've been here, before, and, he's contacted me, before.

So, our conversation goes like this:

Massachusetts Dawn (not a real ID) on 7/17/11 at 11:59 AM:

the sexiest organ in the body is the brain and romance uses all of the brain. People who put sex over a relationship are empty. i do not smoke, use drugs or drink alcohol. i am a gentleman and intelligent. i own my own home; it is 4 bedroom with two fireplaces and it is bought and paid for. i am stable and have no police record. i am a documentary filmmaker who has three films in stores in my area as DVD's. i am well travelled and can live anywhere. i am monogamous and true. i would make a good slave to You but first we have to communicate in a real way. humbly coffee. (Not his real name.)

RqrCompanionS on 7/17/11 at 12:08 PM:

It's been tried, coffee.(Still not his real name.) Unfortunately, you start out sending me the same email, and, then, you move on to sending me poetry that I do not like. That is not communication. Anyway, you sound rather grounded, anchored to where you are at, and, you, as always, have completely disregarded what it says on my profile and in my journal entries.

Massachusetts Dawn (not a real ID) on 7/17/11 at 12:10 PM:

i am searching, really searching and i will read your journals i already read your profile

Massachusetts Dawn (not a real ID) on 7/17/11 at 12:12 PM:

i read your journals, there really vague and i wonder if you even know what you want

Okay, now, let's stop right there for a second. Do you see that? He read my journal entries, enough to try to understand them, in between 12:10 pm -12:12 pm, while taking time out, twice, to email me, before and after the reading. Have you seen my journal entries? This is a fiction, on his part. However, I hadn't really thought about that, at the time of making my reply.

RqrCompanionS on 7/17/11 at 12:44 PM:

Vague. Really? lol 

I have a profile that actively defines exactly what I am seeking, what I am willing to do and not willing to do for them followed by a journal entry that specifies how any slave shall be boarded, how far they will go in serving me, what they should do about their needs that do not directly concern me, and, how they may approach me. That is not vague. You did not read, or, you did read it, and, either way  are purposely being disrespectful. You aren't local, you sent no photo and you have no understanding of what was simply spelled out. I don't care which it is, since, either way, I do not care to own you.

Goodbye.

However, out of curiosity, I did take a peek, after making him that reply, under Who's Viewing Me?, and, he had never even fully opened my profile, much less went back and read the journal entry.

Why would he do this? I don't know. Apparently, his big motivation is to send people very bad poetry under a female sounding name that he uses on some other site. Something about purple perfection is that name. Perhaps you've heard of it?

At any rate, there is a perfect example of a time waster, and, probably a fantastist, as well. Instead of seeking out someone who wants what he has to offer, he seeks out random strangers and infects them with his writing. Truthfully, I understand the impulse, for I am a writer, and, yes, I do want you to read what I have written. I may post some of it to this journal, as I have done before, in hopes that you wll. I will not, however, attack your inbox and try to rape your mind with it. 


 

Read this whole journal entry. Provable failure to do so, will probably result in immediate blocking; almost assuredly, it will result in my deleting your message without reply. Exceptions will be made at my discretion.

I will not guarantee to cater to any specific fetishes that you have, but, I will guarantee to respect your hard limits, which will be defined within a contract between us.

I will not pay for you to come to me; nor, will I  help you perform strange surgeries upon yourself, agree to commit illegal acts, or, otherwise engage in things that I consider to be negative actions or thoughts. Further, I will not make agreement to allow you to serve me, if I have to wait. Even if you need time to relocate, you may begin with some aspects of service, before you move, and, you had better not take more than 1 month to finish relocation.
You will live in a shed, that will be purchased and/or built by you. It will be made comfortable enough to keep you healthy and functioning well as a slave. It is not abut cruelty or deprivation, that you will live there. It is about class distinction and privacy. The living arrangements may change, at my discretion.
At this time, I do not have specific requirements for skills, but, as always, I prefer readers and those capable of intellectual discourse, and, household chores, wage work, and, outdoor labor are to be expected. We will discuss what skills you have, and, yes, we will discuss what your kinks are, what you hope for, as well as what you hope not to have. However, what you need to keep in mind is that the guarantee is that you will be treated fairly well, but, you will also be worked hard and what was formerly known as your income will be used by me, for my benefit, for your benefit, or, for the benefit of others. 
Ways to get yourself blocked:
  • Ask me if you can call me or ask me to call you.
  • Ask to email or IM me, or send me a chat invitation, or, ask me to email or IM you.
* If I want to talk to you on the phone, to email you off this site, or IM you, I will inform you. We are moving at my pace, and, if you cannot understand this, you will not be a good slave.*
  • Tell me you read my profile and journal entries, when I can see that you are not listed as someone who viewed me.
  • Ask me about my kinks or fetishes.
*I am not an idiot, and, I am not seeking a sex partner or a lover, with this profile. My kinks and fetishes are not your concern. Your hard limits will be respected, and, that is all you need to know*
  • Belittle my religious beliefs
  • Tell me that I have to change to suit the slaves and subs, be willing to compromise on issues important to me.
  • Have something on your profile which indicates you are looking for a relationship I cannot enter into. 
IE: If you are obviously looking to be extremely abused, used as a sex toy, or, be married (and, you are not my type), then, I will block and/or hide your profile. It is nothing personal, in most cases; just a time saving action.
I do not care about your sex, sexuality, age, ethnicity, weight, or, height, if you can be respectful of my lifestyle, discreet, keep those things that offend me out of my life or view; obedient; thoughtful; and, of course, hard working.
The answer to "But, what if I want .." is that, whatever it is, if I do not want it, I will arrange for you to have it, or, if it is something that offends me, you will arrange to have it when your service is not explicitly required by me. IE: Religious services of your own type may be attended, if you must, but, you need to schedule them, and, they need to not conflict with my needs. Sexual relations are not forbidden, but, I do not approve of them either, so, do not ask, do not tell, just do on your own time.
When you contact me, you should be prepared to do three things:
1) Tell me about yourself as a person. I will not play 20 questions, drag information out of you, or, talk to someone who is only interested in discussing sex, kink, or aspects of bdsm. I want to know your personality, what/who you find humorous, what you are prejudiced for and against, how you live your life now (wild partier, homebody with a book?), and, I want details. It is not enough to say "I love to cook." Why do you love it? What do you love about it? What do you love to cook? What was the last thing you did cook, how did it turn out, who was it for? Tell me a story, or a few small ones, about you, just as if you were trying to fan my smoldering interest into a flame of desire to own the real person that you are.
2)Send me a photo of your face, front view, no sunglasses, up close, and, with a visible handwritten sign that says "Monkeys with dyslexia:Untie!"  A video will do. If you only have a web cam, go to Cameroid (Google it) to take the photo. This photo or video must come with your first message to me, or, I will not consider you. If you are local, and, can meet soon, however, you may express this as a viable alternative. I will share a photo of myself, as reciprocation in the proving of existence, at my discretion. 
3)Be prepared to pay for two background checks, yours and mine Unless, of course, you don't want one from me. This is who I will be using: http://www.lexisnexis.com/risk/solutions/employment-screening.aspx

  That means, you will have to pay for it, and, I will have to have your permission for it to be performed.
In other words, do not contact me and tell me you are interested in this position, unless you are, in fact, ready, willing, and, able to enter into service to me, in the ways I require to be served. This is not a game, boys and girls!
If you are someone who wishes to serve me, who has a proposal that is not what I have outlined above, but, which would not be against the basics of what I have outlined (ie: asking questions, hiring me as your dominating assistant, etc.), you may make your proposal, during telling me about yourself, sending your photo, etc.

 

(sigh) One of the burdens of knowing too much about psychology, is that you know a good deal of what motivates people, before you have ever even properly met. You would think that would be a good thing, wouldn't you?

 Ah, but, it just isn't so. Why? Most people don't want to know their own motivations, and, they don't want help in becoming better, stronger versions of themselves. They just want to wallow in the life they can grasp, in the here and now.

Too much insight, into others, into yourself, becomes inconvenient, when one is dealing with entropy. Haha? 

I could be a happier person, taking you at face value; but, I see your depth, your erstwhile hidden recesses, and, I cannot alter my vision, even for my own selfish gain.

Such is life.

For your information, out of all the many persons who contacted me today, only two got responses, and, the rest of the messages sent were either deleted and the senders blocked, or, just deleted. If you cannot follow simple instructions, if you cannot read a profile, if you cannot even make an honest attempt to do either, you will get nowhere with me.

Of the two who did get responses, one of them was a very pleasant Dom - well, to be fair, I have no idea how he is, as a person, but, he claims to be dominant, and, he was pleasant to me, and, he was responding, initially, to a question I asked him. What was nicest about it, is he did it without assumption that I was trying to either come onto him or insult him, which puts him far ahead of most people I've contacted for innocuous purposes on this site.

The other person who received a response was someone who allegedly wants to be ruled by a dominant woman, who allegedly does not care about looks, who is ready to relocate, and, who does not want a sexual relationship with her. In other words, someone who, in fact, it would sound like, on paper,  I'd have something in common with. However, he wants to be cuckolded. Now, I did not look at his profile, and, yet, he wrote to me, begging me to block him. Strange reaction to reading a profile. I suppose it's a case of sour grapes, since he knows I would have no interest in him.

My reaction to him was thus:

That was not only incredibly rude, but, lazy, as well. Not to mention stupid. If you had wanted not to hear from me, all you would have had to do was nothing. I wasn't searching, and, I certainly wouldn't have wasted my time on you, since you want to be a cuckold. It's a shame people like you feel the need to attack strangers with your rudeness, but, no, I am not blocking you. I am simply living my life without you having any further impact on it, whatsoever, you allegedly submissive jerk! 

He will get no further response. I hope he enjoyed his brief bid for attention, as, this is as far as it goes.