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lonDominant
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I'm just looking right now, but would be interesting in meeting Dom men. I may be new - but that does not equate to stupid.
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It's still too new. I'm still not comfortable enough to simply give up control. I try my hardest not to push my limits and am not in the least submissive. Maybe I only think I am a sub. Is it possible to be wrong about something like that? Then on the other hand, I worry that if I keep going, exploring this I might never be "normal" again. I might always want this and I don't know if that's a good thing or not. It actually scares me thinking that I might get hooked on this. It's very different when you only dream of it... it's not real and you can make it anything you want in your dreams, but when it's real and happening you don't have control to change anything and that is addicting. But as soon as that happens I fight it, I try to get out of it and I will even stop everything. I don't wait long enough to see what will happen, wether or not I'll enjoy it. That's something I'm not proud of. I'm too much of a chicken shit.
There is another thing that really bothers me. I need to learn how to be stronger. I should just be able to take whatever I'm given and be fine with it, isn't that the point of being a sub? I should never need to ask for something and certainly not something that was never offered or expected. I think that I have asked too much and I'm sorry for that. I'm ashamed that I asked for it. It wasn't fair, it wasn't what you wanted and I'm sorry.
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Ok, this is new to me and I had a bit of a difficult time at first. I still have occasions where I worry that I'm liking this whole D/s thing too much.
I've been lucky enough to have a friend teach me some of the ropes (no pun intended) and it really does prove that the entire dynamic is based on trust. I find myself reluctant to try certain things and worried what others would think of me. I guess some thought patterns take a while to get rid of. I can honestly say that I have been trying, but I worry that it's just not enough. I've talked to Doms online and some of them are either not interested in teaching or are not patient and are easily disappointed.
I really hope that I'm not disappointing. But I'm told that I'm not and since I trust my friend, guess I'll have to believe him.
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| Age: 28 |
| LOGOS,
South Africa |
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