I'm just a puppet and you hold my string...
"It is an anxious, sometimes a dangerous thing to be a doll.
Dolls cannot choose...They can only be chosen.
The cannot do...They can only be done by.
Children who do not understand this often do wrong things and then, the dolls are hurt and abused and lost.
And when this happens, dolls cannot speak nor do anything except be hurt and abused and lost."
~ from 'Tottie: The Story of a Doll's House'
My grandmother was the town slut. My grandfather was her whimp! My mother was my father's whore ~ his private property to enjoy! At 5 years old, my daughter begged to be spanked and tied up! Her idol was Princess Leia ~ Jabba the Hut's slave!
How can I be anything but a submissive whore? It's in my genes, my DNA...it runs through my veins!
I remember my first adult spanking. I had disappointed my lover. Oh! how I hated to see that look of disappointment on anyone's face, especially knowing that I had caused it. I shyly asked my lover ~
"Would it make you feel better if you beat Me?"
"No!" he responded.
"But..." he added, "Would it make YOU feel better if I did?"
I quietly answered him.... "Yes!"
With that, I bent over the back of a chair...naked. He picked up his leather belt and... WHACK! smacked it against my ass! Without hesitation, I thanked him and began to cry...not tears of pain, but tears of relief...of joy! I asked for another and another and another! I went home bruised that day! Beautiful black 'n blue bruises I stared at in the mirror...growing sad as they faded away!
I have always punished myself for causing the smile to fade from anyone's lips. It felt amazing to have someone else do the punishing for a change! For a brief moment, it was no longer my responsibility...I was free!
I am a perfectionist, a pleaser and easy to manipulate. I am often used and taken advantaged of... tossed aside without a second thought. Sadly, I have come to accept this as my life! Not everyone is destined to be happy! Some of us, including myself, were never meant to be anything more than.... a puppet!