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| I am a 32 year old dominant male. I am married, but my partner knows about all my kinky activities. My interests in bdsm are varied, and part of the appeal of bdsm is the process of putting on different hats for a few hours here and there, though one dynamic that I've found particularly interesting is service submission. The term "housegirl" might be apt, as things I've had submissives do for me in the past include cleaning the dishes and cleaning the floors in the nude with hands and breasts bound. The interest there is in creating a domain in which to explore domination and submission where the emphasis isn't exclusively about fucking. In general I make a strong emphasis on mutual respect outside of scenes, and take a calm and intellectual approach to domination, spending as much time poking around in a sub's head as spanking her ass. I have an argumentative streak, but that is almost always in the purposes of intellectual inquiry. I assure you I'm a nice person. Really.
In general I make a strong emphasis on mutual respect outside of a scene, and take a calm and intellectual approach to Domination, spending as much time poking around in your head as spanking your ass. I've also been told I'm (shock of shocks) a nice person. If you are looking for an aloof or abusive Dom (and I know some subs are), I'm not him.
In fact I consider myself somewhat of an oddity among Doms, though of course most everyone is an oddity at some level. I have a few experiences on the bottom (and discovered it wasn't for me) but hopefully those experiences offer me some insight into the submissive experience. I don't have much tolerance for the posturing that seems to be the norm among some, though certainly not all, kinksters. For example, I'm too much of a grammar nerd to see the point of overly extravagant capitalization rules, and I almost always become nauseous when I see "Dominate" used as a noun.
I think that "Dom" and "sub" are roles that we play, and we play them because we enjoy them. They don't necessarily define who we are as people. I don't think that there is much mileage to be gained from thinking about these roles as "natural". If it is "natural" for some to lead and others to submit, then democracy is a sham and we should go back to an aristocracy, right?
I am also utterly fascinated with feminism, which I know is not the norm among men who like to tie girls up, spank them to tears, and fuck them in the ass. What I like about feminism is that it provides a critique of sexuality and power in our lives, both male and female, and I don't find resources for thinking about kink and power dynamics in many other places. I hear a lot of talk about "sex positive feminism" but I don't think that the feminist critique of sexual power relations can be swept aside by simply declaring that we like sex. Of course we like sex, but we have to ask ourselves why we like this kind of heavily stylized sex with leather and whips and whatnot. Speaking for myself, I find BDSM power play very enjoyable, but I try to remain vigilant about reminding myself that this is all a game, and nothing more than that. Perhaps what I am trying to say is that kink is for me something I try to put a lot of thought into, and if I'm not reflecting on what I'm doing and why I'm doing it, I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere. Your mileage may vary.
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Dear lord people, learn how to spell. This goes especially to you Doms, why on earth should a sub trust you to put any thought or effort into controlling her if you can't even put the effort into the spelling in your profile?
Subs too could benefit from a little more attention to spelling. I see common complaints from subs about not being treated with respect by Doms. I wonder if some of that is because terrible spelling serves as a sort of dog whistle for pathetic men, who then view the sub as stupid and therefore not worthy of respect. |
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Very often I come across profiles that claim to be "Native American" in ethnicity, but the user is very clearly white. What is going on here? Is it to make a political point that whites too are rightly "Native American"? I don't see why this is the place to score shallow political points. Is it out of some embarrassment about being white? Does clicking on "Caucasian" just not feel special enough? If so, why not just try to be special on your own terms? To me, when I come across these profiles, they suggest the people behind them are ignorant and self-centered. In short, they make me not want to get to know them. |
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A submissive friend of mine came up with an excellent idea for dealing with the way that Collarme seems set up to facilitate "creeping" by telling you when new members are around and if your messages are read and whatnot. She was looking for a Dominant, and she set up a fake account as a Domme and just ignored all the messages sent to it. That allowed her to browse the Dom profiles without attracting too much attention, as a Dom would be much less likely to respond to a note that a Dominant woman had browsed his profile. Pretty clever idea I think for defusing a site design that caters to the creeps and makes life generally very rotten for female submissives (as evidenced by the large number of them that close their profiles after a day or two). |
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Just to clarify, I am looking for someone local for a session every week or two. I am not looking for a live-in or 24/7 or anything like that (I apologize for any confusion or imprecision in my profile before). I'm not even really looking to get my housechores done, the chores are just there as a pleasant distraction. The point of doing chores for you is to turn your mind inward as a submissive, making you a sort of co-participant in your domination as you are forced to pay attention to your actions and movements, to the way you hold your body, and to the precision with which you complete your tasks. The sight of a naked woman on all fours with her hands and ankles bound, a ball gag in her mouth and a sponge in her hands is truly a beautiful thing, but that is all secondary to the psychological effect on her, which is my primary interest. |
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I would like to clear up a misconception that I've learned exists out there among submissives about service-oriented submission. The relationship I have with my girl has nothing to do with me being lazy and getting free housechores or free sex. I put a great deal of thought and planning into our sessions, I supervise all her activity, and there are more than enough chores left to do at the end of our weekly three-hour sessions. Free sex also has nothing to do with it, because we don't have sex. I've made her cum for being a good girl, but I don't receive any physical pleasure from the arrangement other than the pleasure of Dominating her.
I understand that this arrangement is not for everyone, but for me housechores offer additional terrain on which to control and order about my girl, and for her it gives her tasks where she can obey and please another person, all while knowing that there will be consequences for poor performance.
For these reasons, service-oriented submission has nothing to do with laziness on my part, and everything to do with exploring a Dominant/submissive dynamic not all that different from the Boss/secretary or Teacher/student dynamics that interest so many others.
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