Is it strange to have a paradox. Someone who is complete control in his daily life yet seeks the complete opposite in fantasy.

My final thought is of a gentleman who is big, strong and takes me with his eyes. He makes me shiver and yet I feel safe with him. He begins my transformation with his hands...he caresses my face and lips... he kisses my neck, and hikes up my skirt, he pulls my hair and ..and whispers that I am his... I will remain in panties forever...  I will be in lingerie and be serving as many cocks as he desires...

My thoughts escape me. How much I want a man to take me in his arms then do unspeakable things to me...He takes my hand, puts me in his lap, asks me to strip.. puts me in a chastity device, orders me to slip on red stockings, panties...then a short tight dress. He kisses my ear and tells me I am his bitch, his property.. he will make me his whether I like it or not...he will make me a sissy. He will make me cry, he will make lose all hope of being a man. I will live only to serve him...and whoever he choses. I will be reduced to a slut.. degraded in every possible way...

Is this wrong or taboo? I'm not sure, a family man who dreams about being a sissy to a much older man. I think I have learnt about who I am, even though I fantasize about the most depraved acts, I know I first need to trust someone. I think about a man who is gentle yet forceful, a man who makes me shake with his assertiveness, yet knows I need time. A man who is patient who will put me in his lap, pull my hair and put me in a dress, whispering in my ear how this is my destiny.....