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I'm a long-time submissive crossdresser. Started dressing when I was 11, began seeing dominatrixes by the time I was 18, developed close submissive relationships with several women over the years, but one day it all got to be too much. More than your typical "throw away the clothes" purge, this was a wholesale lifestyle change.
I met a woman that I eventually married. She knew my history from the beginning. She hoped it was something I would outgrow, but it wasn't. Disappointed in that, she found her own indulgences to keep her happy while I dressed secretly and privately. She knew I was still dressing and I knew about her activities but we never talked about it out loud. Recently, we went from a "don't ask don't tell" situation to a more open honest one. I still love her, and I hope she continues to feel the same way, but only time will tell.
In the meantime, about a year ago I met a woman who was at first just an online friend but whom I now call my Mistress, though mostly she's been less of a dominant and more of a confidant, mentor, protector, and friend. She was the one who encouraged the increased openness between my wife and me, and she and my wife have been talking, so my wife is aware of what's going on - tolerating if not yet accepting of it.
She has also encouraged me to re-pursue the things that got me into submission and dressing up in the first place, going shopping with me and getting me to dress more. When I went out recently for pretty much the first time in a LONG time, to a party at the LeFemme School in central NJ (see my profile pic), she let me know how proud of me she and her girlfriend were. That touched me very deeply.
So what am I looking for? I'm not sure even I know that yet. My Mistress has done nothing if not to remind me that I am into all this because I identify with the feminine and because I adore women, so much so that I want to be one - at least some of the time. Though I've gone down the path of forced bi scenarios and such, ultimately I've learned that I what I want most of all is to be "one of the girls," to be in the company of women who treat me like one of them... most especially dominant women who like to mindf**k me into accepting my nature and giving in to their whims... whatever they might be. My marriage puts limitations on what I can do, but I'm up for exploration and adventure.
But more than anything, I'm seeking friends - like minded people that I can talk to and relate to and connect with. If anything else transpires... well, good, but the friendship comes first.
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