11/26/2009 8:51:32 PM: Well, well, well, much has happened since I was last online here. First and foremost, there is no longer actively (and soon will not be legally) a husband in the picture for me. A am vaguely still seeking....something, but nothing intense at this point in time, as I am still healing. Not much else to say at this point.

12/21/2008 8:53:38 PM: Well, I've posted and changed my profile to show I am actively seeking...  I have been testing the local waters and feel greatly conflicted.  In some ways, it almost seems as though I am asking for too much, but at the same time, I don't see how what I am wanting is truly too much.  Certain things I am definite on are keeping a sub journal and being open to assignments, which will most likely include some form of written assignments from time to time.  I also insist on the sub/potential sub having his/her own place and job (though I can assist in finding a job if the potential sub is in a similar place to where I was this time last year).  The sub journal will be an eventual requirement, and that is purely because I want him/her to have a safe place to write what is really going on and check in on their reality without fear of punishment.  While I may (and will) request to read portions of it or see it from time to time, nothing in the journal will be subject to punishment or retaliation.  Another thing I am looking at in a potential sub is ensuring our tastes and styles mesh well.  No matter how much W/we may want to create a relationship with that D/s dynamic, if the sub is looking for high impact play and 24/7 TPE or human toilet play, they may well be disappointed by my sensation play scenes, part time D/s time and human toilet hard limits.  I've lost track of were I was going with this, but if you are reading all of this in with interest in potentially serving Me, I appreciate your effort.  And if you understand all of my rambling, I congratulate and applaud you.

10/9/2008 1:35:59 PM: Well, life's been getting better, slowly.  Not quite looking for a sub yet, but I will be, and soon, I think.  The beginning of the year at the latest.  In that vein, I received a message yesterday, asking what I am looking for in a sub.  It was quite a question, and got me thinking.  I finally came up with a much longer answer than I think she was expecting, but I think it's worthwhile to post here.  Some things I would prefer in a potential sub:  1) obedience. some bratting is fine, but when it comes down to it, I would rather reward than punish   2) their own place. Moving in may eventually be an option, but I do have a husband, and we're currently in a studio apt with a cat.   3) the knowledge that, while I am married, He will not be the master, nor am I an alpha sub. I will have My own sub, though I may request service be performed for Him, and I will require the same respect be given to Him as to Me and any other Master/Dom/me that W/we may be around.   4) an open mind. I am still learning, and I doubt anyone will ever be done with T/their education. I am also human, with other demands on My time beyond BDSM   5) the realization that while some sexual play may occur, as will play time, I do have a primary relationship with my husband, and He will always come first. (though I may cum first LOL)   6) I will also prefer a sub/slave that will be willing to do their homework, and is willing to accept assignments, which may include essays. I was an English Major, and I am a writer. I use my education.   6a) sub-category to the above. While some web-speak is fine, specifically online, in written assignments I do get twitchy about poor grammar/spelling. If this is an area that my sub has problems with, I want them to be willing to work on it with me.   7) Open to protocol and restrictions that I set at My will. I will always negotiate rules and punishments with My sub, but I will demand that they live up to the negotiation   8) A sub journal. What can go into it, etc, will be discussed.   9) someone open to a combination of negotiated and agreed upon limits and roles as well as the organic growth that comes with any relationship.   and the most important thing: someone I get along with. On the flip side of that coin is what I am not looking for.  I do not want a doormat, a primary partner, or a Dom to collar me.  Doormats are flat, one dimensional, and go under my feet.  A sub, while she/he may serve for me, should be a complete person that can be molded to My will as well as their own.  I have a primary partner.  He would be upset if my sub tried to take his place.  He was here first.  I am not looking to wear someone's collar.  It's just not where I am at right now.  I also do not want to be a random babysitter for other Dom/Domme's and their property.  There are a few select exceptions, and most of those are not on CM.  Wow!  I've been getting long winded on here.  I guess I should say as well that if you are interested in possibly serving me, CM me with what you are looking for in a Domme.  Also, if you refer to something posted in one of my journals, I will know you read to the bottom of my profile page.  That is a GOOD thing.

7/19/2008 3:13:40 PM: Random rant on honesty, roles, and WIITWD - IMHO, this lifestyle, this microcosm is built on a need for honesty and communication. That being said, in my world, my circle of friendship, and in consideration for any future subs/pets, I require honesty. Don't say you want to be a pet, or even a sub, if you need constant attention and refuse to open your mind to behavioral restrictions. I do not let my cat on the computer, nor does she have my constant attention. In the same way, if I were to have a human pet, they would have limited access to the internet daily, and while I would be attentive to their behavior, they would not have my undivided attention.  Honesty - Be honest about your needs, your likes and preferences. And be consistent. Don't say you want my husband to be primary Dom, then act as though I am your main owner and he is alpha sub. He is not collared and it is unlikely we will ever wear each other's collars. It just wouldn't work.  Some of you may wonder where this is all coming from. Suffice it to say, yes, I've been burned, and I've been doing a lot of journaling and thinking about how things went wrong and what can be corrected in the future. I am also thinking about any future subs/pets/etc I may have and the steps they will need to go through to get to the consideration period and the additional steps/hoops they will need to go through to gain a collar from me.  The occasional scening and play is fun, it's easy, and I have TONS of room for it. At the same time, I do some time want to have another sub someday, and my previous experience was, to say the very least, a learning experience on how trying to do so much right can go so very wrong.  And if you read this, you know who you are and what you really are. Live with it.

4/8/2008 11:10:10 AM: I'm currently still looking for sources to use for training and mentorship for my more Domme side.  Our girl is no longer ours, though.  She dropped her collars this morning.*expletive*