I wonder if anyone reads this? To people whom I message who do not reply. It would assist me greatly if you could reply to tell me why you are not interested. No, if you tell me not to reply to that, I will not reply. I am just interested as to what it is I am saying incorrectly to some people.

I need to start going to BR meetings now that I have more time. ^_^

I wonder how much Valerian is too much to take? hmmmm

Gah, cannot change my color here in Chrome.

Gah, the suspense is going to drive me nuts. :(

Find me on . Same name. I will be there more often. This site is silly.

Hey, guess what I decided to start writing here. Hopefully, it will be often. I know, you are waiting on bated breath for me to update this thing.

Actually, I have no idea why I am updating this. Most people use blogs, if at all. And the journals here really seem to be "I'll be in NYC in August" or "NO MEN!"

I mean, let's face it: No one reads these fucking things. And I will literally crap myself if I get a message where someone actually discusses my posts.

But in general no one READS. And I mean really reads; reads with an active mind. I do not mean to be insulting or create an impression of condescension. That is not my purpose. Reading is important. But it certainly does not make one better because they do. 

But I digress.

I had a meeting last night with some lovely ladies. That is probably what prompted me to write. More like they are the catalyst to this.

This has not been a stellar couple of weeks for me.  There are those times in life where you feel on the ball. What athletes call the zone. 

Right now, I am duffing the golf ball, missing the cue, dropping the pass, and bouncing off the rim. (Can I extend this sports metaphor any more? What I like is that you got it after the first example, but I felt the need to keep going in order to wank off my own intellectual abilities . . .or lack there of.  

Have you had moments in life like that? Where you seem to just be less then you know you are? It is an odd feeling. It happens. We all have moments like that.  I just wonder how many people sit back raise their necks and allow that soft spot to be there. Allow that vulnerable place to be penetrated.

Pardon that pun.

People that guard their hearts from blows and present a false bravado get on my nerves. That kind of thing is apparent to me. They are people who are genuinely confident and respectful (like the women I met last night) But I am talking about the people try to show they are smarter, wealthier, better than they believe they are in their hearts.

Be real with people. Allow them to bite you. You learn things that way.

So, feeling deflated last night after my interview I decided (much to my chagrin) to grab some sugar free energy drinks. I know. Not smart at midnight. I do not drink or do drugs, so it seemed wise at the time.

I now am adding energy drinks to things I cannot have in life. lol Ugh. I feel like crap today. I deserve it. Idiot. Why I do things like that is beyond me. Probably a perfection paralysis issue. Or the fact that I do not allow myself many infractions of character - or at least I try not to. Eventually, these things implode in crazy ways. 

And what does not kill me makes me aware. Not sure about stronger or wiser. One can be aware of frailties and simply ignore them.

So, I ordered a pizza and will eat that getting off my diet today for the first real time since January. I am down 27 lbs. Woo hoo! Not sure if anyone who doesn't know me has noticed . . . and that statement only makes sense to me.

Oh well. You aren't reading.

Talk to you later

E

Haha I may sound nuts, but that is okay. I just speak openly here as a stream of consciousness style writing.

Really, some people on the site present themselves too seriously. Let's not make D/s to be more than what it is. Let's not make one's self out to be more than what they are. 

How about everyone should stop taking themselves so seriously? Why not drop the smoke and mirrors, the pretext the obfuscation and be yourself. You are more than D/s. Call it a lifestyle or not. I wouldn't want to know someone who doesn't have more to them than D/s. How boring.

I saw a profile of a Domme I talked to once that has updated pictures of a male sub with bloody body parts and genitals. I dodged a bullet there by being myself. Thankfully. Not that drawing blood does not happen sometimes. I just get the sense of someone who has hate in their heart. It's a shame really. 

Oh well. C'est la vie.

Totally tired of the liars and fakes here. Seriously, you Dommes think it is only the subs and men? Blah I say, BLAH!

Crazy Domme Ladies are abound man. (And you know who you are Ms. "call me and act like an odd person on the phone." 

I mean she was REALLY odd. What is wrong with a normal conversation?

Anyway, the people here suck. I would like to meet an honest person who can talk and be normal. Where the hell are they hiding?