I've been on another site answering questions. I recently discovered Collarspace and decided to post the most frequently asked questions on here along with my answers. Professional, 59, divorced, adult kids. Many will not like my answers. That's why they can have their own profiles.
Question: Why the Patriarchy?
Answer: There are many Collarspace profiles filled with testosterone-charged screeds about the inherent inferiority of women. They largely seem to be written by young men who have little justification to be in charge without the crutch of a DNA-driven mandate. Being a patriarch requires quite a bit more than a Y chromosome.
Yet the happiness of both men and women in some male-female patriarchal relationships can't be denied. (and yes, there are also feminist screeds which attempt to invalidate such relationships, but the facts of relationship success are facts, even when politically inconvenient). The Patriarchy exists because it works for many people. It has worked for a million years. The Patriarchy is not the only workable relationship system, but it is the basis for the majority of successful male-female relationships around the world
Question: Why does a patriarchal model work?
Answer: The strongest argument for a patriarchal model is that it results in a Conflict-Free relationship. When one person makes all the decisions and the other person embraces and executes those decisions, there isn't any context for fighting. Decisions get made, decisions get carried out. The decision process is faster than in "modern" egalitarian relationships. There is less self-doubt on both sides and life moves along smoother every day as the woman gets even better at guessing what her mate's decisions will be. Many decisions which would have required hours of discussion in a "modern egalitarian" relationship get made without even asking because the rules have already been set. That leaves more time for the living, loving, and laughing which makes relationships great.
Question: What's the appeal to of a patriarchal relationship to a woman?
Answer: First, being the woman in a patriarchal relationship is not for every woman. You will know in your soul if it's for you once you've tried it. For many, the total absence of conflict is so transforming that it’s worth all the inequalities which arise in the patriarchy.
Question: How will I know it’s for me if I haven’t been the woman in a patriarchal relationship before?
Answer: It's very hard to tell in advance because there's so much propaganda which suggests that you are not supposed to like it, that you have a right to your own decisions, and that you should reject a role in a patriarchy if offered. So, your “guess” that you wouldn’t like it is probably biased by what you’re hearing. In fact, the chance that you’ll actually like being the woman in that relationship is pretty good.
If you haven’t tried a patriarchal relationship, you can get some clues from a review of your own life. Have you been in argument-filled relationships and wished that you could just be with each other without argument? When you make decisions for yourself are you filled with worry and dread? Do you find yourself regretting the choice you didn't take? Are you easily dissuaded from your intuitive choice by the doubts of others? These may all be clues that "deciding" is not what you like doing. In that case, having a Patriarch to do the deciding can be profoundly relaxing and re-centering.
Question: But if I let the man make all the decisions in a relationship won’t he exploit that to his advantage in sex and in other aspects of our time together?
Answer: Yes, he will exploit it. Embrace your exploitation. It’s a chance to make your contribution to being Conflict Free. And you will soon find that his pleasure will become your pleasure in a way you never thought possible before.
Question: If I’m the woman in a No-Conflict Patriarchal relationship won’t I just end up giving blowjobs all the time?
Answer: Honestly, it will probably start out that way. You’ll be giving a lot of blowjobs as the two of you practice the inequality which will become the backbone of a Conflict Free relationship. He needs to demand it often to test your willingness to invest in your role. You need to obey each time to prove to yourself that you are invested in making this relationship work, even when it’s inconvenient or when your jaw is sore.
However, over time that will change. You’ll still be giving blowjobs on demand, but the demand will come less often when you both know he can make the demand anytime and you’d do it. And in the beginning, he’ll have demanded more than he wanted to make a point. Later, with less to prove, he’ll dial it back to the level of his pleasure and you’ll find yourself wishing he’d demand a little more frequently.
Question: What about my sexual pleasure as a woman?
Answer: Amazingly, your sexual pleasure is likely to increase by 500%. Dropping a ‘transactional” approach to sex: “you do me and I’ll do you” will free you to experience erotic moments in a completely new way. You’ll feel understood, comprehended, enjoyed and appreciated in a way that you’ve always craved to be, even if you didn’t realize it.
I’ll post new FAQ’s in my journal. Ask away!