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I want to thank E/everyone that gave me advice in my recent questioning of "faith". Some maud than others. I apologize in advance to all the Dommes I interact with in the future. Once bitten twice shy sort of thing. I realize my defenses may be up just a bit more. No diaper spect intended.
Also I want to say thank you for the true sense of community. Regardless of the advice I was truly overwhelmed by how many responded. In truth I never thought anyone would read what I post. It was more a stream of conscious thing for me. Just a place to write what I was thinking to myself. The fact so many responded floored me. I have removed the consideration from my profile. I think I just will enjoy all of Your company for awhile. |
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A dilemma. When in a relationship do you concede your privacy? Is two weeks too soon to surrender ones email and account information? I feel backed into a corner. On the one hand I wish to please on the other I am wary of so much personal information being handed over. Am I being silly or just cautious? When is the right time? Personally I have no issues with surrendering my email and account information but I feel that should come at the end just like a marriage. Anyone have thoughts or suggestions? |
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Ok so rough evening so this will be short. How wonderful is not that kisses can make ones toes curl. Not kisses from a mom or dad. But kisses from HER!!! Those can melte. Those can weaken me. Those can make me be better than I am. Oh and did I mention they can curl my toes?think about how tuned in one must be to experience such sheer rapture? Imagine that power. It is an addiction. Please more get more. I so want more!! |
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Thank You everyone who sent notes liking my Fathers Day posts. So this morning just feeling really good. I'm sortta out of anything to say but will let you all know even though I'm back on orgasm denial I think I can manage it better this time. Of course that's easy to say after just a few days. I will say this. I like the constant dampness between my thighs. It has become a comfort and reminder of my sexuality. Will see how that goes. |
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What a wonderful day. In the end it's all about family. The ones you trust the most. The ones you live the most. I realize some have issues with their family but they are your blood. They are the ones that will/should always stand by you. Perhaps there was a falling out. It behooves you to extend the olive branch and try again. Befor you realize it they may be gone. For me I cherish every moment I have with my daddy. I hope if you're reading this you do the same with yours.
I can only say when the right One comes into one's life may they live you and care for you as if they were family. That's all a sub/slave should wish for. I know I do. |
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Happy Father's Day to the most important and only man in my life. He will never read this (god he better not see it) but I just want to let him know I will always love him. Daddy you are always there for me. Even though I know you would not of my lifestyle now I know I would still love you. Sometimes I just want to come out and tell you but I know how much it would pain you. You taught me to be Strong so I will be strong for you and keep this myself. I know you never expected me to be living with you again at age 40 and neither did I but you never hesitated to welcome me back. I know it's not easy and Younwould much rather not haver there. Well I agree with you. Nonetheless even though you think the divorce was my fault and never stop telling me that you still support me. I could not survive without your financial help right now but it just makes me all the more determined to succeed. I love you daddy. Happy Father's Day from your little girl. |
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Bliss. Nirvana. Release. Rain in the desert. Yes that's right I was rewarded with my orgasm. Was it good. No. It was amazing. She was behind me and I rode the wave for a full five minutes. When I was done the sheets were soaked and I could barely breathe. Amazing. So now that I know what I know, what happens next. Will the next one be even more powerful if it is denied for longer or does the body stop craving. God I hope not. I can't imagine not wanting to cum on a strapon or whatever else. My hands are shaking as I think about it over and over. The only part lacking is being able to do for Her. I enjoy giving and tasting. I really like making Her pleased so I imagine I will in time adjust my own inclinations. I expect to sleep well tonight. |
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Euphoria is a feeling that washes over me knowing I may not be alone. Even without a physical presence there is a sence of belonging. A growing knowledge that after years I might find a place I am comfortable with. The closet gets small. We all know that. We stay in not so much perhaps to shield ourselves but to avoid what our loved one think. We lead dual lives. It would be nice to be out with Someone that won't judge. Someone to lean on. |
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Why are some words more powerful than others? Is it the words themselves or is it we who infuse them with more meaning than they warrant. Or still is it the words from the person saying them that gives them strength? Would the Gettysberg address be as moving if we're delivered by another speaker other than Lincoln? Would Kennedy's "Ask not..." been as powerful had it not been JFK?
This all begs the question of why does a 40yo women get weak kneed and feel her pulse race when a Someone calls her "good girl"? It feels both humiliating and exhilarating at the same time. Two words and I feel completely helpless and empowered together.
Words are a fascinating tool as is the English language. Used properly it is very powerful indeed. Treasure Those that use it skillfully. Revere Them. They are the true Mistresses. |
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Just a little different this morning. I dreamt I was in metal cuffs and chains and I liked the way they looked and felt. Woke up extremely horny. Thankfully the shower was cold. |
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Like a snail moving forward another day closes. My days used to move fast and since starting this they drag on. My own body refusing to cooperate and cease it's constant state of arousal. Thankfully my mind is still able to real in my body and keep me focused on the prize.
Otherwise I would be humping everything in sight no doubt. |
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This is the worst part of the day. When I wake up horny as hell wishing for relief. Someone with a strapon or parted thighs to lick so I could achieve release. Dripping wet but a cool shower is my only comfort. I will endure for Her sake and my betterment. |
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So now I'm past the point of caring. Yes it hurts to walk. Yes I can't keep my thighs dry. Now however I feel as though it is a challenge of my own resolve. Now I'm determined to not succumb to my own bead rial needs.
I'm going to beat myself at this. I'm going to master my urges. |
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So what happens as time goes on? Does one become more fixated on an orgasm or does one completely abandon ones desire for pleasure. I suppose it could be easily ignored if one wasn't edged. So it seems to me the edging and denial become a Mistress' tool of control.
Things are becoming clearer for me as I write and go deeper into this. |
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So perhaps it isn't a test for focusing. Perhaps orgasm denial becomes just a way to see how much a girl will endure for the one she is serving. I suppose anyone of us at anytime could walk away. Why then put up with it? My guess is as a sub it is my way to prove myself. |
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I'm beginning to understand what this is all about. Although I would say I'm in a perpetual state of arousal I am beginning to understand that overcoming my slutty desires allows me perhaps to focus more in the One in control. I hope that's right. |
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One more before bed. I think orgasm denial is twofold. First from a subs POV it demands concentration to move beyond ones own needs. Second from the Dommes POV it creates a discomfort in the sub and cedes control of a pleasurable experience.
Seriously. Left to myself I would probably miss work or be late everyday just playing with my pussy. |
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So continuing as I journey into hypno and orgasm denial. I'm find it frustrating that I cannot keep my mind off my own pussy. At least I've stopped trying to touch myself every chance I get. It doesn't hurt that I feel a sharp low current through my body. That at least keeps me focused on work at my job. I will say I am going to the ladies room more frequently to dry off my thighs.
Anyone out there ever experience similar? |
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So new adventure. Learning about online suggestion and hypnosis. It's different. How long can one go without an orgasm without going insane ! |
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