I have found the best domme ever.She has the biggest heart in any woman I have ever meet in my life,the most caring,the most loving. Don't get me wrong,I'm a maso,I need it I want it dearly. She understands my want, but reins me in when I'm out of control in desire.
We have our desires and kinks.Does the whole world really need to know what we did this morning or lastnight? Or what we are looking for. You mite feel great about yourself proclaiming to everyone what you yourself did or didn't do. Or what you allowed done so you could write about to better yourself in your eyes..
This my first ever writing so forgive me if I'm a writer. I read alot of writings where people are complaining about this or that,or what's not prefect in their relationship. If you don't like what you have move on. But PLEASE quit writing about the past. Enjoy what is in the future. Really read profiles,and search out the person you are looking for. It doesn't happin overnight. Patience is a virtue..It's takin me awhile to find her,it happened by chance that our lives crossed paths. I was listening in a conversation between her and others that have been in life style for before the Internet stuff it had to be rough finding your place. So all you newbies including me appreciate what is available to you now. Don't abuse the pervildege of hiding behind a key board..

My mistress collared me two weeks ago. I was the happen person ever. Scared to death at the. Cermony. I was shaking wrap around's where easier to deal with..
So if you have anything to say in this life pass on to others how to appreciate what you have..

I've heard talk about it. "Oh you're dropping..." or "Yeah, eat chocolate. It will be fine..."

No it won't. It will not be fine, I don't like chocolate all that much, I am half horny and half suicidal, and all I want is ATTENTION....NOW.

I heal quickly. That is a good thing, right? That means that we get to play more and I run less risk of injury. We want fun and sensuality, not urgent care clinic bills. But 36 hours later my marks are fading and I want them back. I don't want to have them gone, I want to have more of them. I work out and eat healthy so I can look good and play whenever my Domme wants and all I am doing is wishing that I was out of shape and an unhealthy mess. That way the whole experience would last longer. How stupid is that....

"Oh, you are just dropping. Don't worry about it...." I hate that word "just." And "worry" is one of my strongest skills. I have only been at this nine days and somehow I think I should be able to play every day with no side effects and a constant high. I think that because I have a skilled Domme I ought to be able to "perform" like in a porno movie. I know those things are mostly faked. I still want to recreate those scenes and do that 24/7. How stupid is that...

"It is just drop. Everybody goes through it..." Really? Everybody? Well, I don't care about them. I care about me and I feel like I am not good enough, can't "take enough" and am too much in my head to be a good sub. I feel like if we ever get to play again (which is ridiculous since I know we will get to play again) my wants will never be met and either will hers and it will be all my fault. How stupid is that...

"It's sub drop. Learn to get through it."

Not live with it. Not get use to it. Get through it. Not learn to like it or embrace it. Just get through it.

I can do that.

Here is a stream of consciousness from a recent play session. This is a recreation, of course, but my memory normally serves me pretty well. It happened at a open play party and I had asked for our sessions to step up in intensity.

God i love it when she puts those cuffs on. This frame is a bit awkward. i thought W/we'd decided to keep my underwear on? i just bought these so they would look cool....oh She really wants them off. Man it is cold. i probably am the size of a ten year old....figures, my big debut and i am cold and small and...

OUCH. damn that stings. what the hell is she using? God i am such a wimp. it didn't sting this much the last time. what the hell is that thing? She must be liking it because she isn't letting up...

JESUS. What the hell was that? Hurts like hell but finally we are getting somewhere. And how much stuff did i put in that bag? i am the one who packed the stupid thing.

FUCK. that thing wrapped right around. God i hope she does that again. Hurts quick then fades to buzzy. i love that buzz......

She's done. i must have wimped out. Maybe i should apologize for asking for too much...i love all this tingle...

"Guess i wimped out Ma'am...."
"Not even close and W/we're not done yet. Keep your arms down..."

She's got me wrapped in rope. She's slapping my nips with that stupid Nerf kids toy. It hurts like hell and She's giggling. Actually so am i....

"What color are you at?"
"Yellow...."

Really? i mean REALLY?!? Now i get the tip of a single tail against my nipples. Every time she hits me i do a sit up. Glad i work out...

She had a wicked grin on her face. "What's wrong? you said to change up...."

i am completely helpless, She is sitting on top of me whipping on my chest and laughing. i am right on the edge. so ready to get lost in this.

W/we have to quit. The night is getting late and W/we have to clean up the play area. i was so close to being just completely....gone. It was awesome...

I have spent my whole life worried about performance. I have spent every sensual moment trying to gauge my partner's reaction and wonder if they were getting the max benefit from my attention. My partners have not, consequently, been unrewarded. It was not until this weekend that I realized that my entire sexual life has been on the outside looking in.

There is nothing wrong, of course, with being attentive. Most people are not attentive enough. Certainly being passionate about another's pleasure and happiness is a giving and very rewarding thing to do. It is also, unfortunately, very easy to be taken advantage of. I realize that the sum of intimate life has passed like housekeeping at a upscale resort. The people who take care of the customers spend a lot of time in fancy rooms but never actually get to stay as guests. Like me and my sex life, they are on the outside looking in.

For the second time in my life I let someone tie me up. The first time was so horrible it is a miracle I survived and had any desire to try it again. Not only did I let my mentor and protector tie me up but I did it a second time less than 12 hours later. That time I stripped, got trussed up and hung from a frame...in front of a couple dozen people who I had never met. In that same 12 hour period I was introduced to a whole variety of painful devices, fell in love with ropes, got shocked with a small taser then asked for seconds, and spent 4 hours playing driver for the privilege. I asked my big brother sub if he thought my "type" (listed as masochist) was a bit over blown and if he thought I should just change it to "sub." He drawled, "Oh, I think it is pretty accurate..."

I still worry about performance. I want to look good for my Domme, be supported by my family, and above all I want the people who are taking their time in introducing me to this side of myself get the credit they deserve. I have been told (bordering on scolding but not yet punishing) that I need to let that go and just surrender...like when I got suspended. I am going to have to work on that.

Here are the facts. I love ropes. I love when someone else is willing and capable of taking me on the journey. I want to be driven, even painfully (especially painfully) to a destination not of my choosing but I know I will like. I want, even ache, to be the respond-er not the initiator. And I am told by my mentor that if I am truly in the mode of trust and surrender, nothing is sexier; that "performance" will not be an issue. I love when people tell my Domme that I am a "good boy" or "he is solid." That turns me on in ways that may always defy even my wordsmith skills.

I am no longer housecleaning at the hotel. I am, finally, on the inside looking in.

*author's note: i apologize for not using the capitalization protocols in the body of my essay. This isn't out of disrespect but the opposite. i respect good writing, particularly essay, and work very hard to ensure that grammar and punctuation are proper. i promise i will do my best to follow that structure in communication.

pw58*

“On Halloween night the Great Pumpkin rises out of his pumpkin patch and flies through the air with his bag of toys for all the children.”

–Linus

My favorite character in Peanuts is Linus van Pelt. He is, of course, a little brother, as am I. There are times, even in my fifties, when I feel the Lucy-like stare of my older siblings. He is a good friend to Charlie Brown, who is way too needy and not necessarily good friend material. He is graciously embarrassed with unwanted attention (Sally of course). He is comfortable with his own insecurities (he carries that blanket with pride). And, he is the voice of the author, quietly uttering wisdom and constantly in awe of the changing world around him. Above all, he is the lonely yet vigilant Scion of the Great Pumpkin.

And he was RIGHT. The evidence of the Great Pumpkin is everywhere. At this time of year you can’t fling a peppermint patty without hitting something pumpkin flavored, smelling, colored, or shaped.

Let me clear up a couple of things before we proceed. First, I love pumpkin. I can’t wait for the Great Pumpkin to return and I mourn for weeks after that orange spirit has left us for a long, dark Lent. Second, I am not suggesting that we fling Peppermint Patty. Tossing small cartoon girls is creepy. I mean the candy. I say peppermint because it is so “Christmas.” Finally, I realize that pumpkins have little smell. What we like is pumpkin spice, which is a combination of clove, cinnamon, and ginger. However, I will bet two loaves of pumpkin bread and a pumpkin spice car air freshener that seven out of ten people identify that smell as “PUMPKIN.”

With those issues disposed of let us return to hard evidence of the Great Pumpkin. It starts quietly. The Great Pumpkin is always with us, of course, but is willing, in his/her unassuming way to be in a support role for most of the year. In every greeting card store and candle shop the burnt orange candles, pumpkin “spice” smelling march from their dusty back shelves and start to display themselves, right about the time the leaves start to turn.

We move to coffee houses. A lot of edgy, trend setting things happen in coffee houses. The pumpkin latte appears. That is enough to get the ball rolling. Then come pies, cakes, cheese cakes, puddings, crème brule’s, and pop tarts. Yes, I actually mean pop tarts proving, once and for all, that those hard disgusting toaster blobs are no longer marketed at kids but baby boomers. By this time pumpkin soups are appearing in spiffy restaurants and fast food places are turning what ever they can into pumpkin. When desperate, they just cut round cookies and slather cheap orange frosting on top showing that all great things degrade with over-exposure.

For those of us purists, we get out our mini loaf pans and bake pumpkin bread. I am a plain, no nuts, double the spice guy myself. I have seen recipes with nuts, bananas, cranberries and even chocolate chips. The latter is for amateurs and newly converted but we all have to start somewhere.

The only thing missing from the way Linus described the Great Pumpkin was the toys. Yet, down at the Toledo Zoo one of the favorite activities for our animals is pumpkin tossing. Elephants, rhinos, gorillas, polar bears, and even meerkats enjoy a good orange toss. So even though Linus got the exact nature of the toys wrong he was right; there was play involved. Being the profit of a spirit is tricky business. Spirits can be vague.

So, here is to the Great Pumpkin. Hats off to the spirit’s profit and high priest Linus who believed before it was fashionable. And finally, here is a “so there” to all the doubters, especially Lucy, who can no longer deny or scoff. Have a pumpkin latte. You will feel better.

Author
Scotttol

Author’s note: Thanks to my friend Deb who, when ordering a Pumpkin Latte with a shot of espresso, became the genesis for this piece.

I have direct permission to post his blog...

1. Take him for a drive some distance from where Y/you live while he's dressed (or even better partially dressed) and tell him to get out and walk home.

2. Take him to get his ears pierced making sure that it is obvious to the store personnel that You are making him do it.

3. Make him get a tattoo on a part of his body which from time to time might be visible. "Sissy Slut" or "Property of Mistress Gina" or Don't Pis Off my Mistress" - use Your imagination

4. Have couples who are friends of both of Y/you and force him to serve You and Y/your friends, explaining that he is to be used for any wish they might have.

5. Making him totally clean a room in your dwelling while he is tethered to that room (by a chain preferably) and don't let him out of the room until You are satisfied or overly satisfied.

6. Make him sing Mary Had a Little Lamb, with holding bucket full of water in his hands at shoulder height while You spank him.

7. Make him sleep on the floor next to Y/your bed.

8. Take him shopping for undergarments and have him fitted for a bra (best done if he goes in male mode)

9. Rent him out to another Domme and make sure You get the money without him even touching it.

10. Make him pay for toys which You will never use on him.

11. Lock him out of Your bedroom for a night over several hours making sure he knows that You are pleasuring Yourself or having phone sex with someone

12. Make him kneel on sandpaper or rice grains facing a corner in Y/your home, beyond his endurance

13. Threaten to disclose to his friends at work that he is Your sissy bitch.

14. Make sex conditional on how much he does in terms of housework and personal service to You.

15. Extended tickling session (that's if he is ticklish).

16. Making him dance on a stage at a local gay club.

17. For one day a week, be as bitchy to him as possible even if he's done nothing wrong.

18. Bind him and then leave the house, ordering him to get lose by the them time You get back or else it'll be his ass.(If You do this one don't actually leave the house, just make him think so!)

19. Insert a dildo or anal plug in him and make him hold it until he no longer can. If he makes it come out of his hole, make him tell and convince You that he truly wants to be Your sissy slut and he wants to prove it by working up to 24 hour penetration.

20. Blindfold him and teach him how to suck cock using various fruits and vegetables, the graduate to insertables and then to the real thing, making him take it to completion.

The most common way I’ve heard Dominance described uses words that I wouldn’t use to describe a dog. Especially today – there are a LOT of anti-Dominant posts, and a lot of “Submissives Deserve XYZ” posts. But one thing I’ve almost never heard…what do Dominants deserve? Where is our "10" list?

1. Know your Responsibilities.

Dominants have responsibilities. We hear a LOT about that in our community. We have the responsibility to be forgiving and understanding. We have the responsibility to be strong and independent. We have the responsibility to be wise and patient, and to be controlled and in control of ourselves and our partners. We have to accept accountability for whatever happens with the submissive. We have the responsibility to take responsibility (and accountability) for both our actions, and (often) our submissives’ actions.

Well, submissive responsibilities exist too. (No, not “suck my dick daily” kinds of responsibilities. Those are play rules, or relationship kinks.) Responsibilities in submission are supposed to include communication with your Dominant. Having patience with the relationship. Working to build trust with your partner. And having realistic expectations of the relationship, while understanding the meaning of discretion when things need work. You know…all the stuff below?

2. Remember Patience?

Patience is a virtue, virtue is a grace, and grace is a little girl…

When you start dating someone – you don’t ask them to marry you the first week out. Nor the first month, or (hopefully) the first year. So why are you in a rush to be “collared” immediately? Why is there this pressure to invent a myriad variety of “collars” to validate every single status change in the relationship? Date. Hang out. Talk.

The same with fetishes. I understand you are a HUGE anal slut. But let’s build up to that. Yes, I can probably put together a scene with 23 different ass sensation toys, and a half dozen different positions, with FancyRopeWork (tm). But why? Let’s share other experiences. Let’s learn each other before moving into what should be a permanent relationship.

It takes time before a dominant becomes YOUR Master. It takes time for us to learn your little idiosyncrasies. It takes experience to recognize your body language, and to be able to intuit your fears and your feelings. There will be false starts, and stops, and pitfalls, and awkward situations. If you actually want a relationship with your Dominant…be realistic about it. (see #3)

Expecting us to immediately rock your world...it happens sometimes. But most of the time, it takes time and effort before we know you well enough to really rock out.

3. Have Realistic Expectations.

You aren't perfect? Well, neither am We. We’re learning every day. A good Dominant (one who will eventually be worthy of the title “Master”) is constantly working on those imperfections, through self-help, personal exploration, educational classes, and reading. Expecting a 29 year old to pay for all your dates, have a fully equipped dungeon, be the perfect boyfriend, help pay your rent when you’re behind, god-like lover, and be a Master-of-All-Toys is, frankly, naive.

It takes a lot of work to build a relationship - and that relationship has to be built from both ends. We understand that you are sacrificing a lot when you surrender your body - often, so are we (see #9). We are as giving as we can be of our time, our money, and our emotions. It hurts us just as much when we're dropped, dumped, manipulated or lied to. But, you may have noticed, we don’t have “Dominant support” groups, by and large. So while you’re risking more of your body and heart on the front end – we’re risking a hell of a lot of our soul and our mind on the back end.

If we’re with you, and making an honest effort…respect that. We respect you (even when we’re calling you cunts while whipping your ass) for your ability to take pain and suffering and then turn it into something amazing. We recognize your talents and efforts. Please, recognize ours.

4. Consistency.

It’s a real roller coaster ride to have a submissive who is one person in the morning, another at night, and a complete third when she skips her meds (see #7). And roller coasters are fun…but they don’t make for great daily activities.

We’re going to do the best we can to enforce the rules consistently. To respond to your needs as much as we can, when we can. To be the same Dominant on Monday that we are Saturday night. What we ask in return? The same thing from you. Make the effort (see #9) to follow those rules. Don’t give us the A#1 effort Saturday night at the party, and then just coast on the relationship for the rest of the week.

There’s something to be said for a sub who is the same Monday through Sunday in her level of devotion, her level of commitment, and her level of caring. We honestly don’t care if that level is low, medium, high, or barely existent. We’ll work with that – that’s what a Dominant does. We motivate, we train, and we guide. But if you’re giving us a different persona and a different level of submission every other day… the greatest Master in the scene couldn’t deal with that 24/7. Neither can we.

5. Discretion within the relationship.

Yeah, so. Going online and chatting in a slaves group, or on , about how your Master doesn't scratch your itch, or how you're so disappointed he didn't do SexyMoveA#1 last night? That's not cool. We don't (believe it or not) go around gossiping with every Dominant we know about how tight your ass was last night, or how funny you looked sobbing after an emotional edge play scene. Please have the same courtesy - don't assume that just because you're the submissive, you can talk about anything in our relationship that you want to and call it "submissive sharing". If you have a genuine issue in the relationship - we should be the first person you talk to about it. Not your online friends. See #10 about that.

This is not an endorsement of abuse. If you are being abused (physically, emotionally, financially, psychologically, sexually, etc.), for the love of God, go to your local shelter. Your nearest victim advocate. Or the closest police station.

But please bear in mind – below that particular level? Relationships will always have problems…talking to your partner solves a LOT of them.

6. Trust. (No really, actual trust, not "earn it or else" trust)

No, this doesn’t mean trust me immediately from word one. That would be insane.
But this ties in with #8 and #9. You’ve heard the old adage “trust takes time”? Well, trust also takes effort. And communication (see #10). From both parties. Trust is a two way street. If your Dominant has to constantly prove that he’s worthy of your trust, then why are you with him?

I was once with a woman who had me convinced that it was a Dominant’s job to constantly be earning and re-earning trust. I heard the mantra of “a Master /earns/ trust” at least once a day. The entire relationship was one long marathon of constant effort to “earn” her trust by doing everything she wanted, and never disagreeing with her. It took a slap ‘round the head and shoulders by a senior Dominant and very trusted friend before I realized that I was being used.

7. Sanity.

This is a no brainer. But unfortunately, it rarely gets spoken of in our lifestyle. If you have depression, bi-polar, manic episodes, or have been described by previous friends, dominants or family members as a "wild and crazy" type...the odds are that you, in fact, need therapy. Possibly medication. There’s no shame in that – a HUGE percentage of people in this modern world have psychological issues that need to be addressed with pills or therapy. Please seek it BEFORE approaching a dominant. We, in return, will attempt to do the same for our own issues. Entering deeply emotional and effort-related relationships should be done AFTER the mental health issues are addressed and under control.

8. Stop Recycling the Past.

Your last Dominant hurt you. Or didn't measure up. I understand that, personally. My last submissive didn't either (see #7). But that said...this is us, starting fresh. I certainly want to know if your last Dom was abusive, hurtful, or cruel. You need to know if my last submissive was, too. That's part of the whole "communication skills" thing in #10 and it will affect how we interact. I do NOT, however, need to hear a daily address list of the A-Z of everything you ever disliked about him...or a weekly update on how I compare to him. Considering that I probably don't do any of the former, and don't care about the latter. This is a new relationship. You wouldn't enjoy me constantly comparing you, out loud, to my last girl. You wouldn't enjoy an intimate partner constantly comparing you to their last lover. I don't enjoy it either. Keep the past, in the past.

9. Honest Effort and Understanding.

You want us to know how hard submission is? Well, we want you to know how hard Domination is. We have to think in three dimensions about the emotional and psychological impact of everything from our tone of voice to our tools, from our clothes and cologne to our cock and cunt hair. It's exhausting at times, and just like submissives...sometimes we burn out. Sometimes we're too tired to be SparkleMasterLeatherDom/me. And just like we are expected (by our Dominant brothers and sisters, if not by our submissives) to be consistently understanding and supportive of slaves rights and feelings...we deserve a little consideration ourselves.

10. Communication Skills.

Domination AND submission. Master AND slave. Top AND bottom. Please note the "and". You AND me. Kenova AND Cassie. Snowy AND Toy. The "and"? That has a lot of meaning. It means that just as much as you expect us, the Dominants, to communicate with you about your training and performance...we expect the same. We deserve the same. If you have concerns - you need to talk to us, not post it on . If you feel hurt, you need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with your Dom, not slam them to all of your friends. If you honestly believe that your Dom has problems? Talk to them about it. Be a big girl/boy/boi/slave/slut/whore/bottom/queer/toy/androgyne.

But if you can't communicate at least as well as you expect your Dominant to communicate to you? If you aren’t making the honest effort (see #9) to become a better communicator? Then you're the problem, not the Dom.

Yeah. So... before you say you don't have any limits, you should maybe read this:

THIS IS NOT MY WRITING.

taken from http://girlsrule-subsdrool.tumblr.com/post/97167884…

---

"What no limits means.

pervocracy:

To the anons (or, quite possibly, one persistent anon) asking me about “but I really want to play with no limits,” I think you haven’t really considered what “no limits” means.

You may indeed want to experience pain and not be able to stop it, or to be forced into sexual activity and not be able to stop it. You may indeed be okay with things that seem icky like being peed on. But “no limits” doesn’t just mean those things. It could also mean:

(extra-strong content warning for many kinds of abuse)

• Making you unable to get to work, so many times in a row that you lose your job
• Marking a public part of your body permanently so that for the rest of your life you have people at the post office and on the bus asking you what happened
• Telling all your friends, family, and coworkers awful things about you
• Doing something that gives you an infection and you have to be on antibiotics for months
• Permanently destroying your possessions—both sentimental ones that mean a lot to you, and ones you really need like your computer and your clothes
• Making you eat something you’re allergic to and not really caring if you need to go to the hospital or can’t breathe or whatever
• Hurting your pets

Obviously I’m not saying that your average BDSM player will do these things if you forget to specify “by the way, attempted murder is a hard limit.” But that’s because they’re respecting their own limits, or because they’re assuming some limits even though you inconsiderately made them guess.

I want you to face what “no limits” really means. It doesn’t mean sexy BDSM or satisfying punishment amped up to 11. If you want that, ask for it. Don’t just stay you have no limits. No limits at all includes some shit you do not want.

---

nomercles:
I used to think I wanted a no-limits relationship, someday, when I’d met the right person and we really knew each other. I didn’t want that. I wanted a damned telepath. In reality, I’ve never met one person who actually has a long-term, well-communicated relationship that could be “no limits” that actually is. It’s a hot fantasy. But leave it that way.

Have sometimes awkward conversations about what you want “no limits” to actually mean, and then use it as a CODE WORD. Even if you’re not dating a psychopath, DON’T just trust that they’ll magically know how to take care of you in ways you will always enjoy. It’s not fair to them, it’s not fair to you.

I did a “no limits” scene once. Once. I was with someone I’d been with for a long time, someone I trusted, someone with whom I didn’t really need to explicitly communicate with anymore because we already had laid that groundwork. It was STILL a very, very big, very uncomfortable mistake. I learned a lot from it, though. I learned that when I say “no limits”, they actually hear NO LIMITS, and they will take me up on it. It was not hot, it was not sexy, it was not provocative. It fucked me up for a long, long time after.

---

Dear everybody: believe me. You have limits. Don’t say you have no limits. You can say “very broad limits”, or “willing to consider/negotiate about anything” or whatnot, but don’t say no limits. It’s dangerous, and besides that, it’s useless. ”No limits” is useless to me as a Dominant. It just tells me the other person at best is very naive, and at worst has no idea what they really want, no imagination about what “no limits” could really mean, and I’ll have to spend hours quizzing them trying to figure out what they actually mean before I can think of a scene that would actually satisfy both of us. Blech.|