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Last week someone asked me why I thought I was a good Dom. At first I thought, "Who is she to ask that?". The question seemed confrontational. I decided the best way to handle the question was to just answer it and assume it was not meant to be rude.
I think a good Dominant has to be a good person. Without that, you can’t stand a chance of being a good Dominant. You might be a superb technician. Maybe you’re great with ropes and knots. Or you know fire or electric play but those are just skills any dedicated wannabe could gather.
I think a good Dominant (and a good person) has certain ethical values that they follow. Tell the truth. Don’t hurt people (and some types of pain are NOT hurtful). Know the difference between right and wrong. And lots more values that we all know.
A Dominant will ADHERE TO THOSE VALUES. It’s easy to lie in the short term. But lies come back to haunt you. Do the hard things that your values require of you. The quality of your life will be better and usually you’ll wind up having the things you would have lied to get - if you persevere. (Not all the time but that’s life.)
So a good Dominant is a good person. Truthful. Generous but NOT to a fault. Treats other well.
I can continue but I should have made my point. You get it or you don’t.
I think I’m a good person. I think about this stuff a lot but don’t talk about it too much. Most of us have figured it out.
Also, a good Dominant likes the role. (I certainly do!!) And that role manifests itself in many ways. I think a good Dominant is both mental (or psychological) and physical. The good Dominant usually gets a sense of what a submissive needs and enjoys leading her to it. And a good Dominant knows that good psychological domination opens the submissive to the physical side of bondage, pleasure/pain, physical control, etc. And those things can lead back to the psychological aspects (OK.. My favorite part) and allow the submissive to go deeper in that area. It also increases the Dominant’s influence over a submissive.
A good Dominant is going to be playful in his (or her) own strange way. And the submissive should be drawn in by that.
I do have values and I stick to them. I’m a good person. I also understand that BDSM is physical and psychological. And I enjoy the interplay. Those are the main reasons I’m a good Dominant.
So here I am on CollarMe. What am I looking for? (This won’t be a big surprise.) I’m looking for a good submissive that’s local.
I do have a long term relationship with a submissive (she’s bisexual) and she important to me. She will always be important to me. (Six years so far.) For the next few years, we’ll be living apart (40 miles or so). We take one week night and the weekends to be together.
But I have always felt I wanted to share my life with more than one submissive (even if she has a Dominant side she shows to other submissive women). So I hope to find another woman who is submissive that can be important to me…. And I can be to her.
That’s not simple by any means. But I’ve made it even harder. I want this someone I’m looking for to bring joy to my submissive as well. (And to feel joy from my submissive.)
And you’re saying, “He’s nuts to hope for that much.”. I just might be.
But that’s what I’m looking for. I’ve already exceeded my expectations by finding my current submissive and if life gives me nothing more, I’ll be beyond happy. (I am already.)
I may never find the “other” but I’d be a foolish to give up.
Shall we talk more?? If you think you’re interested in sharing you opinions or more, write me.
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