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So far, the question I'm getting most frequently on this site is "why are you here?" Many suspect me of being an genuine doctor and accuse me of using the website for research purposes; on the other hand, some smile to themselves and understand the origin of my name instantly. I'm going to try to answer the above question, but I can't guarantee that anybody will be satisfied with my explanations.
It is my belief that, like most things in life, BDSM means different things to different people. As I have discussed with various users, labels are one of those necessary evils; terms do tend to pigeon-hole, yet how else would we describe things (apart from grunting and gesturing)? Pontification aside, in the BDSM world, I am intrigued more by the BD part than the SM part, with a particular emphasis on the D/s aspect.
When I give myself over, I am playing a role, and that is the role of a submissive. To me, domination is about mental and psychological control rather than egocentricity, humiliation, degradation, or abuse. It is also about trust; subsequently, it is absolutely necessary for me to have a mental and chemical rapport with another before submitting. Respect for both parties is key as well, and there must exist some sort of meeting of the minds. A Dom provides a safety net for his/ her sub, and the sub in return offers her/his) body for her/his partner's pleasure; gratification should indeed be mutual. I have never experienced a vaginal orgasm (some women just do not or cannot), so I feel my "job" in any sexual rendez-vous is to provide my partner with satisfaction.
However, I do not subscribe to the overall 24/7 lifestyle; I am what's frequently referred to (often condescendingly) as a "bedroom sub." I am very private about my personal habits - with good reason - and I will mostly insist upon keeping my life and particularly my abode to myself. I am happy to share time should I decide to engage in a relationship - be it an emotional, sexual, or mental relationship. I have a rather intense (ok, high-strung) personality, and people either like me or they don't; rarely is there a middle ground. I can be very forceful when standing up for myself, and I have no problem setting limits and maintaining boundaries.
That does not mean that I'm not open to experimentation. I haven't done everything I want to do, and I'm fairly new to this whole phenomenon. I am up for trying some new things (dilation, DP, erotic induced lactation, medical play, period costumes, exhibitionism, urine control, etc.), but there are lines I won't cross. Hard limits include bestiality, anything involving death or children, humiliation/degradation, enemas for sexual gratification, electrostimulation, CBT (which to me is "Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy!"), wax play, fisting, needle play, overt physical violence, machines, and consumption of fecal matter or urine. I don't really have any fetishes myself (if forced to pick one, it would be having somebody else cum in or on me), but I'm not immediately opposed to them in others.
So then, what am I seeking? Now that the winter has passed, I am once again in pursuit of sexual encounters, but I do require some sort of intellectual connection and comfortable rapport before agreeing to a coupling. I am not looking to involve myself in any committed, singular, or long-term relationship; I am content with either one night stands or regular meet-ups. I prefer older men (40's and 50's) - and suffer from an indomitable attraction to the professor/daddy type - but will consider ones close to my age (30's). Ideally, I'd like to find a relationship (or relationships) where I might receive some patronage in exchange for my company.
Regardless, and on a completely cerebral level, I'm curious about the lifestyle itself and the people who practice it. How did you arrive here at this site, prepared to dominate or to submit? What has shaped you emotionally and psychologically up to this point? Is BDSM a part of you, or are you a part of BDSM? I want to learn in your words why you are here.
After all this time, I have still more to write, where I plan to address the Harleen/Harley name choice as well as perhaps elaborate on who I am in real life - or at the very least, my hobbies and interests outside of sex.
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Just joined Seeking Arrangement. Hedge your bets. |
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Nashville is having its first collectors' con, coming Saturday, September 15th. It's called the Imperial Commissary Collectors Convention (ICCC) and is put on by a die-hard vintage Star Wars collector, who seems very well organized and equally well suited for the job. I'll be there. Will you?
If you're interested, I can get you a code for 25% off your advanced ticket. |
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Ok, this is a total long-shot and very short notice, but I'm looking for monetary sponsorship to go to Indiana Comic Con in Indianapolis (March 30 - April 2). Please message me and help me out! (Please?) |
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Finally made it to LexCon. It only took me two years. Sheesh. I'm such a procrastinator. But, this time, I got to meet Gerald Home, Mike Carter, Tom Kane, Tim Rose, Tara Strong, and Ian McDiarmid. It was awesome. |
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I finally did it. I moved. I hope I never have to do it again. I am now back "home" in Nashville, TN, where I was born and raised. Let's see what the scene is like here. |
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LexCon is just around the corner. Hoping to get my geek on in 3 weeks. |
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New Suicide Squad
trailer is up!
I was dubious when first hearing of Jared Leto's casting as the Joker, but he looks fantastic. I haven't bought into Margot Robbie yet, as I will still never let go of Arleen Sorkin as Harley (sorry, Tara Strong). |
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I updated my profile by changing my primary photo, given that I just had my hair cut fairly short a few months ago. I noticed that the last time I added a photo, it took a few days for it to upload to the server, so be patient should you not see one with short hair show up immediately. |
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To those who have taken the time to message me, I apologize for my absence from CS and therefore lack of response. My interest in this site waxes and wanes. I hope, since it's been a rather dry, sexless summer for me, to get back into the swing of things soon enough. And this is my only outlet, so I guess I'd better hop to it. |
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This is going to sound rather needy, but please, for the love of all that is holy, somebody take me out to dinner. Doesn't have to be fancy. I just need to get out of the house and pretend that I am a social being.
Oh, and I really want to see "Jurassic World" too. |
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To those of you who have contacted me as of late and not received a response, I apologize. Both the slowness of this site in the past month has discouraged me from even attempting to do anything on here, and my cold turned into a new form of allergies has kept me down. In essence, if you haven't heard back from me, it's not personal. I've been known to disappear from CM/CS for lengthy periods of time. I'll try to get back around to it all soon. |
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Also, updated my profile a bit. Added some more text and a third picture (which users are now telling me is finally viewable). |
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It's been a long time. My absence is no reflection on any particular member (or members), as some seem to be taking it. It was a terrible winter for me, but I have needs that have resurfaced since spring has sprung. So, it's back to CS. |
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Apparently, and rather to my dismay, I missed Ron Jeremy debating pastor Craig Gross about gender, sociological, and economic issues in the contemporary pornography industry on Wednesday night in Memorial Hall on the University of Kentucky's campus. Damn shame! |
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I find that many a user on this site (and of course, the former site) change their usernames rather frequently. Can anybody offer any input as to why this is - whether you have changed your username more than, say, twice or you have continued to correspond with somebody who keeps altering their egos? Is it avoidance? Is it boredom? Are you maintaining multiple accounts simultaneously? |
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Though I'm glad to see some are finally coming to their senses:
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/30/fashion/Brazilian-bikini-wax-women-hair-removal.html?_r=0
I can't say I'm fond of the term "trend" in this context. Hair growth isn't a trend; hair removal is (even if razors and hair removal can be traced as far back as ancient Egypt, that doesn't mean it's a given in modern societies-at-large). Christine Hope's 1982 article "Caucasian Female Body Hair and American Culture" in the Journal of American Culture provides some interesting insight on the topic. |
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The journey continues. Last Friday, I was back in the hospital with more pain. It turns out that before my gallbladder, filled to capacity with six stones, was forcibly ripped from my body, one of the stones (a seventh) escaped its clutches. Over the past few weeks, it had been making its way through my system, eventually lodging itself in my common bile duct, blocking kidney, liver, and gastrointestinal function.
An endoscopy (ERCP) was the solution, and the hospital was fortunately able to convince somebody to do the procedure on the Sunday of Labor Day weekend. They were able to scrape the stone out, but during the process, the catheter they threaded through my pancreas caused it to become inflamed. Thus, pancreatitis, which I will say is the most pain I've ever .
Now, as of today, I am finally home from my 5-day stay in the hospital. Finally got the IV out of my arm. Finally got to bathe properly. Finally got to see my beautiful dog. Finally got to sleep in my own bed with my own pillow and my own blankets. Got a lovely welcome home present from my parents (with whom I am staying) and a humorous get well card from their neighbors.
It's funny sometimes how life gets in the way of life. |
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To those of you of might have noticed my absence, I apologize for the increasing lag time in my responses. It has partially to do with participating more in real life (there is a hierarchy: meatspace, phone, and lastly internet) and partially to do with my recent gallbladder removal, a procedure that however medically necessary, I do not recommend. In reality, it all went smoothly, yet it constituted my first trip to the ER as a patient, my first surgery, and my first stay in a hospital. These were all firsts I was hoping to avoid until my 40's, but sometimes your gallbladder fills up with stones, insists on blocking up other vital organ function, subsequently becomes inflamed, and then causes you excruciating pain. Fortunately, I picked an excellent hospital with an exceedingly fantastic staff (if you're looking for a hospital in Lexington, I have one I'd highly recommend), so I'm on the mend. |
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I've gathered - from a combination of having a pulse and existing on the internet as well as from responses to my personal enquiries by CM users - that trolling is a significant issue on this site. The following article, by a Cienna Madrid, seeks to clarify a disorder termed "Munchausen by Internet," which should it get a listing in the DSM would be a subset of Munchausen Syndrome alongside Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy (MSP).
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/the-lying-disease/Content?oid=15337239&view=comments#15348446
Though it's a little off-topic (in that BDSM doesn't figure into it directly), it is somewhat pertinent to an online subsistence. How much of us is real? Even if we are mostly truthful, does leaving out certain details make us dishonest (especially if we're never asked)? Is it ever necessary to be completely or even partially honest in this game? |
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Back to Nashville. Will be doing the usual - Great Escape, Bobbie's, and McKay's.
And I'll be voting (early)! |
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Anybody seen 2010's "Catfish?" Is this a good (fair) or bad (inaccurate) representation of what "dating" life is like online?
It does beg the question of how real any of us are virtually. The internet has allowed us to reach into previously uncharted territories mentally and emotionally. We simultaneously hide and risk more, yet do we gain when we conceal?
In my opinion, no; each lie detracts from self, and deceit erodes the whole and complete being we are capable of maintaining through integrity. |
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So glad to see Eames back on a "Law & Order" franchise. |
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"Law & Order: SVU" is dealing with BDSM tonight ("25 Acts" instead of "50 Shades"). How will it all go down?
Rape is about taking; submission is about giving. Where is the line drawn? |
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To everybody on CM: in the same vein, what's the best (again, meaning worst) offer you've gotten so far on this site?
Mine came to my bulk mail folder at the beginning of the term: "im in a fraternity at the u of kentucky...want to be our fraternity house bitch for a weekend?"
I felt it did not dignify a response, not only for the absurdity of the proposition itself but also for an exceedingly poor grasp of the written English language. |
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To everybody on CM: what's the best (i.e. worst) line you've gotten so far? (Please do not include the user's name in your message.)
So far, my favorite exchange of my own (nothing about the dialogue has been altered):
User: i luv a smart little piggy
Me: In all honesty, I prefer not to be compared to pork.
User: yea i dont eat pork either ;) is there something u think suits u better?
Me: Homo sapiens? As an omnivore, I do eat pork.
User: does cum dump work?
Me: Not well.
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To everybody on CM: out of all the physical encounters you've arranged using this site, how many of them actually show? And when you are stood up, what do you think is the reason (should the person in question with whom you were supposed to meet drop off the face of the earth in the mean time)? Is it fear? Embarrassment? Prior engagement? Married?
On the other hand, if you've stood somebody up, what was your excuse? Did you ever contact them to explain why or apologize? |
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Headed down to Nash-vegas for the next week or so. I'm hoping the weather will be nice enough so that I finally get to visit the Zoo; I'd hate to only have used my Zoo card once in an entire calendar year! Regardless of weather, I'll be hitting up my usual haunts: Bobbie's Dairy Dip, the Great Escape, and McKay's. |
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To everybody on collarme.com: what has been you experience with this particular BDSM site? Positive or negative? For whatever response you give, please specify why it has trended one way or another for you. |
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To those of you who have been a part of any BDSM community over the past 5, 10, 15 years: do you think the community itself has changed in its composition? What are some of the main differences between then and now? Is BDSM more mainstream at present? If so, why do you think that is? |
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Visited the orthopedist today to get my wrist checked out. For now, good news. No cast. No surgery. 12 weeks to full heal though.
I'm still not sure about my knee though. I dislocated it, which is a rather familiar injury within itself, but it's healing a little differently that I recall it doing so in the past. |
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| Age: 40 |
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Iowa |
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