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I am happily married to my Dom.
So here we are. More pages turning in the grand book of our lives. Seasons unfurling like the new leaves and tinged with golden promise.The things I'm "into" haven't changedMy fishtanks, gardening, the crazy cat, the shining journey of letting go of those ties and boundaries that held me so tightly in the years past.Becoming the woman I am, still. Only now the path is illuminated. Softly at times, harshly occassionally - but still - full of love.Why am *I* here? seeking conversation and friends! I'd also add "a sense of the miraculous" but it's already in my life, and yours too I would hope.Best,S
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I'm back! It's been a crazy month or so between working on the house, traveling for DH's work & I also had a cruise with a girlfriend tucked in there as well :)
Looking forward to Fall here! I LOVE Fall! have been working on making some changes around here so we can get out & about more.
I met the most wickedly interesting Lady this weekend, looking forward to learning more about her *licks lips*
Speaking of wickedly interesting Ladies - my girls from TN will be coming in October for DomCon and I anticipate hanging out with them again, if only for a few brief days! I wonder what sort of mischief we might get into while they are here? Hmmm. I know they will want a trip to 1763, and I'm eager to see the changes there as well I've been hearing about. Oohh time to go fluff the leathers again!
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I just had the hottest forking dream. And that in itself is weird because there was absolutely no sex in it :laugh:
I was in a buffet style cafe in a huge hotel/convention area and there
were zillions of people there. Place was PACKED. So I'm standing in
line waiting to get my try to get to the start of the food area and a
flash of something fast & black whips around me, brushing my arm
softly and the end of it - a very long whip - smacks me gently across
my pubis & top of thighs. Startled, I turned to see a man standing
about 10 feet from me, starting to coil his whip, it's long snaky
lengths still on the ground. He said "sorry, accident!" but I could
tell from the gleam in his eye and his smile that he was lying. I
challengingly told him "Do it again!" and he did, the long length
coming at me and brushing my arms and thighs but I caught the end this
time. It wasn't leather, but something soft and silky and warm like I
was holding a cock. I stalked him up the length of his whip, coiling it
in my left hand while he laughed and backed up a few feet in mock fear
of me. Reaching the end, and the last coil, I was pressed pelvis to
pelvis to him, and I looked up at him. He had black curling hair,
probably as long as mine, lush black eyelashes and brows that some
would say needed a grooming. A beautiful wet smile framed by a beard
and moustache and the most incredible eyes that seemed to change from a
vivid blue to black.
"Now it's my turn?" I said looking up and about falling in love with
just looking at him, pressed tightly against him. His arms curled
around me as we stood there, alone in the impossible crowd. He smelled
spicy and warm, and the blue velvet jerkin he was wearing was soft
under my hand that was suddenly on his chest. "Sure" he said and ran
his hand down my back from shoulder to upper
thigh and I felt the electric touch of it light thru my veins and the
heat between us. Why is he dressed like this? why the whip? is there
some renaissance festival going on as well in the convention centre I
didn't hear about? He looked as comfortable in his tall boots and
jerkin, knife on his hip as as anyone else there dressed normally.
I suddenly felt shy and awkward and gave him a little push to get out
of his arms, our eyes still locked. As the space between us grew I felt
bereft and confused yet got another sizzling pang of lust when my hand
brushed his cock, hard now and pulling tight against his black pants.
We may have said something else, if so I don't remember it, only the
feel of his eyes on me as I walked away - my meal forgotten.
The rest of my dream got increasingly crazy as my sister was it in
& we were wandering around outside the convention centre looking
for my mother, who lived now in Chicago? so I guess the place where my
mystery man is in Chicago :D I've never been, couldn't tell you.
But at some point before I woke myself up I was back at the entryway to
the hotel/convention beating myself up for not staying to talk to him,
to find out more, to discover something between us. A long time had
passed, there was no way he was still there or even in the eating area.
What could I do, stand in the middle of that crowd and bellow "I NEED A
MAN WITH A WHIP!"? of course not. Feeling sad I woke up.
I think I figured it out pretty quickly, especially given DH & my
conversations about opportunities and how he didn't want us to be
sitting on the porch at age 78 & think "ya know, I should have
tried this" also the house party we went to last night was chock full
of some interesting, fun and sexy people who were very
interested/interesting so I'm sure that had alot to do with it as well.
Hmmmm...
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We had THE best time last night at Master Perry & Molly's party :) it was a blast! I wish I could remember the names of everyone we met :( and I sure hope they remember my warning that I wouldn't and would just call them "baby" the rest of the evening & when we met again, LOL.
I'd forgotten how much I loved those long windy roads thru the woods and the night time symphony of tree frogs and crickets. I didn't forget how much I love seeing the stars out on a clear night, which is all too rare living in Atlanta thanks to the smog.
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*mini rant inc*
I've become accustomed to being confused at the club~ actually that's a bit of an oxymoron isn't it? if I'm used to it then it still shouldn't continue to make me quirk my brow, but it does.
I'd thought for awhile perhaps I was just surrounded by too many "be nice" kinda guys and that very well may be the case.
But if that IS the case then how in the hell do some of these guys get laid - ever. They may still be virgins for all I know *ponders that*
I know I'm not the most wanton creature on the planet, but my signals are pretty damned apparent. I'm an unapologetic flirt, and exhibitionist, a good conversationalist - and from time to time if someone catches my eye that has *something* I find irresitible they will know it.
But these men that run around in the clubs....is it them being submissive? fear of rejection? have they had pounded into their head once too often (by who?) not to make a move unless a woman attacks them?
Passivity annoys the hell out of me, really. And it's really interesting to watch because they have SUCH mad skillz while they do it! Talk, follow you around the club, but don't dare to touch or even respond with an honest answer when asked "what do you want?" Sorry guys "what do you think!?" is NOT an answer.
Maybe it would be helpful to write a pamphlet to pass around there "What to do when the woman you desire pats you on the head" would be a catchy and apt title.
First of all, show some damned passion. If you are expressing "I can take it or leave it" then don't be surprised when she leaves it!
And when she leaves it, don't bemoan it for months on end with little comments on how you missed your chance. Boys you didn't have a chance. The window may or may not have ever been open and still is if it was but I'll be damned if I'll be the one to shove or drag you thru it.
And husband? you giggling at me all night long while moon struck puppies follow me around doesn't help either *kick*
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Alas, my good friends had to cancel their visit :( I was so looking forward to it!
We're still working on the house, got the crown molding up in the living room and have started scrubbing the hall floor clean so I can seal the grout & slate.
My stargazers have been busting out, I cut a long stem today with three open and one closed bloom :) the scent is heavenly! Outside in the evenings the scent is so strong!
Hope everyone has a great 4th ;)
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It's a good thing my tolerance for exhaustion is building (I think) because I'm well and truly worn out. The last two weeks we've been working on the house, the last week especially. We're working on the bathroom again (FINALLY!) and it's very close to being done. Unfortunately it won't be 100% by the time LadyJ & V come to visit. I was really hoping it would be, but it should be shower ready shortly thereafter.
The little cubby is turning out VERY well, I'm so happy with it! I put in thin slate pieces lined up like brickwork to compliment the floors. I think we're going to change from the pinky mauve grout & use a charcoal grey on the shower floor & in this nook. I still have to get a piece of glass cut for the shelf, along with a billion other things I need to do tomorrow. Yes and start cleaning up the construction mess *looks around in dismay*
I've started running around the house nekkid again per his request. I forgot how much I like it. My nipples get into everything which is quite distracting ><. But it is SO much cooler and no dirty clothes to wash! *flings confetti*
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Summer is here, with all it's promises and possibilities. The last few months have been a whirlwind around here with tons of travel & working on the house whenever we can. We got quite a bit done over this past weekend and hopefully soon we'll have it all done.
Besides packing & unpacking, feng shui'ing the house, cooking, cleaning, watching the plants grow and bloom I haven't had that much time to myself recently. It seems that everytime I look up another week has passed and I'm not sure where it went, other than I'm still running behind it trying to catch up.
I've been forced to let go of alot of things not in my control to begin with and just float. I hate it actually, but it has been a good learning experience.
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I grouted the bathroom walls today (what we have done that is) the patience of it appeals to me. Whisking the smooth grout in a pail, applying quickly - smooshing it into the cracks. Returning again with the flat rubber edge scraping away the excess. Let it haze dry - patience patience. Back again with a damp rough sponge and loofa away at the lines with a gentle hand. Trace the marble pieces, slightly higher, frame them with smooth lines. Change the water and finish this part. Patience again, before scrubbing the lines with a dry rough towel. Watching the rounded edge of the tile peek and the valley between them appear. Polish the wall and check for areas I missed, humming along with my iPod, ignoring aching arms and thighs. Today I served the wall, and it was good :)
But his hand stroking my hair telling me "Good job" was pretty sweet too.
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What a wonderful weekend!!!! Lady J & her beloved V came to stay the weekend. It was so good to see them, but I'm sure they will never go anywhere in Hotlanta with me again in the snow LOL. Oi what an adventure! But we did get to the Aquarium (finally) after roaming around Underground Atlanta. When did Underground get so freaking mall-ish!? UGH! Gone are the zillions of interesting little kiosks & shops, now its nothing but jewelry, clothing & shoe stores? and the same lame stuff you can find at any mall. Except the prices are probably higher *rolls eyes* The only interesting store was the damned Dollar store! Unbelievable! Miss V had to find a belt & she found a nice one there, I was hoping she wouldn't and her pants would fall down - woo! But no such luck :D
At least I still found my beloved sweet nuts! So for those alone, it's worth the visit.
The Aquarium tho *clutches chest* ahhh that was wonderful!!! I MUST have a gazillion gallon tank now, MUST. I can't wait to go back :) The main observing tank is immense and has soooo many different types of fish, some (if I'm remembering right) up to 19 foot long. One of the funniest things I saw was on the ground level, a guy was telling the crowd how they keep the fish well fed to decrease the amount of snacking they did on each other. Down at the very front was a group of UMs right up by the glass. Nose to glass was 4 big fish bigger than said UMs, eyeing them intently, and rather hungrily I thought - HAA!
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I'll be cracking open my two Belly Dancing DVD's today. There is a studio not far from where we live I've been eyeing for some time now but I'd like to have a little time to learn SOMETHING before I wade in there like one of Disney's untrained Fantasia elephants and muck up the conga line :D
The Contemporary Bellydance and yoga conditioning (tribal fusion) looks interesting, WOO!
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Thought of the day:
Oracle:OK, now I'm supposed to say, "Hmm, that's interesting, but...” then you say...
Neo:...”but what?"
Oracle:But... you already know what I'm going to tell you.
Neo:I'm not The One.
Oracle:Sorry, kid. You got the gift, but it looks like you're waiting for something.
Neo:What?
Oracle:Your next life, maybe. Who knows? That's the way these things go.
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So I am crabby this morning, and my dear Hubby sends me Shakira Pics
. ~la swoon~ I'd sop this girl up with a biscuit! Hold the biscuit please!
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“I disregard the proportions, the measures, the tempo of the ordinary
world. I refuse to live in the ordinary world as ordinary women. To
enter ordinary relationships. I want ecstasy. I am a neurotic -- in the
sense that I live in my world. I will not adjust myself to the world. I
am adjusted to myself.” Anais Nin
I like this. I wish I could have spoken with her to find out what it ment to her with the last part "I will not adjust myself to the world" because we ALL adjust, even in subtle ways don't we? Until we find those weird friends who understand us, as best they can and we understand them as best we can.
I am a garden of weeds with a few flashy flowers. The things that catch most people's attention aren't the things of interest to me. Look closer, come at night and look again. The landscape is completely different.
I'm on my belly studying the ants. I'm on the wall watching you move. I'm dancing in the weeds to a song you can't hear. I make mistakes. I listen. I am overwrought to a terrible degree. And at this point I've been up too long and high on too much caffeine *sigh*
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Quotes that belong together:
Chef (South Park): Damn woman, I just gave you sweet loving five minutes ago. What're you trying to kill me?!
Claudia (Interview with the Vampire): "I want some more"
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Sicko - Closer To Fine
[Originally by Indigo Girls]
I'm trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
The best thing you've ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously, it's only life after all
Well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
And lightness has a call that's hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it, I'm crawling on your shore.
I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.
I went to see the doctor of philosophy
With a poster of Rasputin and a beard down to his knee
He never did marry or see a B-grade movie
He graded my performance, he said he could see through me
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind, got my paper
And I was free.
I stopped by the bar at 3 a.m.
To seek solace in a bottle or possibly a friend
I woke up with a headache like my head against a board
Twice as cloudy as I'd been the night before
I went in seeking clarity.
We go to the bible, we go through the workout
We read up on revival and we stand up for the lookout
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine
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I detailed Pigpen today. It was long overdue, poor girl, last time was first of summer I think. I drug my vacuum cleaner outside, leather conditioner, rags, windex and paper towels and started our long communion of cleanliness. I like detailing her, gives me time to think while chasing dirt, cleaning cracks with a worn wooden toothpick, massaging her leather to a gleaming luster.
Music thumps from the stereo while her heavy door leans companionably against my thigh, like a mare drowsing in the sun while being groomed. She's showing her age, my fading Mustang. In 1996 when we got her she was two years old and still shone like new. I still see glimpses of her original paint in the right light, that wet cherry sucker that grips my heart everytime, as gleaming and seductive as a young woman's kiss. It's on the list to get her repainted, but not today. Today I rub her leather seats and plastic trim that are as familiar as my own curves. The glide here and swoop there, silky now under my well oiled hands that soak up the good conditioner as well. The glow of her satisfied leather returns and I smile in answer.
We changed her voice, gave her good speakers and stereo, boosted bass I love so much "make her GROWL, baby."I begged him "I wanna hear her THUMP" and she does. Her exhaust rumbles with a throaty purr that originally was muted. The bass kicks ass, if I could just quit blowing her speakers playing Vivaldi we'd both be alright. Her gait isn't quite as swift, but she is still my lioness - what I thought the first time I test drove her, grinning salesman in the back, Baby beside me and they both urging "PUNCH IT!". I didn't want a Mustang. Friviolous! I wanted another van, with big steel bumpers and lots of room and a presence on the road I felt safe in. But I punched her and she squatted and lunged and stole me. I barely heard the triumphant "sold to the lady in the blue shirt!" from the back seat, I was listening to my heart pound. I learned her rocking moves, she loves to go go go and loves a long trail. She's got a fat ass and can't turn on a dime. Hates bumpy roads and will kick like a mule without good gas. But oh how I love this car.
She's been such a physical part of our lives it's amazing. She's heard me scream in rage and passion. I've cried tears of joy, pain and sorrow on her. We've spend hundreds of hours talking together while she chewed up the miles. She's hauled fish, a cat, dogs, lawn mowers, concrete birdbaths, mother-in-laws, friends, computers, compost and groceries.
I was sitting in her when I got my engagement ring and months later when we rode to catch the plane for our honeymoon. She's taken us to the hospital, to clubs, and on long lazy rides to nowhere and back again just for the pleasure of the ride. I paused, wiping the steering wheel yet again. The leather is faded and discoloured from years of our hands caressing it and wondered why its been so long. We both enjoy it so much. With a final loving swipe on her driver's seat I gave it a pat and a promise "we gotta do this more often, wanna go for a ride tomorrow?"
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[quote]" It is more shameful to distrust one's friends than to be deceived by them." Rochefoucauld[/quote] Thank you Rimme
I needed to see this tonight. I've been kinda on the outs with a friend who is having some personal problems and she's shut me out. This makes me sad and yes angry at her somewhat because *I* need her. Not when she's doing great, but all the time. I hope she calls soon :(
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New fav article:
http://www.westom.com/leather/cathartic_flogging.htm
Woo!
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I wish I could lay hands on whatever router is between me and the collarchat forum and choke.it.til.it's.dead! GRRRRR. Gods it is driving me mad. Refreshing a page 2-5 times to get it to finally load (if it will) takes so much time & is about more aggrivating than it's worth. Especially when I GET the page open and it's some blah blah complaint by a wanker or a reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaly silly question that they probably should be asking their therapist. So, I wasted 5 minutes of my life to read WHAT!? *beats head on wall* Ok, that was my rant for the week :D
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Happy Halloween!!!!!
My fav holiday is here, and I haven't decorated a damn thing. I do have a lonely uncarved pumpkin on the porch and leaves falling in the yard. The chill in the air the last week promising that winter is around the bend.
Feather comforter on the bed, fuzzy robe on the door. My beloved sweaters fluffed and aired, leather jackets gleaming and smelling richly of indolence. My boots are polished. Like the cat, I'm preparing my winter coat.
For pumpkin soup and beef stew. For fragrant dark coffee savoured on the porch, it's steam curling wraithlike in the cold air.
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I'm about finished with my "about me" checklist. I'm not comfortable with putting more X-rated things out there. To what purpose? I wouldn't walk up to a complete stranger & ask them "so, what kinky things ya into?!" same diff, *shrug*
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I'm afraid of where you are taking me
this little journey with jagged edges
and dim lit halls
but I follow
Knowing I will light the path with my brilliance
I will smooth the edges with my patience
I will find those dark and poor grounds and make them bloom again
lush and living and singing the songs of my Soul
And you will take it away from me....
But I cannot tell you that for me to do this I MUST give it my heart's blood -
you would not understand
So I will not say so
I will do it
but I am sorrowful and we've not even begun...
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Cleaning my plants off the porch *cries* apparently it is not in my cards this year to have anything new growing on the porch. I'm still debating skinning a cat.
We had a TERRIFIC get-away this past weekend!!! Got to meet up with some friends, visit a new hangout & had one of the best flogging sessions I've ever had *swoons* ahhhhhhhhhhhh.....
Yes I should think about THAT instead of how sad it makes me hauling out these destroyed planters. ;)
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What the heck have I been doing? Demolishing the household, planting flower seeds & bulbs, anticipating next trip to Hedo II !!!! WOO!
As usual the winter has been too long and I'm ready for it to get warmer and STAY that way. And for the pool to open.
I did have a lovely birthday :D He brought me pink roses and tiger lilies and took me to Ray's for dinner. *La Sigh* Why can't I have oyster rockerfellers every day?
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If red is the color of passion
and blue is the color of sadness
then my blue eyes are wishing they were red
- because they miss seeing you
And if pink is the color of love
and grey is the color of sorrow
then my pink lips are tinged with dust
- because they long to kiss you
I stroked pale nails down my thighs
and they shifted tan and pink and maroon in the light
the color of my breath on the air a rainbow
- whispering your name |
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I'm still here, just find myself staring blankly at the page from time to time~
Alot has been going on, some good - some bad, I need to get a firmer grip on my focus, so many aspects are no longer clear and those that are are frightening. Was it the Oracle who said we can't see past a choice we don't understand? Hmmmm... |
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The people who you love, and who love you are the flowers in soul's garden. I tried for years to take those blooms, those perfect moments, snip them and arrange them in dry styrophone. Thinking foolishly that it was enough, it was so little to take, I needed no more, best to end the relationship before it was too late and the beauty left it. Later when I touched them they crumbled into dust and I was left again with memories.
They have to grow, to be a part of my life, I see that now. A garden spot of dirt enriched with contact and laughter, tears and disappointments, sending frail roots into the loam, growing strong. Blooming and changing through time, not frozen, dead, snipped at the perfect moment, rendering them lifeless.
What I cannot give myself, what no husband, mother, sister, or friends alone can do - together all the tangled vines and weeds, small blooming flowers and towering trees can complete. |
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We're off to Jamaica Mon!!!! Be back next weekend :)
What the hell am I forgetting to pack? Grrr. |
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Well, the deed is done - yes I lost 3 inches. Enough of that ><.
AHHH I'm so loving some of the profiles & messages I've had the pleasure of reading! So many very interesting people THANK YOU!
I see I had some clarifying to do of my own - my apologies in advance! We're looking for play partners in public scenes. Good lord do I dare put this out here again? erk. NOT hay-rompers, oh no. Just some fun with like minded people who have something to offer (as we do) besides a singing flogger. Intelligent conversation, a connection, love of a good cup of coffee, some jokes, laughs, you get the picture (I hope!).
The forums have been good reading! Some make me say "HUH!?" others nodding in agreement, most make me ponder how marvelous that we all are SO different. That's the beauty of it, or at least for me it is.
It's like my fish really (woo analogy time!) I have bottom feeders, mid feeders, top feeders, egg layers, live birther's, some we're not entirely sure - LOL. Some prefer veggies, some like their meat, some only dine on algae. Some are tiny, some are quite bigger. I love them all. One isn't "better" than the other, just different. The flashy begging ones that do tricks are just as dear as the shy ones winking at me from their caves. Hey this doesn't even count the amano shrimp or those hard working snails!
Apply that to people - is it any different? if everyone was the same (you included) how monotonous would that be? I know when I'm out & see others doing things *I* don't do - I'm not aware of any feelings of superiority or jealous - usually it's a heartfelt "WOW look at what they do! AMAZING!" |
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Here I am again procrastinating when I have SOOO much to do.
Ways to torture yourself: a TODO list 2 pages long including grocery shopping. Shoot me now.
Rants:
-I'm convinced the pilates instructor on my DVD is the forking bionic woman.
-I have larengytis (sp?) and I don't know why, probably from hanging out with the frog.
-I need to go get a haircut but I know the psycho stylist will want to cut off 3 inches when I KEEP telling them it only grows 3 inches a YEAR. Bitches.
Alright alright I'm GOING! *grumbles*
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The TV top became my mantle, facing a swirling wall
while Brahms Unfinished Symphony licked up between my thighs
my skin shivered like a feathered shirt
and I soared away
across craggy mountain
dove into calm lakes
fishes silvering and chasing me
up again - up and up
where the air thinned and burned black
your lash goading me
your warm hands gentling me back to earth
my mind rested in the calm in between for a long sweet time
while I curled safe in your arms
8/8/05 |
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WELL! Today was an interesting chat conversation. Why is it that not automatically associating a scene with the presumed goal of SEX is considered ridiculous? Yes it IS sexual, does it have to end/include actual SEX? no - it doesn't. Jeez the screaming that came after that! LOL. *shakes head* I really don't get it.
Why limit yourself that way? Ok I admit it freely - I'M ODD. That's ok. I like it that way so do all the funny fuzzy people in my head. |
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Thought of the day:
What comes first? the fantasy or the desire? I think the fantasy. You can try them on like shoes in a mega mall. This one pinches, this one just isn't right, good LORD the colors on that one!
then if the fantasy seems to fit... hmmm... will the reality?
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Finding the right person(s) may be interesting :( I can see that now. I've been deluged with e'mails, most I strongly suspect couldn't spank themselves properly - much less me, LOL. Others are just too far away - I'm not interested at all in a cross country meeting even if they are in Atlanta for the weekend. We'd like to build a genuine relationship to some degree with someone we BOTH can trust.
As my beloved was telling me last night, I am his most treasured possession - he will not give me to anyone without trusting THEM first to treasure me as well - both mind AND body. I don't know about the poet's definition of true love but that sums it up for me, LOL ~SWOONS~ |
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Well I've decided I AM a brat, at least today. |
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WOW what a thought provoking morning! I've been rather uncertain about what to say/how I'm saying it on the message boards & in chat ~ I know I'm not up to date on the latest lingo & phrases & have probably asked some pretty stupid questions, LOL.
I guess even being who I am, the weird little freaky girl I love being, the individual that we ALL are there is still the small insistant desire to still FIT IN. Most annoying quite often, especially considering I'm NOT a pack runner by nature.
We've had discussions before when I've read books on BDSM relationships & I've questioned "well I don't do/act/say that, should I?" I continually seek ways to improve myself, to be a better person in ALL arenas of my life.
Hmmm. |
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~LOL ~ the beautiful Rain~ Ooh it's almost pleasant here again, how lovely :)
I changed my profile, I didn't realize I might be sending the wrong message by having switch in my profile. I DO switch on a very light basis, but I don't want to mislead anyone into hoping I'm looking for a male sub :( My apologies gents!
I've had some wonderful talks with some very interesting people! Thank you one and all for the kind notes, well wishes & laughs! |
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Oohh I'm so happy today! *snoopy dance* now if it would just RAIN today my little world would be perfect! |
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| Age: 35 |
| United Kingdom |
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