I wish you liked me like I like you

I wish you cared enough to get to know me too.

When you get close to me it feels so right

why do you use me then walk out of sight.

I sit and wait for you everyday

waiting for you to come over to play.

I open the door and see you standing there

my heart skips a beat and all I can do is stare.

I love your eyes, your smile and frame.

I love how you hold me, its always the same.

I do not beleive you are who you say you are

but what do I expect when you picked me up in a bar.

Another year went by and I sit in my room and cry.

Thinking back on all I have done and knowing that all I have done is run.

I ran away from you because of what I thought I knew.

I saw you as not good enough but maybe its me that has had it to rough and I cant get past my pain so I look to you to blame.

I find every flaw that you posses knowing we are human and that you are just doing your best.

You really tried to please me but it was me that couldnt see. You were really nice to me but I was to hard to please and now I sit here alone and feeling like everything in life is blown.

Now we are in a new year, I dont want them to bring new tears. I want so bad to do the right thing so tell me please because that is a song I dont know how to sing. 

Life is not easy, not like I thought it would be.

I had it all figured out, my friends and me.

We talked about how we would one day be wed.

We talked about love as we set on my bed.

How were we to know that our dreams could be crushed,

If I had known I would never have been in such a rush.

I didnt want to miss out on life

I didnt want to sacrifice.

I took the first man who came my way.

I knew he didnt love me but I still wanted to stay.

I rememebered back to my freinds and I

and how we talked of love and how it was just a lie.

something fed to us through the TV but not really real

not something you seal with a ring and kiss and matrimonial bliss.

I am almost forty years old now

and I am ready to throw in the towel.

It is just my kids and me and that is all I can see.

There are no more dreams left in my head

because of my past they are all now dead.

Don't think I dont know you,

the man that you are.

I have seen you to clearly,

you have never been far.

I grew up in your shadow

 I learned to respect.

I knew when to hide

so I wouldn't regret.

You came to me at night

and you knew it wasnt right.

You took me to your bed

and didnt care what I said.

I told you to leave me be

but you could never see

the damage you did

to our family tree.

I tried to run away

from all the pain

you handed to me

but all I could do

was run to another you.

A man with a different face

but the same grace.

He had no love inside

something inside him died.

I stayed for a long time

hoping he would someday be kind

but I was once again wrong

and my life became a sad song.

Now I am on my own

and I feel so alone

I chase away every man I meet

because it is better then living at a mans feet.

Where do I go from here?

Wishing someone was near.

I know the pain is mine to eat

but I am so tired of living in defeat.

I close my eyes and something inside me dies

because all I can see is the darkness that covers me

and dosnt alowe me to stand in victory.

I wonder what has made me so week

I wonder why I can't find what I seek.

Am I looking to hard for someone to take me away

from this hell I live in everyday.

No one knows what goes on in my head,

no one knows the things I have said.

My life reads just like a scary book

and trust me you do not want to look.

Run away from me but be quick

because my insides are dark and sick.

I will keep seeking help from men

but I know it only ends in sin.

Suiside is this only way out of this pain

I am begining to wonder if I am just insane.

Esubca

My days turned to weeks and my weeks into months and ten years later I was still on the run.

I thought by now someone would hold me down turning my frown upside down.

I have been on this site for to many years but the people here bring up to many fears.

I am looking for the one man who will make my heart sing, someone who will give me wings.

Wings to fly in a world that is so cold, I pray that he will teach me to be bold.

To stand up to the evil that is all around and to pick myself up when I am feeling down.

Life can be a blessing at times and I try to see the good in mine.

I know that God is watching over me and I have to wonder what he sees.

Does he rememeber the scared little girl laying in her bed at night, praying to him to give her some fight.

I closed my eyes and held my pillow tight hoping God would keep me in sight.

I still reach out to Him almost everyday because I need him to show me the way.

Someday I will close my eyes and see Jesus by my side.

I hope he can be proud of me

even though I broke my family tree.

esubca

I know as of now you do not know me to well and I am not sure how much I want to tell.

It has been hard for me to get to close to those who want to see me the most.

I tend to run the other way when all I want to do is stay.

This world is to scary for me, to many men who do as they please.

No matter the pain they seem to bring, no mater the hurt they leave inside of me.

This little girls eyes remember the shame and to them it was only a game.

But to her it was more of the same, memories that lead to blame.

I try to point a finger at them but all along it has been my own personal sin.

That lays heavy on me and dosnt allow me to see anything beyond my own family tree.

That is where I sit and rest, waiting for someone to past the impossible test of reaching down to take my hand and pulling me out of this quick sand.

I feel myself sinking deeper everyday so I know I really can't stay.

I say goodbye with tears in my eyes and hope in my heart that the next guy will one day be mine.

esubca