Mother of two college girls and a happy divorcee myself~ Happy to introduce my girlfriend, who is as old as my two daughters believe it or not, to the lifestyle; actually one of the reason why I posted the profile at the first place; Obviously into an extensive work out and bodybuilding rituals, day by day; Lately I have been thinking thinking about pain, pain in BDSM, pain in masochism and sadism. I think this is one of the major mysteries for vanilla people when confronted with RL BDSM. “He (or she) hurts you – and you LIKE it?”or “you HURT people – and they LIKE it?” uhm… how to explain? Let me start with this – “like” is too weak a word. For a masochist, BDSM contextual pain can be yummier than chocolate to a chocoholic. Yes, it hurts – but for a masochist something magical happens with the release of adrenaline, endorphines, and all the other lovely chemicals the body generates during arousal with the trigger of the right sort and amount of pain. There is a transformation and pleasure results. That pleasure is intense, and my own most common understandable phrase when getting a good whipping or spanking is “please don’t stop.” Of course – stopping or not is not up to me (unless I safeword), and that’s pleasurable to a submissive in an entirely different way. Sado-masochistic play can really test dominance and submission, the essence of the trust shared between the dominant and the submissive. Serious SM play is not for the faint of heart, the ignorant, or something to share with just anybody before trust is built. Plan to go slow, and go slower than that, and remember there is NEVER any reason to rush. The potential backlash, for subs AND dominants, can be devastating. After-care for both sub and dom should be planned for. Aside from logistics – In some countries or regions, be aware that sado-masochism, even consensual, is illegal, even without a complaining submissive. (Yes, I think of England, and the EU, among other places.) My personal opinion: if you have not researched local laws, if you have not studied the physical risks of the play, and if you are not prepared for Murphy’s Law (all that can go wrong, can happen…) do NOT do this sort of play. One dominant sadist spoke of the sense of power he felt by the TRUST given by his masochistic submissive. Another dominant spoke of the endorphine or theta wave like pleasure HE gets from entering Dom space, releasing his inhibitions yet controlling the situation (even more than the sub), becoming hyper-aware of everything going on with the submissive and himself, simultaneously “very calm” yet “aroused”. He also mentioned the pleasure of learning his submissive’s response, and controlling her endorphine rush. He wondered if the stress of doing forbidden activities might be enough of a stressor to trigger something like endorphines in the Dominant as well as in the submissive. For me, play that includes a bit of sado-masochism is a practical demonstration of empathy, care, dominance, awareness of and attention to the submissive, and our trust of each other; and it feels incredibly good when I’m aroused and warmed up as a submissive, and exciting and focussing when I am dominant. I mentioned “submissive masochists and dominant sadists” – yes, there ARE submissive sadists and dominant masochists. A dominant masochist may order their submissive to whip them. But the dominant controls how much and how; woe betides the sub who errs! A submissive sadist is harder to describe or explain to me (and if you are one and care to post a comment, well, PLEASE do). A submissive sadist enjoys giving pain his or her Dominant, by definition; I confess I have not personally known one, except for subs who enjoy nasty topping from the bottom and mind-fucking/emo playing Dominants. Pain not in BDSM context, or not administered by a skilled sensitive sadist, or administered without my consent, just hurts, there’s no pleasure in it, and if I can control myself and think it a mistake, I might warn once before I do my best to disable such a person (maybe permanently… if I actually kick balls hard enough… ). What kind of pain am I talking of? More than little stings, more than I can inflict on myself, enough sometimes for me to bruised or be marked. Many people, even vanilla people, like rough stimulation, maybe the edge of pain, during hot sex. Is it so naughty to recognize that a little masochism, a little sadism, is really NOT uncommon? Tolerances vary by person, and they vary by arousal level, and mood, and experience, and sense of safety, even for one person. And there are different sorts of pain; one common distinction made about impact play, for example, is sting vs thud. When I feel anxious, even a little pain may be too much. When I am relaxed, I might ask for more than my Dominant, a very skilled and experienced sadist, is willing to give me… at least yet. How does a masochist do it? “It’s about concentrating your breathing but mainly your mind,” said a masochist friend to me. She thinks of other things, rather than the pain itself. I concentrate not on other things but on the event, on the sensation because to some extent, perceiving it as pain or pleasure involves my choice… The unexpected impact of a single tailed whip on my backside HURTS, yes… but then it can warm and melt and my mind goes into a place where only the moment matters, expectations and control fade into meaninglessness, my Master is in control and is so aware of me that I feel the caress of his noticing my breath, my goosebumps, my change in voice as I answer his question, “are you doing ok?”