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OnMyKnees4u1985

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Friends:
submaleinncPaula32LoveIsSuicideFumiMistressShauntah
sissyslutslave19slut4dad

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Couples who are Domme I AM looking to get fucked by dom male while Domme female watchesLooking You UPDATE , UPDATE UPDATE : Now looking for someone in need of slut would love to get fucked by Domme couple while the female watches me get humiliated by getting fucked by her hubby/bf will suck cock , get fucked do anything a slut whore needs to do to get a nice pair of tits will be in sexual service will love getting tit fucked will do it all for my Daddy .Oh and incase your curious and pay attention i am a MTF female(WICH MEANS IM A TRANSGENDERED PERSON I DO HAVE A PENIS B UT THINK OF IT AS A CLIT i am male only genetically but i live , act and beleive i am female , that is how i see myself as a female.I have a thing for Big Butch Dyke FTM guys...alot i think there hot! :) i love girls/bois who pack Ok, so lets get that straight and
right off the bat. THAT DOSENT MEAN THAT I DONT LIKE GENETIC GUYS OR GIRLY GIRLS EITHER I LOVE YOU ALL!! I am a hard working person with self respect and a mind of my own.I LOVE BIG OLDER BUTCH FEMALE DOMMES WITH HUGE STRAP ONS I do enjoy kink and debaouchory...So much so that i am on this site and others like it to pursue this type of life style.Yes a true 24/7 relationship, and i understand that with the exception of the odd style in order to work must be intertwined with the vanilla life in order to properly function. With all that being said I am Bi but i prefer women usually.I enjoy a service oriented life full of housechores and and reward.I am open minded and have explored and played a little with the idea of being a pimped whore(i think a female pimp would be hot!) I have taken strap-on and been with men as well but not with either for a year(work all the time).I enjoy spanking , bondage , feminization , giving oral , gangbangs and rough sex as well and im always finding many more things that i enjoy.Mainlyy i want to be useful i can cook(and love to bake to), do laundry , clean.I also have a drivers liscence and a car. i also live on my own.NOT INTO CAM OR ENDLESS EMAIL OR PLAIN BULLSHIT! I am easy going down to earth and with a sometimes passionate and firey soul to at other times. I enjoy exercise, camping , playing and watching sports , I'm a DIY mechanic, quick learning and generally happy person, BE WARNED IF YOU PISS ME OFF I'LL RIP YOUR THROAT OUT AND PISS DOWN THE HOLE.Not a violent person unless i feel threatened. Like clubbing(although i'm a terrible dancer).Occasional drink ,occasional smoke(very occassional).I read ,go to the bar once in a blue moon and MOST IMPORTANTLY AM REAL! Although i am definatley relocateable i take my time to get to know someone and plan things out and see if we click(to many dangerous people in the world....le sigh...). I'm 5'4 in height , 130 lbs, black hair, brown eyes. and yes I'M ON FEMALE HORMONES AND PLAN ON BREAST SURGERY AND MORE...I HAVE LITTLE TITTIES RIGHT NOW...DONT LEAVE! 34-36 a or b something tiny. SO.... if your still reading this BRAVO !...clap for you! drop me a line!

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9/21/2011 1:22:04 PM

****UPDATE FRI SEPT 23RD 2011***WILL GETTING A ROOM NEAR DOWNTOWN VANCOUVER LOOKING TO MEET UP FOR FUN WITH ALL TYPES"""message me


9/15/2011 3:43:38 PM

God i keep having an image in my head of a giant cock slapping me im the face being stuffed in my mouth , and me gagging and slobbering all over it...ummmm


7/13/2011 2:24:31 AM

so like im free on fri lets meet message me! xoxoxo


7/12/2011 9:21:15 PM

anyone up for a fri meet up?


6/29/2011 5:06:07 PM
what is it with some people , they want there cock sucked there pussy licked and they wanna tie me up etc... I love play as much as the next person but sometime its nice to be treated like a special girl i mean im not asking for money but sometimes its nice if a guy brings you a gift just to show they care is that so much. I won't name names im above that you know who you are......

6/29/2011 3:46:17 PM
Wed , June 29 / 2011 : So after a long hiatus from this journal , why has it been so long you ask mostly because life has a funny way of keeping me busy...all the time :( so i have some time off in July i really hope i will meet new people during that time. Today i decided that i want to go and take some sexy/naughty pics....now i need to find a photographer and a place to do it....anyone interested?

6/13/2011 3:09:55 PM

so today all i really feel like doing is watchin a canucks game and sucking cock slowly during the game...lol


1/17/2011 1:00:10 PM

ok so i found a motel on Kingsway in Burnaby that will suit my needs . Have heard some responses but looking for definate peeps who will show up.message me! and no blocked numbers when you call please leave a message


1/11/2011 12:27:32 PM

Planning to rent a motel room!! in Feb for xxx Adult rated fun ! All respectful people male female or otherwise welcome condoms a must! let me know if your interested.Details at a later date.


10/27/2010 7:30:50 PM

lol they say that being on hormones will make your sexual desires and sexual function but it hasnt stopped me really although my work scheduele has i havent been fucked in like a year my ass feels so tight so i finally caved but i kept some sanity i found some naughty movies and sucked on a dildo for hours before milking myself....i feel so ashamed....{#}


10/5/2010 8:58:31 AM
So where in North America is the best place to set up a kink friendly BDSM community? Where's some decent priced property? A big city is always nice but a rural just outside the city home is out of the way but maybe to far for some...hummmm??

10/5/2010 8:55:19 AM
So I was walking down the street the other day and I know this is gonna probably come off as strange(well to some of you at least) when I saw a hairy butch lesbian big boy haircut tattoos piercings you know the stereo typical (pardon to anyone Its not my intention to insult anyone or group If I do) I wanna am a boy i look like a boy treat me like one...but I'm digressing anyways being who I am I started wondering and thinking about them what there like how they act and of course how they like to have sex. When I thought about it I realised that they probably fuck better than guys cause they know what they want, then I realised they could probably do me in pretty good and it made me kinda hot and wanting to maybe meet a FtM guy I think we could have fun and I think I'd enjoy pleasing and servicing one. Thing is though they like being " gay" boys right or am I wrong or like anything a certain amount of people. I guess I'm just wondering If there are any female to male transgenders that would like someone like me as there girl friend. I'd like to try but not sure If they want to....Le sigh... I hope no one gets the wrong idea I'm not just into it cause I'm just trying to get laid I just want a new experience another chapter in the book called my life you know. Anyways I'm being a little selfish some might think maybe but I'm only speaking with what's in my head trying to be as honest and open as I can be. I mean I'm a pansexual I do like all sexes, but this one really floats my boat xoxoxo.Well at least now its out there so If anyone reads this they'll understand me more or possibly get more confused I'm not sure which but I'm hoping its the first one...lol

10/3/2010 3:41:33 PM
Following is my attempt at my deepest fantasy put into what I know is a very horrible poem......... Please ! Ma'am spit on my face, early in the morning and tell me to get my fucking ass dressed and to get working when I'm late! spank me ! Pull my hair! Tie me up! Chastise my clitty permanently! Tattoo my as with your name ! Spit on me ! Poor candle wax on me! Kick me in my clitty! Have your bull fuck my throat fuck my mouth and fuck my ass ! Have him and his friends fuck me and cum all over my face my mouth ! Call me a bitch! Call me a whore ! Make me gag! Make me scream! Charge them the fee to use me...all I ask is that your pleased and that you cream! I don't care where or when just be pleased and at peace you have made my day that was my pay! ....something that's been in my head all day! Xoxoxoxo love and happiness to all, even those that I say I hate, hate destroys. I want to create I want to grow.

10/3/2010 5:50:07 AM
So my last post seems to have generated some positive interest and feed back not only does it seem that setting up a BDSM community is a viable idea but groups have been able to actually go forward with it. Now with anything like this they always say location location location! It would be nice to find a place that's out of the way yet close to everything. Maybe a gated community? It would be nice to have a place close to everyones work and close to shopping centers but away from schools(you know some of those parents out there and there closed and boring ways of thinking). A place that's affordable to. I think I'd I could I'd buy an apartment building and I would designate floors by level of BDSM for example the more vanilla non lifestyle people would have the first four floors and the true lifestyle people would have the last 4 floors or maybe one floor after anothe 1st floor vanilla 2nd floor 24/7 3rd floor back to vanilla and so on....what do you think and legally what country would be the best suited place? I mean the UK is chalk full of BDSM the USA has plenty to buy I think there laws very state to state and level of enforcement also varies and Canada my opinion on that is "If you keep it out of site then they don't mind"...hummm

9/26/2010 5:33:37 AM
So I had an idea today but it need refinement other peoples input and a genuine want from others as well as a will. I was thinking wouldn't it be cool If It was possible to get a group of people from the BDSM community to all pitch in a lease or rent a living space? What I mean by that is this: imagine an entire apartment building full of people who love and live BDSM. Wouldn't it be cool to be able to walk around the hallways in your Rubber corset or be able to walk around to your laundry room with your slave in tow on a chain without the worry of ignorant and quite frankly boring vanilla individuals? I mean I think it would be great If all a dominant person had to do was go out and knock on there neighbours apartment and have a slave to do her bidding so to speak. A domme just an elevator ride away or the other way around a slave just an elevator ride away. I think it would be cool. Just hard to accomplish especially since I'm the only one at this point thinking about it. If I had the money I would definately do it. I would buy an apartment building maeket and advertise it as a BDSM living space gays lesbians TG TS CD Doms Dommes poly families no one under 18. Of course though I would make it so that outsiders would be able to enter without being overwhelmed by the scent of perverse living. Maybe have an announcement system and a day prior I would close off a floor to any BDSM activity in the open common areas like the hallways that way people can come on in without fear although it is fun sometimes to push a few vanilla buttons...lol ah the dream...Le sigh...

9/25/2010 4:58:24 AM
I don't know why buy today as I walked back from work to my car. I noticed a man that was not really a man it was infact a Butch and manly lesbian...talk about wanting what you can't have. I seem to do it a lot. I got into my car and was imagining a bbw type of butch woman in leather chaps short grey crew cut type hair raspy kind of voice and then I imagined her opening the passenger side door and pulling my hair and telling me to drive and as I began to her free right hand began to wander to her crotch and rub herself. Talk about falling for the impossible. I realize that a person like that would probably never be into someone like me but If I could ever meet them I would be there's in a second

9/25/2010 1:42:00 AM
I wish I had all the money in the world so I could make all the dommes happy. I hate being selfish but just once I'd wish to meet someone its already hard enough that can understand and guide me. My work keeps me to busy. Never anyone wanting to at least even try to understand and work with my scheduele why is it so hard for people to understand that I can't just leave my work to go serve I mean If I could I would buy you know what I'm not a freeloader I work and have worked for everything I have and own all on my own no help from anyone, far to often though it seems like its just not enough and more like what's the point. I'm also pretty sick of people who say they'll call and don't when there asked to and guys trying to pick me up and saying that they'll send a plane ticket for me but never do. You know just once If like to meet the one that's out there for me. Does it even exist probably not. I'm not snout to force anyone to love me either....la sigh...

9/23/2010 9:48:38 AM
What is intelligence to you? What is true inteligence? I find myself asking what that means a lot the last couple of days. You often hear the terms street smart or book smart. When I think about it which do I have or sometimes do I have either? If I had to rate or grade myself on my intelligence I wouldn't think I'd be able to honestly grade myself. When you think about it which is more desireable to have? Both have the flaws and drawbacks as well as a pro or positive angle to it. I mean think about this If you had a Masters or doctorite in say....chemistry you could have a very easy and good paying job in the chemical producing industry , but what If the country was in a deep deep reccession and jobs were scarce and obviously the jobs in your sector would be even more scarce right? So now you've got all these years of schooling and your stuck as a waiter in some restraunt instead of being the guy who eats regularly at that place your now working in it. And then obviously you can't afford a car so you gotta walk or use transit right? Gotta go through a bad neighbourhood because you can't afford to live in a nice posh apartment right? And since you never grew up around drug dealers and gangs your quite and walk quick right? Well guess what its those kinds of people that can tell your not from there world and now your degrees don't mean a thing. Now take that same person and add a few years of living in ghettos and around gangs and he puts himself through school and once again reccession hits. This guy not only has the smarts to get an education but now he also has ambition street ambition If you will. So he produces a new street drug. Now all of a sudden this guys in good no matter what he's set right? Wrong because he doesn't know how to market or meet clientel that's where street smarts comes in. That's only one contex. Now me I've spent time at University didn't finish but I was there I've also grown up around guns drugs and gangs but wasn't stupid enough to get caught up in it. I have a blue collar job that probably won't make me millions but I gots street smarts. I guess the question that I'm really asking us what is smart defined as to you? I mean I know doctors who. Can't drive a manual transmission vehicle and computer experts that don't know how to start a simple camp fire. In a life or death situation knowing that can be a big huge difference. I guess what I'm saying is now I don't have any pieces of paper that say what school I've been to or what I studied but I am a survivor who is still surviving. I can hold my own conversations just because I don't have a university degree dosent mean I'm dumb after all I can read and I can study on my own. So I know a few things about gamma ray bursts and anti particles and nutrinos as well as string theory. Yet I also know how to build a fire and when a situation is a bad one in the street I know who has the shank and who has the gun. So am I dumb or am I intelligent I guess that all depends on who you ask

9/14/2010 1:34:13 PM
Ok so I've decided that I want to take some new pics. I'm getting pretty tired of taking shitty web cam pics I'd like to take a few with more sex appeal other than a face shot.I want to take some real naughty ones, nothing to crazy don't need a professional camera man or camera or anything like that just someone willing to take the pics. I wonder if there is anyone on here that might be interested HELLO! ANYONE OUT THERE interested in helping me out? Ah...Le sigh....

9/11/2010 4:53:49 AM
Reading the news latley and saw a story on a judge ruling on poly families....sheesh I don't get it are they talking about the type of families on here? Or the husband, wife and daughter/wife kind of deal or what? I mean I can understand the whole can't and shouldn't marry your own genetic daughter type stuff but personally I've never had a problem with consenting adults doing ito in fact if anything I'm for it maybe one day ill find one that I can fit in with. I think (and this is from the point of someone who desires to be owned) that its just fine everyone contributes in there way and everyone make an effort to live peacefully and enjoy each other is that wrong? I mean one day I hope to be the slave to a family. I mean I would love to be the one who basically takes care of there needs and see to it there well and in full enjoyment of life. That doesn't always mean play or sex, sometimes I think its the little things. The shined shoes when they come home the made bed with freshly clean sheets in that scent which they love so much. I wouldn't even mind being the nanny if they had actual kids. I mean the whole bondage etc... Stuff plays a part but its not all about the toys its about the life.when I see that I have done a good job or that I've provided a service which they can be happy with its not the spankings or other stuff that it rewarding its the easy going smile and happy glow that make me happy. Don't get me wrong Kinky is a huge thing for me but there's more to life than leather and lace. Incorporating kink into evetfat life can be a challenge but when your with family its a hell of a lot easier.

9/11/2010 4:37:48 AM
So I'm here working a graveyard shift and its 4:27 in the AM and I got to thinking. I love cleaning and cooking general house hold chores and I love wearing high heels and I also love wearing maids outfifts. I also hate my current job so how can I combine all these into a job that I can do and make a living out of...?...and it struck me a maid cleaning service, yeah that's it a sexy maid cleaning service why not afterall its a common fantasy for perple of all types to have a sexy maid isn't it? I mean after all todays usual mainstream domestic maids all wear drab boring unsexy uniforms not frills no high heels and some well not that I'm trying to put anyone down but just not the erotic evoking passionate sex kitten. So why not have a proffesional cleaning service with quality service and some "extra". Services thrown in. So I think I'm going to try it. Now all I gotta do is find some clientel and get my face out there. I wonder if there's a market for this in my city?only time can tell I guess...Le sigh

9/7/2010 1:50:51 PM
I wish I could find someone who was compatible with my work scheduele that is one of the hardest thing in my life right now.

9/7/2010 1:42:51 PM
Sweet looks like I was able to free up my afternoons from 3PM onwards for at least a week From Oct 7 to at least the 14 or 15 then its back to bring overworked...again...Le sigh.... So if your like to meet up around then drop me a line and let me know maybe it can turn into something more! Xoxoxo

9/5/2010 6:16:27 AM
OK like I know I said that this profile isn't in use anymore well.... It is and it isn't. I just can't let the dream die being of service is my goal to make someone truly happy is all I want. My soul won't let go which is why this is so so painful. I hate if ever having to go back on my word but I guess this profile is in use, but I really don't need or want any of the cheer me up lines or keep hope alive slogans as that just depresses me even more even makes me mad a lot of the time. Especially coming from people who have already attained there goals(of course you can say that stuff and have a positive outlook you got what you wanted) Its not so easy when your on the other side of the fence. Sometimes I think I have miltipile personalities that are on at the same time. I wish I could say that I was a letting go don't hold grudges type of person but when I see two people enjoying each other the demon starts to rise. I wish I could control it and for the most part I can buy sometimes there's just nothing to hold on to.argh...Le sigh...

9/5/2010 6:05:57 AM
TODAY THOUGHT OF THE MOMENT....I am submissive, but I am untamed in a sense unbroken if you will. I like to be of service, but I know I am not worthless I have respect for myself. I will submit, but only to those who show they have an understanding that although I may be submissive I am not a doormat. You can play the role and I will live the role but that does not mean that I can't break you to. I wish I wasn't so contradictory I think I throw off the wrong signals I think that a lot of it is a result of never getting along with people I've always been a bit of a loner but if that were true why would I seek attention the way I do? I wish i could find a place that accepts me, a place that I never want to leave. Then again so does everyone, it would be cool if there was like a kinky apartment house or something like that. Lol maybe I could even get a job as the buildings house maid...lol I know that the whole maid thing is a fairly common fetish but I wonder why, the answers to that are boundless I know. I wonder if there is a woman that is local that likes to be the husband or boyfriend and likes girls like me, I've met the one timers but I want something more... I would appreciate a woman who knows and loves to fuck a girl like me as a man. Not only do I think its hot but feels right....I make no sense....Le sigh... If I were to ever meet her I hope my scheduele is a lot emptier than it is at present I'm always working or busy and its not like I have a choice either. Hopefully if my times table is still messed I would somehow convince her that I'm worth it and that we could work around it. Lol blow jobs on breaks lol.

9/5/2010 12:52:48 AM
Just found out I have some free time in early Oct

9/5/2010 12:51:38 AM
This account is no longer an actual account and only being used to keep in contact with people that have become aquaintances

9/5/2010 12:50:14 AM
There is beauty in the world beauty in all things, people just have to know what there looking for to see it. Like the beautiful curve of a womans body, there is beauty in the bomb that explodes, the color the flashes of light the experience itself. Like the softness of a womans skin, the sleekness of an M4. We dable in art and call it art we dable in life which is true art. We fix, we break. We live and yet some never live at all. We mimic grace in ballet yet the ballet of a flock of birds is as simple to them as waking up in a breezy spring day.As the street lamp flickers the expression is timeless the feeling of the light flickering away from all that is dark. When I dream its not me who's dreaming its the mind and eyes the soul if you will. For many years lost this flame is dim its desire to keep moving forward as pointless as a trying to keep moths away from a flame. My only my only outlet of this fustrating canvas this page which nobody reads just an electronic page something that shall be forgotten, soon enough something I'm sure most would agree its about time!....sheesh

8/19/2010 4:44:09 PM
This account is no longer an actual account and only being used to keep in contact with people that have become aquaintances

8/18/2010 9:26:27 PM
Lol now that sucks well now cause of mitigating factors (duel citizenship) I now have another weird and complex problem. It seems that for any number of reasons the US marine core is now interested in me serving them and yet at the same time the Canadian Armed forces has expressed interest in some of my unique skills and I've been offred two different contracts...lol how little do they know true warriors don't fight wars for men in suites or in big offices we fight because its what we were meant to do.so many if ands buts pros and cons sheesh I should just go now hunting god how I wish I was away from it all. I ask myself what I want and who I am. I have never got an answer instead I let other people do the answering about me. Look at what I've become nothing more than some pawn who dosent quite fit into anyone place. I keep wandering and wandering and never finding sanctuary. If I had to say anything it would be that I now believe that my past doings and actions are the root and cause of my unhappiness as of course it should be. It was slow and it took a bit of time but my demons have come on strong. It seems that I am forever trapped in a cycle all of my own doing. I now remeber the face of my father and he is no jolt ghost. In the end the learning and the teaching of the greatest warriors weapons and technology and pure natural combat skill has weakend me. Taken away what I could have been. I am a walking talking weapon just the bullet in the chamber something to simply be discarded after my job has been complete and I can say this with the utmost truth that is the way they feel about me you know how I know. Let me out it to you this way they've done all the checking and they've gone through all the files including my medical and mental history its printed on the paper they know that I'm transgender so to them I nuts but not so nuts I can't be useful to them I am EXPENDABLE. To those that think there a so called true Domme or have the power to give me shit take a half step into the doorway of my life I will guarantee as soon as the frust two or three RPGs come screaming in and the smell of the open street sewers comes crawling up your nostrills after you you run out of ammo and you see the enemy barreling down after you with a machette or knife screaming Allah or whatever name he may call god. When you can hear the screams of brothers in arms screaming for help there mothers or an evac flight or even after an 8 hour battle in the middle of the night when the erie silence and radio chatter in your head set come bombarding in. You will realise you are not a true Domme/Dom you'll understand that in the other world a man may kneel at your feet but in my world he won't give a second thought to putting a bullet in between those oh so pretty made up eyebrows not a half second not a milli or micro second not even a heart beat. He or even a she will automatically cold heartedly and without a thought pull that trigger dial that cell phone bomb your whips and stupid words mean fuck all your high heels or knowledge of cock and ball torture or the way you think your intelligence or superiority has rule over all you will realise you are nothing and without my brothers in arms you are nothing you are nothing more than quite simply in the way

8/18/2010 8:44:27 PM
One final day 2morrow is the 19 that will be my final day

8/16/2010 8:13:19 PM
Well I've come to a decision since it seems that nobody that I want wants me I'm deciding I will give this profile one last week. If I can't find anyone by then good bye.

8/15/2010 4:28:36 PM
If I had all the money in the world I would give it to my owner even if they didn't ask for it. Unfortunatley I'm just your average working class person barley getting by on my paycheques now. Maybe I should consider going back to escorting on my own. Although without a pimp ill screw up and spend all my money on stupid shit like heels and make up damn it!!!

8/15/2010 4:01:35 PM
So it seems as though all the Dominants and poly families are in Ontario at least any of the ones who have a real interest in me. So I'm deciding to move but the scary part is what am I going to do for work I don't know? What's the job market like? I mean I have my first aid level one I'm good with PC good with customer service I have a security liscene even buy is that of any use? And what's worse what if I don't find an owner this whole move would be a waste? But is the risk great enough and what's the cheapest way to do it I guess I could drive with my stuff in the car but how much is the gas going to be then I have to find a home grrrr frustrating... I see a light but no end of the tunnel......geez sometimes I wish I didn't have a job but at the same time how do you survive without money? Life has to many conundrums....sheesh

8/14/2010 10:46:04 PM
I wonder often what it is going through my head why I want to be a slut, why I want to be a whore/escort and why I want an owner/pimp female or male. I wonder if ill grow out of it or if its wrong. For some moreally its just plain wrong and for others there to afraid of the possible outcomes. I've been on hormones for about 5 months now and my boy clitty still works fine. When I think about it the more I think about it I think its just who I am naturally. I was never abused(in the bad way) by my parents or family members like so many people seem to think. So in a way I believe its just the way I was meant to be. Is that wrong? I think I have the best of both worlds. Yet I keep on longing for more. I like my sexuality and all the qualities that come with it. I want to be a slut that just who I want to be.

8/13/2010 9:36:00 PM
So I was thinking if a dominant were to take me and say "I will take you as my slave " what would be in the contract or agreement that we sign. Well when I think about it. I would like to be and act as the submissive housewife, almost a throw back to the 50's type of idea. My owner would ideally be able to handle the finances and I would take care of the household. I would cook the breakfasts lunches and dinners, do the cleaning of bedrooms, bathrooms kitchens etc... Do all the grocery shopping, and the laundry take care of the landscape. I would also be the slut and as soon as the bread winner gets home have there dinner ready for consumption. I would know that as soon as my owner comes home how to relax them make them comfertable. When I see the smile on there face I would have one on mine. Of course I would use my sensuality and sexuality to my advantage. I would use it to help contribute seeing as how I like sex and my owner would obviously train me and my body to be able to accept large cocks or militipile cocks I could be rented out for gangbang parties or to there friends not only for sex but also as a pure.house maid or even a nanny. My owner would have there fair share and keep my cut for things like my breast implants and my female hormone medication my clothing high heels make up etc...I would spend my free time exercising and keeping up my apprance.I would love it its a far fetched dream but you never know many offers out there many people all it takes is one real one.

8/13/2010 9:11:44 PM
I wish I had someone to teach me. I find it interesting how the local BDSM community is so closed. Its really fustrating they seem to plan every single event at the same time that I'm working so I never get a chance to go out and meet people. It sucks! I feel like I'm getting depressed again. Its weird cause other than wanting to be owned there's not a whole lot wrong with my life. I wish I had the patience of others course I wish I had a lot of things that others have but I guess that's life...Le sigh...

8/9/2010 9:53:04 PM
Lol been back at work for 4 days know and ....holy I have never felt so much like going back on vacation. Today in our under ground parking lot we had a huge flood due to some theivin homeless people. But I realized something just now those people were willing to steal copper SANITATION pipes! You can imagine the stuff that musta been coming out of there....ewww! Gross!...could be worse though. You know I feel for the unfortunate and poor I really do but people like that make all of them look bad I mean come on sanitation drainige pipes. Well let me tell you the homelss have lost a once highly active anti poverty person.

8/8/2010 4:01:14 PM
Damn pic stealers. What's wrong with the world. People so afraid nowadays that they have to steal other peoples pics what a shame and a curse to those with no honor or shame for ye shall always be followed by bad events and tragic occurences! BASTARDS!

8/7/2010 3:29:11 PM
So well today after a month of sweltering heat it decided to rain. Cool I always loved to hear the pitter patter of the rain drops. I hope this helps the forest fires there's a lot of them around right now and its not great.

8/6/2010 9:39:20 PM
So although my weekend didn't go the way I wanted and I'm now back at work I did have like 3 days of fun. Also I got a commentary on a local newpaper published. There's a first for everything. Maybe this is the begining of a new career, although I highly doubt that. Although I didn't have any BDSM type fun which really depresses me it could have been worse. I'm going to be ubber pussed if I start getting messages saying they want to meet now. I really really hate that. Le sigh....always a brides maid never the bride.......

8/3/2010 3:31:23 PM
such a quiet and boring day did all my laundry cleaned my house did some grocery shooping. I was thinkin about going to the grocery store in my high heels and maids outfit, but i in the end didn't feel like it so i didnt. I'm gonna have to go and get more hormones soon before i run out.

7/31/2010 3:01:58 PM
so i went to an illegal rave last night down on the beach boy that was so fun till 7 in the morning!

7/29/2010 11:10:49 PM
well so today wasnt to bad coulda been worse. to day i slept in and had a few drinks then spent the day at the beach....not kinky but calm so although it wasntt the best of fun it was ok.

7/27/2010 5:12:05 PM
Humm so let's see for todays journal entry I don't know what to write or to say. Its my Friday today and then I'm off for a week but I don't know where to go or what to do....Le sigh... I mean I tried to connect with people but they all seem to evaporate. It seems and feels to me like I'm the only girl at this prom without a date. I guess I seem to have one of the worst person skills on this planet. I'm torn between my utter hatred of all things human and the pure mechanical cold and unforgiving side of me and in the middle the remnants of a once kind hearted person but still with that longing to be with someone the need to be able to share my life and experiences. It just doesn't seem to be in my cards though...cards were never really my game. I've always been more of a football kind pd person. What can I say I like to hit. Don't ya just miss the days of world war and all out death I know I do. To many people are to privledged nowa days. A little civil war never hurt anyone.... Much. You know I used to write and I used to write quite beautifully, but now its all ugly never anything pretty, but I see beauty in what others know as war. I see the colors of war the bright flashes of rockets the smell of burning flesh the cries of the warrior the burning bright muzzle flashes the shake of the rumbling tank the thunder of the fast jet. Its all beatiful to me. All an active and forever changing canvass really. Oh if I wasn't in heels now I'd be there. It was the only place that accepted and loved me, the only place that never left me, the only place that plays over and over in my head the only place where the year we're that of joy the only place of fofillment where my actions spoke for me. Some people say I deserve to be in hell my answer is that I am already here.

7/26/2010 3:59:28 PM
And so I've decided to take up a new hobby bow and arrow hunting. I'm even gonna learn how to make my own bows and arrows. I think it would be a more valuable lesson and skill to learn maybe probably more so than servatude, considering the way things have gone for me. I would so love to move way way up north to the Yukon or North West Territories. I think that maybe living the hard mans life will do me good perhaps some clean pristine air a virtually untouched land full of wildlife and the hardships associated with that life it would certainly keep me busy and away from this what I'm now feeling is a hoax of a life. At the same time you will do away with me and no longer be bothered with what you people would consider...well to be honest I don't know how others are me at the same time I don't even care. Its not as if you have anything to offer me and to you I have nothing to offer you.

7/25/2010 5:07:33 PM
Feel a little depressed today its so nice out today and I know its going to be a beautiful night. Yet I'm at work...like usual. Its funny I guess I would consider myself a workaholic yet I hate my job. To top it off I have nobody to my liking that I can play with. Sometimes I feel like the local fetish community is simply going out of there way to avoid me. On the other hand it could also be that there scheduele and my scheduele just. Don't mesh. I wanna do something that I can enjoy and be my own boss. Or at least be able to set my own hours. I mean although the TG and gay/lesbian community is large out here we as in TG community don't have a club to call our own a place to dance, a place to drink a place just for us. I wish I could open up a TG dance club out here. I'd be performing all the time and I'd love doing it to. Darn damn money greed I like most people nowadays feel that greed and money have taken over all of us people. Its really sad to its ruining lives and destroying humanity in general. Yet we continue to let it happen. What ever happened to us? What ever happened to me? I'm sick and tired of wanting and needing hoping helping. You know I've lived a bit I may be young but I've been out there I've tasted I've touched. Yet for the most part I just want to let go. I don't want to feel the need or want for sex or even human interaction. I'm sick and tired of hoping that someone I want, want someone else other than me.you know it feels like I never had a chance in the first place. What gives other people the ability to think there better than someone else? Oh ok so your a hot guys what makes you think your my kind of hot and that ill submit to you? Ok so your a domme girl what makes you think that you deserve me to submit to you? I may be a TG , be on hormones not as tall or as pretty, but how many of you can pull a motor take it apart and put back together and install it in six hours? How many of you oh so domme woman with your so called all. Powerful beauty can do that? Or how many so called masters/guys can be strong yet kind and understanding how many of you can bench 250lbs and only weigh 140lbs? Do you actually think that you can keep up to me in a run or jog? Can you leap as if every time you leapt you were about to take off into flight?look I'm mostly Sub but I'm not weak stupid or worthless in fact I think I am probably worth more than you because if we(subs) didn't need you, there would be no reason for you to exsist. I'm just saying... And its mostly cause I'm sick of being on my own. Not being used. I'm here to serve yet no one to serve it almost makes me sick. Its basically like an explosive that never gets exploded and I'd that's the case then why even build it why does it exist? I guess if I were to think about it I'm essentially saying I want to exist I wanted to matter. I'm pretty close to just abandoning this whole endevour vsize I'm begining to think its all a hoax something that people are using to prey upon others desires/weakness for simple monetary gain. If it is how shameful if it isn't well then I'm the first to admit I'm wrong, but the fact remains I don't believe in it right now. Probably just gonna go work, exercise and keep my wonder to my self. I am really really starting to absolutley hate the BDSM community in general. I am now wishing that I never met fetish that I never found out about its existance It was all a big mistake all on my part at least to live a dream that dosent happen only in the movies but not real life not for me. I'm the damn rabbit running after the dangling carrot in front of me. And pulling the cart with everyone inside.

7/24/2010 4:38:20 PM
So.... Like ok I was talking to a possible owner for the last little while and while were ok friends more like aquintences in the end our schedueles at this particular moment in time aren't a match...Le sigh...6ist when I thought I had it well its not anyones fault just the way it is and she's nice that's all I have to say about that. Whew OMG thank god! Thank Satan thank someone finally finally after all the work and sweat and crap I have finally got a vacation schedueled YAY! Did you know I haven't been on a vacation in like ???um 4 years maybe yeah I'm a little bonkers from it but its ok. Now all I need is some fetish event or people with fetish minds to hang out play a be marry with no not married but marry as in happy....lol

7/22/2010 2:37:39 PM
LE BOOOO AND LE SIGH....Sadley the Mistress who was going to own me does not seem to be able to and so my journey continues....if your out there im still here!!

7/19/2010 6:07:54 PM
Well today seems to be my Day nothing on earth today can ruin my day. I met someone on here someone local who is the dream that I've been seeking, she is lustful , full of life and vigor, intelligent , kind and real. She's already almost brought me to tears of joy to this slut/slaves life. I await our first meeting and already I feel like its been to long. We chat and have a good time. Now all that's left is for us to make our crazy hectic and different scheduele's match and I can forever spend my days in service to a great person. I feel so lucky and and at this point swimming in my own concoction of passion and desire. Needing to see this whole event through. I know there will be good times I know there will be bad times and most of all there will be memories. When I can no longer dance when I can no longer talk or see there will however be memories.In which case my life was not a sham or a waste it was lived. It was used and abused it was life itself incarnate. Oh my Master Goddess oh husband of mine soon to be you have made me the happiest on this day. I will forever thank you!

7/18/2010 4:42:47 PM
... Oh Le sigh... Mistress! Mistress I know your out there! Oh Please save me save me please come save me!....!

7/18/2010 4:42:12 PM
... Oh Le sigh... Mistress! Mistress I know your out there! Oh Please save me save me please come save me!....!

7/18/2010 4:41:38 PM
... Oh Le sigh... Mistress! Mistress I know your out there! Oh Please save me save me please come save me!....!

7/18/2010 4:33:09 PM
So I'm at a local dance club the other night and just on the floor shakin my booty and I guess I was dancing with someone elses guy when some hoochie ghetto mamas come up and start Hasslin me calling me a "little bitch" and "whore" "fucking slut" which didn't bother me. In fact it turned me on... My little boy clitty started getting hard! I never realized just how much I actually love being called a slut whore or little bitch by women especially bigger woman than me. Anyways I wasn't looking for a fight so I moved on had a good night overall one moment of slight discomfert but still good.

7/18/2010 4:32:50 PM
So I'm at a local dance club the other night and just on the floor shakin my booty and I guess I was dancing with someone elses guy when some hoochie ghetto mamas come up and start Hasslin me calling me a "little bitch" and "whore" "fucking slut" which didn't bother me. In fact it turned me on... My little boy clitty started getting hard! I never realized just how much I actually love being called a slut whore or little bitch by women especially bigger woman than me. Anyways I wasn't looking for a fight so I moved on had a good night overall one moment of slight discomfert but still good.

7/18/2010 3:21:02 PM
Ok like I may be going crazy but is it me or is the date on collarme incorrect it says its the 14th today but I'm positive its the 18 of July today....???

7/17/2010 5:29:41 PM
So I cut my finger the other day and bleed a bit of blood, yeah I know nothing interesting, I was staring at it for a bit I noticed the color how dark it was personally thought it was a beautiful color such a deep dark red. Of course like many people would normally did I sucked on the wound a little before fixing it up. I thought I really don't mind the taste of my blood in fact I kinds like it. Am I weird?

7/17/2010 5:25:55 PM
I think not having sex for a year has made me go a little bonkers. I seem to keep having a reoccurring dream. Sometimes there's a slight change maybe a different person, but its always me tied to a wooden horse legs spread and being fucked this time it was a woman with a strap on last time a guy and there's always a woman laughing and watching behind a silk screen. Sometimes it feels real others it seems fake. When I wake up I feel slightly sadened. Wouldn't it be wired if this was the dream. I could be laying in some hospital bed somewhere and not no it.or hypnotized and being used as some fuck toy (I wish) but it could. Its always could never it has. Its nights like that I wish I could sleep forever.

7/16/2010 5:48:15 PM
Wow some people are really rude sometimes even when its there fault. So I was on my way to work when while getting out of my own neighbourhood some guy decides to walk out right in front of my car and slowly make his way to his car parked across the street. Now I understand that I'm going to get a lot of flak for saying this and I mean no disrespect to any religion race or type of person. I say this because there is a muslim church nearby to where I live and this particular person was coming from that church. All I did without the use of profanity or foul language is ask if next time" he move a little faster across the street so as to not slow down the flow of traffic" as it was very busy with many vehicles trying to get out of the chiarch peaking lot and the begining of rush hour. Very first words out of this guys mouth were "shut up bitch" my retort "shut up before you get your ass kicked in front of your own church members by a girl this is why no one like you because you have no class and respect" then I squeeled my tires threw dirt in his face and drove like two seconds in front of him (remember heavy traffic at the time). So it got me thinkin the Taliban say that this war is a holy war and that the west is evil and trying to wipe them out and so fourth, well it seems to me with all these so called honor killings and restrictions on what people can do (especially us women)that there only making sure that they look like the bad guys. I mean you need to win hearts and minds as bad as you need bodies. Anyways this guys really out me off to the Muslim religion. I mean don't get me wrong if its what you believe ok go ahead but no need to be rude. I'm totally turned off by any Muslim man now. I mean I had a few Muslim friends but they we're never this bad. I know for a fact that there are good Muslims but people like this give religion a bad name in general. Thank good I don't believe in religion at all. If you ask me I think it was just an early form of comics some way for a guy to get a meal way back when. As for that guy he seemed both stunned and angry at the fact that I even talked back really made me wonder. Well I guess this just proves my point religion is truly a waste of time although I do believe we are all conected in some way and that the universe has our names jotted down on some notebook somewhere and when he/she finds it they will call it.

7/13/2010 9:28:36 PM
Today was an ok day I say at the beach and played with my friends dog. It was hot out but a constant wind today kept it nice and cool. Nice big poofy clouds. So many shapes it was like a moving and continuos piece of art priceless one time images some haunting and others just so darn cute.when I went on my jog today as I ran along the seawall I felt the wind flowing I felt for a breif second that I litterally might just take off and fly and finally be free and then I saw other people and it felt like I had just come smashing into the ground at 180mph (not so fun). I feel much better today than the past few days. I wish I could go on vacation far away but like usually happens at the very last second just when I thought I'd have some extra cash to go somewhere. I had two huge and important bills come through(sionara oh well deserving vacation) ah...Le sigh... Where's bugs bunny when you need him? Who cares he always forgets to take a left at alberquirky (wow that was butchery spelling lol) thank god I'm not ever going to have to go on that are you smarter than a 5th grader show that would just be embarrassing. I wonder if those kids get paid?

7/12/2010 5:09:24 PM
You know how older people or people who have had a rough life usually say stuff like "I wish I had that chance again" or "if I could go back I would change my life at such and such a point" I now understand I can be pretty determined and really hard headed sometimes and although a lot of times its helped me survive and get things done, its also brought a lot of heart ache and suffering as well as burned bridges. I can see how the whole karma thing works and understand it a little more now. I wonder a lot of the time if it was worth it and more often than not I believe that hasn't been. I keep looking for the proverbial fight, keep stiring the wasps nest. I know that the out come won't be good. I keep pushing the boundries if I've learned then why do I keep doing it? Maybe I am really just that dumb. I find that a lot of the time I just wanna disappear be forgoten. I confuse myself a lot to I think sometimes of just offing myself but I'm to scared to actually do it. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I should try some drugs I don't know what kind but something that would take all my inhibitions away and my fear so that I could jump off the building or bridge or drive my car right over the cliff or into a wall at 200mph. People of all walks of life have told me that they feel or have felt the same way at some point. I don't doubt that. It doesn't make it any better. I'm fustrated. Depressed today. Its a nice sunny day and I don't feel a thing. I don't enjoy days or nights very often anymore. All I ever do is wake up and go to work. I want some inner peace. I want to be able to lay back and relax just once. Do you know I haven't shed a tear in sadness in like 21 years, I'm 25 now. I feel like I'm coming to an end of a chapter in my life, I sometimes wonder how this happened how I dealt myself such a bad hand while being my own dealer. Do I want to lose.?...well I don't think I do. Now I'm thinkin of my dad I was the eldest son of three children and he always seemed to give them more encouragement than me. I was never good enough 2nd place wasn't good enough , my grades never good enough , I was not good enough. I played sports I played rugby, football , soccer, I learned to fight MMA style and I even learned to box which was my dads favorite sport. I wasn't good enough still. If I played golie then I had to stop all balls or pucks and I'd one was questionable it still counted as a goal in his eyes. I hate that man, for making me this way making me so damn competative. I curse the blood that flows through my vains, curse the day I was ever born. Why did anyone bother to put me through school? Why bother to take me places? If I was always ment to be a loser? Argh...what am I, who am I where's the god damn answers! I'm cursed , cursed I tell you. A hex or maybe the sins of the father are paid for by the son. Damn the day I die all I can hope for is that someone will come to see what once was my body, what once contained my soul. No doubt there won't be a funeral and no one there. Simply cut open and laying on a cold metal gurney. Like the rest of my life it will be only the cold that will be with me in the end. My dreams are gone my hope is gone. Feelings of sadness but no tears...and the feeling that pretty soon I'm going to try something stupid.Oh well...Le sigh...

7/11/2010 4:40:23 PM
Do people ever actually read these things???I use this as my media for stress relief and to get out how I feel and how I'm doing I try to put in one entry a day . Well after my last rant I've since calmed down quiet a bit. I'm a little more relaxed and more level headed. Still alone but alive and living, haven't given up, but still thinking about it. I know that lifes not fair , I need to make do with what I have. To bad that this wasn't a near future that I may have a creation with a part of my soul beneath the cold machine heart. I dance along the dotted landscape along, watching being watched, watching others being watched, like being looked at from behind a hunters scope. Like all things in life there is a song and a dance an art to living. As you can see I'm not a skilled painter, musician or even a dancer really buy alas I'm still here. Waiting and wondering watching sometimes dancing. Some songs are the sweet songs of love, others a sad dance of death, but even then there is still a canvass that can be painted on as even death can be beautiful. No...No its not my time yet, just playing the tune, dancing my dance painting my art, waiting hoping dreaming of day when I will be the master of the art that is called life.

7/10/2010 4:46:24 PM
I'm confusing myself today. It seems that "I am woman hear me roar" is with me but it is true that there is another part to me the male in me that says" I am man I am strong".I understand that pro dommes need to live to and that being a pro domme is a way of doing that. I think I'm fustrated by the fact that I can't be with a pro domme forever and that fact is souring me. I read a lot of profiles hear and am not sure what to make of them. Sometimes I read some of them and it makes me mad and others I read and it makes me depressed. You know I may be a submissive but that doesn't mean I won't stand up for myself, I have fantasies and face reality every day just like everyone else. It occurs to me that no matter if your a Sub a domme male or female or transgenderd like me we are all people. And I think I'm changing and moving away from people becoming my own unique person, some people will agree with me and some people will hate me, I'm just speaking what's on my mind right this very second and a lot of it probably doesn't make sense. I figure that I've been left alone to long and that my humanity in general is pretty much gone. I wake up and go to work a job I hate I come home go to sleep and do it again over and over again.I feel like I no longer have a soul. I feel left out of all the fun. It breaks my heart a little every time I see a Lesbian domme who only want other women and it also makes me mad, but that's a human want and I need to accept that, I mean what makes me so special and deserving right?nothing. People are going to be people and an individual is entitled to bring who they want to be but I can't cause what I want I can't have, that's just the way it is. It pisses me off when I see a couple who only wish for a female slave , but that's just life, its fustrating when all I get are messages from only horny guys, that's the stats of the universe playing out. So ok there are some that are better off but that dosent make you better than me, if your a woman good for you that doesn't make you better than me. I mean let's face it no matter who you are a bullet to your head no matter man woman or whatever is going to end your life so in reality your just the same as me. A bullet will never lie , people lie to themselves. I'm so confused but I think its mostly jelousy and loneliness. I wish that I could just turn off the sex drive turn off my passion. So I wouldn't have to waste my time dreaming of things that will never be. I am starting to really hate myself along with everyone else. I am trying to make sense and be honest. All that I have said feels true its not meant to any specific person or group. I just feel like the left out kid in the school dance. I was the quiet one who liked but never had the courage to open my mouth and say hello even if while I did it I was sweating from being nervous. Funny thing is I couldn't ask a girl on a date but I had the courage to beat up the jock that ended up with her. the things I've done in my life say different. I was in fight clubs I hung out with the wrong crowds I did bad things I clubbed and partied hard did E and went to raves. Now Now I just feel left out and confused I mean do I hate? or do I love? why am I even hear? I have fantasies and fetishes but it seems like all the doors that I want to open have a giant 600lb gorrila standing in front of them wearing a shirt that says security on them. I don't know where this anger is coming from I want some violence I want to hurt someone I want to make everyone feel the way I do now unlucky ugly and and alone, I feel that I've suffered to long. I feel like I can't hold on any longer that something has to change or give. I want my knuckles to be bloody and bruised to keep punching until all that's left is the cement underneath. I feel like the devil himself no like destruction itself. I'm not a violent person by nature but I haven't felt the touch of someone in a long time and its changed me. I .....

7/10/2010 3:46:52 PM
Why can I never meet a local lifestyle female domme. All I ever meet is domme men...:(

7/9/2010 4:50:40 PM
I had a weird dream last night I was in a club with lazer lights dressed in a tight fitting pink tube skirt and pink fishnets and pink high heels, all of a sudden I was tied to a leather horse and someone was fucking me and some lady was watching behind a silk screen and laughing and she kept on reminding the guy to cum in my mouth not in my ass pussy then when he's about to blow a load I woke up....???????

7/6/2010 9:01:50 PM
So sick of this uneventful life I'm so bored...Le sigh..it sucks I mean I'm bi but all I ever get are guys you know it would be nice to meet a girl or two every once and awhile.

7/2/2010 9:01:59 PM

6/26/2010 4:07:50 PM
Wow what a difference a pic can make. Its funny if I put up a professional done pic of myself the mail comes flying in if I put up a non professional pic of myself then I end up with practically no mail. Just goes to show me that people are only interested in sex or sexual attraction how sad. Now I'm feeling ugly.

6/24/2010 10:02:53 PM
well so long my good ole friend ye shall be sorley missed. Incase u peoples are wondering to whom this goes out to, its my wonderful and once lusterous and shiny hair thats right its true i cut it off, but why you ask for what good on earth reason, well i'll tell you its been cut because of a very good reason in fact,and that reason is CANCER!!! but fear not, im clean and healthy just fine in fact.No i cut my hair and donated it to a local charity who use human hair to make wigs for people going through radiation therapy and have no hair,but fear not, i figure it'll grow back fast enough, and if you cant accept a shorter hair me than thats fine by me,for you dont see the inside beauty,and therefore dont want to meet you,plus what you don't think i have awsomes wigs! what you think im crazy!!.....lol.....>^:^<  

6/22/2010 10:40:23 PM
Oh life what a thing it is. Sometimes...ok a lot of the time in the back of my mind there is the sadness of not being loved and yet having nothing but love for the one who does not even wince or turn to look at you. Pain in the pit of my stomach the welling up of forlorne...I mean its in all likley hood just me and probably a bit of the female hormones , but this cruel Mistress called lifestyle BDSM such a close community one that I am so desperate to be a part of. Should I give up? I ask myself but it won't give me up. Like the smell of a pastry baking in an oven the smell envelopes and surrounds you is all around you. I couldn't give it up if I tried and I've tried and tried but to no avail I'm in bondage in the bondage of forever wanting, needing forever watching. Even though its not true, I feel alone my heart truly aches my soul feels dejected, the universe and time taunt me and heckle me. I feel useless and ugly undesired, meant to be?

6/22/2010 9:35:06 PM
Oh wow a girl can never have enough clothes or shoes lol I always find myself needing the same clothing but just in differnt colors why not.

6/22/2010 4:27:08 PM
Let's see only been on this site a few days and already have had a bunch of great offers, boy I wish I could play with someone on Thurs it would be fun.

6/21/2010 4:42:55 AM
NEW...NEW...NEWS...HAVE SOME FREE VACATION TIME AT THE END OF JULY AND LOOKING TO GO SPEND AT LEAST A WEEK AS A SLAVE IN REAL TIME AND IN AN EFFORT TO POSSIBLY FIND A LONG TERM LIVE IN POSITION JULY,26-AUG,6 2010 IF YOUR FOR REAL AND LOOKING THIS WILL BE YOUR CHANCE TO TRY ME OUT!!!..... LOOKING TO BECOME A FULL TIME PLEASURE AND SERVICE SLUT MAID AND ABLE TO RELOCATE SERIOUS ENQUIRIES ONLY!! MEN AND WOMAN WELCOME I'm 24 years old 5'3 in height I weigh 120 lbs my measurements are 36a-28-32 Sugardadies sugarmomas pimps pimppets very willing to please for people who will pay for my boob job buy me slutty clothing or highheels

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whtUwnt
 
 Age: 24
 On the leash, Croatia