9/3/2014 11:59:06 AM: While I was in my late 20's I traveled a lot working for a major Military Contractor. Being young and single volunteering to fly to bases across the country was a no brainier. Boy did I rack up the Air Mileage. Well... one day my luck ran out.... There I was looking at my First Class Upgraded seat and a voice from the figure I was to sit next to looked up with a toothy grin. Putting out and offering his pasty while hand he stated. 'Well Hi Son! Looks like we are sitting next to each other on this flight. I am Pat Robertson.' A Week before I shared a 5 Flight Drinking Scotch with Wolfman Jack! DAMN. WOLFMAN!!! YES I was going to share 2 hours from Atlanta to DC trapped in a seat next to... Pat Robertson. Until this point in time I loved upgrading to First Class. Never have I wanted to terminate a life more than I did on the trip. I tend to be a pretty friendly guy to anyone... But this was during Robertson Heroic Claims and and his libel suit against Congressman Pete McCloskey. You see... this Asshole Robertson had claimed the Marine Corps awarded him three battle stars for 'action against the enemy' ON HEARTBREAK RIDGE! HEARTBREAK RIDGE!!!! His time in the service was not in combat but as the 'liquor officer' responsible for keeping the officers' clubs supplied. After a long denial he finally admitted he did not serve in combat. No Shit. During the Flight he tried to chat me up.. Asking what I did. Was I Saved and a Christian... Where did I go to school. Yadda. Fricken Yadda. I was on my 4th Scotch (and the Cute Stewardess keep em coming) when... it finally it came around to Fraternities.. I became a bit more interested.. wondering who would want to pledge this idiot. Robertson blabbed.. 'I was an Sigma Alpha Epsilon, we where the best house.' I gulped down the last of my 4th Scotch. My pretty Savior dropped 2 little plastic Johnny Walker bottles and a class of ice on the tray in front of me. She winked and said. 'That's the last we will be landing soon!' As I poured another Scotch I felt the plane FINALLY begin it's decent into D.C. Robertson was now looking out the window saying something... Really the guy was worse than me.. and I am a Talker. He just kept talking. I gulped Scotch Number 5 down and turned to him, leaning into his shoulder and putting my mouth close to his ear... Whispering... 'Hey Pat... PAT!!!' He turned to look at me... and breathing out a Scotch Soaked Growl I said. 'PAT. I'm a Sigma Nu and I F*CKING HATE S.A.E. Dogs.' I turned back in my seat and faced forward. Robertson.. The guy was unfazed. 'They where a Fine House... Blah Blah...' Truth. Honest Truth. 30 minutes latter as I staggered off that plane. Robertson on my tail all the way down the ramp. Was I in Hell? My savior came via a Film Team at the exit asking Robertson for an interview. Believe it or not he patted me on the back and said. 'Take Care.' I stumbled to a Taxi and headed to the Crystal City Marriott. It took years before I came to the realization. Pat Robertson was hitting on me.

8/20/2013 5:33:12 AM: Recently while I was going through some old records I came across a letter from Elementary School principal. It was a very nice letter, about how he had followed my academic success in Jr. High School with pride. Actually it was rather quaint, but it reminded me of an incident a few years prior where he was not as conciliatory regarding my actions.   It was in the Spring, I was in 6th grade.   It was just after lunch when the entire 6th grade was broken up into 2 groups. Boys in one room and the Girls in another. On the agenda was the new California Board of Eduction mandated film on SEX EDUCATION. To say the 6th grade class was a buzz about the film would be an understatement. I am sure you know the one, or saw something similar where they showed the basic birds and bee's... how mammals reproduce and oh yeah.. we too are mammals.. oh yeah if the male and female 'copulate' and 'fertilization' is 'successful' hello a little bundle of joy.   The animal interaction was of National Geographic quality, the human interaction was all done in Disney like cartoon animation.   But we all got the point, nothing would ever be the same.   So.. after some Q and A, we all were sent back to our regular classrooms. Being an inquisitive guy I was wondering what the Girls thought about the film. So as we are all crossing paths in the hallway I see JANE DOE (not her real name) walking in what seemed to be deep thought...   Only now years later I can say she was really thinking... 'WTF did I just see?' But at 12 years I was just a curious fool with no muzzle.   'Hey JANE How did you like the movie?' I said firmly. (OK.. my voice always was loud,) I was not ready for her response as she looked at me in horror and stuttered. 'What? What? Oh my God!' She ran past me and ducked into he classroom.   A couple of friends said something like, 'She must not have liked it.' We all laughed a bit and returned to our class. I figured that was that.   It was about 30 minutes later during afternoon History. The door swings open and the who classed turned to see the Principal. He did not look happy as he scanned the room... resting his gaze on me.   'Mr. Kahuna come with me.' The order came in a booming no nonsense voice. I am thinking? Who me?   The whole class reacted 'Oh.. Oh. Somebody's in trouble.' Really... it was like in unison. Then the snickering started as I stood and walked towards the door. A firm large hand landed on my shoulder and lead me out the door to certain doom.   Once outside he headed off towards his office.. 'Come along, your father is on his way.'   My DAD?? What the heck was going on??   Inside the Administration Office I was told to sit on one of the slick Naugahyde couches and to be quiet, still not sure what was going on I began to worry, about my mom, my brother... so many things spun in my head.   About a half hour later.. after reading all the PTA and Teacher's Union literature that was on the table next to me, the main door swung open and in walks my Dad. I looked to him seeking an answer. He gave me a look that I could not read, a look between irritation and curiosity. Then just sat down next to me and grabbed a PTA Flyer.   He kind of cleared his throat, and whispered. 'Ok. So what's the Principal got me here for?' Just loud enough for the secretary to hear.   The bottom of my stomach fell and all I could say was. 'You got me Dad!' I was telling the truth, because at that point I had no clue.   The Principal opened his door and invited us in.   Then he began with saying I had made some 'comments' to one of the girls. 'Flying may need to be suspended for his actions.'   'SUSPENDED?' I yelped in a higher than normal voice. My Dad's strong hand gripped my forearm like a vise. I shut up.   He calmly began, 'This is a serious accusation. Just what did my son say? What kind of comments?' Looking first at him, then at me, giving me a chance to get control.. before the principal could weigh in..   My mind raced. TRUTH. For once in my life the truth was on my side. Wasn't it? I couldn't think of a better story in such short notice so I went with it..   'DAD All I asked was 'How did you like the Movie!'   My Dad looked at me... 'What MOVIE?'   Before I could go into explaining the interesting film I had seen the Principal stated 'The 6th Grade watched the new SEX EDUCATION film today.'   I saw my Dad in action. I mean, my father was a man of words and when he was pissed his words became weapons of mass destruction. He was about to deliver a Nuclear Warhead in my Principal's lap..   'So... let me see if I understand this. YOU ARE GOING TO SUSPEND MY SON BECAUSE HE ASKED ANOTHER STUDENT IF SHE LIKED A BIOLOGY FILM???' He was serious.   He turned to me. His mind drilling into mine. 'That's ALL you said? Nothing else? HOW DID YOU LIKE THE MOVIE?'   I repeated the question. In the EXACT WORDS.. holding onto them as if it was my life boat. 'HOW DID YOU LIKE THE MOVIE? Yes that's what I asked her.'   Seeing the Fear and Truth in my words my father freed me.   Smiling, using a different timber in his voice, softer, kinder. He asked me, as if he really wanted to know what I thought.   'How did YOU like the Movie, Flying?'   Before I could even answer the Principal quickly stated. 'It is not important what he thought of the Movie.'   My fathers response was slow. Almost like a growl. 'REALLY? My son's thought's are of no importance?'   I was asked to leave the room at that point.   A few minutes later my father and my Principal walked out together smiling and they shook hands.   I do not know what transpired but I was not suspended, and nothing more was said about the incident.   Funny. How things could have been different for me had I not had a Dad who stood up for me.