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humbledproudgirl
Hetero Female, 34, New York 
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humbledproudgirl

jill  "inferior" campbell (not my real last name) I am only to be called "inferior" or "worthless" or "disappointment" or "failure."

Photos: where inferior and worthless jill belongs

 

I respond to most emails or ims that are polite (you can be humbling and mean while polite), more than 1 or 2 sentences, and have read my profile...please please read my profile before contacting me...I am need and crave something very very specific...

thanks!

 

From my upbringing with very strict, disciplinaring Mother, I learned
Pain is the way to remember my lessons
Suffering is the way to show how sorry I am and to seek forgiveness
Humbling is the way to learn my inferior, worthless place

 

I am WASP MBA....I am exploring feeling humbled and acting subservient online in roleplay or some mild sane tasks for offline and fantasizing about being punished. This is psychological and emotional domination with real life offline tasks that are mildly embarrassing. I realize what i need BLUSHING is emotional and psychological sadism and cruelty. When I get to know you better I will share with you my emotional triggers, which will likely lead me to cry for real as we chat, if you are enough of a sadist (mmmmmmm!!). (One hint: insulting my brains or my talent is a nonstarter for me. I likely went to better undergraduate than you did and I went to a top business school. BUT comparing me unfavorably to other women, yes THAT hurts . . . more when I get to know you better.) I am married and will never ever cheat so don't even go there.

 

Please start your email by diving in without asking questions....I have done my best to answer your questions in this profile. Please don't try to add me as a friend without my permission.

 

I delete emails that are one sentence or just "hi," rude and crude emails, and uninteresting and boring emails! I've been polite and responded to everyone, but it's just too many emails to respond to those who don't even put any effort into their email. If you haven't read my whole profile you are wasting both of our time.

 

I hide my true self-image from others in order to function day-to-day, but underneath I’m screaming that I’m worthless, less then the lowest person around, let alone most of them. That I far lower than my closest friends and colleagues.  (Please don’t try to “save” me and encourage me to think better of myself and tell me how wonderful I am, that is LOL the exact opposite of what i am seeking.)

 

i'm kind of a fraud at work pretending to be a leader, when i'm really shy and rather be a follower. And deserve to be punished for being such a phony. In need of someone to bring out the real me who knows that at work and in society generally that I am just faking it...lucky to be where I am ...and needing to atone for the good fortune by being humilated and degraded and disciplined. It's about psychological demeaning, pain of shame. This is about exploring my inner lil girl, NOT about exploring my socalled inner slut or bimbo.

Sometimes i feel like I am pretending to be a BIG girl (adult woman) when I am really a little girl in a 34 year old's body.. being my real age 34 and treated and disciplined as much much younger. I am seeking to relive the DREAD and SHAME of discipline and scolding of by Mother. It was awful at the time bu BLUSHING I  miss how she lowered my self esteem and find closeness in being humbled.


I LOVE online roleplay but have found it doesn't go far enough.  I need to actually do real tasks offline to feel how worthless and I am and pay penance through suffering for being such a worthless disappointment and phony. But my frustration is that people online come up with the most bizarre and extreme stuff as real life tasks that i would never do.

Would you like to join me exploring ONLINE commands for real chores and menial stuff at work or shopping..exploring...mild menial tasks for real...can't be anything crazy or jeopardizes my marriage or job or anything ...talking about small stuff where you can exercise some power control. Discipline excites me.

 

Enjoy roleplaying ONLINE in yahoo chat. Online humbling and discipline to be treated as lowly intern and domestic servant... Kind of like an intern or coat check girl serving the more dominant personalities in society regardless of their actual job title or social rank. A coat check girl, such a LOW VERY LOWLYservile service position. Always having to PRETEND to be friendly and smiling and eat crap from everyone with an IDIOTIC fake SMILE, while being ignored and looked down on by my “Betters”. And my legs and back and feet aching, having to stand up for so long! Being envious and jealous and resentful and so having lots of self-loathing.


Like roleplayp with you scolding, belittling, and disciplining me like Mother would for being a such a great  “disappointment,” “failure,’ “worthless,” “phony,” “faker” and suffering for not deserving the great job I have at a Fortune 500 company. Llike the idea of being spanked or punished by someone who “should be beneath me” socially or at work, but who I feel deep down inferior to. In rp, intense to be humiliated by you in front of your spouse or date.

 

Part of me wants my closest friends to know what I really am and despise me but part of me the sane part knows that crazy. So in fantasy but not reality i would never actually tell my friends i want to clean your apartment for you and scrub your toilet while you relax and unwind, I’ll get your dry cleaning, shine your shoes for your evening out while you chat with other friends on the phone.

 

ABOUT TASKS: I have discovered I would to explore about control with someone who could be a strict parental figure, a kind of substitute Mother, with (realistic mild) punishment tasks. I have to keep all this secret from my husband, so have to be careful about what is really doable or not. I hate conflict and arguing and I have found that I am too mild for 90% of cm. If people don’t realize mild tasks for real (not in fantasy roleplay) do not risk your marriage, job, or health, I will no longer argue with you.  You can blame all the cm folks who came up ridiculously crazy or unsafe tasks for my not wanting to discuss this.

 

ABOUT ONLINE ROLEPLAY: As a result of too many arguments about unrealistic tasks, I realize now that I much prefer online roleplay (with characters, plot, suspense, dialog, details, a good detailed roleplay I FEEL as if it is really happening, my  faces blushes for real, my heart beats fast).  I love exploring humbling and discipline in roleplay, especially age play, instead of treating me at my age 34 (which I am in the roleplay), I am treated, talked to, and disciplined like lil girl....the words ‘go upstairs we need to have a conversation” or “wait until we get home, you’re going to get it” or “you’ll going to get a whuppin or tanning or hiding” make my heart race with DREAD for real (bringing back paddlings from strict Mother) and SHAME for being 34 and still getting a whuppin. I love to be called and treated as “young lady.”

My favorite roleplay is an origins story...how would all this begin if we didn’t meet on cm? You might suspect something, but would have to take baby steps to see my reactions, you couldn’t begin by telling me bend over and lower my pantyhose and panties for a whuppin! You would have to go much slower

To be as clear as I can be: I am happily married and would NEVER EVER CHEAT. This is strictly online. In roleplay I do not do cybersex, I will not pretend to cheat on my husband.

 

PLEASE DO NOT ASK ME questions--all you need to know is in profile. If chatting with you is an interrogation, I will end the chat quickly. Put yourself in my shoes--every day everyone wants to ask me the same questions to get to know me better. I was polite and answered them. It is beyond boring now!!! Just dive in. Read between the lines. Be creative. If you want to ask endless questions, find some penpal to correspond with. i come here as an escape from work, not to have additional work of answering 1000s of questions. 

 

I have been offline for over a month because of all the endless questioning and interrogation. So one more time. Please note: I love to explore but I no longer have any patience for playing 20 questions with people who are going to disappear after a yahoo chat or two. All you need to know for opening chatting with me is i n my profile.Please put yourself in my shoes. Everyone thinks they’re unique and needs to get to know me better and then asks me the same exact questions I have already answered in my profile and have answered in numerous chats. What I need to know about you as soon as possible is if we are on the same wavelength as I am very mild and most likely you are too extreme for me and we are both wasting our time. Biggest timewaster for me: those who think exploration means breaking my mild limits.  I have no interest in that. My mild limits will remain. Please understand I am saying all of this out of sheer frustration, blame the others on CM for wearing out my patience with answering endless questions.

 

WARNING: Any institutions or individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for studies or projects - You doNOThave my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current and future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications. It is recommended that other members post a similar notice to this....

4/10/2018 7:45:49 PM: twisted therapy exploration roleplay Wondering what it would be like to have a therapist treat me in a way that ethically no real therapist could or should in real life...would like to explore in a roleplay with a bad sick twisted 'therapist' (your character, who enjoys hurting me, lowering my self- esteem, and causing me emotional harm and psychological pain!!!) who talks me into feeling bad (even worse than i already do) for losing out a real life promotion to a hated rival...and having to report into her as my boss now! (see my profile and journal for more  details) like in therapy, discussing and arguing with me until i come to agree and think consistently....how inferior and worthless i am for losing out the promotion...and what a terrible terrible thing it is to lose out the promotion...and that i NEED punishment for losing out the promotion...talk me into agreeing that this is what i need, what i SHOULD crave, and talk me into it, what i DESERVE...soooo i need and ACT to feel punishment for failing to get the promotion!!!!but not mind control as in hyposis, so it is a conscious decision that i am 'reasoned' into and come to agree with...totally gaslighting me for any worthwhile thing i think i have done...how mistaken i am..how faulty my thinking is...how i deserve and SHOULD be very sad and angry at myself of not getting promoted.... instead of as in therapy building up self-esteem, tearing down and destroying the little remaining self-esteem i have....manipulating me to increase my anger at myself and my self-loathing and self-hatred... convince me how awful and unforgivable it is to lose out this promotion...and convince me as a form of penance...with real world actions in real life....here are just a few ideas... maybe you could talk me into when i go to put on my heels for work, i could be made to feel undeserving of BIG girl (adult) heels and feel i MUST put on flats (i am only 5'3' and look and feel very small in flats and legs look fatter!)...realize i do not deserve BIG girl heels since i lost out the promotion... maybe you could talk me into feeling uncomfortable and undeserving to wear my favorite color navy blue (I am a blue-eyed blonde W  :-) ) and talk me into tending to wear UGLY dull browns and washed out greys and look less attractive, especially to my husband...that maybe even start to feel really ugly and dress unattractive for my husband and to increase my own self-loathing and self-hatred... to feel undeserving of attractive clothes ...loses deserve only dull brown and greys...to be for real looked down on by other women and to hate myself to be 'talk into' recognizing my own worthlessness and inferiority until i am made to feel when putting on my heels for work MAKES ME feel my RIGHTFUL place is being submissive like coat check girl...or when i am shining my heels for work...MAKE ME realize and believe I should be doing that for my boss Pam... or maybe when I throw something into my waste basket at work makes me think how i deserve to do menial degrading tasks like i SHOULD empty Pam's and Mary's our admin, waste baskets!!! ...that like in my photos i posted of my fantasies that i SHOULD get down on my knees and kissing Pam's heels and ass...even Mary's! BLUSHING or maybe punished in lil girl ways...writing line....kneeling on books OUCH!!!...corner time...curfew (whatever i do has to be completely hidden and secret from my husband!!!!) and real life actions like maybe talking me into deserving to and FOR REAL destroying a favorite sweater or lovely dress as punishment for losing the promotion...(Maybe while we are chatting! blushing!...maybe having to sacrifice a favorite or BRAND NEW pair of heels as donation to Good Will as punishment...even more embarrassing to having to explain to the Good Will clerk why i am donating THIS PAIR of new heels....so that i SUFFER for not getting the promotion P.S. bonus points if you are actually a therapist or psychiatrist and would like to explore treating me in way you should never treat an real life patient! you would especially know how to manipulate my thinking and emotions!!! P.S.S. please please please read my profile and journal before emailing me! please! ...i have written a very long profile to try to avoid the same questions over and over again! thanks!

3/7/2018 6:20:08 PM: I am no longer answering questions, especially those I explain in my profile or have answered repeatedly in chatting... i am here to experience and feel certain specific feelings of worthlessness and shame and humiliation, even depression over feeling deficient and defective, and anxious about my husband deserting me...not being interrogated over the same things i've answered in my profile and in endless chats, which leads to totally different uninteresting feelings. So i have been taking a very long break...I get so tired of simply answering same questions over and over again, especially those i have clearly explained in my profile

10/18/2017 3:29:20 PM: Here are some of my emotional and psychological triggers for emotional pain and psychological scarring....which i'm exploring through chat, online text roleplay, and MILD NON-SEXUAL tasks Telling me that Mother was right in how i was raised (see my profile) and that i still today deserve to live in DREAD of scolding, whuppin, shaming, punishment just like the scare lil girl i am inside (but NO underage chat or roleplay!) ...Telling me how right Mother was as she gave me a severe whuppin to call me 'worthless' and 'disappointment' and 'failure' and tell me i would never deserve to be anything other than a servant to other women... ...my failure and inferiority is seen in my losing out a promotion to Pam a hated rival who i now must show my obedience to and figuratively kiss her butt and feet to show i humbly accept her as my boss (that's what the photos show, which have captions in my fetlife profile, proud2humbledgofer) ...won't surprise you that in our sexist society i have really bad body image issues...not sure if guys can really appreciate just how painful it is for women to have their value focused on looks rather than intelligence or personality or ethical values ...one of my two biggest insecurities....my small breasts...only 32B with pushup bra blushing...otherwise 32A BLUSHING..what makes this worse is my husband claims to be a breast man and ogles my other women's breasts even Monica my best friend's breasts grrrrrr...Monica is everything i'm not....super confident and high self-esteem...outgoing, really the opposite of me ...and the other insecurity and vulnerability is that i am a bit chubby in the butt blushing...in school the other girls would mercilessly taunt me and call me PIG i am a feminist, so NO misogynistic or sexist comments...this is about shaming and emotionally hurting me as an INDIVIDUAL woman not about saying nasty things about women in general...i don't chat with those who use the c-word, w-word, or s-word with me.  NO sex chat. NO graphic deions. KEEP IT CLEAN!!! fyi, what i have learned online is just a list of insults gets boring and has no effect (dialogue in a roleplay is 10000000X more effective than just a bunch of insults)....also insults about my intelligence are totally offbase and get me annoyed (and also often come from a sexist misogynistic place that get me even more annoyed)...i am plenty smart and went to top schools...my psychological triggers are elsewhere.... It is annoying to be asked the very questions that i have answered in my profile and here in my journal to avoid getting same questions over and over again  

9/18/2015 4:43:58 PM: I am feeling so overwhelming by all the emails and ims and knowing I have to weed through them to find someone who gets what I am looking for. I am so overwhelmed by how many people are totally not on same wavelength and the energy it takes to explain, that I cannot even bear to start opening up emails (so my apologies if it's been a while and I haven't responded or even opened your email.) I am looking for something very specific, which I have tried to be clear about in my profile. As polite as I am, I can no longer handle re-explaining to each person what is in my profile. I will no longer respond, even with a polite, no thanks, to those who do not indicate they are on the same wavelength as I am. I am sorry in advance for being this rude, but I simply cannot handle any more all the people who are totally off target and keeping asking me to explain myself. It will be a while before I get to the emails, as honestly, I cannot handle how many there are, knowing that most people didn't try to understand what I am seeking and why. Stop sending me simply a 1 or 2 word email or numerous short emails like it's chat. Stop feeling entitled to my time if you send an email without common ground and if you haven't even read my profile and tried to understand what common ground we have. Again, I apologize for being so rude about this, but it is so frustrating and energy consuming to weed through all these off target emails and ims.

9/14/2015 3:58:19 PM: I have been responding to all polite emails and ims. But NO MORE responses to one word or one sentences or people who clearly haven't read my profile. For me to chat with you, as polite as I am, you do have to be more interesting than ***** first, time with my husband, from whom I am taking time away from to chat with you; second, my work I brought home, that I told my husband I am working on; third, sleep if I am staying up talking to you; fourth, other people who have more common ground with me. So please no more one word sentences or small talk greetings. Please read my profile carefully and be sure we have common ground and state it at once as well what your name on this website is. I am sorry, I don't mean to be impolite or rude, but I don't time for that. I'd rather spend my time talking with my husband, working, or sleeping...o chatting with someone more on the same wavelength. P.S. Stop asking me to repeat the information in my profile...that's why my profile is so long to answer those questions. Please put yourself in my shoes...your questions I have been asked over and over again, how interesting is that?? Just please read my profile carefully before emailing me or imming me.

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juno61
 
 Age: 36
  Ohio