12/11/2017 8:10:56 PM: The AMA have warned that anyone travelling in icy conditions should take a shovel, blankets/sleeping bag, extra clothing, 24-hour supply of food and drink, rock salt, torch, spare battery, petrol can, first aid kit and Jump leads. I felt like a right idiot on the bus.

11/21/2017 3:42:03 PM: I won a music contest on the Radio yesterday. The prize was £50 at Marks and Spencers vouchers or two tickets to an Elvis Presley tribute act. Ah did'nt know whether to press 'one for the money' or 'two for the show.'

11/13/2017 2:58:44 PM: A van has just arrived with a whole new kitchen for the neighbour but they're not home and the driver is locked out. Let that sink in.

10/29/2017 11:17:27 PM: At a Costume party Host: What are you? Me: A harp Host: Your costume's too small to be a harp. Me: Are you calling me a lyre ?

8/2/2017 9:30:12 AM: I've just paid $600 for a sofa from a guy who plays drums and tambourines for a living. - Percussion? - No, for the whole thing.