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SpanklyBottomBoy
Pan Male, 69, Southeast, Missouri 
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 Male

 Southeast

 Missouri

 6' 2"

 210 lbs

 69

 Pan

 Caucasian

 03/28/24

It is unlikely I can do real-time any longer. Health may not permit. (But there may be a slim possibility, if you are within driving distance, ...?) We all reach that point eventually, I suppose. Either that or we (hopefully) die in mid-orgasm. As I have grown older, my hunger for submission - sex, suffering, service - has begun to haunt me, and it keeps growing deeper. My body is old - sex drive almost gone, odd physical failings. (I SO regret not finding BDSM 10-20 years earlier!!) But I think I am still ready for some use by some particular unique complementary Dom(me) out there. I am rethinking, adjusting, regretting, expanding, extrapolating, interpolating. I am still trying to figure out what my urges are about, how those play off each other in my head, heart, cock, balls. Maybe there is something else I am not seeing yet. That is why I roam these dark back halls - seeking my secret selves. Maybe you can help?

More specifically, I feel that taking a bareback butt fucking from a DomMaster is the purest defining Domsub act possible between two men, I crave that,, I would love to hear from you if you can top, pun intended, that,, I am drawn lately to two other torments, hard genital estim and urethral sounding,, Strapped down with an experienced limits respecting Master over me,,, YES
10/16/2022 9:42:46 PM: Seems I need to clarify some stuff. If You, a Dom/Master, contact me and we engage, please understand that we are in a trial period - getting to know each other. Yes, I will happily submit immediately to some requests - call You Master (as an honorific), call myself 'it' or 'bitch', perhaps even 'slave', if You wish. I will happily send naughty photos of myself. I will tell You about my current life. But it will take some time before I'm ready to reveal my drivers-license identity - name, exact location, etc. And, no, I will not shave, wear a pink locked collar into my local Walmart, or write 'slave of Dom xxx' in permanent marker on my face or my thigh or my cock. When we're starting out, You may well be a True Master, but I am not yet Yours. Some Doms/Masters understand this. But many don't. And if You don't automatically, instinctively 'get' this, then we are really not suited to engage.

2/10/2018 9:45:18 PM: I changed my profile tonight. Here's what it looked like before. My curiosity and affinity are growing - at least in the abstract. Would I consider yielding to them? I'm not sure yet. As I read some profiles here on collarme, I find some of my previous notions challenged. I'm rethinking, adjusting, regretting, expanding, extrapolating, interpolating. I'm trying to figure out what my urges are about - sex, submission, pain. How those play off each other in my head, heart, cock, balls. Maybe there's something else I'm not seeing yet. I've never experienced any form of real-life bdsm, so I'm probably looking for an intelligent, patient, experienced Dom/Domme to guide me. I still don't know whether I could take the pain, but I so want to try. UPDATE: I've taken my first flogging, spanking, anal play! See my journal! I think I would also like to connect with another novice switch to explore & experiment. (I'm also finding my latent dominant side is starting to stir. Might I click with the rare complementary sub? Let's find out.)

12/1/2017 4:15:19 PM: I found this quote on another CS profile, and it just resonates with me!     'Submission is not a gift; it is an obligation!'

10/10/2017 8:54:22 PM: I just had a vision. (Also, I've had a lil rum that helped.) I was just taking shirts out of the dryer, and I imagined they were the shirts of my (imagined, hoped for) Master. I did so naked, with balls & tiny cock bound tightly (not imagined - real). I felt, still feel, such joy at service, serving! The fog of my submission is lifting. I'm beginning to understand who - what - I am. Until now I've been about my suffering. Now I'm seeing it's also about my serving. I am blessed, but not yet with my future Master.

8/15/2016 11:16:46 PM: As my libido has been on its deathbed these last few years, I’ve been doing a retrospective mental tour of my sexual life. I’ve realized and finally fully accepted that I am gender/genital indifferent and really always have been, my being raised in a hetero-normative (Is that a word?) environment notwithstanding. But that’s another journal. This one is about orgasms.I had orgasms while coupling with women (not many) until I was 22 years old. Then they stopped (the orgasms with women, not my relationships with women). Since then (I’m 64 now), I’ve only had one orgasm while with another person. (She was a true love about 15 years ago. I masturbated beside her.) I’ve struggled with being ashamed of my inability versus just being embarrassed. (Shame vs embarrassment - another important distinction I hope to write about.)This past week, I finally figured it out. Well, sorta. Orgasms are deeply personal to me, and PRIVATE! I can’t share one with you, even if we’re soulmates/lovers/fwb. It goes beyond intimacy, love, commitment. I still masturbate, but only a couple times a month now, on average. When I cum, I want to be alone. My orgasm is mine, alone!But now I’m confused. Submitting to a Dom/Domme/Master/Mistress must also mean submitting my PRIVATE orgasms to Him/Her. That excites me, thrills me, and terrifies me. I’ve got some more thinking to do.

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dsartemis
 
 Age: 40
 Perland, Texas