3/4/2010 7:01:14 AM: Negotiation The 'negotiation' concept in the SM community simply means open, honest communication about what you do and don't want. Negotiation in this sense is not a bargaining process, where one person is trying to get something at the expense of someone else; it's a win-win technique where you're both talking about what you've done and what excites and doesn't excite you, so you can feel more comfortable and turned on together. It's completely legitimate to talk both about your fantasies and your boundaries - about what makes you wet, and about what makes you cringe and tense up. Telling your partner about things that you don't want them to do is valuable, as you deserve to have those limits respected ...and if you don't tell your partner those things, they may do them, and neither of you will enjoy it. (If you do express your limits, and your partner ignores them, that's nonconsensual, and you'll want to think hard about whether you can trust your partner. Negotiation can bring these issues into clear focus, which can help.) If you're just getting into SM, or just into a new relationship, negotiation is a VERY valuable process. Talking about what you want from your sexual relationships can be difficult at first, but the more you do it the easier it gets and the more you get out of it! And note that none of this is necessarily specific to SM; negotiation is useful on all levels in all relationships, whether they involve SM or not. Consent is much more than a simple 'yes' - any relationship, and especially SM relationships, will do better with lots of honest talk about what you both want, and why, and how much, and what you don't want. There are some who feel negotiating - talking - 'ruins the momentum.' The image they seem to have is of the lovers who need say no words; every touch, every action, is perfect. That's great when it happens, but it doesn't happen automatically. My personal experience is that talking upfront makes me feel much better about whoever it is I'm with, and much more confident that they won't do something I'm not ready for...this in turn means I can throw myself wholeheartedly into whatever we've negotiated. Plus, as you get to know each other better, you'll know what you like and don't like...because you'll have negotiated it! THEN the momentum REALLY gets rolling!

1/5/2010 9:28:54 AM: Here's how to use this checklist. For each question below just put a number from one to six (1-6) in the box to indicate your response based on this scale: 1. This is something I really do like/want.2. This is fun, I like this.3. I'm not sure, let's try it out.4. I'm not really into this, but if it turns my partner on I don't object.5. This will turn me off, I don't like this.6. This is an absolute no go. Take your time for this and consider each question, situation or indication carefully before answering. Are there any specific types of people that turn you on? [ ] Soldiers, marines, paratroopers[ ] Sailors, coast guard, merchant marine[ ] Airmen, pilots[ ] Policemen, security people[ ] Truck drivers[ ] Firemen[ ] Executioners[ ] Nurses, doctors[ ] Prostitutes, tramps[ ] Hunters[ ] Wrestlers[ ] Surfers, life guards[ ] Motorcycle people, Hells Angels[ ] Cowboys, farm boys[ ] Gentlemen, nobility[ ] Business people, yuppies, managers[ ] Servants[ ] Teachers[ ] Daddy, uncleOthers, please specify: ___________________________________ Which of the following scenes would turn you on? [ ] Having a romantic dinner by candlelight[ ] I am spanked because I have been a naughty girl[ ] I am in the woods and suddenly this man comes from behind and grabs me[ ] A stranger walks into my bedroom and finds me playing with myself[ ] My partner and I are making love in a public place[ ] I am are sold on a slave market[ ] I am used as a slave in public[ ] I am used as a slave in private[ ] I am ordered to please others[ ] I am a little schoolgirl[ ] I am sitting/kneeling at my Master's feet[ ] I am are tied and teased[ ] I am grabbed by the hair and dragged into the bedroom[ ] I am used as a dog, pony or pet[ ] I am verbally humiliated[ ] I am tied, gagged and blindfolded and left alone[ ] I am tied, gagged, blindfolded and thoroughly whipped[ ] My physical limits are tested and stretched[ ] My mental limits are tested and stretched[ ] I have to sign a contract[ ] I am a total slave every day of the weekOthers, please specify: ___________________________________ Is there any particular clothing or fabric that turns you on? [ ] Leather[ ] Rubber, latex[ ] Patent leather, PVC[ ] Sexy lingerie[ ] Uniforms[ ] Denim[ ] High Heels[ ] Boots[ ] Wet suits[ ] Servants uniform[ ] MasksOthers, please specify: ___________________________________ Do any of the following environments or scenery turn you on? [ ] Your bedroom[ ] A dungeon, castle[ ] Churches and abbeys[ ] Farms and stables[ ] Barracks[ ] Abandoned construction sites[ ] Back alleys[ ] The red light district[ ] A school or a classroom[ ] BDSM-clubs[ ] Estates[ ] Junkyards and car dumps[ ] Woods and forests[ ] Medis): [ ] The dominant talks, the submissive is silent or speaks only when spoken to[ ] Dialogue in normal language[ ] Dialogue in adapted language ('Master' and 'slave')[ ] Obey rules or else[ ] Reasonable rules[ ] Unreasonable rules[ ] It is OK for the dominant to loose his temper[ ] Swearing and filthy talk[ ] Military/jail type commands[ ] Strict training[ ] Obvious and explicit role play[ ] Subtle role play[ ] I like to be persuaded, rather than commanded[ ] Make me feel guilty[ ] Make me feel cheap[ ] Make me feel used[ ] Make me feel owned[ ] Make me feel useless[ ] Objectify me[ ] The dominant must have compassion[ ] The dominant must have no compassion at all[ ] The dominant must only have compassion after the sceneOthers, please specify: ___________________________________ Sex and sexuality [ ] I need to be sexually aroused when in scene[ ] I need to be sexually aroused before I enter into a scene[ ] I like as many orgasms as I can get[ ] An orgasm turns me off[ ] An orgasm must only be allowed as a reward[ ] An orgasm is a must to end the scene[ ] Orgasms are not important, but nice[ ] Orgasms are not important at all[ ] I want to beg for an orgasm first[ ] I want my sexual abilities to be stretched[ ] I want/need sex during a scene[ ] I want no sex during a scene[ ] Sex should be used to relieve the tensionOthers, please specify: ___________________________________ I love the following attributes [ ] Ropes[ ] Leather cuffs and belts[ ] Steel cuffs and chains[ ] Ball and chain[ ] Blindfold[ ] Gags[ ] Masks[ ] Nipple clamps and clothespins[ ] Whips[ ] Riding crops[ ] Canes[ ] Silk to be tied with[ ] Sex toys (vibrators, butt plugs)[ ] Needles and pins[ ] Cross, rack[ ] Bondage table[ ] Cage[ ] Sling[ ] Body bagOthers, please specify: ___________________________________ The following scenes appeal to me: [ ] Being tied up, caressed and loved[ ] Being in a public place and dominated in a subtle way[ ] Being taken out with collar and leash[ ] Being locked up and left alone[ ] Being tied up in a comfortable position[ ] Being tied up in discomfort[ ] Being tied up and (in a sexual way) exposed[ ] Being tied up and tickled[ ] Being tied up and (sexually) teased[ ] Being tied up and whipped, flogged or caned[ ] Not being tied up, but verbally commanded into certain positions and having to maintain these[ ] Caned, flogged or whipped without being tied or cuffed[ ] Being spanked in the traditional way[ ] Rough sex/being 'raped'[ ] Used as a servant[ ] Being tied and tortured[ ] Being tortured without being tied or cuffed[ ] Being used by more than one dominant[ ] Playing in combination with other couplesOthers, please specify: ___________________________________ Safe words and signals [ ] The dominant should establish one or more safe words[ ] When I cry, the scene should stop[ ] I should be able to communicate in plain language[ ] The dominant should be able to read my body language[ ] I want to be tested when I use a safe word or signal[ ] All activity should stop immediately when I use a safe word or signal[ ] I do not want to use any safe word at all and my signals should be ignored completely[ ] When I use a safe word or signal the dominant should establish if the scene can continue[ ] A scene should go on up to the point where I use a safe word or signal[ ] The use of safe words and signals should be avoided as much as possibleOthers, please specify: ___________________________________ To me erotic power exchange is: [ ] Something I like incidentally, just as a kick[ ] Something I like, but not too often[ ] Something I want as much as possible[ ] A lifestyle that I consider important and want to practice as much as possible[ ] A lifestyle that should be present at all times[ ] My way of life[ ] The most important thing I can think of[ ] Something I want exercised at all times and no matter what the consequences are.Others, please specify: ___________________________________

5/27/2008 10:27:26 AM: i am so ready to be used