4/5/2016 5:58:02 PM: Today I know for sure.........the houses over here outside of Phila certainly cost more than back at  the old homestead......lolI looked at 4 today......Only two would work. One very expensive and the other reasonableTo those of YOU who have me marked and say You are an admirer, I thank YouTo those of You who continue to WRITE and communicate I also Thank Youand to those hmm or one of You who says he will call and never does.....I can only laugh: perhaps  that fine SIR ( w hich i believe still HE could be) i will only say...You are getting red marks in my little black book under the column of 'good communication' skills and following thru with what You say You shall do.  One wonders why a fine sub such as myself even finds  You tolerable still.,,,,and yet, thus far no real untruths have You told me, as others before.So again Thanks to all who help get me thru this trying time of finding a house...living in my sons dungeon ( i mean basement)  and hopefully soon I will be ready to please someone in their abode or mine, ( after proper safe meeting of course) and if we click and find the chemistry that can be soooooooooo alluring .  Hopefully at my age of 62 i am not too oldi never will understand why young men in their 30's and 40's find older women so attractive....experience? perhaps....Hoping You are all safe and well.....s

4/4/2016 4:13:26 PM: Today I know for sureThank You to those of You who continue to write and read. I finally after 2 years settled on of all days......April Fools day...quite the joke I suppose?Yes I have to laugh......change is NOT easy for me let alone packing 3000sqft of STUFF that You accumulated in 28 yrs marriage and  stuff from parents who had there same home all their life. Treasures that have memories.....not things of great value. in this world and certainly not the next, and yet things that give comfort.I even love the smell of some of the sheets I can tell my Mom washed.Smell is very important to me. A lovely man i met on here, who had GREAT D/s experience, who said in 2017 he would stop smoking, i dont think realized how Wonderful SMELL can be when with someone YOu enjoy, like or/and love.So, now I reside in my sons basement. Surrounded by clothesbasements and bags filled to live until i find a home.  It amazes me that going from one place where you can have 3000sqft of a house, new 12 yrs ago......to anothe rplace where you have to pay 100k more for only 2000sqft. One place takes 2 years......the next takes 2 day.sPlaces have changed and people;  Iknew the traffic would be much worse.....and its true.i hope to go back to work at the place I did before, but apparently they have no openings or, they dont want an OLDER RN? hmmmmtoo bad........makes me wonder if my missing them, and they forget about me....why i ever worked 16 hr shifts.... AND SO IF YOU WRITE, PLEASE BE PATIENT. I DO HAVE A LAPTOP REFURBISHED, BUT IT IS DIFFICULT TO TYPE WELL ON.......tHE DAYS ARE LONG LOOKING AT HOUSES.....AND SORTING AND TRYING TO BE A MOUSE IN THE BASEMENT.hOPEFULLY SOMEDAY I CAN WRITE THAT i NOW HAVE A LOVELY HOME AGAIN AND SOME WONDERFUL DOMINANT BEGAN WRITING TO ME ON HERE, WE MET AND NOW HE IS MY MASTER.WHAT A LOVELY ENDING TO MY STORY.....A MASTER TO GROW OLD BESIDE

3/24/2016 6:43:11 PM: TODAY I KNOW FOR SUREWATCH OUT OUTSKIRTS OF PHILA. aN OLD SUBMISSIVE IS HEADED BACK YOUR WAY ON APRIL 1ST. HOPEFULLY SHE CAN FIND A NICE HOUSE TO CALL HOME FOR ALL HER BELONGINGS ( STILL TOO MANY) GET UNPACKED( HENCE NOT SUPPORTING THE MOVING COMPANY BY PAYING ALL THEIR EMPLOYEES BY HAVING TO STORE MY THINGS) AND MOVE ON. IF ANYONE KNOWS OF A GOOD, REAL, HONEST, TRUSTWORTHY DOMINANT WHO IS ABOUT MY AGE ( OR SLIGHTLY YOUNGER) WHO IS SEEKING, PLEASE PASS MY NAME.  I AM IN NO HURRY, BUT I AM TIRED FROM THE PAST 12 YRS OF HAVING NO ONE TO CALL MASTER.PREFERABLY SOMEONE WHO HAS SKILLS, TOYS, A JOB  OR RETIRED AND IS CAUCASIAN, AND UNMARRIED. IT WOULD BE NICE FOR A CHANGE IF HE EVEN HAS A HOME,LOL OH YES, AND A SENSE OF HUMOR. ALOT MORE TOO, BUT I DONT WISH TO SOUND TOO FINICKY:) SWEET SMILE TO YOU AND THANKS FOR READING

2/12/2016 6:13:32 PM: Today I know for sureCome soon, the house will be sold. I will be packed and the moving company will be housing my life's posessions ( yes, too materialistic have i been). IT appears there are few if any quality houses outside of Phila when I desire. Well, i suppose i should say none I can afford . Other than that there are many. So, watch out friends and family, i may be knocking for a night on the sofa....lolBut seriously tonight I tried to find words of wisdom a wise man told me not too long ago.I doubt HE reads my journal any longer, but He does know me from meeting.He said something like..'.look within, listen  to Your heart'( something that meant that at least...i hate i can't find his words)and i often wonder if HE takes time to do that for himself. I wonder if men in general take time to 'think' ( ok well maybe in their man caves) And i wonder how often then take time communicate 'well' with their relationship partner.Maybe it is a 'fluff' book but I found Gary Chapmans 'Five Love Languages' interesting. Never really thought of there only being FIve. But, in some ways hes right. If one partner in a realationship sees 'quality time' as an expression of love, and the other sees  ' a gift', do they satisfy each other?Just something to think about.Yes, I also know the snow is beautiful , cold and wet.....and i have many roads to travel yetLet's hope this move, will lead to one, my heart, my soul and body become.........

2/8/2016 8:36:13 PM: Today I know for sure?Sometimes i just have to laugh at myself....in Jan I wrote about  a lovely business woman moving into my home.  And today, I am faced and forced to review this woman asking me for yet another  5k off of my house price. I am lead to wonder...when does NO mean NO? I used to have a TExas girlfriend who married a Coast Guard lawyer. Somehow we have lost each other. But I remember Patsy, a little bit of a thing saying to her kids....'Yes is Yes and NO means NO and sometimes ya just gotta do what You gotta doWell on Jan 14th I gave the woman the lowest price I could not even raising it 2k on her. I explained that at that price I until everyone was paid I would still be losing 20K from building this house till now selling to her.And yet, now she still doesn't understand the word NO and I am forced to repeat it.  Honestly do You expect a 12 yr old house to be perfect? ( ok well its almost perfect) I can't help this area has a little radon and seriously while I do not believe they have actually any serious validated studies on it, we all have to die of something...get realHowever....that isn't why I write. Today I am thinking about LOVE and LikeI have always known that there are many forms/types of love ( I will not go into detail hopefully some on this site have an imagination or gray matter)And, I have often thought of how i 'like' people, ok or not at timesHowever, recently in a discussion with a male friend....i said to him' When you speak of Your wife that You are separated from, i hear love in Your voice. Are you sure YOu are over her?  And His reply left me to wonder.He said, I love her still, Yet, I do NOT however like her.And so I still ponder this thought. Years ago my second Master to whom I was collared...( after the fact) i would always refer to him as being a good Teaching MasterAnd yet, i would say, however i asked for my release. Why? well the why was because His life was not under HIS control so how could he be in control of mine. BUt...in the long run i realized, it was because he was NOT a good person.  And to this day,having hopefully grown , i keep thinking how can someone be a good Master and yet not a good person....... Sadly it was validated years later when a dear slave friend of mine ( who looking back I should have made leave with me) told me, he abused her.....then she left. No, i never lived with him, i was still married at athe time, and YES, my husband always knew of what i was doing.....he allowed it. i never lied.....he knew of my love of D/sFunny how we grow ( or some do not grow) in this lifestyle. Back then i allowed myself to be under his control even though he had others...an Alpha sub, another Beta and  a slave. Now, i would never do that again. I say allowed myself because I did..i wanted to see if i could stretch to that sharing leveland now I realize...never again. MY life is too short.......and the depth i desire to reach is too great.i am almost at the point of late believing that one should get to know their Dominant in the day to day world...see if YOu even like them before reaching for the depths of D/s or reaching for the BDSM toys....Although there is a line to be crossed.....once stepping over in friendship, i wonder, can one then return to the submissive level? and if one is in the sub aspect,  can friendship also be there?lol i suppose i always thought it would be interesting to have a psychologist as as Master..the mind is a wonderful thing, so much we do not know.....and so much yet I desire to know.Coming home from Phila today i was listening to a book on CD by Joan Chisttister....about growing old gracefully. THE GIFT OF YEARS, growing old gracefully. No, it wasnt about dying and slowing downIt was about life. And LIFE for me.....includes D/s and BDSM......I wonder if anyone has ever written  Growing old gracefully  in the D/s world......lol